It wasn’t until Yu Hua reached the age of the golden hairpin—twelve years old—that something unexpected happened.
One day, she had just woken up when a voice suddenly rang out in her mind.
“Host, wake up! Wake up!”
Yu Hua rubbed her sleepy eyes. “Who’s that? Who’s waking me up? I haven’t slept until I naturally wake yet!”
“Host, it’s me! I’m your soon-to-be lifelong companion—the Gossip System!”
“A system? How did I suddenly get a system?”
“Host, since you’re a transmigrator, and this era has no phones or computers, as compensation for those shortcomings, you have now awakened the Gossip System.”
【Transmigrator? Something feels off. Wasn’t I reincarnated? How did I become a transmigrator?】
“Host, you’re a bit slow. Although you were reincarnated, you retained the memories of your previous nine lifetimes. Of course you’re different from other babies.”
“If it weren’t for collecting my year-end bonus, would I bother coming at this time?”
【Wait… that actually makes some sense. What? You came just for your year-end bonus?!】
“The bonus is just incidental! Host, don’t dwell on such details!”
Yu Hua thought about it. Since birth, her parents had doted on her, her brothers spoiled her, and she lived a life where food came to her mouth and clothes to her hands. Yet spiritually, she always felt empty.
Every day she only read illustrated storybooks. There wasn’t much else to entertain her.
Worst of all, although her parents adored her, they constantly scolded her for reading too many storybooks, saying it might affect her mental health.
After thinking it through, Yu Hua suddenly jumped up on the bed.
“A Gossip System sounds great! But why did you come so late? I’ve already lived here for twelve years! Do you know how I survived these twelve years?”
“Host, I had to undergo maintenance and upgrades first. Now I’m fully upgraded—the most perfect Gossip System!”
After saying that, the system secretly thought to itself: If it weren’t for that lousy salary and the year-end bonus, do you think I’d willingly come?
“Bragging about yourself, are we?”
“Host, you can’t say that! This system is omniscient and omnipotent. Ask me anything—I can even dig up someone’s eighteen generations of ancestors!”
Yu Hua narrowed her eyes suspiciously. 【Really?】
“More real than real.”
Suddenly, she remembered something. “Wait. You said you came for salary and a year-end bonus?”
The system coughed awkwardly. “Host, that’s not important. What’s important is that from now on, you’ll never be bored again. You can eat anyone’s gossip anytime. Doesn’t that make you happy?”
Yu Hua was sometimes a bit muddle-headed. Thinking it over, she decided the system wasn’t bad after all and let the year-end bonus matter slide.
“What’s your name?”
“I’m just called System.”
“That’s ugly. I’ll rename you… Guagua? Gua Bucket? Or—”
“You can call me Guagua. With your brain, I already know what word you were about to say next.”
“Oh? Then what was I about to say?”
“Let’s not go there. Just call me Guagua. It’s better than ‘Melon Fool,’ right?”
“Fine. Since you’re a Gossip System, give me some gossip first. Let’s see if you’re any good.”
“Whose gossip would you like?”
Yu Hua thought for a moment. “Second Brother always steals my snacks. Let’s dig up his dirt!”
“Oh, Yu Qingyun has plenty of gossip. Once, when he was little, he went with your father to pay respects to your ancestors. After the ceremony, he asked, ‘Father, I just sent money to Grandfather. Why didn’t Grandfather come out and prepare a feast for us? Why is he so stingy?’”
Yu Hua burst out laughing. “I didn’t know Second Brother had that side to him! No wonder he’s such a foodie—always stealing my snacks.”
“There’s more. Once he saw morning glories climbing the courtyard wall. He imitated them and wrapped himself around your eldest brother, saying he wanted to change his name to Morning Glory. Your eldest brother struggled hard to pry him off.”
Yu Hua laughed until tears streamed down her face. “Morning glory is also called trumpet flower. I wonder if he wanted to be called Yu Thousand-Ox or Yu Trumpet!”
“There’s an even funnier one. Once he climbed a tree and found a bird’s nest. He took two eggs and climbed down with great difficulty. He and your eldest brother planned to eat them—but your second brother refused.”
“Your eldest brother asked why.”
“He said, ‘I’ll put them in my quilt. Maybe they’ll hatch into chicks tomorrow. Then I’ll raise them until they lay eggs, and our family will have endless bird eggs to eat!’”
Yu Hua laughed so hard her whole body shook.
“Alright, alright! I believe you’re omniscient now. Does that mean you know everything about everyone?”
“Of course. As long as they belong to this world, I know everything.”
“What do you mean ‘belong to this world’? Are there people from other worlds here?”
“Of course. You’re one of them.”
“Are there many like me?”
“Currently, none detected besides you.”
“Oh, and I love sleeping in. The kind where I wake up naturally. Don’t disturb me while I’m sleeping again.”
“It was our first meeting! I promise I won’t next time.”
“Besides gossip, what else can you do?”
“Host, I can also activate a protective shield. Simply put, if anyone harbors killing intent toward you, the system’s protection mechanism will automatically trigger. You won’t be harmed.”
“Now that’s perfect! I was wondering—other transmigrators get golden fingers and powerful systems. I had nothing. But then I figured I was reincarnated, so I didn’t think much of it.”
“You were indeed reincarnated. But because the King of Hell forgot to make you drink Meng Po’s Soup before reincarnation, you count as an otherworldly being. Strictly speaking, though, you also belong to this world.”
“I disagree. ‘Otherworldly’ and ‘native’ are contradictory terms. How can someone be both?”
“In system terminology, you’re a ‘Dual-World Person.’ It’s like how you’re called a student at school and a child at home. You’re still the same person, just with multiple identities.”
Yu Hua felt dizzy from the explanation and gave up arguing.
Her maids, Huamei and Dujuan, helped her wash and dress.
Living this life now, compared to her nine previous lifetimes of toiling like a beast of burden—it was heaven and earth apart.
She silently thanked the King of Hell in her heart.
Somewhere in the underworld, the King of Hell suddenly sneezed.
After washing up, Yu Hua went to the front hall. Shen Yanchu immediately ordered a maid to fetch her breakfast from the kitchen.
【I wonder if Mother has any big gossip. I’ll have to ask Guagua when I get the chance.】