Today has not gone to plan.
Coming to a halt before turning the corner toward Phoebe’s bus stop, I try to catch my breath and gather myself. There’s an odd guilt that comes with hearing too much about something you’re sure a friend doesn’t want you to know. The words of Haley and her mother play on a loop in my head as I try not to think too hard about what was implied. I’d known about her mother leaving suddenly, but everything else…
Now’s not the time for that. I have a job to do. Taking another second, I replace the concern on my face with a smile and walk over to the stone bench, which was sitting in the shade of a rickety wooden overhang.
I don’t find Phoebe sitting on the bench itself; instead, she’s chosen to kneel on the concrete below while using the smooth surface as a makeshift desk to draw on. The girl, completely wrapped up in what she’s doing, doesn’t even notice me walking up to the stop.
“Hey there, Phoebe. What are you drawing?” I ask as she continues her work, laser-focused on the page.
“Stuff,” she explains with the eloquence and detail of a true artiste.
“Cool,” I reply, looking at her sketchbook. It’s obvious that she’s actually been practicing quite a bit, since her pictures are already noticeably more detailed than they were at Burger Bonanza. “So your sister–er… mommy? Yeah, she asked me to pick you up while she takes care of some things.”
Phoebe looks up at me for a moment and squints. “Sorry, I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”
Oh. Oh no. Oh shit. I looked… way different last time I saw her.
“Yes, good! That’s a fantastic policy to have! But I’m not a stranger. I’m… W,” I say, internally sighing at the use of my old, lame nickname. Obviously, this means nothing to her as she just goes back to her pictures. “I’m… the drawing man…” I explain further, through gritted teeth. The girl looks up at me, furrowing her brow so deeply I’m surprised the Jeopardy music doesn’t start playing in the background. Having the first good idea I’ve managed all day, I take off my backpack and produce a sketchbook of my own, flipping to the familiar drawings of Willow and Ms. Hellfire Heckfire. “See!”
The girl looks between me and the drawings rapidly before breaking into a wide smile. “You turned into a cartoon!?”
W–Huh? I look back at the illustration and realize how that conclusion was drawn, stupid pun intended. “Yeah. I guess. Kind of?” I shrug, but Phoebe is already on her feet and bouncing on her heels.
“How!? How!? How!?”
“I mean, everyone goes through a change at some point. I just had my metamorphosis and became Willow.”
“Nobody told me the meta-thingy could make me a cartoon character! What else can you be?” She gasps for so long I’m honestly afraid she might pass out. “Could… could I be a Godzilla?”
I fear she may have come away from this conversation with a warped view of how the world works. “I mean… maybe? If that’s who you really are down to your truest self? I honestly don’t know.”
Her arms shoot above her head as she starts stomping around. “I AM THIRTY BAJILLION FEET TALL AND HAVE GIANT SHARP TEETH!!!” While she practices roaring and savagely destroying metropolitan areas, I pack up her things and start leading the one-woman monster mash back home.
About five minutes and a half dozen odd looks prompted by Phoebe’s surprisingly close impersonation of a resin-coated glove on a double bass later, we run into a couple of familiar faces. “What’s up, Phoebs?” a tall serpentine woman calls out with a smile so warm it could melt tungsten.
“LiLi!!!” Phoebe yells as she forgets all about her plans to level Tokyo while projecting a powerful message about the horrors of nuclear weapons. The kid launches forward at mach-five and catapults herself into Libby’s arms with a joyful screech. Libby holds the little one close and sways side to side like an amusement park ride.
While Phoebe is entertained, Daphne walks over to me. “What’s up, Willow? Libs and I don’t usually see you while we wait for the bus. Is it wabbit season or something?”
“Or something. I’m just watching Haley’s kid sister for a bit and thought we’d take the scenic route back to my place. I don’t really want to be on the main road right now.”
“Huh, that’s not ominous at all,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You get to talk to the elusive demoness yet?”
I shake my head, probably not hiding my frustration nearly enough. “Nope. Today… hasn’t been great.” Phoebe disembarks from her impromptu adventure and walks back toward me. “We’ll talk about it later.”
The littlest kaiju looks at Daphne and points, as only little kids have the gall to do. “You’re dressed funny.”
Daphne’s mouth swings open as she struggles to reply to what was said, realizing there’s not much that can be said back to a small child. Instead of addressing Phoebe directly, she turns to me for help. “The child is mocking me.”
?Insert jaunty but in no way copywritten 8-bit music?
__ ___ _ _ ___ _
\ \ / (_) | | _____ __ / _ \ _ _ ___ ___| |_
\ \ /\ / /| | | |/ _ \ \ /\ / / | | | | | | |/ _ \/ __| __|
\ V V / | | | | (_) \ V V / | |_| | |_| | __/\__ \ |_
\_/\_/ |_|_|_|\___/ \_/\_/ \__\_\\__,_|\___||___/\__|The wily princess Phoebelicus Von Sparkle has insulted the honor of thine feathery friend, Lady Daphne of Gothpond.
How doth Willow, the wise and just, respond…eth?
1. Reassure thy compatriot that her attire is, in fact, most fly.
2. Take this opportunity to teach the princess about the importance of kindness and respect.
3. Make things much, much worse. ⮜
Barely containing the world’s most shit-eating grin, I lean closer to her. “Would that make you… a mockingbird?”
Phoebe, the person who understands my idiotic humor most in this world, starts cracking up and running around us chanting “Mocky Bird! Mocky Bird!” while Libby shakes her head in disappointed anguish and Daphne glares with open contempt.
I regret nothing.
“I’m going to slap you,” my friend states plainly, her tone a mix of “you’re dead to me” and “fucking see if I’m joking.”
Without missing a beat, I flash her a big ol’ smile. “Oh, fun! Please do!”
“What!? NO! You’re not supposed to be happy about it!”
“Then don’t say something that’ll make me happy,” I say, shrugging.
“I threatened you!”
“With a good time, yes.”
The absolute roar of misery that erupts from Daphne causes Phoebe to grin from ear to ear. “Wow! She’s a Godzilla too!”
As the child continues unknowingly demoralizing Daphne, Libby slithers over for a sidebar of her own. “Not that I’m not glad to see Phoebe again, but what’s she doing with you? Haley doesn’t usually leave her with anyone else.”
Knowing Libby is closer to Haley than I am, I doubt she isn’t privy to what’s happening with the demoness and her mother. Even still, I should say as little as possible since this isn’t my tea to spill. “Haley had a family matter to attend to and–”
“Holy fucking shit, her mom’s back!?” Libby mutters under her breath, not wanting to loop Phoebe into the conversation just yet.
Dumbfounded, or possibly just dumb and found lacking, I stare at the snake woman, mouth agape like a buffoon. “How the hell?”
“Phoebe’s with you, their aunt works late nights, and you’re a bad enough liar that if you say it’s a family thing without looking away guiltily, it means that it’s actually a family thing,” Libby rattles off so naturally you’d assume she had a noisemaker at the end of her tail.
“I’m not a bad liar,” I half-heartedly mumble, fighting the urge to look away.
The snake woman looks back at the still-wildly-entertained Phoebe before turning back to me. “I’m guessing Haley is gonna swing by yours to pick up Phoebe later?” I nod. “Great, do you mind if I come over and wait for her too?” I shake my head. “Fabulous.” Libby smiles back at Phoebe. “Looks like I’m actually going to be coming with you back to Willow’s place!”
Phoebe gasps. “Really!?” she exclaims, going from fully invested in Daphne to forgetting she’s still in the scene faster than a writer who habitually bites off more than she can chew.
Daphne slowly inches closer, gaze slightly averted, until her shoulder collides into mine with the speed and intensity of a misshapen potato roughly descending a slight slope. “Did you want to come, too?” I ask, confused by the sudden bashfulness from my usually brash friend.
She perks up instantly and throws her fists into the air. “Party at Willow’s!”
“What? No! It’s just gonna be us waiting for Haley to–”
“Party at Willow’s! Party at Willow’s!” Daphne chants, quickly gaining two followers as both Phoebe and Libby join in with her exuberant display. Before I can protest once more, the trio starts marching down the road, flailing and cheering to the soundtrack of Phoebe’s delighted giggles.
Realizing this is a runaway train that I’ll never truly get back on track, I sigh and join in their joyful procession. Although… a better person than I would let them know right away that they just made a wrong turn on Albuquerque Lane. I’ll tell them in a few minutes.
***
When we finally arrive at my home, I let in the Fellowship of the Phoebe. My brother, who’s leisurely lounging in his shell with a handheld console, rolls his eyes. “Mom, Willow brought people.”
As if summoned (because she was) my mom bolts down the hallway to the living room. “People!? What people!? Friends!? You brought friends!?”
Daphne struggles to hold back laughter at that telling reaction while Libby slips seamlessly into “endearing herself to authority” mode.
“Hello, you must be Willow’s mom. I’m Libby. It’s very nice to meet you.” Who is this strange and polite individual that looks nearly identical to Libby-ty Bell? The snake woman extends a hand for my mother to shake, only to have it shoved away so that my mom can launch into a full-on hug.
“You’re Libby? Oh my goodness! You’re just as gorgeous as Willow described!” Oh, I see. I’m in hell. Incredible. My jaw drops, in disbelief of what Mom just deigned to say out loud while Daphne laughs so hard behind me I can hear her running out of air. Once the hug ends, Libby looks at me with a sly smile and my mom turns to face Daphne, who still hasn’t caught her breath. “And you must be Daphne… You certainly live up to your reputation, too…”
The duck girl goes quiet really quickly. “Wait, what reputation? Willow? What reputation?”
Nobody answers her continuing string of similar questions. Instead, Mom gravitates toward Phoebe, who’s standing proudly and awaiting her own appraisal. “My, aren’t you the most adorable little one!”
“I’m not little! I’m a Godzilla!” The little x-ray machine from the Grinch cartoon wheels in front of my mom, and I visibly see her heart grow three sizes then burst. “I am Princess Phoebelicus Von Sparkle. Fear me!”
“A princess Godzilla?” Mom asks, feigning awed surprise. Phoebe nods arrogantly, so Mom scoops her up in her arms and starts marching Phoebe to the kitchen. “Darling, we’ve got royalty visiting!”
I’m left in the living room with a bored brother, a smug snake, and a dumbfounded duck, the perfect opening to a lame ‘walks into a bar’ joke. “So… I’m gorgeous, am I?” Libby asks, voice lilting up with glee. “That’ssssso good to know.” The consequences of Mom’s betrayal are already hissing me off.
“I still don’t understand what your mom meant by reputation. Willow–”
“You don’t know anything, Libby,” I say, purposefully cutting Daphne off. “I may have, in passing, mentioned that I had a friend who, objectively, to certain parties, could be considered, maybe, attractive… possibly.” With every word of denial, the snake’s self-satisfied smirk spreads. “I mean it! There is nothing to read into!”
“Speaking of ‘read into’, I’d like to revisit my reputation–”
“She’s lying through her teeth, Libby. She literally hasn’t stopped talking about you since she went to your house that one time,” the traitorous tortoise comments without looking up from his game.
“Et tu, bro-te…” My brother shrugs and I start mentally planning how to toss him out of a moving car, Mario Kart style. Libby is practically beaming now and I can feel my face running hotter than a summer sidewalk at high noon. “I may have mentioned you once… or twice…”
“Nah, she gushes about you to me too,” Daphne adds, eyebrow cocked.
“What the hell, Daph!”
“Oh, so you CAN hear me!?” Daphne crosses her arms indignantly. “Maybe if I was as beautiful as your crush, you’d pay attention to me and answer my question.” The dastardly woman smiles, clearly pleased with her contributions to my humiliation.
I just sigh and shake my head. “Yeah… you certainly do earn your reputation…”
“WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?”
Before I can purposely not answer her question again, I get legitimately distracted by joyful giggles coming from the kitchen. Libby and I follow the laughter while Daphne trails behind, pouting. In the kitchen, Phoebe is standing on a stool next to my dad as he stirs a large pot of stew. Every once in a while, he asks her to dump the contents of various small dishes into a pot, which she does while laughing gleefully. “And now, pour this one in, kiddo.” Phoebe dutifully tosses some pre-measured spices into the pot. “Great job! We’ve got a future star chef right here!”
Phoebe beams with pride while Mom looks at me with eyes the size of saucers. “Can we keep her?”
“That’s kidnapping, Mom. No.”
“But… cute…”
“Still illegal.”
Mom pouts as Dad continues mentoring the littlest sous chef. “Dinner should be ready in a few minutes,” he announces. “And don’t worry, there’s plenty to go around for all our guests.” He throws a smile to my friends and continues with the finishing touches.
Shockingly loud knocks from the front door immediately suppress the cuteness of the scene as my brother, sitting mere feet away from the aforementioned door in the living room yells, “Door!” Helpful. So helpful.
I walk back to the front of the house and open the door, revealing a disheveled and worse for wear Haley. “Hi,” she simply says, obviously not in a chatty mood. She looks over my shoulder coldly before staring back at me with empty eyes. “You get Phoebe here okay?”
The longer I look at Haley, the more obvious her current condition becomes. Small bandages and ill-blended patches of makeup tell a story I have a hard time accepting as reality. “Yeah, she’s here. So is Libby. But more importantly… what happened?”
Haley ignores my question and shoulders past me, wincing slightly as she does. “Phoebe, it’s time to go,” she calls out, looking around for her sister.
I follow her and reach out, lightly touching her arm. “Haley, wait! Even if you don’t want to talk, you can at least rest here for a bit, and have some dinner, and–”
“Get your fucking hand off of me,” she commands without even looking back in my direction. I pull back immediately. Haley sighs and visibly relaxes a bit. “I’m sorry,” she quietly says, “I’m fine. Just drop it.” As the last words leave her lips, Phoebe shows up, followed by Libby and my mother. “Phoebe, we’re going. Get your bag.”
Not quite understanding the severity of her sister’s mood, Phoebe walks up to her, smiling. “But Mommy, I helped cook! It smells really good! Can we eat?” Haley glares down at her sister for a moment before Phoebe pulls out the trump card of every adorable child. With puppy-dog eyes and a voice as soft as a mouse, she hugs Haley’s legs. “Pleeeeease?”
Even an enraged demoness is powerless against such overwhelming might. “Fine. Stay and eat. I’ll be outside.” With that, Haley turns around and walks out, pausing for just a moment near me, but refusing to say whatever was on her mind. The door slams shut behind her as the room collectively exhales. Phoebe looks at the door for a moment before turning around and walking back to the kitchen, crestfallen.
“To hell with this,” Libby growls. She follows after Haley while I just stand still in the middle of the room, watching her leave.
For the second time in a single day, I feel absolutely powerless. I look at the door, trying to think of some excuse to go out there too, to try to talk to Haley again, to be there for her… but it’s probably for the best that Libby did so instead of me. Right? They have history. She’ll know what to do and what to say. All I can do is stand here and wait.
“You really want to go out there, don’t you?” Mom asks, her hand slightly gripping my arm. All I manage is a slight nod. “You should.”
“What do I even say?” I ask, returning to a childlike mindset for a brief moment and hoping that Mom has all the answers to the universe.
She gives my arm a reassuring squeeze and smiles. “You’ll figure it out.”
It takes nearly a minute before I gather the necessary courage to even take a step. I walk back to the kitchen and grab a bowl of the probably-still-too-hot-to-eat meal before heading outside. The sun is already setting in the autumn sky, casting shades of orange and pink across my family’s front lawn, where I see Haley and Libby sitting in the grass. It’s uncomfortably quiet, and my footsteps on the crunchy dried-out grass announce my presence way before I sit next to the demoness. Haley takes a quick glance in my direction before staring straight forward again. “I’m not hungry,” she says. An obvious lie punctuated by the timely gurgling of her stomach, as she no doubt smells what I’m holding.
“I don’t care if you’re hungry or not. You should still eat this.” I place the bowl on the grass in front of her. “Your sister was excited to help, and if you can’t honestly tell her it was good, it’s just going to disappoint her.”
The flanked demon thinks for a moment before sighing and picking up the food. “That’s playing dirty.” She slowly eats through a few spoonfuls before looking at Libby and I in turn. “It’s really goddamn uncomfortable, having you two watch me eat.” Without ever rehearsing, the snake woman and I lean in closer, staring directly at Haley. “Ugh, you two are the worst,” she says, her lips turning up ever so slightly.
Libby and I exchange a glance and a grin before focusing back on Haley. Things are quiet for a bit, until the bowl is finished and the demoness stares at the empty vessel for a few minutes. “I saw Helena today,” she finally says, eyes sweeping over to the lamia on her left.
“I gathered as much,” Libby responds. I see her hand move but settle back into her lap, unwilling to push any boundaries right now.
“Yeah… She’s still as delightful as I remember.” Haley looks at me. “Sorry you had to see that… and this…”
I shake my head. “You don’t have to apologize for any of that. None of this is your fault.” The demoness scoffs at my words. “It’s not, Haley. Nobody should treat anybody else, much less their own child, like this.”
“I mean… Things wouldn’t be bad if I was just… stronger.” A red fist collides with the earth enough to make a dent in the once relatively level lawn. “After all this time, I’m just a weaker, watered-down version of her and I hate it.”
“Wrong!”
“Bullshit!”
Libby and I chime in simultaneously. I gesture toward my fellow objector, ceding the floor to her. “Haley. For the love of all of the gods in every theology, and mythology, and any other ology out there, stop resigning yourself to being like that monster! You reduce yourself to a comparison between you and her, and by doing that, you reduce yourself to her terms, her level. You want to be strong, I get it, but Helena isn’t strong at all!”
Glaring at Libby, Haley gestures at her not at all well-covered injuries. “The incredible physical pain I’m in begs to differ.”
“You know that’s not what I mean,” Libby says, her expression unfaltering under Haley’s glare. “You and I made a lot of mistakes. We did a lot of fucked up shit. We hurt a lot of people. If that was the sum of who we are, then yeah, we’d deserve to be compared to your mother. Granted. But that’s not all we are, right? I made up with Xander and Tammy, and I’ve tried to be better. I know you’re trying, too… at least recently. You’ve grown as a person, and while that doesn’t excuse what you’ve done, it at least gives you an opportunity to be something else, someone else, from now on.”
“But–”
“Nope,” I interject. “I know I haven’t known you long… and a lot of the time I’ve known you, I haven’t even gotten to see you. Even so, I think I get at least a little bit of what you’re going through. You see yourself in the mirror, see what you look like, who you remind yourself of, and you let that image define you. Every day, you make the conscious decision to be what you see, out of some kind of familiarity or sense of obligation… and fuck, I know that sucks. It’s awful, and it's so goddamn hard to break out of that self-imposed prison. But you’re doing it. You helped Luna, you helped me, and you’ve been helping your sister for years. You’re already not a reflection of what you see; you just have to accept that you’re something better. You’re you!” That made some kind of sense, I hope. Words are weird, and I don’t always know how to use them.
“I helped you?” Haley asks, looking at me with softer eyes than I’m used to seeing on her.
“Well, yeah… Credit where credit is due, you might have been the final kickstart my metamorphosis needed.” Haley hears this and looks down to hide another small smile. “You don’t have to beat your mom at her own twisted game when you’re already so much more than she will ever be.”
Libby and I let our words marinate for a moment while I brace myself for an impassioned rebuttal from Haley. As the silence persists, I start to worry that everything we’ve said has fallen onto deaf ears.
“Thanks.” One word, but it brings with it a relief I was desperately craving. There's another few minutes of just sitting in the quiet neighborhood, hearing the sound of distant cars and a neighbor's wooden wind chime. A particularly brisk breeze passes by, and Libby shivers. “Guess we should go inside before it gets colder.”
“Please!” Libby says, already getting up.
“D’awwww, is the widdle snakey afwaid of da cold?” I ask in a mocking tone I would undoubtedly regret very soon. The Jaws theme starts playing in my head, but I don’t quite know why, as Haley stares at something behind me. Oh. Yup. Instant regret. A shockingly powerful tail wraps around my waist as I get lightly dragged toward my home, followed by a chuckling demon.
“What? Weren’t you volunteering to be my own personal tail warmer?” Libby asks with a smirk.
On any other day, I really wouldn’t mind being carried by a large, scaly appendage… but my family is literally right inside and I will NEVER live this down. I writhe and struggle before appealing to the demon behind me. “Haley! Help! Libby-rate me!”
My would-be savior chuckles and shakes her head. “Nah, I kind of want to see this play out.” I am betrayed once again! Beset on all sides by the unhelpfulness of demons and the tyranny of wicked snakes!
***
One mercifully uneventful dinner later, my dad drives Libby and Daphne to their respective homes. He offers to do the same for Haley and Phoebe, but the elder refuses.
“Well at the very least, my favorite sous chef needs to take home the leftovers. It's only fair,” my dad insists, loading Haley’s arms up with a large tupperware of stew and another similarly sized tub of rice. Phoebe cheers and hugs each of my parents in turn while Haley bashfully thanks them.
I walk the pair out, and before they take off, Haley turns to me. “Your family is warm… Kind. I see where you get it from.”
Speaking of warm, I feel my cheeks heat up a little at her unexpected words. “Yeah, except for my brother. I’m convinced he was switched at birth.”
Haley chuckles and shakes her head. “You like to make jokes when things get real. It’s cute, but I need you to know… you helped me too. Maybe more than you realize, and not just tonight.”
I’m the type to take great pride in my smart-mouthed nature, even when it brings me trouble, so it isn’t often that I find myself at a loss for words. “Haley…” I manage to say only her name, like a strange reverse Pokémon. The demoness looks behind her to make sure Phoebe is distracted before leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. Good gracious, if I was at loss for words before, I think the shock of this gesture has put me at a loss for rational thought right about now. “Th–Thank you?” I say, disoriented as she steps away.
“Did you just thank me for kissing you?”
“You’re welcome?” I try again, taking shots in the dark.
“Good night, Willow,” she says, with a smile that should come with a surgeon general’s warning for cardiovascular danger. She strides away while Phoebe dramatically waves and yells her farewells.
Meanwhile, I just stand in the cold, waiting to remember how to walk again.