The Butthole Superstore glowed against the evening sky like a building that had swallowed every advertisement in Hexapolis and refused to turn any of them off.
Astrid stopped beneath its enormous sign, her red hair lifting in the warm air from the automatic doors.
Edgaursine, currently doing its best impression of a brown delivery van, pulled to the curb behind her.
Its dog-shaped face smiled at the shoppers going in.
Several smiled back without realizing the van was alive.
“Behold!” Astrid said, throwing up both hands.
“The temple of reckless spending!”
“Shop mode: activated,” said the gold-armored giant at her side.
Edgar had learned a lot since his encounter with a certain miracle pill.
He could calculate the load limit of a shelf by listening to it creak.
He could analyze a sales sign.
None of this had diminished his enthusiasm for bargains.
Bubble Gurl adjusted the seal of her blue helmet.
“I can already smell allergies.”
Miriam opened her spellbook at the entrance.
“No fire.
No enchantments.
And if you see anything labeled forbound, just walk.”
Astrid looked at the aisle map.
“So, like, aisle seven?”
“Especially aisle seven.”
But Edgar had already found a sign for BOXING GLOVES MEGAISLE.
Beneath it, smaller lettering promised a two-for-one glove day.
His visor reflected the red gloves in the display window.
“Glove paradise,” he whispered.
“We’ll meet at the front,” Miriam told him, making the mistake of assuming that there would still be one front when they were done.
Inside, the aisles stretched farther than the building’s walls should have allowed.
One sign declared aisle seven DEFINITELY CURSED.
Another offered REALITY BENDING CLEARANCE.
A shopping cart rolled up when Astrid traced a rune in the air, its wheels circling her like a loyal pet.
“I want to shop until the universe cracks,” she said.
“Please don’t,” Miriam replied.
Bubble Gurl fed a coupon into a glowing machine.
It chimed COUPON ACCEPTED twice, then displayed ALL HAIL BUBBLE GURL.
She looked at the others.
“Don’t judge me.
You’ve never sneezed in six dimensions at once.”
For a while, it almost resembled an ordinary shopping trip.
Astrid filled the cart with things she could not identify.
Bubble Gurl tested a discount algorithm.
A girl in a dark hoodie and glowing cat-ear headphones slipped around the corner, eyeing the electronics.
Edgaursine waited outside, or at least had promised to.
Edgar followed the boxing glove signs deeper into the store.
One glove.
Then another.
A perfect matched pair, bright as emergency lights.
He fitted them over his metal hands and raised them toward a mirror.
“Mega fists,” he said.
“Destiny.”
From far away, someone called his name.