The southern forest looked nothing like I remembered.
I stood still, trying to calm my racing heart to no avail.
Five years ago, this path had been kept clear and clean. Then, there were lanterns leading all the way to the temple. Now, weeds choked the trail so thickly I had to lift my skirts just to walk it, and when I finally reached the clearing, I stood there for a long moment, not recognising anything at all.
The temple had collapsed. One of its pillars had toppled sideways, and moss had swallowed whatever inscriptions had once marked it as sacred ground.
I looked around, tears welling up in my eyes. Somewhere in this desolate, deserted temple was my son.
But I didn’t know where.
Tristan had said he was near the old Moon Shrine, and I had believed that would be enough. I had not accounted for five years of neglect erasing whatever marker might have told me where to look.
"Please... no," I whispered, my chest hurting as though a blade were tearing through it.
"Tristan said... you were here." My voice sounded strangely hollow.
"He said he buried you here."
But where? Everywhere I looked, nature had reclaimed the land. Wild grass reached my knees.
I stumbled forward, dropping to my knees amongst the weeds.
My trembling hands began tearing at the overgrowth, ripping away handful after handful as though I could somehow uncover five years with nothing but desperation.
"D-Don’t do this to me..." I crawled further, ignoring the sharp branches scratching my hands. "Please..."
"Please let me find him."
I’d come here thinking I would see something—a marker to show where my son was buried—but there was nothing.
"Where are you?" I whispered brokenly. "I’m here now." My voice cracked on the last word.
"I’m so late... but I’m here."
The more I searched, the clearer it became. There was nothing. No proof that a child had ever existed here at all.
Perhaps that was the cruelest part. Not even the ground remembered him.
I sat back on my heels, my hands falling uselessly into my lap. Everything around me had gone quiet. Not even the birds could be heard.
"I don’t even know your name," I whispered. "They never gave you one."
I sobbed hard, my shoulders trembling. I was mourning a child I’d never known. A child I hadn’t even known existed.
How cruel could life be to me? What had I ever done to deserve such a fate?
"I spent five years loving another woman’s child while you..." My voice disappeared.
"...while you were here."
I bent forward until my forehead rested against the cold ground.
"I’m sorry," I sobbed. "I’m so sorry."
So many questions ran through my mind. Did they even try to bring him back to life? Did they wrap him in a blanket before burying him? Did they give him a name, at least?
At that thought, I burst into tears again. He didn’t even have a name. I didn’t even know what he looked like.
My breathing became ragged.
"I should have held you. I should have buried you myself. I should have told you..."
My voice cracked completely. I could barely force the words out.
"...that your mother loved you."
The dam inside me finally broke.
I screamed, the pain raw and blinding. I’d been living a lie while my own son was buried like a dog.
I collapsed onto the cracked steps of the ruined Moon Goddess temple, unable to stop crying.
"I failed you... I failed you before I even knew you existed..."
The sky suddenly darkened, so much that it looked as though a storm would break at any moment, yet I was so consumed by my pain that I didn’t notice.
"I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry," I repeated like a broken clock. "Forgive your mother. Please forgive me." I cried even as the rain began to pour.
Within moments, I was drenched, yet I couldn’t bring myself to move.
Perhaps I deserved this. Perhaps this was my punishment for living peacefully while my son lay forgotten and abandoned.
Behind me, lightning flashed across the dark sky. The weathered statue of the Moon Goddess inside the temple glowed ever so slightly. Anyone could have missed it if they weren’t looking.
And I never saw it.
I don’t know how long I remained there.
Minutes, or perhaps hours.
Eventually, a familiar voice drifted through the rain.
"My Lady!" came Clara’s panicked voice.
"My Lady, please answer me," she cried out, using a coat as a shield against the rain.
"My Lady!" she screamed again, and this time I looked up.
She came stumbling through the overgrown path, her dress soaked through, her face streaked with rain and tears.
The moment she saw me sitting on the temple steps, she froze.
"Oh, Moon Goddess..."
She rushed towards me before dropping to her knees.
"My Lady..." Her hands hovered uncertainly, as though afraid I might shatter if she touched me.
"I’ve been searching everywhere." I looked at her blankly. "I couldn’t find him."
The words came out so quietly I barely recognised my own voice.
"I tried..." Fresh tears spilled down my face.
"I really tried."
"I really tried."
Clara’s own eyes reddened instantly. Without saying a word, she wrapped both arms around me.
This time... I didn’t hold back. I cried into her shoulder until I had nothing left.
Neither of us noticed the willow tree behind the ruined shrine, or the faint light that pulsed one last time... before fading back into silence.
By the time the carriage rolled through the Valemont gates, the rain had softened to a drizzle, and I sat wrapped in Clara’s coat, staring at nothing.
I didn’t notice the small crowd gathered near the entrance until someone called out.
"Lady Evelyn!"
"It really is her, Alpha Rowan’s daughter."
I forced a smile and murmured my thanks, letting them press their small kindnesses upon me until Clara gently steered me towards the doors.
Celine was waiting just inside, watching the scene through the window.
"The pack members really adore you," she said the moment I stepped in.
I paused, my head aching from all that had happened already.
"They do," I replied stiffly.
"It must be such a relief to still have the support of your pack."
"It is," I said quietly, and meant it more than she could know.
Something flickered behind her eyes, but it was gone just as quickly.
"You’re soaked through," she said instead, her voice softer. "Go and rest. You look like you’ve been crying."
I didn’t correct her.
The bath had long gone cold by the time I climbed out of it, and afterwards I sat by the window, wrapped in a robe.
The storm hadn’t finished with the night yet.
Thunder rolled somewhere in the distance.
A knock came at my door.
"Luna." Clara’s voice was hesitant. "There’s a man asking for you."
"I’m not receiving visitors."
"My Lady, he won’t leave. He’s soaked through. He won’t give his name."
I stood and changed into fresh clothes before opening the door to find Clara waiting.
"He won’t give his name, my Lady."
I nodded once.
"Lead me to him."
Moments later, I stepped out of the house, the rain heavier than ever. A figure stood outside the gates, soaked by the storm.
My brows furrowed, and then recognition flashed across my face.
"You?"
He dropped to his knees as though he had nothing left in the world, his shoulders slumped.
"My Luna..."
Recognition settled fully.
"You..."
Beta Tristan slowly lowered himself onto both knees despite the rain pouring over him.
His forehead bowed until it nearly touched the ground.
"My Luna," he whispered hoarsely.
I straightened, frowning. The hurt I had carried throughout the day vanished, replaced by something far colder.
"What are you doing here, Beta Tristan?"