“Did she escape?”
“There’s no help for it.” Yukina shook her head, lowering her spear.
“The Spirit of Time has the ability to escape into a different dimension. She is a very difficult criminal to catch.”
She packed away the Sekkarou—carefully, reverently—and stowed it in the guitar case on the side.
This behavior, Hikigaya thought, watching her, of packing a lethal weapon into a guitar case is, in a sense, a scam.
What if someone asked her to play something?
“Sorry, I only know one song,” he imagined her saying.
“It’s called ‘Demon-Piercing Lullaby in D Minor.'”
“Thank you, Himeragi.” Hikigaya bowed slightly—a genuine gesture, no sarcasm attached.
Then he handed over the SPORTOP in his hand.
“How about having a drink?”
“Thank you, Hikigaya-senpai.” Yukina took the drink—no hesitation, no awkward refusal—and drank without standing on ceremony.
Her eyes widened.
“It’s so sweet!”
“It’s a lot like candy, right?” Hikigaya nodded approvingly.
“I quite like the sweetness of SPORTOP. It’s like a public provocation against the recent trend of sugar-free and calorie-free drinks.” He clasped his hands together dramatically.
“I really admire this kind of magnificent rebellious spirit.”
“Senpai…” Yukina blinked.
“Sometimes you say things that are hard to understand.”
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand.” He waved a hand.
“By the way, Himeragi. Why are you here?”
“Because school is over.”
Himeragi Yukina said it so naturally—so matter-of-factly—that for a moment, Hikigaya was a bit confused.
As if this wasn’t the high school special building but Himeragi Yukina’s home.
As if she had every right to be here.
“And then?” He crossed his arms.
“Why didn’t you go home after school? Instead of coming to the high school department?”
“What are you talking about, Senpai?” Yukina tilted her head, genuinely puzzled.
“I am Senpai’s observer. It is only natural to come over and watch Senpai after school!”
Is this natural?
The small-town citizen Hikigaya protested internally.
Respect my basic personal rights, hey!
“Didn’t I tell you, Himeragi?” He lowered his voice.
“That mission—”
“Stop!”
Himeragi Yukina interrupted Hachiman Hikigaya’s spell-casting with a blushing face—red spreading from her cheeks to her ears like a sunset.
“I don’t know what the Three Holy Ones are thinking,” she said, her voice firm despite her color.
“Nor do I care about what conspiracies are behind this. I only know that my mission is to observe the Fourth Progenitor.”
She met his eyes.
“No matter how others view it—no matter what schemes are happening behind the scenes—I will earnestly be Senpai’s observer.” Her grip tightened on the drink bottle.
“Please, Senpai, be law-abiding and cooperate with my work.”
How imposing, Hikigaya thought.
Miss Himeragi.
He understood Himeragi Yukina’s meaning.
Basically, he translated in his head, no matter what conspiracies or schemes exist, Miss Himeragi will adhere to what she believes is correct.
“Don’t call me Miss Himeragi.” She frowned.
“It sounds weird.”
Then, still blushing, she continued: “Senpai, don’t overthink it. In short, I will take responsibility and properly observe Senpai. At the same time, I will also protect Senpai.” She straightened her posture.
“Please seriously treat me as a law enforcement officer.”
“Well, that’s no problem…” Hachiman Hikigaya agreed slowly.
But he always felt that the situation had a strange smell—something off, something he couldn’t quite identify.
And then Kurumi Tokisaki’s words echoed in his ears.
“Is this the wife the government issued you?”
Wife.
Government-issued.
His brain, ever the traitor, began to calculate.
If Himeragi worked as a Demon Slayer for a government agency—received a high salary, benefits, probably a pension—and her mission was to observe her husband, Hachiman Hikigaya…
Then Hachiman Hikigaya could safely be a househusband at home!
Perfect!
A perfect cycle!
It perfectly achieved a cycle where the two of them could live even without working—a perfect cycle where they could keep milking the government for—
“Senpai.” Yukina’s voice cut through his fantasy like a blade.
“You are thinking about something very strange, right? It’s already written all over your face.”
“No, not at all.” Hikigaya’s expression was perfectly neutral.
“Absolutely not.”
Although it looked wonderful, he admitted, it required the prerequisite condition that Himeragi liked him.
That kind of thing was impossible no matter what.
…Probably.
Most likely.
Statistically.
“I’m going back to the club.” He turned toward the staircase.
“Himeragi, you go home by yourself first.”
“No.” Yukina fell into step beside him.
“I am Senpai’s observer. I must accompany you.”
Of course she would say that.
“Suit yourself.” He sighed.
“But when you see the club members, absolutely do not say strange things like ‘observer’ or ‘Fourth Progenitor.'”
Himeragi Yukina thought about it and could understand.
After all, things like Fourth Progenitor and Lion King Organization Sword Shaman were hard to explain to normal classmates.
“I understand.” She nodded.
“Then how should I explain my relationship with Senpai?”
This was indeed a problem.
After thinking about it—and discarding several increasingly absurd options—Hikigaya sighed.
“Just say you are my distant cousin, and I was asked to take care of you.” He pointed at her.
“Remember to get your story straight with Komachi.”
“Senpai…” Yukina looked at him suspiciously.
“You seem to be very good at lying?”
This reason sounded quite reasonable.
That was the suspicious part.
“Please call this ‘good at socializing.'” He resumed walking.
“Act well and don’t give it away.”
“Although I am not very good at acting…” Yukina hurried to catch up.
“I will try my best not to cause trouble for Senpai.”
Hikigaya used his last silver coin—his actual last coin, he was going to be eating instant noodles for the rest of the week—to buy a can of SPORTOP.
Then he brought Himeragi Yukina back to the Service Club classroom.
Their speed going upstairs was not fast.
That popular girl—Yuigahama, Yui something—should have finished her consultation by now, right?
Hopefully, he thought.
I don’t have the energy for more drama.
“I’m back.” Hikigaya gently pushed the door open and walked in.
“Excuse the intrusion.” Himeragi Yukina followed him in, closing the door softly behind her.
Very politely.
Very properly.
Too properly, Hikigaya realized.
She looks like she’s entering a shrine.
Himeragi Yukina’s arrival immediately attracted everyone’s attention.
After all, it was quite abrupt for a beautiful girl—wearing a middle school uniform, no less—to appear in a high school clubroom she had no business being in.
Yukino Yukinoshita’s eyes narrowed.
Yuzuru tilted her head.
Kaguya raised an eyebrow.
And Yui Yuihama—who was still there, apparently—looked between Hikigaya and Yukina with wide, curious eyes.
Great, Hikigaya thought.
This looks exactly like what it isn’t.
“I underestimated you, Hikigaya-kun.”
Yukino Yukinoshita hugged her non-existent chest with both hands—a pose that somehow radiated both judgment and disappointment—and her eyes became sharp.
Very sharp.
Dangerously sharp.
Why do I feel like I’m about to be put on trial?
“Hikigaya-kun,” Yukino said, her voice like winter frost, “would you care to explain why you brought a middle school girl to our clubroom?”
…How do I explain this without mentioning the Fourth Progenitor, the Lion King Organization, or the fact that she’s supposed to kill me if I go bad?
“She’s my cousin,” Hikigaya said.
The silence that followed was deafening.
“Whether you want to compliment or insult someone,” Hikigaya said flatly, “please don’t call me Hikigaya-kun, okay?”
That honorific makes it sound like I’m a character in a shoujo manga.
Which I am not.
This is reality.
Reality is pain and warm yogurt.
“Mm, the girl Hachiman brought back is so cute, desu.” Yuzuru leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with genuine interest.
She seemed very interested in Yukina—the way a cat might be interested in a new, shiny toy.
“I always feel that Hikigaya brought back a very dangerous woman.” Kaguya’s voice was calm, measured, and completely serious.
Should one say Kaguya’s intuition is very accurate?, Hikigaya thought, sweat beading on his forehead.
After all, Yukina had just used a long, thick thing outside to fiercely— He cut off that line of thinking before it could complete itself.
…To pierce through a Spirit.
Yes.
That.
Nothing else.
Stop thinking about phrasing.
“A girl from the middle school department?” The tea-haired girl—Yui Yuihama, that was her name—tilted her head.
“Is she here to seek help?”
Unexpectedly, Hikigaya noted, that tea-haired girl’s thinking was quite normal.
Or perhaps…
the thinking of a popular person is more in line with reality?
Unlike the rest of us, who live in a constant state of low-grade supernatural chaos.
“This child is named Himeragi Yukina.” Hikigaya gestured vaguely.
“She is my distant cousin who just transferred to Chiba recently. I was asked to take her around—get her familiar with the area.”
Distant cousin, he repeated in his head.
Classic excuse.
Plausible.
Unverifiable.
…Please back me up, Komachi.
Yukino Yukinoshita looked at Hachiman Hikigaya.
Then she looked at the slightly nervous Himeragi Yukina—her posture too perfect, her eyes too alert, her hand twitching toward where her weapon would be if she hadn’t stowed it in a guitar case like some kind of magical girl assassin.
Yukino seemed to have discovered something.
But she didn’t say anything.
Not hearing Yukino say “that is a lie” made Hikigaya feel slightly relieved.
Although, given how smart this woman was, she probably already knew it was a lie.
She was just choosing, for reasons unknown, not to expose him.
Yet.
“Anyway…” Hikigaya cleared his throat.
“She won’t cause any trouble. Have you finished discussing your business?”
“Yes.” President Yukinoshita nodded, her expression unreadable.
“Thanks to you not being here, the progress was quite smooth.”
This, Hachiman Hikigaya thought, is the worst thank you I have ever heard in my life.
“And then?” He crossed his arms.
“Is the request completed?”
“Not yet.” Yukino stood up, brushing off her skirt.
“Next, we are going to the Home Economics room.”
“Hachiman!” Yuzuru bounced to her feet, her energy seemingly infinite.
“Let’s go, let’s go make cookies together, desu!”
Yuzuru is still so energetic.
Yuzuru is always so energetic.
Yuzuru’s energy alone could probably power a small city.
But then the words registered.
Home Economics room.
Making cookies.
Hachiman Hikigaya’s eyebrows twisted into a “chuan” (river) shape—a furrow of deep, profound reluctance.
He had absolutely no desire to go.
None.
Zero.
Making cookies meant socializing.
Socializing meant interacting with normies.
Interacting with normies meant exposure to youth culture, group activities, and the kind of forced bonding experiences that he had spent his entire high school career meticulously avoiding.
And yet—
“Hachiman?” Yuzuru tugged at his sleeve.
“Coming?”
He looked at her face.
Genuine.
Excited.
Happy.
…Damn it.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
“Fine,” Hikigaya said, the word tasting like defeat.
“I’ll come.”
“Yay!”
“Please don’t say ‘yay.’ This isn’t a festival.”
Yukino’s lips twitched—almost a smile.
“How noble of you, Hikigaya. Sacrificing yourself for the sake of cookies.”
“I’m not sacrificing myself for anything.” He picked up the remaining drinks.
“I’m just… accompanying a friend.”
Friend.
The word still felt strange in his mouth.
But not bad strange.
Just…
new.
Yui Yuihama watched the exchange with wide eyes, clearly trying to piece together the social dynamics of this bizarre club.
Her gaze kept flicking between Hikigaya—dead-fish eyes, cynical aura, rumpled uniform—and the beautiful middle school girl who was apparently his “distant cousin.”
This school is weird, her expression seemed to say.
Yes, Hikigaya thought.
Yes, it is.
But you haven’t seen anything yet.
“Himeragi.” He turned to Yukina.
“You coming, or are you going to wait here?”
“I am Senpai’s observer,” Yukina said, as if that explained everything.
“I will accompany you.”
Of course she would say that.
Of course.
Yukino’s eyes narrowed slightly at the word observer—but she said nothing.
She definitely knows, Hikigaya realized.
She definitely, definitely knows.
…I’ll deal with that later.
“Let’s go, Hachiman, deth!”
Yuzuru grabbed his arm—the one not holding drinks—and started pulling him toward the door.
And Hachiman Hikigaya, the Fourth Progenitor, the Luminous Twilight Earl, the strongest vampire in the world who couldn’t summon a single Familiar Beast, allowed himself to be dragged toward the Home Economics room to make cookies.
What has my life become?, he wondered.
…Actually, don’t answer that.