Ming Ying forced herself to suppress the panic on her face, bent down to pick up the book, and offered a pale smile. "Young Master, you've returned. There's a character I don't recognize. Could you teach me?"
She acted as though she hadn’t seen the medicine bowl in his hand.
Pei Xiaoyun’s thin lips were pressed together, revealing no expression as he walked toward her step by step.
Ming Ying’s fingertips turned cold, leaving an indentation on the paper. She then threw the book aside and picked up a sachet from the embroidery basket. "Young Master, since you didn’t like the last one, I learned a new embroidery technique and made another one for you."
Flustered and at a loss, she had no other choice but to resort to her usual tactics—acting coquettish and trying to please him.
Pei Xiaoyun ignored her disjointed words, seeing through her resistance and fear.
He set the bowl on the table, slowly sat down, and extended his hand toward her. "Mian'er, come here."
Ming Ying stood frozen in place, shaking her head slightly.
"I just want to talk to you. What are you afraid of?"
He called her gently, his tone carrying a faint allure and an unyielding urgency.
Ming Ying took small, hesitant steps, each one feeling as though she were treading on knives.
Pei Xiaoyun wiped her tears, enveloping her in his broad chest. Without mentioning anything else, he began, "In a few days, I’ll be going to Yangzhou. How about I take you with me? We’ll stay in the same courtyard as before. I wonder if the flowers in the garden are still blooming."
Ming Ying met his gaze, a ripple of emotion stirring in her calm eyes.
Pei Xiaoyun caressed her fair, luminous face and, while she was distracted, picked up the medicine. "Drink this bowl of medicine, and everything will be over. Once you’ve recovered, we’ll set off."
The dark, murky liquid reflected in Ming Ying’s eyes, and her pupils dimmed like a dried-up well that had lost its spring.
So, the trip to Yangzhou was merely his way of placating her.
A slap followed by a sweet date.
Stabbing her deeply, then offering comfort—this was his usual way.
"Young Master, I’m afraid I won’t live long enough to go." Her tears dripped onto the rim of the bowl.
She didn’t want to go to Yangzhou with him, nor did she want to become his concubine and force herself to swallow his so-called favor.
She only wanted to keep this child.
"What nonsense are you talking?" Pei Xiaoyun attempted to soothe her fears with promises. "This prescription was given by Imperial Physician Hu. He’s from the Imperial Medical Bureau. It won’t harm your body or affect your future."
Ming Ying smiled bitterly.
Her body was already like this, and as for the future—she was merely a servant. What use were such promises to her?
"Young Master, all my family is gone. This child is my only flesh and blood."
"Don’t you still have me?"
When he said this, Ming Ying found it particularly grating.
Pei Xiaoyun rubbed her eyelids, and gradually, the gentleness on his face vanished. "After all this time, haven’t you thought it through clearly?"
She had always obeyed him without question before. Why did it feel like she was slipping from his grasp this time?
Losing patience, he took her hand. "Will you drink it yourself, or shall I feed it to you?"
Ming Ying also took his hand and pressed it against her abdomen. "It’s always moving around inside me. Can you feel it?"
Pei Xiaoyun’s hand stiffened instantly. He stared at her abdomen for a long moment before slowly withdrawing his hand and averting his gaze.
Ming Ying closed her eyes and sighed softly. When she opened them again, a hint of stubbornness flickered in her gaze. "Are you truly so heartless? You and the County Mistress share a deep bond, but the child in my womb is also yours. For the sake of your betrothed wife, would you abandon this child?"
Pei Xiaoyun's temple twitched. He saw an expression on her face he had never witnessed before.
Had he spoiled her too much in the past, or had she learned some rebellious notions from Lin Xian, daring to speak to him like this?
Every decision he made was never wrong.
This child could not be kept. It was for the best for everyone.
"You understand, then," he said coldly, reminding her once again not to forget her place.
Ming Ying's heart felt as if it were being torn apart. Even breathing felt like fire scorching her chest.
After so many years of affection, even a loyal pet would earn its master's pity.
But Pei Xiaoyun was like a cold stone, indifferent to her, let alone this child.
What would become of the child if born? Like her, it would be enslaved and ordered about. She could not protect it, nor would it have a father's love.
Why had this child chosen her womb to be born into…
"I'll drink it. I'll drink it myself."
She took the bowl of medicine, her wrist trembling uncontrollably. In the liquid, her pale face was reflected.
The days of fear and anxiety had come to an end. The blade hanging over her head had finally fallen.
Living like this was agony. Even if she died, it would be her fate.
She tilted her head back and drained the bowl.
She had tasted too much bitter medicine; even this one felt tasteless in her mouth.
The bowl clattered to the ground. Even as the shattering sound echoed loudly, it could not pierce the silence of the dark night.
Ming Ying lay on the bed, tears streaming down her face.
Pei Xiaoyun sat, watching her quietly.
The cramped room was filled with darkness and gloom, terrifyingly silent and piercingly cold.
Half an hour later, Ming Ying suddenly furrowed her brow, a sharp pain twisting in her abdomen.
Gasping for breath, she clutched her lower belly, rolling and twisting in agony as if a pair of scissors were cutting inside her, shredding her flesh piece by piece.
"Mian'er?" Pei Xiaoyun called her name several times.
Beads of sweat dripped from Ming Ying's forehead, her tears soaking the pillow. She turned her head away, ignoring his calls.
Moments later, it felt as if hands were tearing her organs apart. She did not cry out loudly, only intermittently calling for her parents. A flicker of life returned to her hollow eyes, as if she could see the shadows of her loved ones.
If not for that disaster, she would still have her parents and brother to care for her. Perhaps she could have married into a good family, lived a peaceful life, free from subjugation and suffering.
Why was she left alone…
It hurt too much.
Her face turned from pale to bluish-purple, the veins on her emaciated neck bulging. Her breathing grew faint, and even her voice changed.
A flicker of fear stirred in Pei Xiaoyun's eyes. Panicked, he rushed to open the door. "Someone, fetch Physician Hu!"
Midnight. The shadows of trees swayed on the floor through the window screen, ghostly and eerie.
Ming Ying closed her eyes and fell asleep. The maid wiped her face, but the pallor remained.
After seeing Physician Hu off, Pei Xiaoyun returned to the room and addressed the row of maids standing under the corridor. "If anyone dares speak of tonight's events, they will be beaten to death."
He entered the room and gazed at Ming Ying's sleeping face. The sound of her hoarse cries still echoed in his ears.
The child had been saved. When she woke, she would surely be overjoyed.
When he noticed her pallor, he immediately sent for Physician Hu. Physician Hu said her body was still too weak; if they forced the child out, the mother wouldn't survive either.
He then gave her a few acupuncture treatments and prescribed a decoction, which was brewed and forced down her throat. She vomited it all up, and it was uncertain when she would wake.
After a night of such torment, she was like a crumpled piece of paper, unable to withstand any further harm.
Only when Pei Xiaoyun heard her steady breathing did he relax slightly. Although he didn't want the child, he couldn't bear to see her die.
For now, what needed to be concealed must remain concealed.
Ming Ying woke three days later.
She suddenly sat up, panting and drenched in sweat.
She had dreamed of a child covered in blood crying at her, its gender unclear, the wails piercing and heart-wrenching.
Pei Xiaoyun happened to return from his official duties. These days, his first task upon returning to the courtyard was to check on her.
As soon as he entered, he saw her leaning against the bed, drenched in sweat as if frightened.
"Mian'er, you're awake?" His voice carried a ripple of emotion.
Seeing him enter, Ming Ying instinctively shrank back. She looked up at the bare branches outside the window, feeling as if all her strength had been drained, like a lifeless object.
He had personally killed her child. She no longer held any hope for him.
That bowl of medicine hadn't taken her along too.
What a pity.
Seeing her like this, Pei Xiaoyun was convinced she was still sulking. He said to her, "From now on, you'll stay in this courtyard and not take a single step outside. When it's close to the due date, I'll send you to the estate in the suburbs to give birth."
The decree of conferment was about to be issued. During this time, no news must leak out. It was safest for her to remain in the courtyard.
Ming Ying turned her head in shock, her breath catching for a few moments. As if in disbelief, she touched her abdomen. "The child… is still here?"
She felt as if she had died once and then had a dream.
"Don't make a sound, Mian'er. I've gone to great lengths to cover this up. Don't cause me any more trouble." Pei Xiaoyun pulled her close, his hand resting on her shoulder—both a comfort and a warning.
Ming Ying nodded blankly, murmuring several "okays" in a daze.
She only remembered his cold face before she fainted from the pain.
But why had the child been spared in the end?
She let him hold her, expressionless, no longer thinking about anything else, nor daring to ask him.
As long as the child remained, she would do anything. All her tears, she could swallow back.
Pei Xiaoyun had replaced most of the maids in the courtyard. The two maids who had attended her that night had long been dealt with. Only a handful remained whom Ming Ying could still call by name.
Another month passed, and Ming Ying's belly gradually began to show. While loose dresses could still conceal it, at night when she lay down, she could clearly feel the rounded swell of her abdomen.
She stayed indoors all day, as if drained of vitality by that bowl of medicine, both physically and mentally wilted. When sunlight streamed through the window, she would sit on the bed, lost in thought.
Pei Xiaoyun had been busy with something this past month, rarely returning to the courtyard. In the past, she would have longed for his return, but now, she seemed to have lost the heart for it.
Ling Shuang had been frequently visiting her sick mother in the main courtyard these past few days. Only Yu'er pulled her to go play at Lanfang Xie. Feeling as if she were growing moldy, Ming Ying agreed.
The little white dog from the kitchen had run to Lanfang Xie. She and Yu'er crouched down, playing happily with the dog.
Lanfang Xie was the highest pavilion in Lanqing Zhuoyuan, offering a view of the front courtyard from its vantage point.
Ming Ying felt somewhat tired and stood up, catching sight of two figures walking side by side in the front courtyard.
One was Pei Xiaoyun, and the other was likely a guest of the estate.
She watched them for a moment longer, only to meet Pei Xiaoyun’s gaze. His expression was neither warm nor cold, and after a brief glance, he calmly averted his eyes.
Ming Ying felt no particular way about it and quietly shifted her gaze as well.
As night fell, she returned to her room. After sitting down to do some needlework for a while, she heard wailing from outside.
“Eldest Master, this servant will never dare again! Please spare me, Eldest Master!”
Recognizing Yu’er’s voice, she rushed out and saw Yu’er being punished with caning. At just fourteen years old, she lay prone on the punishment bench—such a small figure.
Pei Xiaoyun had just returned and stood coldly under the corridor, not yet having entered the room.
In her panic, Ming Ying ran out and collided with him, quickly stepping back. “Young Master, what did she do wrong? Why must she be punished?”
Pei Xiaoyun replied indifferently, “Why don’t you ask yourself? Didn’t I tell you to stay in the courtyard? What were you doing at Lanfang Xie?”
He had inherited the title, and today’s visitors were from Prince Yi’s residence and the Crown Prince’s household, specifically coming to offer congratulations.
He pointed at Yu’er. “Did she persuade you to go?”
Ming Ying had truly experienced his ruthlessness before. Clutching his sleeve, she pleaded, “I went of my own accord. It has nothing to do with her. Please punish me instead.”
Yu’er was still young; a few more strikes and she would faint.
“Punish you? You’re still with child.” Pei Xiaoyun looked at her darkly, his voice lowering. “How could you be treated the same as others?”
Somehow, she had begun to repeatedly scratch his palm, like a flower straining to break through the soil.
He deeply disliked the feeling of losing control.
He was her benefactor and her master, providing her a place to stay and indulging her every whim. Despite protecting her so thoroughly, she remained unaware of her own limits.
How could she defy him again and again?
He turned and entered the room, leaving behind a command: “Naturally, your punishment cannot be the same as others’. You will stand outside.”
Ming Ying watched his retreating figure, her eyes like stagnant water.
Four years of affection, four years of longing—all had been exhausted with that bowl of abortifacient.
He still tightly bound her, suffocating her until she could hardly breathe. At this moment, she felt utterly exhausted, as if all the pain she had endured was tearing and screaming at her in unison.
Fortunately, she still had the child.
Once he married, forgot her, and either drove her away or confined her to the rear courtyard, she could still live well with her child.
Yu’er was carried away, fortunate to still be breathing.
Ming Ying wanted to go check on Yu’er’s injuries, but his voice came from inside the room.
“Come in.”
Not daring to openly defy him, she lifted the curtain and entered. Seeing him writing something at the desk, she walked over, gave a faint bow, and stood waiting nearby.
Pei Xiaoyun held his brush, waiting for her to grind the ink, but she made no move. Displeasure flickered in his eyes as he glanced at her. “Have you been ill for a few days and forgotten how to grind ink?”
Ming Ying immediately picked up the ink stick, poured water into the inkstone, and rotated her wrist, grinding out dark ink.
Having taken medicine daily, she carried a faint scent of herbs, mingled with a sweet fragrance that wafted from her clothes into Pei Xiaoyun’s nostrils, easing his scattered thoughts slightly.
Yet, there was no trace of the usual gentle assistance.
Because the person beside him seemed somewhat unwilling.
He thought of her pregnancy and couldn't bear to let her stand outside for long, yet she dared to show him such an expression over a mere maid.
He grabbed her fair wrist tightly. "You're with child, so I can't bring myself to punish you. But if you dare ignore my words again, I have plenty of ways to punish those around you."
Hearing the words "can't bring myself to," Ming Ying's lips twitched faintly.
Her eyes filled with boundless gloom. "Young Master, please just let this servant go. I won't trouble you anymore."
Such a cold and indifferent man—who personally brought the medicine before her, yet at the last moment spared her and the child—could not possibly have acted out of softness.
Why he did it, she did not know.
Perhaps it was because he had just been enfeoffed as a duke, and if both mother and child were to die in his inner courtyard, it would inevitably invite criticism from outsiders. He cared about his career, his interests, and his reputation.
If that were the case, he should just drive her away. She would no longer stand in his way, nor would she obstruct his affection for his beloved.
As soon as she finished speaking, her chin was seized harshly.
Pei Xiaoyun's anger was once again ignited by her words. The reflection of the orange candlelight flickered in his eyes as he enunciated each word clearly: "You are not allowed to go anywhere."