N
“We’re there, dear passenger princess,” Vivi says as the car comes to a halt.
Vivi doesn’t use the term in a condescending way, C already told me as much. She seems to like having me need her help, because with almost all other things Chloe, I would never ask for it. C used to dislike it nevertheless, silently, but now both of us think it’s pretty fortunate that neither of us has their driver’s license yet, even though we’re both eighteen.
I raise my head and open my eyes. The parking lot around us is almost entirely empty—probably because it’s way too early on a Friday morning.
Because of a school event, classes don’t take place today, so Vivi roped me into gathering some of the girls for a trip to the ice rink. We didn’t invite all our friends because that’s an impractically large number of people, but Vivi and I dropped hints in enough conversations that a good two handfuls of people showed interest in coming.
We get out of the car and walk together across the parking lot. Nur and Lucy are already standing by the entrance door, Nur in her black coat and Lucy in her white puffer jacket, looking like polar opposites. Lucy’s leaning against the wall, hands buried in her pockets, and even from the distance I can see that she’s chewing gum. As usual. Neels once announced to nobody in particular that she chews gum even while stunting, entirely unfazed by the danger of it. Then again, it’s quite the compliment to her spotter who’s supposed to catch her.
“Hii,” she says casually as we come closer and exchange hugs.
Vivi and I never hug, really, but with Lucy it’s normal. It's still awkward to me to figure out when it’s appropriate to hug somebody, because I still remember the danger of assuming that it’s okay to just touch a girl, but I’m beginning to get the hang of it. Even so, I should ask C to give me a list of what kinds of greeting rituals each person in her social circle prefers, so I don’t accidentally make a fool of myself.
“Anybody else already here?” Vivi asks, and Lucy nods.
“Becky and Lila are already inside getting shoes.” She gives a low snort. “Peasants.”
She doesn’t mean it, of course. I’ve only really been around her for a week, but that has only reaffirmed what I already knew before: Lucille Mason isn’t the arrogant type. As somebody who rarely wears makeup, always always wears some kind of jeans-hoodie combo, and doesn’t have particularly rich parents, she probably couldn’t give two shits about what other people do and don’t have. But all four of us have shoes; I suspect it’s Neels’ humour rubbing off on her.
Nobody comments, and we make our way into the building. The others are going to join us inside when they arrive.
The ice rink is still mostly empty when we enter. Nostalgia spreads through my mind like a thin mist as I hear an eighties Christmas song and smell the ice and the rubber flooring around the rink. I haven’t been here in at least five years, but I used to love skating; that’s why I’m not worried about going with the girls, although Chloe told me she hasn’t been in some time. But she also said that I’m free to show off a little, since she’s not bad and it’s unlikely to ever come up again if we swap back.
We pay for the entrance before making our way to the old, worn-down locker benches, where you put on your skates. I’m still lost in thought when suddenly, Lucy stumbles into me, giggling wildly.
I’m still trying to catch myself, instinctively having braced Lucy with my hands, when Vivi says from her other side, “This is outrageous! You hang around those boys way too much! Get your mind out of the gutter!”
At my confused expression, Lucy breaks into another fit of giggling before saying in between trying to catch her breath, “Vivi said we should help Becky and Lila by giving them tips, and I said we should probably –”
“Don’t repeat it, would you?!” Vivi interrupts her. She doesn’t seem entirely serious, though.
Lucy gives her a perfectly innocent puppy-eyes look. “But what if she wants a tip as well? She hasn’t been skating in some time, she said.”
“But why is that funny?” I ask, watching them, desperately trying to gain some sort of hint from their expressions.
Lucy puts an arm around my shoulders and leans in conspiratorially. “Okay, so you know how boys—”
Vivi interrupts her. “The joke is penis!” she says heatedly through gritted teeth, causing Lucy to double over, screeching with laughter. “The joke is tip of the penis! And Ms Mason over here thinks she’s extremely funny for coming up with this highly original joke!”
“I’m hilarious!” Lucy wheezes as I splutter more out of surprise than because the joke is actually funny.
“A disgrace is what you are,” Vivi replies, looking down at her sceptically, but the corners of her mouth twitch.
She turns to Nur. “I’m so sorry you have to work with her. Genuinely.”
But Nur just shrugs, a vague smile gracing her lips. “I think it’s fine.”
A novel feeling rises in my chest as we meet the others by the locker benches and sit down to put on our skates.
Is this what it feels like to be friends with girls? I wonder, tightening the laces. It feels warm and slightly fuzzy around the edges. It’s not even that Lucy’s particularly funny; it’s the way they act around each other. So… casually. Like this is normal. And I guess it is, just… not to me.
But it’s supposed to be; that’s the wildest part. These girls are my friends. I’m not just some tagalong. They like me and I like them. And in some ways, I can already feel myself becoming friends with them for real: it feels more natural to call the girl next to me Vivi rather than Vivienne, even in my mind. I can have conversations with her now, where I’m not constantly concentrating on speaking as Chloe and not myself. I guess to an extent you could say that I’m becoming Chloe.
Across from me, Becky is complaining that tying the laces on her skates is hard, and Nur tries to tell her that she has to start further down, because they were loosened all the way, but eventually gives up and kneels down before the other girl to do it herself.
Next to them, Lucy and Lila are giggling about something, and Lila has raised her eyebrows the way she always seems to do when she finds something funny. The way Lucy giggles right now is the way she usually laughs—quietly, but in a way that could just go on for minutes on end.
“Chloe?” Vivi asks next to me, and I flinch, turning my head.
She’s already standing. She has put our bags and shoes into the locker and locked it, and now she’s waiting. She smiles. “The ice isn’t getting any colder.”
And like in a dream, I get up and follow her away from the others and to the door of the ice rink.
She turns one last time, flashing her smile at me before gracefully gliding out onto the ice, skating in a gentle circle before slowing herself down, turning around and beckoning to me.
I’m slow as I walk through the gate and place my right foot onto the ice. I almost expect that I’m going to slip and fall the moment I let go of the gate, but then instinct takes over and I give a gentle push with my left foot, and the ice carries me effortlessly towards Vivi.
She pushes herself towards me as if preparing herself to catch me, only realising halfway through the motion that I’m not going to lose my balance and giving a soft laugh. I don’t even know why, but I can’t help but join in as I shift my weight onto my other foot, picking up a little speed. I glide past Vivi, but only a moment later, she’s next to me again, falling in line with me.
The refrain of a popular love song comes on, and something warm touches my left hand. Startled, I look down, only to see Vivi’s open hand reaching for mine. I meet her eyes, and they’re laughing as she softly mouths the lyrics to the song. Warmth blossoms in my chest as I take her hand, speeding up a little as we take the curve along the almost abandoned rink.
“I’m so glad you could make it,” Vivi says as we leave the curve and arrive on the straight. “This really wouldn’t have been half as nice without you.”
I can’t help but beam at her. “Well, I’m glad to be here. With you and… everybody else.”
Something shifts in her expression, but it’s gone as quickly as it came and I can’t put my finger on what emotion I saw.
The song changes to something more upbeat and electronic, and she lets go of my hand to speed up, dancing as she takes the curve.
With a giggle, Lucy barrels past me. She’s so fast that she has to enter a low crouch for the curve, but she does it effortlessly, her hair billowing like a banner. By the entrance gate, Nur is helping Becky onto the ice. Lila seems comfortable enough on the ice, although not entirely steady. But they don’t need my help, so I just wave with a soft smile as I skate past them, once again focusing on Vivi.
And then, on a whim, I begin to dance as well. I place both my skates onto the ice and keep my momentum up simply by shifting my weight and skating in soft curves, swaying my hips to the beat.
Looking over her shoulder, Vivi meets my eyes and grins, exaggerating her own dance. And I join her, until we’re both dancing with our whole bodies. I’m sure it looks goofy, but I can’t make myself care. For the first time in forever, I don’t have to care, because I know that I’m beautiful and that I have friends.
We stay on the ice for several hours. The only break we take is for some cheap chips in the ice rink’s café, snacking and laughing as we rest our fatigued legs. Lucy makes a challenge of stealing as many fries from other people without them noticing as possible but grows a little indignant when she notices that nobody really cares. Well, except for Vivi, I suppose, but she protects her fries with the dexterity of an alleycat protecting her kittens.
After the meal, Vivi and I go to the restroom and I’m done a little earlier than her, so I end up waiting for her outside, leaning against the wall, watching the people on the ice. It’s gotten busier by then, and there’s a whole group of children chasing each other around the rink without any regard for the other skaters.
I see the guy coming closer from the corner of my eye, but dismiss it, assuming that he’s just going to walk past. I remember vaguely having seen him earlier, on the ice. He seemed to be a pretty good skater, although I think he’s the kind that spends the majority leaning against the side fence, only to do a sudden sprint at maximum speed across the rink, performing wild turns and breaks.
But then he doesn’t walk past me, instead stopping at a somewhat respectful distance, and says, “Hey, sorry, I… saw you dance on the ice. Just wanted to say that I think it looked really cool and… expressive, I guess?”
The first words startled me as I hadn’t expected him to approach me, but by the end I’ve caught myself. I offer my best impression of C’s warm smile. “Thank you! I think everybody should dance more, honestly.” It’s an entirely off-the-cuff reply, but I find myself honestly agreeing. I loved the feeling as I was racing across the ice, dancing. It’s so freeing.
He gives a nod and opens his mouth.
Before he can say anything, though, a voice interrupts him. “Chloe, are you coming?”
Vivi’s standing not far to my left, giving me an expectant look. She doesn’t usually get that impatient this quickly, does she?
I meet the guy's eyes. “Again, thank you, I appreciate it!” Then I let Vivi grab me by the hand and drag me off.
“What was that about?” I ask as soon as we’re out of earshot.
She gives me a sidelong look. “He was flirting with you, hello?”
“What?”
Her expression doesn’t budge. “You’re kidding, right?”
My face heats, but even so, there’s a cautious sense of excitement in my chest. Was that just now the first guy ever to ask me out? I’m sure C’s been asked out plenty of times, but nobody has ever even acknowledged me.
I give a vague shrug, not meeting Vivi’s eyes. “He seemed nice enough?”
But Vivi just snorts. “What, that guy? You’re being polite. I saw him scratch his balls earlier, you can do so much better.”