Lin Yan was dead.
Ning Shao had taken a train back to her hometown from out of town and hadn’t slept all night. Fighting back her exhaustion, she lifted her eyes. Beneath the gray, overcast sky, her gaze fell on the old, small, run-down apartment building before her.
Rain pattered against its dark gray walls, overgrown with ivy. Cold mist hung in the air. Compared with the building in her memories, little had changed.
It made her feel as though she’d crossed into another lifetime. Memories buried deep in her heart surfaced uncontrollably. Her light-colored brows dipped as she lowered her eyes, a faint gloom shadowing her expression.
Ning Shao kept repeating words of comfort to herself.
—He was already dead. Everything should have ended with his death.
…
The apartment stairwell was damp and dim. It rained often in the south, and black mold spread in mottled patches along the corners of the walls. So much time had passed that the metal stair rail had rusted and begun to crumble away. The steps were uneven, and layer upon layer of small ads covered the walls.
Carrying her travel bag, Ning Shao climbed from the first floor to the third. At each landing, an incense burner held burning incense[1]In Chinese funeral traditions, burning incense is a customary way to honor the deceased, express respect, and make offerings during mourning rituals. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3717862_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3717862_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });. The smell flooded her nose, soaking into her flesh and blood, heavy and impossible to shake off.
As she reached the third-floor corridor, she heard an argument coming from a nearby apartment. Moments later, someone slammed the door with such force that the walls trembled. A tall figure emerged.
The man was in his fifties or sixties. Smoking and drinking had taken their toll on him; he was bloated and weak. He had dyed his hair black, but a few white strands still showed. His face twisted with fury. The instant he saw Ning Shao, his whole body stiffened. He stared at her, his expression complicated and strange.
He had obviously recognized her.
Ning Shao recognized him, too. He was Lin Yan’s father. They had met several years ago because of Lin Yan.
The corridor was narrow and dark. Keeping close to the wall, she nodded to greet him.
“Hello, Uncle[2]In Chinese, shushu, meaning “uncle,” is also a polite way for a younger person to address an older man, even when they are not related. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3717862_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3717862_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });,” she said politely.
In the past, whenever Lin Yan’s father saw her, he couldn’t hide the contempt and disdain in his eyes. He was always sarcastic with her. As a senior business executive, he was used to seeing women who would give up their dignity—and even their bodies—for money. He seemed to think he could see right through her at a glance.
This time, he was in the worst of moods. Though he recognized her, he said nothing, hurrying past her as if she were a plague.
Ning Shao didn’t care about his attitude. She carried her luggage onward and stopped in front of a half-open door. A faint reddish glow seeped through the opening. The incense smell was stronger here, mingling with the damp, musty odor.
She raised her hand and paused for two seconds before pushing the door open.
Inside stood a long, crystal coffin that looked like a freezer. In fact, it served the same purpose: keeping the body cold. Following the rural custom for funerals, the body was to remain in the refrigerated coffin for seven days, then be cremated on the eighth.
“Bzzzz…”
The refrigerated coffin was plugged in, its buzzing especially clear in the cramped, silent room.
Ning Shao’s gaze shifted to the old wooden chair beside it. A framed funeral portrait rested on the seat. The young man in the black-and-white photograph looked very young, with a crew cut. Even the monochrome filter could not diminish his handsomeness. His eyes were deeply set beneath striking brows, their pupils pitch-black, and his thin lips lightly pressed together. He looked cold, with an intensely oppressive presence.
Perhaps he had been looking straight at the camera when the photo was taken. When Ning Shao looked at it, her eyes met his black gaze. As always, his eyes seemed to brim with a cloying love and longing for her, along with a terrifying possessiveness that had only grown more intense.
Unrestrained, almost pathological…
Ning Shao’s eyes trembled faintly. The moment she met that gaze, she looked away. A damp, icy gust blew in through the doorway, and she shivered. Stumbling, she took a couple of steps backward, wanting to flee.
Just then, an old, wavering voice reached Ning Shao’s ears, scattering the chaotic thoughts in her mind.
“Is… is that you, Xiao Ning[3]Xiao means “little” or “young” and is commonly placed before a person’s given name as a familiar or affectionate form of address. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3717862_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3717862_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });?”
Ning Shao turned toward the voice. When she saw the old woman’s wrinkled face, like the bark of a withered tree, her heart clenched. She hurriedly answered, “It’s me, Grandma Lin[4]In Chinese, younger people may affectionately address an elderly woman as “Grandma” even without a blood relationship, expressing familiarity and respect. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3717862_1_4').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3717862_1_4', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });. How are you feeling?”
After her parents divorced, neither of them wanted her, and she became a burden they both rejected. High school had been the hardest time in her life. Grandma Lin had been like a real grandmother to her, inviting her over for meals every day.
Grandma Lin was painfully thin, her back bent. Cataracts had clouded her eyes, and, as she aged, like most elderly people, all her bodily functions had begun to decline.
The old woman approached slowly, straining to hear Ning Shao as she lifted her head. Once she had made out some of what Ning Shao said, she replied, “I’m fine. I’ve taken all the medicine you had someone deliver to me. I’m feeling much better. Don’t send Grandma any more medicine. Save your money and take good care of yourself.”
She was just as talkative as ever. Ning Shao didn’t mind. No one had ever said things like that to her before. Those words were like warm sunlight reaching into her heart.
Ning Shao had studied clinical medicine at university. After graduating, she went straight to work at a township health center[5]A primary healthcare facility serving a township and its surrounding rural communities in China, providing basic medical treatment and public health services. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3717862_1_5').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3717862_1_5', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); in a remote mountainous area. She had been working there for three years.
Grandma Lin’s health had been poor for the past two years, so Ning Shao had sent her medicine every month.
After they had caught up, Ning Shao stopped the old woman from going into the kitchen.
There were leftovers in the refrigerator, but she couldn’t tell how old they were. A layer of white frost covered them. She dumped them into the trash, then found a packet of noodles and cooked them until soft and mushy, making the old woman a simple dinner.
She had never asked what had caused Lin Yan’s death. Just as she was about to leave, Grandma Lin suddenly sighed. “Xiao Ning, light a stick of incense for Xiao Yan before you go.”
Ning Shao froze in place.
At the same time, a lingering memory suddenly rose before her eyes.
*
Ning Shao had only started eating at Grandma Lin’s home in her second year of high school.
She first met Lin Yan during the winter break of that year. She was busy working a winter-break job and didn’t have time to go to Grandma Lin’s for lunch, so she could only have dinner there.
It was the Great Cold[6]Known as Dahan in Chinese, the Great Cold is the twenty-fourth and final solar term in the traditional Chinese calendar. It occurs around January 20 and is associated with the coldest period of … Continue reading jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3717862_1_6').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3717862_1_6', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });, and night fell quickly. It rarely snowed in the south; instead, freezing rain was common, sharp and bitter against the skin. She wore thermal underwear beneath a sweater, then her padded winter school uniform, and braved the wind and rain on her way home.
She was very sensitive to the cold and hated weather like this, with wind and rain beating down together. She couldn’t even keep an umbrella up. Fortunately, her workplace was close to home. The walk usually took less than five minutes; today it had taken more than half an hour.
As she neared the stairwell, Ning Shao, whose eyesight had always been good, spotted a tall figure standing outside. He wore a trench coat, and the driving rain pelted him, but he didn’t move to avoid it. A black suitcase stood beside him. Like pine and bamboo after rain[7]In traditional Chinese imagery, pine and bamboo symbolize resilience, steadfastness, and the ability to endure harsh conditions without yielding. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3717862_1_7').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3717862_1_7', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });, he stood firm and motionless.
Having started working summer jobs after finishing ninth grade, Ning Shao had seen plenty of strange people like him. She only gave him a quick glance, then looked away and ran beneath the eaves.
“Huff, huff…”
She had run against the wind all the way there. Her limbs were stiff with cold, and the rain had soaked her clothes and hair, making them cling unpleasantly to her skin.
Ning Shao didn’t need a mirror to know she must look a complete mess.
“`
References[+]