7
During the days after learning the devastating news, even though she knew perfectly well that the dead could not come back to life, she still pleaded in countless tearful late nights, begging the heavens to let him live again.
Just let him live.
We don’t need him to be famous anymore, no more resources, no traffic, no reputation. We don’t want anything.
Just let him live peacefully in this world.
Even as she cried and begged, she knew it was all a futile fantasy.
Every day, every minute, every second felt like a blunt saw dragging back and forth across her heart—painful to the point of collapse, painful to despair.
She never imagined that one day, this wish would actually come true.
It wasn’t until the figure disappeared around the street corner that Xu Zhaixing finally regained control of her body. Wiping the tears from her face, she grabbed her backpack and sprinted after him.
Cen Feng was standing at the intersection, waiting for the traffic light.
Xu Zhaixing didn’t dare get too close. She stopped about ten meters behind him.
Even at this point, Cen Feng was already very tall, just a bit on the lean side. The hoodie hung loosely on his frame. With his hands in his pockets, he stood there indifferently, like a character straight out of a manga.
Several people nearby glanced at him, but he ignored them, still keeping his head down, staring at the ground. An aura of “keep away” radiated from him.
Xu Zhaixing’s heart felt like it was about to leap out of her throat. Her fingers clenched tightly around the straps of her backpack. Her eyes reddened several times, but she fought the tears back every time.
My treasure is alive! What are you crying for? Be happy! Don’t cry!!!
When Cen Feng walked, she walked. When he stopped, she stopped. In this dazed, muddled state, a tumult of sorrow and joy churning inside her, she followed him all the way. Finally, Cen Feng stopped in a triangular plaza at the corner of a night market street.
Xu Zhaixing stood across the street, watching him.
She watched him take the guitar off his back, lay the guitar case on the ground, then pick up the guitar and start to sing.
A passerby tossed some loose change into the guitar case in front of him.
He gave a slight nod in acknowledgment.
It finally dawned on Xu Zhaixing.
Cen Feng was busking.
For a moment, her already complicated and chaotic emotions grew even more tangled.
She had never heard before that Zhongtian sent its trainees out to busk on the streets. Neither variety shows nor documentaries ever mentioned this. What was going on?
Why was her idol out here busking?
In such cold weather!!!
Zhongtian, how dare you make my treasure busk on the streets! You’re dead to me! We are now mortal enemies!
Trembling with anger and aching with heartache, Xu Zhaixing waited until Cen Feng finished two songs. Finally steeling herself, she took a deep breath, mustered her courage, and walked over.
Step by step, getting closer and closer to him.
The face engraved in her blood and bones gradually came into sharp focus before her eyes.
He stood under the streetlamp, holding his guitar. The dim yellow light outlined his tall, straight figure. The features later described as god-like beauty hadn’t fully matured yet, but their striking appeal was already undeniable.
Yet his expression was detached. It seemed like he didn’t care at all—not about what he was singing, what he was playing, how passersby watched, or how much money they gave.
For some reason, Xu Zhaixing’s heart clenched painfully.
She was now standing right in front of him.
Neither in the past nor now had she ever been this close to him.
Cen Feng still hadn’t looked up. With his gaze lowered, he plucked at the strings. His fingers were long and slender, the tips contrasting with the guitar strings, emitting a cold, icy sheen.
Only after he finished the song did he lift his eyes and see the girl standing across from him, her face streaked with tears.
Her expression held such deep sorrow, but when he looked up, she forced a smile onto her face. Her voice was muffled as she whispered, “Brother, you sing so beautifully.”
He replied, “Thank you.”
Then he lowered his head again and began the next song.
From start to finish, he didn’t smile once.
Xu Zhaixing finally saw his eyes and glimpsed the indifference deep within his pupils.
Why was it like this?
Their brother, the one who loved to smile and was so warm-hearted.
Had he been this unhappy for a very, very long time? Had all the smiles and warmth they ever saw from him been nothing but an illusion from the very beginning?
Xu Zhaixing burst into uncontrollable sobs.
These choked cries finally drew Cen Feng’s attention.
He frowned, his hand pressing down on the strings to silence them. He looked up. The streetlight illuminated his icy gaze, not adding a single trace of warmth but instead coating it with a layer of detachment.
Xu Zhaixing didn’t want to cry anymore either, but she couldn’t stop herself.
Curious passersby gathered, murmuring among themselves.
Xu Zhaixing covered her face, hiccupping through her sobs. “This is… so embarrassing… I’m sorry… wuwu… I’m sorry… Brother, I’m sorry…”
She didn’t even know what she was apologizing for.
But she was sorry. So many words, so many emotions, all finally condensed into this one phrase: I’m sorry.
With her crying like this, Cen Feng couldn’t keep busking. If he continued, the police would probably come over to question them.
He bent down, gathered the few dozen yuan from the case, put it in his pocket, then packed his guitar away and slung it onto his back. He glanced down briefly, his eyelashes casting shadows, his voice flat and detached. “Stop crying.”
Xu Zhaixing immediately held her breath, trying desperately not to let any more tears fall.
He said, “Wait here.”
Before Xu Zhaixing could process this, Cen Feng had already turned and walked away. She stared blankly at his retreating back, her mind temporarily blank. After just a few minutes, Cen Feng returned, holding a cup of hot milk tea.
He handed it to her, his tone indifferent. “Go home.”
Xu Zhaixing stared at the cup of milk tea, and fresh tears instantly welled up and spilled over.
Cen Feng: “…………”
Xu Zhaixing: “……………”
Wuwu, this was so mortifying, truly mortifying.
She grabbed the milk tea, raised her sleeve to wipe her face roughly, and said in a stuffy voice, “Thank you…”
Cen Feng gave a slight nod, then turned to leave again.
Xu Zhaixing hurried after him. “Brother!”
He looked back. His face showed no impatience. He tilted his head slightly, the sharp line of his jaw hidden in the night, making him seem even more unapproachably cold.
Xu Zhaixing clutched the milk tea cup, her throat tight. Her lips moved several times before she managed to speak. “Brother, I… I haven’t given you any money yet.”
She took two quick steps forward, pulled out all the money from her pockets, and stuffed it all into his hands. After doing so, she shuffled back nervously, stammering, “This… this money is for you. Thank you for buying me milk tea. Thank you… for singing to me.”
Cen Feng looked down at the several hundred-yuan bills in his hand, then at the flustered girl across from him. Finally, he smiled slightly.
The smile was faint, fleeting, but in that instant, Xu Zhaixing saw a trace of the familiar warmth she remembered. She froze.
Cen Feng neatly folded the money, walked over, and placed it back into the still-dazed Xu Zhaixing’s hand. “No need. Head back early.”
He turned and began to walk. Xu Zhaixing bit her tongue, reminding herself not to lose composure again. She tightened her grip on her backpack and followed. “My home is nearby, really close! Brother, do you live around here too? Will you come here to sing again in the future?”
Cen Feng looked ahead into the night. “Yes.”
He had long legs and took large strides. Xu Zhaixing had to jog slightly to keep up. “Brother, are you a street musician? Do you only perform here? Will you go sing anywhere else?”
Cen Feng’s steps halted abruptly. Xu Zhaixing almost crashed into his back.
Xu Zhaixing quickly stepped back a few paces, cautiously watching his expression.
He still didn’t look impatient, but his face remained expressionless. His pupils reflected the flickering night, holding a weariness that seemed out of place for someone his age.
He repeated, “Go home.”
After saying that, he turned and crossed the street. This time, Xu Zhaixing didn’t follow.
She watched his lean, solitary figure disappear into the night, clutching the cup of hot milk tea that was gradually losing its warmth, and slowly crouched down.
Only now did her mind finally start working properly again.
Only now could she begin to think about why the Cen Feng she just met was so different from the person she remembered.
It was because the Cen Feng who debuted later had been given a “warm and gentle” persona by his company, covering up all the pain and scars, only allowing fans to see the beautiful side.
Seeing him smile often, they thought he was someone who loved to smile.
Seeing him treat others gently, they thought the world had been gentle with him too.
But in reality, he was already riddled with scars.
The dark rumors that had surfaced were just the tip of the iceberg. No one could truly understand everything he had been through.
Xu Zhaixing crouched on the ground for a long time, calming herself. Finally, she looked up in the direction he had left.
Maybe it wasn’t so bad.
This Cen Feng was fine too.
What had already happened was beyond her control, but the future… the future would definitely, without a doubt, be in her hands.
Xu Zhaixing rubbed her numb legs and stood up, holding the milk tea as she walked back to her hotel. The next day, she got up very early and went to wait outside the dormitory, hoping to catch another glimpse of him. But she waited until noon without seeing Cen Feng come out.
In the end, she had to take a taxi to the airport.
Before leaving, she found a courier shop and mailed home the untouched cup of milk tea Cen Feng had bought for her.
After passing through airport security, she called Cheng You to check on the situation at home. Hearing that Xu Zhaixing was about to board the flight back to S City, Cheng You finally breathed a sigh of relief. “No slips! Last night after I got home, I told my mom you went back to your place. Your mom didn’t call to ask either. Everything went according to plan!”
After saying that, Cheng You continued excitedly, “Zhaixing, did you see Cen Feng? How was it? Did you two go out anywhere together?”
Xu Zhaixing smiled. “I saw him. He even played the guitar for me.”
Cheng You gasped dramatically. “Wow! You’re so lucky! He can play guitar too! Just thinking about it makes him seem so cool!”
They chatted a bit more, but then it was time to board. Xu Zhaixing hung up. On the plane, she busied herself catching up on homework and managed to finish all the weekend assignments by the time she landed in S City.
The next day, the milk tea she had mailed back from B City also arrived.
Xu Zhaixing happily placed the milk tea, straw and all, on her bedside table. She looked at it every day, touched it every morning when she woke up and every night before bed. Just thinking that this was milk tea her idol had bought for her made her heart melt.
But then, a couple of days later, when she came home from school, the milk tea was gone.
Xu Zhaixing rushed downstairs in a panic to find her mom. “Mom, where’s the milk tea from my bedside table?!”
Her mother was curled up on the living room sofa watching TV. Hearing the question, she shot Xu Zhaixing an unhappy glare. “I should be asking you! Why on earth were you keeping spoiled milk tea on your nightstand?! I’ve had diarrhea all day!”
Xu Zhaixing: “Mom!!!!”
Life is just too hard.
**