Youth: You’re my Redemption
Chapter 5: No One is You (1)
At the end of summer in 2004, the buzzing of cicadas brewed an impending storm that would last several days. Thunder roared within the thick, oppressive clouds, and the wind tore the jasmine flowers in the courtyard to pieces. One petal was blown to the floor-to-ceiling window on the second floor.
Through the glass, the petal silently flipped in front of Song Shu, covered in the damages left by the wind and rain.
This was young Song Shu’s first night after moving into the house in the city.
According to the original plan, they were supposed to arrive a few days later. However, after a storm warning, Song Shu was suddenly told that their schedule had been moved up.
Before she could fully comprehend the situation, she had already arrived at the house.
Qin Lou did not make an appearance.
Song Shu could sense that everything about this house was unusual. The few servants present moved hurriedly with solemn expressions, as if they were about to face some terrifying disaster.
And all of this was related to Qin Lou.
“Shu Shu, Auntie brought your dinner in. Is it okay to place it on the table?”
“…”
A voice came from the room behind her. Song Shu slowly shifted her gaze away from the petal. She turned around and looked toward the middle of the room.
Unlike the dark and gloomy world outside, the light inside was bright and warm. Standing by the table was Auntie Lin Yaqi, who was specially arranged by Qin Liang to take care of her daily needs.
Lin Yaqi had a warm smile and pleasant appearance. After spending some time with the Qin family’s main household, Song Shu grew somewhat fond of her. But even this gentle woman couldn’t hide the restlessness and anxiety in her eyes tonight.
Song Shu lowered her eyes, walked over, and quietly sat down at the table to start her meal.
She was not a child who liked to explore others’ inner worlds. Her curiosity was never strong, and it was rarely aroused by people or events.
She dislikes taking the initiative to ask questions.
One of the reasons Song Shu likes Lin Yaqi is because Lin Yaqi speaks gently to her about things, and doesn’t get impatient or displeased just because she is quiet for a while.
But tonight, Lin Yaqi is a bit different.
After clearing away Song Shu’s used tableware, just before making her final trip out of the room, Lin Yaqi stops at the door.
She pauses for about five seconds, then turns back and says, “Shu Shu.”
Song Shu looks up from the table.
Lin Yaqi says, “There might be thunder tonight, you know?”
Song Shu nods.
“After the thunder, no matter what sounds or movements you hear, just stay in bed and lie under the covers—okay?”
“…”
Song Shu quietly looks at Lin Yaqi.
Just when Lin Yaqi thinks the girl won’t say anything and prepares to leave, she hears Song Shu ask,
“Whose voice?”
Lin Yaqi was stunned. It was the first time she had heard Song Shu ask a question on her own initiative. Then she heard the second sentence:
“Is it Qin Lou?”
At this point, Lin Yaqi finally regained her composure. A rare hint of embarrassment appeared on her face, deeper still, as if interwoven with some fear and avoidance.
“Shu Shu, Auntie knows you and Young Master Qin Lou have a good relationship, but he…” Those potentially malicious words toward a child ultimately did not come out of the mouth of this gentle woman. Lin Yaqi shook her head. “Promise Auntie, tonight no matter what sounds you hear or things you see, don’t pay attention to them, don’t go out, okay?”
The girl remained silent.
After a long time, she slowly nodded.
“I understand.”
Lin Yaqi smiled with relief and turned to leave the room.
~
The thunder started in the middle of the night.
At first, it was distant, then one clap followed another, drawing nearer.
Song Shu climbed out from under the covers, not turning on the lights, leaving the room in deep darkness. In this darkness, the girl sat silently in the middle of the bed, hugging her knees.
She was waiting.
She was waiting for whatever was about to happen, whether it was a sound or an event, related to Qin Lou.
Because it was Qin Lou.
And then she waited no longer.
Grand symphonic music and the relentless pounding of rain against the window glass, mixed with the booming thunder and the hoarse laughter of a young man—like the opening moment of a grand theatrical performance—all these immense sounds tore through the thick black night outside the window.
Song Shu suddenly shuddered.
She leaped off the bed, stepping onto the cold floor, and ran to the window. She pulled back a corner of the heavy blackout curtains, revealing the torrential rain beating against the floor-to-ceiling windows.
In the courtyard below, the arched corridors were dimly lit.
Like flickering candlelight, struggling, trembling, and flickering amidst the torrential rain, thunder, and grand music.
In the center of the courtyard, amidst the torrential downpour, the young man ran wildly, laughing, and jumping. Thunder and lightning tore the sky apart above him with booming roars. The poignant and grand symphonic music served as his rhythm and background music. The young man held a long stick in his hand, striking heavily on the metal barrels overturned in the courtyard.
“Bang! Bang! Bang—”
The dull yet piercing metallic vibrations echoed through the curtain of rain, mixing with countless thunderclaps and the downpour, creating noises that seemed to scrape against eardrums, like screams and wails only heard in hell.
Amidst these screams and wails, under this immense stage, the sole “actor” in the vast thunder and torrential rain laughed maniacally.
He laughed with trembling, his face contorted into a grimace, hoarse and hysterical.
He laughed until he couldn’t anymore, collapsing in the mud washed by the pouring rain, covered in dirt, yet still laughing.
Who said only tears could express pain?
In the midst of the downpour, the young man was in agony, laughing.
Like a madman, like a devil.
Completely, irreversibly.
It was only at this moment that Song Shu felt an overwhelming shock and a profound realization—he was unlike anyone else in this world.
The adults were right, he wasn’t normal.
…But it wasn’t just that he wasn’t normal.
In the pouring rain, he laughed hysterically, as if going insane. He seemed like he was on a deserted island.
Song Shu could hear it.
He wasn’t laughing.
He was crying.
He wasn’t laughing.
He was screaming for help.
~
He was going to die.
Who would save this madman?
No one responded, no one paid him any attention.
It was as if in this vast world, only Song Shu could hear.
Song Shu let go of the curtains, which she had unconsciously clenched so tightly they were almost torn apart. She turned and ran towards the door, not even bothering to put on her slippers.
The hallway was so quiet—amidst the deafening thunder and mad laughter reverberating through the entire house, it seemed like all the servants lived in another world—silent, unable to hear any sound or see anyone. Song Shu stumbled and staggered down the stairs alone.
She fell onto the carpet, bruises and pains all over her body, but she couldn’t remember the pain. All she remembered was the need to run out—
The madman who had once held her tightly when she trembled, he was calling for help.
But no one answered him.
Everyone avoided him like a snake or a scorpion, everyone treated him as a madman.
How desperate must he be to laugh like this?
Song Shu kept running, finally stumbling down the stairs, rushing through the living room. With all her strength, she pushed open the hall door and climbed over the courtyard fence.
She dashed into the roaring thunder and pouring rain.
She stopped beside the young man lying in the downpour and mud.
She crouched down.
The young man lying on the ground had long lost his strength. His eyes were closed, and he had never been this quiet before. He lay there pale, like a wind-up doll whose mechanism had been removed, like the clown who died in the center of the stage after the audience had left.
The torrential rain washed over him, thunder roared, but there was no sign of life.
Beside his hand lay the iron rod, and next to it, the metal barrels he had crazily beaten were now dented and hollow.
All those barrels had toppled over.
Revealing dark, gaping, abyss-like holes.
Just large enough to accommodate a child’s body.
If it were a child of six or seven, they could even curl up inside, completely hidden within the airtight metal barrel.
There was no escape…
He had returned to that most desperate darkness.
The thunder that could tear people apart, the rain pounding on the barrels, countless malicious, devilish laughs, the hammering sound of countless iron rods surrounding the barrels, as if striking him, the lonely hysterical cries for help…
In the darkness, everything was amplified to the maximum.
Only fear and despair remained.
No one in this world would come to save him.
Not in the past, not now, not ever…
No one would save him.
Fear and despair could devour a simple and innocent child without leaving a trace.
Leaving behind only a madman who would forever live in nightmares.
Endless torment, wounds torn open and bleeding, tears cried dry, malicious laughter, and a heart grown cold and numb from being pushed off the cliff.
They formed his world before being brought back to the Qin family.
It wasn’t like hell.
It was hell itself.
On every stormy night, the demons locked within that hell would emerge from his memories, laughing hoarsely as they knocked on his door.
Sansukini: It’s so heartbreaking. Everyone just thought he’s a lunatic, nobody tried to understand his pain. I mean, he’s just a little kid at this point.
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