Youth: You’re my Redemption
Chapter 15: From now on, you are both heaven and hell (3)
On the night Qin Lou returned home, a heavy rainstorm hit Q City. Thunder roared in the dark sky, and lightning cut through the clouds like a devil’s scythe.
Hoarse, twisted, cackling laughter echoed in his ears, torturing and tearing at his consciousness repeatedly.
Dark shadows loomed before him, and the cold, blade-like wind seemed to blow from hell itself. It swept over him, tearing his skin, slicing his muscles, and then rushing into his chest, turning his blood-red heart into a pulp.
Yet, Qin Lou walked numbly through the rain, thunder, and crowd.
The laughter of the demons that once tore him apart chased him again, roaring and howling around him, but there was no response or tremor anymore.
Madmen don’t laugh. Only silence. A madman had never been so quiet before.
This was before his world completely collapsed.
Outside the terminal, Qin Lou walked along the airport highway. Cars honked as they swerved around him, their powerful headlights piercing through his body and the darkness of the rain.
Curses and roars filled his ears:
“Are you crazy, walking here!?”
“Are you looking for death!”
“If you want to die, go somewhere else!!”
… Die?
Qin Lou moved his fingers. He stopped in the rain and looked up at the sky above. The clouds were low, seeming as if they would crush everything at any moment. Then the sky would fall and the earth would sink.
That wouldn’t be too bad. Then he could be buried in a huge grave with her. In eternal sleep, we will meet again.
Right, doll?
“—Young Master! Qin Lou, Young Master!”
Through the rain, a car screeched to a halt beside Qin Lou, and someone got out, opening a huge black umbrella. They ran to Qin Lou, panic-stricken and anxious.
“The rain is so heavy, please get in the car, Young Master!”
Qin Lou walked past him without expression and into the rain.
The person chased him in panic: “Young Master—”
“Qin Lou!” A furious and hoarse voice joined in the rain.
“Master Qin, please stay in the car. Your surgery was just recently completed; you must take care of your health.”
“Qin Lou!”
“……”
The figure did not stop even once, as if he had lost all senses and feelings. The young man walked numbly in the rain, his once straight shoulders now slightly hunched, like a walking corpse.
Qin Liang clutched the car door, his hand gripping tightly, the veins bulging on his wrinkled hand. His eyes were bloodshot and cloudy.
“Song Shu is being buried tomorrow—don’t you even want to see her one last time!?”
The figure in the rain trembled. Stopped.
Long after, without any warning, the boy in the rain suddenly bent over—he let out a hysterical scream from deep within his body.
It hurts.
Doll, it hurts so much.
How can it hurt this much?
The boy hunched over, clutching his chest and abdomen, bending over in pain. In the thunder and heavy rain, only his desperate and cathartic screams could be heard. The taste of blood filled his throat until he was so hoarse that he couldn’t make a sound anymore.
Finally, he couldn’t hold on and fell to his knees in the accumulating rain.
The laughter around him finally turned into the gentle comfort of a girl.
【I’m here.】
【I will save you, Qin Lou.】
【Why be afraid of you?】
【They are not me.】
【Little madman, don’t be afraid.】
【I’m here.】
【……】
You lied to me.
You lied to me.
You lied to me…
~
The heavy rain at the end of August had already lasted for two days, as if it would continue until the end of the world, with no sign of stopping.
On the evening of the 29th, at Jia’an Cemetery.
In front of a newly built tombstone, a few people in black clothes, holding black umbrellas, stood scattered.
A girl of about fifteen or sixteen with a buzz cut stood expressionless at the front.
Low murmurs came from the crowd behind her:
“She’s the only child left.”
“I heard she’s a relative from a collateral line, otherwise, who knows how she would manage in the future…”
“Yes, the money that Bai Song owed is still unaccounted for. If it were direct descendants, those creditors would go mad.”
“In a way, it’s good that Song Shu is gone. Otherwise, those people would probably have driven her to death.”
“Speaking of which, I heard the car accident was caused by a drunk driver. It happened at such a specific time, hitting that child…”
“Shh, you can’t say such things carelessly.”
“True.” Follow the newest chapters on g.com.
The voices were dampened by the rain and scattered by the wind.
Somber music floated heavily through the cemetery.
A few figures walked up the stone steps.
“Hey, the Qin family is here.”
“Mr. Qin is really kind-hearted. The Qin family must be suffering a lot this time, yet he still comes to see this child.”
“Bai Song was really something. Mr. Qin treated her so well…”
“Yes, she got herself into an accident and died, but the Qin family was left in a terrible state because of her.”
Luan Qiaoqing, who had been standing there stiffly, turned her head. Through the rain that blurred her vision, the group from the Qin family approached slowly.
Leading them was a boy.
Dressed in a black Zhongshan suit, with pale skin and dark eyes. His handsome features showed no emotion, pale and numb.
Luan Qiaoqing stared at him for a few seconds, then suddenly broke down.
She lunged forward, her hands clenched into fists, pounding on the boy’s shoulders and body while crying bitterly:
“Why did you come back so late!? My sister called you, why didn’t you answer? What’s the use of coming back now—what’s the use!?”
“……”
The Qin family members who accompanied him stepped forward to stop her, but Qin Liang restrained them.
Qin Lou did not dodge or defend himself.
He stood there numbly, staring motionlessly at the tombstone.
Her name was engraved on the stone.
And there was a small photograph of her, he didn’t know when it was taken. In the black-and-white frame, the girl looked quietly at the camera, her features exactly as he remembered.
He seemed to still feel the warmth of her palm on his head from the day at the airport.
【Little madman, don’t be afraid.】
【I’m here.】
…It must be very cold down there.
The little madman has come to take you home. Shall we go home, doll?
The boy slowly blinked.
Luan Qiaoqing, exhausted, collapsed by the tombstone, crying uncontrollably on the gravel path. Qin Lou then slowly moved his legs and walked toward the newly built tombstone.
In those few short meters, it felt as if he had walked through an entire lifetime.
When he finally stopped, the boy could no longer support his hunched body and knelt in the soft, damp soil.
He touched the cold, sharp edges of the tombstone. His dry eyes could no longer produce tears, only reddening and darkening, as if blood were about to seep out.
“Song Shu…”
From his hoarse throat, he forced out a tiny sound.
“Song Shu…”
His fingers gripped the tombstone tightly, and blood slowly oozed from beneath his nails.
“Song Shu…”
He finally fell to the ground, his pale forehead resting on the wet, muddy earth. His voice was cracked, hoarse, and utterly despairing. In that low, soft voice, it sounded as if countless people were crying out in heart-wrenching grief.
The crying tore his insides to pieces.
Underneath his shell, there was nothing but a pool of pus and blood.
On August 29, 2010, Song Shu was buried.
The part of Qin Lou that was most human also died on this day.
~
After that day, Qin Lou fell seriously ill and did not get out of bed for a month.
Qin Liang’s old friend, the doctor, went in and out with a sigh. Then the two elderly men had a furious argument in the study for half an hour.
Soon, the servants spread the word that the young master, who would not even turn eighteen until next year, was dying, and the doctor had advised Mr. Qin to prepare for the worst, which led to the argument.
Then Luan Qiaoqing came to the Qin family.
She said she had something to show Qin Lou, something left by her sister that could save him.
The Qin family’s servants hurriedly ushered her in.
In the dim bedroom, both figures on and off the sickbed, who had not seen each other for a month had become unrecognizably thin in the past month.
Qin Lou was in worse shape.
The young man lay in the thick, soft bedding, his face deathly pale, his eyes closed, silent and motionless, like a corpse.
Luan Qiaoqing’s last bit of resentment toward him dissipated. She reached out and placed a crumpled piece of paper on the bedside table, her voice hoarse: “After the car accident, when my sister was severely injured and hospitalized, I only saw her once. She couldn’t even hold a pen properly, but she still wrote this for me, insisting I give it to you… Read it yourself.”
With red-rimmed eyes, Luan Qiaoqing turned and left.
The room returned to its dead silence.
A long time later, a frighteningly thin hand slowly reached out from under the covers, trying several times before picking up the note.
In the dim light of the bedside lamp, the handwriting on the note was crooked but carefully numbered as if taking notes.
Take care of her.
You have to live until you’re 88, otherwise, it will be a great loss for both of us.
“……”
The boy’s numb pupils trembled slightly, then his arm, and then his entire body, shaking almost convulsively, his face contorted.
He bowed his head silently.
“Alright…”
The corners of the boy’s dry lips slowly curved up.
“I promise you.”
This was the last time in his life he promised her.
~
Nine years later.
On the top floor terrace of Vio Capital, a private outdoor party was underway.
Kang Linshen, his face flushed from drinking, raised his glass and laughed, “So it turns out, President Qin avoids all romantic entanglements because of his first love—tsk tsk, there were always rumors that you had some unspeakable problem!”
“Linshen, you’ve had too much to drink… stop talking so much!”
His friend beside him tugged at him, nervously glancing at the spot where Kang Linshen was raising his glass, forcing a smile.
“Apologies, Master Lou. Linshen, I mean, the second son of the Kang family, is like this when he drinks, he doesn’t know his limits. Please don’t take it to heart.”
“What’s there to fear? He’s just speaking the truth.”
A nonchalant chuckle came from the sofa.
A young man, about twenty-five or twenty-six, was slouched in a soft leather sofa, his purple-dyed hair standing out even in the dim light.
He leaned forward, emerging from the shadows, revealing a strikingly handsome face that contrasted sharply with his hair—
Cold, pale skin, long, slightly upturned eyes, a high nose bridge, and lean cheeks with an attractive bone structure. Although he was smiling, there was an inexplicable coldness in his eyes.
“President Qin is indeed easy-going.”
“If everyone were as agreeable as Master Lou, there wouldn’t be any business deals that couldn’t be made, right?”
“Hahaha, that’s true…”
The crowd chimed in with flattery, and the evening drifted by amidst the clinking of glasses and exchanging of toasts.
As the night deepened, the guests dispersed, leaving only the waitstaff to clean up the mess from the open-air party.
The night breeze was quiet.
The specially invited singer was softly performing his final song:
“I willingly fall from grace.”
“Death is the destination.”
“Decadence is the release…”
Qin Lou, alone on the sofa, suddenly burst into laughter. He laughed so hard he nearly cried.
When he finally stopped, the singer and the waitstaff had already fled in fear.
Then the sofa beside him sank.
“What are you laughing at, so happily?”
“…”
Qin Lou glanced over and scoffed lightly, “I thought Little Han was done with these kinds of parties. Why show up at the end?”
“I heard you went abroad for a month looking for a blurry figure in a newspaper photo, afraid of what might happen.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that one day you’ll get desperate and jump off this 23rd floor with a bottle in your hand.”
“Hahahaha…”
Qin Lou laughed again, this time for a long while before stopping.
Han Shi couldn’t bring himself to laugh, frowning as he watched him, “It’s been nine years since Song Shu passed. Can’t you let it go? Why are you still so hard on yourself?”
Qin Lou’s expression turned indifferent, as if the one laughing moments ago was a different person.
His gaze shifted from the wine glass in his hand to the red LED screen at the edge of the terrace.
It flashed a blood-red light.
【2019.08.12】
After staring for a few seconds, Qin Lou silently curled his lips.
“If the day comes that I do jump, make sure to laugh at my funeral—because that will mean I’ve finally let go and freed myself.”
Han Shi sighed, giving up on persuasion, and leaned back.
“Fine, when that day comes, I’ll laugh heartily at your funeral. But until then, tell me, is there anything else I can do for you?”
“…”
Qin Lou set down his wine glass, his smile fading, his tone becoming serious.
“When that day comes, go to her grave and tell her something for me.”
“Tell her what?”
“Just tell her…”
Qin Lou’s face lit up with longing, and for a moment, he looked like that seventeen or eighteen-year-old boy again.
“Doll, the madman has finally come to take you home.”
~
From then on, you are both my hell and my heaven.
【Prologue: You’re my redemption, End.】
【Postscipt】
“Without you, everything and everyone in this world, including myself, living or dead, is just… dreadfully boring.”
—Qin Lou
Sansukini: Ahhh…. my tears won’t stop flowing (ￗ﹏ￗ).
This ends the first arc. If Song Shu didn’t write him those two things, he would have let himself die. And did you guys notice the second note, “2. You have to live until you’re 88, otherwise, it will be a great loss for both of us.” I think that should be a clue that she’d be back.