Lyon stared at the hotel.
Not just any hotel.
That hotel had a facade lit in soft gold, revolving doors that spun on their own, and a uniformed concierge standing off to the side, watching the people who approached with a smile and a look that evaluated your clothes before deciding whether to let you pass or not.
And Lyon, obviously, was not passing that evaluation.
The concierge looked him up and down, narrowing his eyes just a tiny bit, and then, after a second, relaxed when he noticed that Lyon was with Cya.
As if the hunter uniform was the only reason Lyon could stand there without being thrown out.
Lyon slowly turned toward Cya, who was still standing beside the entrance with her hands in her uniform pockets and her red eyes fixed forward.
"Uh… Cya," Lyon said, using the most neutral voice he could manage. "Sorry, but I don’t understand. What exactly is this? Why did you bring me here? I mean, after eating, I thought… well, that we were each going our separate ways. Do you need me to walk you somewhere, or…?"
Cya did not answer.
She just stood there, looking at the building, with the same flat expression as always.
Lyon waited three seconds.
Five seconds.
Seven seconds.
Nothing.
'This again?'
Lyon recognized that silence.
It was the same silence from his apartment, when she had stared at him for fifteen entire seconds to "convince" him to accept the phone.
The same kind of strange, heavy silence she seemed to use as just another conversation tool.
"Cya," Lyon insisted, with a little more firmness. "Look, if you don’t tell me anything, I can’t know what you want right now. Seriously. I don’t read minds. You have to tell me things so I can understand. That’s… that’s how talking to people works."
Cya lowered her head slightly.
Not much.
Just a small movement, but it was noticeable.
And for a moment, Lyon thought he had offended her.
But then she took a slow breath and spoke.
"I would like…" Cya said, with some difficulty, as if she had to search for every word in a very messy drawer. "I would like you… to accompany me on the way… to my hotel room."
Lyon blinked.
"…To your room?"
"Yes."
"In the hotel?"
"Yes."
"…For what?"
Cya hesitated again.
He could see the instant she searched for the correct answer, discarded it, searched for another, and finally chose the safest one.
"I want to talk to you," she said. "In private."
And that was when the female voice inside Lyon’s head exploded.
"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE—"
It was such a long and high-pitched laugh that Lyon almost felt it clawing at the back of his skull. He had to clench his jaw so the reaction happening inside him wouldn’t show on his face.
"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no!" the voice continued between bursts of laughter. "Did you hear that? DID YOU HEAR THAT? 'I want to talk in private, in my hotel room!' Oh, please, tell me you heard it! Tell me you registered every last syllable, because I can’t handle this!"
'Okay, okay, calm down,' Lyon thought, trying to keep his expression neutral on the outside.
"Don’t tell me to calm down! This girl really likes moving fast, huh! Not even a marriage candidate moves this fast! Not even the queen of the vampire kingdom moves this fast! And that queen is intense, but this—"
'I told you to shut up.'
"I can’t! It’s too much! It’s just too much! First she buys you a ridiculously expensive phone, then she invites you to eat, and now she takes you straight to a hotel! Straight there! No detours! No subtlety! Oh no, I need to record this—!"
'You can’t record anything because you don’t have a body.'
"Detail! Unimportant detail! The point is—"
'Listen to me,' Lyon cut her off in his mind, firmly. 'Listen to me, because this is not what you think. This is a misunderstanding. I’m sure this is a misunderstanding.'
There was a brief pause inside his head.
"…A misunderstanding," the voice repeated, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "Seriously."
'Yes.'
"…The girl takes you to a hotel and you think it’s a misunderstanding?"
'Think for a second,' Lyon insisted, while on the outside he kept his eyes fixed on Cya, who was still looking at him and waiting for his answer as if Lyon were processing everything in real time, which he absolutely was. 'Think. This girl came to my apartment to inspect it. Why? Because she was looking for a bat that entered the area.'
"Uh-huh…"
'That bat was me.'
"Uh-huh."
'She belongs to a hunters’ guild. She’s looking for the bat. I am the bat. So, what’s the only reason she could want to take me to a private room, alone?'
Silence.
'A trap,' Lyon finished in his head. 'It’s a trap! It’s obviously a trap. There’s probably a camera. There are probably reinforcements. There’s probably someone waiting inside with some kind of weapon or spell designed for vampires. And she’s taking me there because she thinks she’s made me trust her enough. It all makes sense.'
The voice spoke very slowly, almost with genuine curiosity.
"Okay. Okay, my love. I’m following your logic. It’s a trap. Everything you’re saying makes sense. But then, allow me one small question. Just one."
'What?'
"If you, in your brilliant vampire mind, are so convinced that this girl is a threat and is plotting something against you, why did you accept the phone?"
Lyon opened his mouth internally.
"And why did you accept the food?"
'…'
"And why did you walk all the way to the hotel entrance with her? Do you know you could’ve said goodbye on any block? On any corner? That you could’ve said 'I’m leaving,' and she wouldn’t have been able to stop you?"
'I…'
"Hmm?"
Lyon swallowed.
'It’s just… well… my brain… hadn’t reached that conclusion yet.'
"…"
'There were a lot of things happening at once, okay?' Lyon defended himself in his mind, a little desperately. 'First it was the phone, and I was distracted by the thing with the employee, and then it was the invitation to eat, and I was hungry, and then it was the walk, and I was digesting, and now is when I finally connected everything. My brain needs time! I’m not a machine!'
"Hahahahaha."
'Don’t laugh.'
"Wow, your brain works slowly."
'It does not work slowly! It works at a human pace!'
"It works slowly, my love. It works slowly, and someday you’re going to get yourself into trouble because of it."
'You’re not much help either, you know?! Instead of helping me think, you’ve been making fun of me all afternoon!'
"I’m having fun. It’s my only hobby. Stop taking away the little I have."
'You’re the worst.'
"You already told me that today."
While Lyon fought this mental war that threatened to spill out through his eyes, Cya remained standing in front of him, silent, waiting.
Cya’s red eyes focused on him with more attention.
And then, in a slightly lower tone than before, she spoke.
"Excuse me," Cya said. "Do you perhaps… consider me unpleasant?"
Lyon’s whole body went cold.
Because that phrase...
That damn phrase…
It was THE same phrase she had used in his apartment.
The same phrase, with the same tone, with the same careful pause before "unpleasant."
The same phrase that had made Lyon, like an idiot, invite her to visit him whenever she wanted and end up accepting a ridiculously expensive phone out of guilt.
'Oh no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. NOT AGAIN.'
Lyon could feel his own survival instinct screaming from the back of his brain.
Inside him, the voice reacted too, but in the complete opposite way.
"Oh, look, the little face again! The tone again!" the voice commented, delighted. "Look, my love, this girl is predictable but effective. She has you figured out. It worked once, so she’s using it again. And it’s going to—"
'Silence.'
"Silence? But—"
'SILENCE.'
"…"
'I’m going to do something. And I need you not to distract me. I need all my concentration. Shut up for the next thirty seconds. Please.'
"…Okay, now this interests me. Go ahead."
Lyon took a deep breath through his nose, as discreetly as he could. He straightened up. He mentally prepared himself. And on the outside, he adopted the most serious, most adult, most neutral expression his face was capable of producing.
Then, looking Cya directly in the eyes, with the flattest and most honest voice he could find, he said:
"I have diarrhea."
Silence.
Total silence.
The concierge standing beside the hotel door turned his head very, very slowly toward them, with an expression of "I heard nothing, I saw nothing" plastered on his face.
Cya went completely still.
Her red eyes, those eyes that until one second ago had been trying to execute her "do you consider me unpleasant?" technique with surgical precision, opened wide.
Not much.
But for someone who maintained a flat expression like Cya, that little bit of wide-eyed shock was the emotional equivalent of a scream.
"…Excuse me?" Cya said, her voice so low it was almost inaudible.
Inside Lyon’s head, the voice exploded.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—"
It was such violent laughter that Lyon had to make an enormous effort not to move a single muscle in his face. He forced himself to keep his gaze serious, his mouth in a straight line, his shoulders steady.
Not one smile.
Not one tremble.
Nothing.
"I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID IT! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT TO HER! OH, BY EVERY VAMPIRE IN HISTORY, THIS IS GOLD! THIS IS PURE GOLD! MY HUMAN DID IT! HE DEFENDED HIMSELF WITH DIARRHEA! AH, I’M PROUD!"
'I’m in the middle of an operation,' Lyon answered in his mind, with all the seriousness he could muster. 'I need you to control yourself. I’m not finished yet.'
"Oh, there’s more! Go on, go on, don’t stop now!"
On the outside, Lyon endured all the shame piling up inside his chest and, with the same stoic expression, kept talking.
"It’s just…" he said, shrugging slightly, with a resigned, almost professional tone. "You see, I don’t really know what I ate this morning. I think it was something that had been in the fridge for way too long. You know how those of us who live alone are. Sometimes you look at food, say 'it’s probably still fine,' and eat it. And then your stomach teaches you otherwise."
Cya said nothing.
She just looked at him.
"The thing is," Lyon continued, without faltering, "I already went to the bathroom once a while ago. Before all of this. I thought it had passed, and that’s why I accepted your invitation to eat. I didn’t want to be rude. But…"
Lyon paused dramatically.
He brought one hand to his abdomen and pressed it lightly.
"…now the urge is coming back," he said, his voice full of professional suffering. "And it’s strong. Very strong. I don’t know how much longer I can hold it."
Inside his head, the voice was crying from laughter.
"THE STOMACH HOLD! HE HELD HIS STOMACH! HE WENT FOR THE PHYSICAL DETAIL! THIS IS ART NOW! THIS IS NOBEL-LEVEL ACTING!"
'Focus.'
"I CAN’T FOCUS! I’M CRYING!"
Cya, for her part, took a good while to react.
When she did, she took half a step forward, her brow slightly furrowed in an expression that was no longer flat or confident.
It was… something closer to nervousness.
"Uh…" Cya said, her voice a little less firm than before. "Well. If… if it is that urgent, we can go up quickly. My room has its own bathroom. It is large, and clean, and you can use it for as long as you need. There is no problem."
And for the first time in the entire conversation, Cya sounded… worried?
It was almost sweet.
Almost.
But Lyon, who was already committed to the plan down to the bone, slowly shook his head, with the seriousness of someone rejecting a very generous medical offer for strictly personal reasons.
"No, thank you very much," he said. "Seriously. I appreciate it."
"But—"
"Cya," Lyon interrupted her, very gently. "It’s just… look, I don’t know how to explain this without making it sound weird. But I… I only poop at home. In my bathroom. In my toilet. It’s… a personal thing. I can’t do it anywhere else. My body simply won’t let me. It’s a matter of comfort and mental hygiene."
Inside his head, the voice howled.
"'I ONLY POOP AT HOME!' OH MY GOD, I’M WRITING THIS IN MY DIARY! OH, THE DAY MY HUMAN DECLARED HIMSELF AN EXCLUSIVE HOME POOPER! AH!"
Cya stared at Lyon with an expression that wasn’t entirely processable.
It was mixed.
There was confusion, a little bit of secondhand embarrassment, and also something that could be interpreted as genuine concern expressed very badly.
"I… understand," Cya said, her voice clearly dazed. "It is… a respectable preference."
"Thank you for understanding."
"…"
"Seriously."
"…It was nothing."
Lyon took advantage of the moment of silence to move forward with his escape plan.
He took half a step back, still with his hand resting on his abdomen, and adopted an expression of dignified gratitude.
"Really, Cya," he said, with all the sincerity he could gather. "I appreciate everything you did today. The phone, seriously, is a gift I never expected, and I’ll take very good care of it. And the food was excellent. No one had ever invited me to eat like that, so suddenly. It was very kind of you."
"…Ah. You are… welcome."
"And as for the design work," Lyon continued, "I want you to know that I will think about it. Calmly. Very seriously. I’ll wait for your call."
Cya blinked.
Twice.
"My call?"
"Yes. You’ll call me once you know exactly what your guild needs, right? Once you know, you let me know on the phone you gave me, and we’ll see. With time. Calmly. No rush."
"Ah… yes. Yes, of course. I… will call you."
"Perfect."
Lyon took another half step back.
Cya didn’t move.
Lyon took another half step back.
Cya still didn’t move.
And then, taking advantage of the fact that he still had a believable expression of abdominal pain on his face, Lyon delivered his farewell line.
"Well, anyway, sorry," he said, now sounding more hurried, almost urgent. "It’s just that I seriously can’t wait any longer. I have a very urgent date with my bathroom, and I can’t be late. Thanks again for everything!"
And without giving Cya time to respond, Lyon turned around and ran.
Not jogged.
Ran.
He ran at full speed down the sidewalk, dodging pedestrians, jumping over a curb, with one hand still pressed against his abdomen to sell the act until the very last second.
It was the most committed performance of his life.
If any movie director had seen him, they would have offered him a contract on the spot.
Behind him, Cya remained standing in front of the hotel entrance with her arms slightly separated from her body, as if she were still finishing processing the conversation she had just had.
Her red eyes followed Lyon’s figure as it grew smaller down the street.
Her mouth was slightly open, in an expression that wasn’t anger, disappointment, or any identifiable emotional category.
It was just confusion.
Pure confusion, in solid form.
Cya tilted her head slightly to one side.
"…Diarrhea," she murmured to herself, still looking at the spot where Lyon had disappeared.
The hotel concierge, who had pretended throughout the entire conversation that he wasn’t listening, very discreetly cleared his throat and looked up at the sky.
Cya still didn’t move.
She stayed there, standing in front of the revolving door of the most expensive hotel in the city, alone, with her hands once again in her uniform pockets, her head still tilted, silently processing what had just happened.
And meanwhile, several blocks away, a boy in a white T-shirt and shorts was running through the streets as if his life depended on it.
While inside his head, a female voice could not stop laughing.
Hello everyone!
૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა
I wanted to apologize because, in the end, I wasn’t able to keep the 3-chapter marathon I had promised for Monday and Tuesday. There have been several problems where I live these past few days, and on top of that, editing this novel turned out to be a bit more complicated than I expected.
(っ- ‸ - ς)
Honestly, I also wasn’t expecting the story to grow so much so quickly… and that makes me really happy! Thank you so much for all the support, comments, ratings, and for giving this new novel a chance.
(´；ω；`)♡
To make up for it, I’ll upload the 3-chapter and 3-chapter marathon this Saturday and Sunday. After that, I’ll see what publishing schedule this novel will follow.
(ง •̀ω•́)ง
I also want to be honest: I need to keep my priority on my other novel, since that’s the story my Patrons are currently supporting the most. So I’ll do my best to organize myself properly and avoid neglecting either one.
x.x
Thank you for your patience, for reading, and for all the love you’ve given this story! I hope you keep enjoying it a lot.
(ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧