Yukino Yukinoshita was very dangerous.
Hikigaya quickly made this judgment about the literary girl bathed in sunset light.
He was definitely not a sexual incompetent.
Although he could feel the disdain and contempt radiating from the Familiar Beasts, Hikigaya was very clear about his own situation.
He was by no means lacking in that department—it was more accurate to say he belonged to the low-desire demographic.
Or rather, that in most cases, reason controlled his body.
Because of some not-so-wonderful past experiences, he had always maintained a natural wariness—even repulsion—toward women.
To be precise, from the day he became a vampire, Hikigaya had been able to restrain his blood-drinking impulses quite well.
He had never lost his composure like he did today.
After immediately ruling out the possibility of falling in love at first sight with this flat-chested ice queen—because that would be both pathetic and statistically improbable—Hikigaya arrived at a different conclusion: this woman’s blood held great temptation for a vampire.
Like a junkie encountering drugs?
Perhaps that metaphor was somewhat inappropriate, but Hikigaya had indeed felt an overwhelming, almost primal impulse just now.
Dangerous, he thought again.
Stay away.
“His name is Hikigaya, and he wishes to join the Service Club.”
With that, Shizuka Hiratsuka gave him a firm pat on the back—a shove, really—pushing Hikigaya, who had just finished wiping the blood from his nose, to the front of the room.
“Go ahead. Introduce yourself.”
“Everyone, I—I am Hikigaya… Wait. What is this about joining a club? I don’t remember agreeing to anything like that. And a name like ‘Service Club’ is just too strange! What kind of weird club is this?”
“This is a mandatory punishment. You have no right to refuse.”
Arbitrarily adding a fictional punishment that didn’t exist, Shizuka Hiratsuka waved her hand at Yukino Yukinoshita with the casual authority of someone who had long since stopped caring about due process.
“As you can see, this guy’s personality is already hopeless. He’s a poor wretch who keeps company with loneliness.”
“That’s already slander, isn’t it? Is that something you can just tell by looking?”
Hikigaya couldn’t understand.
The black-haired woman in charge before him didn’t look like the easy-to-talk-to type.
Those two mascots beside her, however—the twins—gave the impression of being far more persuadable.
“If possible, I hope you, Yukinoshita, can help change his alienated and unsociable personality a little. It might even be a world-saving level of merit.”
“No. No matter how you put it, it wouldn’t reach that level.”
Hikigaya expressed his objection.
This made him sound like a movie villain who would destroy the world after turning evil.
In the end, he was just an ordinary high school boy with poor social skills and a vampire condition he never asked for.
But unexpectedly, Yukino Yukinoshita actually closed her book and fell into deep thought.
Wait.
She’s actually considering it?
“It sounds a bit pitiful, Kaguya. How about we become his friends?”
The twin with the well-endowed curves—Yuzuru, apparently—said words that shocked Hikigaya for the entire year.
Even more terrifying was that Hikigaya could tell these words were not just an act.
They were genuine.
What?
“Although he looks a bit lecherous,” the other twin—Kaguya, flat-chested—said, “Yuzuru’s proposal is not unacceptable.”
Are they angels?
These two girls are definitely angels!
Honestly, this kindness made Hikigaya feel extraordinarily heavy.
Lies and malice are actually not scary.
Sudden truth and kindness—those are the things most likely to hurt someone.
Because you don’t see them coming.
And by the time you realize what’s happening, you’ve already let your guard down.
“The Service Club is indeed a club for helping others,” Yukino said slowly, “but this man looks a bit lewd. That makes me feel very dangerous.”
I am not lewd at all!
Who would feel sexual desire for a flat-chested girl like you—as flat as a board!
Hikigaya wanted to retort loudly, to defend his honor with righteous fury.
But the nosebleed incident had just happened.
Honestly, even if he retorted now, it would sound exceptionally weak.
Like a criminal protesting his innocence while standing over the body with a smoking gun.
“You can rest assured about that. I guarantee it.”
Shizuka Hiratsuka patted her ample chest with her hand—a gesture that somehow conveyed both confidence and utter disregard for Hikigaya’s dignity.
“This man’s personality is hopeless, but his intelligence is not bad. He will definitely not do anything that carries legal risks. You can just trust his spineless personality!”
“I would rather call it risk assessment and self-preservation,” Hikigaya muttered.
“That is a fundamental requirement for establishing oneself in society, not something as terrible as you make it sound.”
“I see. A coward’s personality is indeed very convincing.”
These two women…
they seem a bit infuriating, don’t they?
“Yukino, just agree to the teacher.” Yuzuru ran over, hugging Yukino Yukinoshita’s arm and shaking it gently.
“Just like how you helped me and Kaguya. Yukino will definitely be able to help this poor boy.”
Thank you, Yuzuru.
Although we are strangers, and I don’t want to join this strange club at all, I am genuinely grateful for your kindness from the bottom of my heart.
Yuzuru is an angel.
“I also agree.” Kaguya expressed her opinion.
“Even if it fails, this man doesn’t look dangerous.”
The words were a bit hurtful—the implication being that he lacked the presence to be threatening—but Yukino seriously considered the members’ opinions anyway.
“You two don’t understand at all…” Yukino thought for a moment.
Then she sighed.
It was the sigh of someone accepting an inconvenient truth.
“Forget it. Teacher Hiratsuka. I agree.”
“Is that so? Then I’ll leave it to you.”
With that, Shizuka Hiratsuka left the classroom dashingly—her coat billowing behind her like a protagonist at the end of an episode—leaving only Hikigaya standing there in a daze.
“It feels a bit awkward. I really envy Teacher Hiratsuka for being able to just turn around and leave like that.”
Wait.
Once that older woman—Teacher Hiratsuka—leaves, won’t this classroom just be me and three beautiful girls?
Hikigaya suddenly realized this problem.
This was like a plot straight out of a light novel.
A ridiculously absurd harem romantic comedy, at that!
No.
Calm down, Hikigaya.
Your life definitely does not have the possibility of being rose-colored.
At the end of the day, you were just forced to join a club.
It has nothing to do with a romantic comedy.
Don’t let the beauty before your eyes deceive you.
“Stop standing there like an idiot, dead-fish-eyed vampire.”
“Who’s a dead-fish-eyed person!”
Faced with Yukino Yukinoshita’s calm and biting words—delivered with the precision of a surgeon and the warmth of a refrigerator—Hikigaya’s first instinct was to refute the dead-fish-eyes comment.
Then he immediately realized something far more important.
“How did you know I’m a vampire?”
“Eh, eh, eh—Yamakusa Yamai, is this stranger a vampire?”
“How would I know? You have to ask Yukino.”
Yukino Yukinoshita placed her book on the table and stared intently at Hikigaya.
Her gaze was analytical, almost clinical—as if she were trying to discern something from his face.
After a long moment, she seemed to confirm that he wasn’t lying.
Rather, he appeared to be lacking common knowledge that he really should have had.
“Hey, Yukino, is Hikitani-kun really a vampire?”
Hikitani?
Who is Hikitani?
My name is Hikigaya!
“He just displayed the blood-sucking impulse unique to a vampire,” Yukino said flatly.
“At first, I thought he was just the type with poor willpower. But now it seems to be a different situation.”
“It’s hard to imagine.” The less-developed twin—Kaguya?
Yamakusa?
He was losing track— tilted her head.
“I feel like Hikitani-kun doesn’t really fit the image of a vampire. Shouldn’t vampires be mysterious, noble, and rich?”
“Unfortunately,” Yukino replied, “reality often has a significant gap from fiction.”
Tell me about it, Hikigaya thought bitterly.
I’m living proof.
“Wait.”
His CPU was starting to overheat.
Too many processes running at once.
Error messages flashing.
“You aren’t surprised at all that I’m a vampire. And you aren’t afraid?”
Yukino Yukinoshita smiled slightly.
Her every gesture exuded an aura of beauty—the kind that made you simultaneously want to admire it from afar and question your own existence.
“Let me introduce myself properly,” she said.
“Yukino Yukinoshita. A member of the yuki-onna clan.”
Yuki-onna.
Snow woman.
The icy spirit of Japanese folklore.
“You’re a snow ghost?!” Hikigaya blurted out.
“Yuzuru Yamai!” the well-developed twin suddenly shouted, striking what appeared to be a dramatic pose.
“I am a Spirit, deisi!”
“Yamakusa Yamai,” the less-developed twin said more calmly, “as you can see, I am also a Spirit.”
Deisi?
What is deisi?
Is that…
is that a verbal tic?
Hikigaya stood there, frozen, as the weight of the situation slowly pressed down on his shoulders like a collapsing bookshelf.
Then, like a bad flashback in a poorly edited movie, his mind suddenly recalled Teacher Hiratsuka’s words from earlier:
“Because your Japanese language grades have always been quite good, I’ve been turning a blind eye to you dozing off in my class. After all, I can understand that you might indeed have some difficulties.”
Hikigaya seemed to understand why Teacher Hiratsuka had brought him here.
She knew.
She knew the whole time.
And instead of having a normal conversation about it—instead of sitting me down and explaining the situation like a responsible adult—she just…
shoved me into a room full of non-human girls and walked away.
Classic Hiratsuka.
He sighed.
It was the sigh of a man who had long since accepted that his life would never make sense.
“So,” Hikigaya said slowly, “just to be clear—I’m a vampire. You’re a snow ghost. And you two are… Spirits. Whatever that means.”
“Correct,” Yukino said.
“And none of you find any of this strange?”
“Should we?” Yuzuru asked, genuinely confused.
Right.
Of course not.
Because apparently, the entire world is supernatural, and I was just the last one to get the memo.
Hikigaya closed his dead-fish eyes and took a deep breath.
Welcome to the Service Club, he told himself.
Population: four non-humans and one rapidly dwindling sense of normalcy.