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The Chronicle of the Last Bloom

Chapter 11 / 365

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2.5 — Do You Know What Happened After?

The Chronicle of the Last Bloom

She let that sit between us, the confession of the child hanging in the grey not-air of that nameless place, and I felt her go very still against me — not the earlier stillness, the one born of composure, but something more fragile, more like a held breath waiting to find out whether it was safe to release.

"Eremos," she said, after a moment. "You already know some of this. The version I let you carry to Ilyrisse. I've thought about that, since — what it must have been to tell her a story I'd only ever given you in pieces, incomplete pieces, and not even know how incomplete they were."

"I knew there were things you hadn't told me," I said. "I never assumed I had the whole of it. I only ever had what you were ready to give."

"Do you know what happened after," she asked, quietly, "once I understood I was carrying his child? Do you know what I did with that? Or did the version you were given skip past it the way I always skip past it, in every telling I've ever allowed myself?"

I didn't answer right away. I wanted to be honest with her, and honesty, here, meant admitting the limits of what I actually knew rather than performing a certainty I didn't have. My face was still against her hair — I hadn't moved it, not through any of what she'd told me, some animal part of me needing the anchor of her scent even while the rest of me absorbed everything she was handing over — and I breathed her in once, slow, before I answered.

"No," I said. "I didn't know. What I told Ilyrisse was the shape of your grief, not the architecture underneath it. I knew you'd lost a daughter. I knew it cost you more than almost anything else in your life had cost you. I didn't know the rest — not the man, not what he took, not any of what you've told me tonight. I've been holding an incomplete version of you for longer than either of us realized, and I'm sorry for that, even though it was never my failure to fix. It was simply what you were able to give me, at the time."

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She was quiet for a long moment. When she spoke again, there was something almost wondering in her voice, the particular disbelief of someone who has spent so long expecting a specific reaction that any other one lands like a small, unfamiliar miracle.

"You're not angry," she said. "That I let you carry an incomplete story for so long. That there was this much you didn't know."

"Why would I be angry?"

"Most people—" She stopped herself, started again. "I don't know what most people would do, honestly. I've never tested it. I only assumed anger, or pity, or the specific kind of horror that makes a person look at you differently afterward, whether they mean to or not."

"I'm not most people," I said, "and you're not most people's story. I don't need you to have given me all of it at once to have meant every word I ever said to Ilyrisse about you. I meant it with what I had. I mean it more, now, with what you're giving me tonight. That isn't anger, Vesalia. That's just — more of you. I'll take as much of you as you're willing to give, on whatever timeline you need to give it."

She lifted her head, then, slowly, until she could look at me properly — and there was something in her expression I had never once seen on her before, not in all the time I'd known her, not even in the softest of our stolen hours together. Something unguarded all the way down, past the composure, past the centuries of careful stillness, down to whatever girl had once gone to sleep certain that ready meant something wonderful was coming.

"Thank you," she said, "for that."

I didn't answer with words. I didn't think I needed to.

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