Just as Xiang Xi was heading home, Madam Hou, who lived not far from the Liu family, was bored and decided to go chat with Madam Lü.
She called out several times from the courtyard, but no one answered. Instead, she heard muffled noises coming from inside the house.
Frightened, she hurriedly called her husband over to take a look.
The moment they pushed open the door, both of them were dumbfounded.
What on earth was this family playing?
Why was everyone tied up like dumplings, with stinky socks stuffed in their mouths?
The couple immediately untied them and asked, “Sister Lü, what happened to you all…?”
“Ptooey, ptooey, ptooey—”
Madam Lü spat more than a dozen times before finally saying, “You came at just the right time! That crazy woman in my family went berserk and tied all of us up! She ate one of my hens last night, and this morning she ate more than a dozen of my eggs!”
The husband and wife looked at each other.
They didn’t know whether to laugh.
Or laugh.
Everyone in the village knew that Old Madam Lü was the tyrant of Nan Zhu Village. She had always bullied her second daughter-in-law mercilessly, so how had she ended up being completely controlled today?
And with those stinky socks stuffed in her mouth, it must have been worse than dying!
“Sister Hou, you don’t know,” Madam Lü said. “That crazy woman has no idea what’s gotten into her these past two days. She’s been vicious as hell! Don’t leave. I’ll go call more people. Later, help me restrain that crazy woman. I’ll never forget your kindness!”
Before long, relying on her shamelessness and thick skin, Madam Lü managed to summon almost every household that had no deep grudge against her.
More than thirty men and women came.
She refused to believe that so many people couldn’t deal with one crazy woman!
“Slaughtering a chicken! Eating mushrooms!”
Just as everyone had gathered, Liu Er’s voice came from far away.
“When I tell everyone to move, don’t hold back!” Madam Lü said. “It doesn’t matter if you injure her. Even if you beat her to death, I won’t blame you!”
Everyone looked at one another.
They wondered just how badly Old Madam Lü had suffered to the point that she actually wanted someone dead.
Still, helping restrain her was one thing. Beating her badly or killing her was another.
What if Old Madam Lü turned around and demanded compensation from them?
There’d be nowhere to reason with her.
Creak—
Liu Er pushed open the courtyard gate with one hand.
“Slaughtering a chicken! Eating mushrooms… Huh? Why did you all come to my house?”
Xiang Xi followed behind him.
The moment she saw so many people in the courtyard and noticed that Madam Lü and the others had already been untied, she knew Madam Lü had brought reinforcements.
Thirty or forty people.
Not a small force.
But did numbers really matter?
As a top assassin, Xiang Xi’s greatest specialty was taking out her target in the middle of a crowd and escaping unscathed.
“Crazy woman, you’re finally back!”
When Madam Lü saw Xiang Xi, she gritted her teeth.
Thinking about all the suffering she had endured, she wanted nothing more than to rush over and bite her a few times to vent her hatred.
But she had already suffered at Xiang Xi’s hands and knew how formidable the crazy woman was, so she naturally didn’t dare approach recklessly.
Still, she had to maintain her authority.
She couldn’t lose face in front of everyone!
“You crazy woman! If you don’t beat someone for two days, they’ll climb onto your roof and start tearing it apart! Now you even dare to climb onto my head and shit!”
“Today, I’ll make sure you learn just how powerful I am! Otherwise, you’ll never know how many eyes the Horse King has!”
Xiang Xi blinked.
“What did you say?”
“I said! Today I’m going to make you understand just how powerful I am!”
“No, the part before that.”
“You crazy woman, you dare climb onto my head and shit—”
Clap!
Xiang Xi slapped her hands together and pointed at Madam Lü, bursting into laughter.
“Hahaha… You said it yourself!”
As she spoke, she suddenly charged toward Madam Lü like a leopard.
This lady had never seen such a strange request before.
Today, she absolutely had to satisfy this old hag!
After all, she was a crazy woman. Peeing wherever she pleased was practically part of the package.
“What are you doing?” Madam Lü’s face turned green with terror when she saw Xiang Xi rushing toward her. She kept backing away. “Don’t come over! Quickly, hold her back!”
But it was too late.
Xiang Xi was far too fast. In the blink of an eye, she was already in front of Madam Lü.
The key was that in the past, whenever Madam Lü shouted, Xiang Xi would become frightened like a quail.
No one expected her to be this direct today.
Before anyone had time to react, Xiang Xi had already pinned Madam Lü to the ground and sat right on top of her head.
“Crazy woman, what are you doing—”
Madam Lü was completely panicked, her voice practically breaking.
“Ah… Get up…”
“Ah… Mmph… Ptooey… Mmph…”
Unfortunately, there was only a cup of hot coffee.
When everyone realized that she was actually sitting on Madam Lü’s head and peeing, the entire courtyard froze.
This crazy woman really dared to do it!
Old Madam Lü was just too miserable!
She had probably swallowed several mouthfuls just now!
For some reason, everyone couldn’t help wanting to laugh when they saw the scene, but they knew they absolutely couldn’t laugh. Some of them were practically red from holding it in.
Eventually, the eldest son was the first to recover and shouted, “Everyone, hurry and pull her away!”
Only then did everyone come to their senses. Several strong women were about to step forward.
How could Xiang Xi give them a chance to get close?
She turned around, planted one foot firmly on Madam Lü’s back, grabbed her hair with her left hand, and pressed her right fingers against Madam Lü’s eyeball.
“Come on!”
“Come over here and I’ll dig her eyes out! Hehehe…”
Everyone stared at her smiling face and immediately felt chills run down their spines.
She was a crazy woman, after all.
Who the hell knew whether she actually dared to do it or not?
But no one wanted to gamble.
What if she really did?
Everyone immediately stopped in their tracks.
A man in his forties stepped forward and said to everyone, “Don’t panic. I’ll reason with her.”
He walked forward several steps, put on a gentle smile, and spoke softly.
“Second daughter-in-law, listen to me. She’s your mother-in-law. You can’t hit her.”
Xiang Xi tilted her head.
“She can hit me, so why can’t I hit her?”
The man: “…”
Damn.
That was such a reasonable question that he didn’t even know how to answer.
“Because she’s your elder and you’re the younger generation,” the man continued. “Elders can hit younger people, but younger people can’t hit their elders. That’s the rule.”
“Did you make that rule?”
The man: “No. It’s been the rule since ancient times…”
“Since ancient times, and who made it?”
“I…”
The man felt like he was about to collapse, but he still stubbornly continued.
“Let’s be reasonable, okay? Hurry up and let her go.”
Hahaha…
Xiang Xi really wanted to laugh.
You damn well are a talent.
You actually tried to reason with a crazy woman?
Even Liu Er was smarter than you!
“Second Fool! Beat him up!”
“Yes!”
Upon receiving the order, Liu Er charged forward like a young bull. He lowered his head and rammed it straight into the man’s stomach, sending him sprawling flat on his back.
Liu Er planted his hands on his hips like a victorious general and shouted at the others with his nostrils flared.
“Who else wants to hit my wife? Who else?”
The others realized that this wasn’t going to work anymore.
One crazy woman was already difficult enough to deal with.
Now there was also a fool as strong as an ox.
Who would dare go up?
They’d just get beaten for nothing!
Time to leave!
“Sister Lü, I just remembered that I have something to do at home, so I’ll leave first.”
“I haven’t fed my chickens yet. I’ll come back later!”
“What are you still looking at? Go home and cook!”
…
In the blink of an eye, everyone Madam Lü had called over had disappeared without a trace.
Seeing that the situation wasn’t looking good, the eldest son hurriedly slipped away too.
“Mom, we’re going out to dig up some wild vegetables!”
With that, he dragged his two sons away, running even faster than rabbits.
Madam Lü was so furious she felt like her lungs were about to explode.
So in the end, she was the only one who had to suffer?
“Second Fool. Tie her up!”
“Yes!”
Second Fool brought out a rope from the house and tied his own mother up tightly. He even stuffed the stinky sock she had spat out back into her mouth.
Madam Lü wanted to die.
How had she given birth to such a stupid son?
He no longer listened to his mother and only listened to that crazy woman he called his wife.
Was this really the flesh that had fallen from her own body?
Even if it was, it must have been a piece of bloody neck meat!
What made her even more miserable was that Second Fool, having nothing else to do, took out his battered copper basin again and happily began banging it.
Dang! Dang! Dang!
“Second Fool, stop banging it!” Xiang Xi said.
Liu Er looked extremely aggrieved.
His mother hadn’t allowed him to bang the copper basin before, and now his wife wouldn’t let him either!
Madam Lü felt relieved.
Good, he wasn’t going to bang it anymore.
If this stupid son kept banging it, who knew what embarrassing things he might shout out?
Xiang Xi took the copper basin from him.
“You’re not making much noise like this. Let me fix it for you.”
She made a small hole in the rim of the copper basin, threaded a thin hemp rope through it, and handed it back to Liu Er.
“Try it.”
“Yes!”
Liu Er held up the copper basin, picked up a thick piece of wood, and slammed it down with all his strength.
Boom!
The sound was several times louder than before.
Liu Er grinned from ear to ear.
“Wife, it’s so loud!”
“Go play by yourself.”
“Yes!”
Liu Er couldn’t stay put any longer. He grabbed the copper basin and ran all over the village.
Boom, boom, boom!
“Slaughtering a chicken!”
“Eating mushrooms!”
“My mom drank my wife’s pee!”
…
Madam Lü: “AAAAHHHH!”
Heavens above!
Please, please take these two idiots away!