Song Zhiluan naturally settled into the Commander's tent. After taking medicine at noon, she didn't wake until evening.
Zhinu timed it perfectly. The moment she lifted the tent flap, Song Zhiluan's eyes fluttered open.
By the flickering candlelight, Song Zhiluan propped herself up on an elbow and exchanged a meaningful glance with Zhinu, who peeked toward the inner chamber and nodded in understanding before setting down the medicine bowl and leaving.
Song Zhiluan was actually much better. Zhinu's medicine had always been effective, and after taking it, she slept soundly, waking refreshed. Feeling comfortable, she immediately wanted to cling to Xie Yujin again. Seeing him emerge from the washroom, she feigned weakness, her voice barely a whisper, "Cough, cough… Xie Yujin, bring me my medicine."
Xie Yujin brought the medicine bowl to her.
Song Zhiluan cracked one eye open, glanced at the bowl, then closed it again. "It hurts too much. I can't hold it. Someone needs to feed me."
Xie Yujin studied her face. The sickly pallor hadn't faded from her brow, and her lips were still pale. The sight stirred an uncontrollable anger within him.
Causing trouble at a time like this.
Seeing the young man sit by her bedside and scoop a spoonful toward her, Song Zhiluan turned her face away and wrapped her arms around his waist. "When Yunu and the others feed me medicine, they always hold me. I can't drink it like this."
Xie Yujin said flatly, "I'll call them."
Song Zhiluan quickly sat up, drank the spoonful he held, and without a word climbed onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm sick! Can't you just indulge me? We've already touched and kissed everywhere—what's wrong with holding me to feed me medicine?"
Xie Yujin called her by her full name: "Song Zhiluan."
Not wanting to anger him further, Song Zhiluan relented. At least Xie Yujin didn't push her away, simply holding her as he fed her. But she couldn't stay still. After a few sips, she snatched the spoon and fed him a mouthful, asking curiously, "Is this medicine bitter?"
His expression remained unchanged. "Bitter."
As soon as he spoke, Song Zhiluan dabbed a bit of the medicine on her lips and kissed the corner of his mouth, grinning. "Wrong. It's sweet."
After saying this, she took another sip, kissed him, and asked, "What does it taste like now?"
The night breeze rustled gently. Song Zhiluan's eyes shone brighter than the moonlight, intense enough to sear one's gaze.
He averted his eyes and covered hers with his hand.
Song Zhiluan froze, seemingly puzzled.
After a long moment, Xie Yujin finally said, "Sweet."
"If it's sweet, why cover my eyes?" Under Song Zhiluan's protest, Xie Yujin removed his hand. His gaze seemed different now, as if infused with the depth of the night.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Unable to withstand his intense stare, Song Zhiluan's body reacted before her mind could. She downed the remaining medicine in one go, then kissed his eyelids and laughed. "Quick, carry me to the bath. I'll let you taste something even sweeter."
Her flushed earlobes betrayed her thoughts.
As she squirmed restlessly in Xie Yujin's embrace, he suddenly tightened his arm around her waist and nipped her earlobe—not too hard, not too gentle, the friction teasingly intimate.
She froze, momentarily forgetting how to react.
Her heart raced wildly, as if about to leap from her chest.
Xie Yujin was kissing her.
"Mmm, I've tasted it."
"What a miscalculation!"
Song Zhiluan stepped out of the carriage, looked at the estate before her, and kicked a pebble at her feet.
She was wondering why Xie Yujin had suddenly kissed her last night—after all these years of marriage, it was the first time he'd taken such initiative! Seduced by his striking looks, Song Zhiluan responded eagerly, and before she could even bathe, they tumbled onto the bed together.
But just as she reached to undo his robes, he scooped her up and carried her to the washroom.
After that, Song Zhiluan's mind grew heavy, and she lost consciousness.
When she came to, she was already in a carriage. According to Yunu and Zhinu, Xie Yujin had set out with his troops at dawn, sending soldiers to escort them to the nearest village.
The two rows of guards worked with practiced efficiency. Watching them lead her familiarly into a farmhouse, Song Zhiluan grumbled, "He must have planned to send me away all along—he even arranged this room in advance. And this window is drafty. Couldn't he have found a better one?"
Yunu, having experienced real combat on the battlefield, had far sharper instincts in these matters than Song Zhiluan.
General Xie, as commander, was heading west with all his troops, indicating a major battle was imminent. This village lay to the east, protected by natural barriers to the north and south, making it the safest location for now. Having the soldiers change into coarse cloth clothes was also a safety precaution.
Opening the door, Zhinu set the bundle on the table first. "Your Highness, I'll go next door later to fetch some rice paste to seal the window. Though small, this room is quite clean—it must have been tidied up."
Song Zhiluan wasn't really concerned about the room's cleanliness; she'd lived in worse conditions. She was just displeased at having been tricked by Xie Yujin's "beauty trap."
After nearly five years of marriage, she had thought he'd finally developed feelings for her.
It was somewhat embarrassing to admit, but their intimate moments were few and far between. Though she enjoyed playful affection, Xie Yujin always remained aloof and restrained, even capable of leaving midway if duty called. Over time, her pride made her pretend disinterest too.
So when Xie Yujin initiated that kiss yesterday, she truly hadn't known where to put her hands, trembling like a girl experiencing first love.
Little did she know he just wanted her gone.
Thus, Xie Yujin employed a foolproof method—one she couldn't resist: using himself as bait to drug her into unconsciousness.
"Understood," Song Zhiluan muttered gloomily.
The northern weather had turned cold, trees standing bare as unnamed black birds perched on branches. Withered yellow leaves littered the cracked soil.
At night, the wind whistled through brittle grass, the sound carrying all the way to Song Zhiluan's ears.
The air carried a scent of decay and withering.
She sat up, hugging her quilt.
The moonlight was so blue that staring at it too long made her vision blur as if buried in snow, everything appearing coated in thick ice.
The surroundings seemed to shift endlessly, like her memories flickering through time.
In her memories, she found a bridge.
That stone bridge, built in some forgotten dynasty, was slick with thick moss that sent Song Zhiluan stumbling repeatedly. She trudged unevenly along the riverbank, fresh snow filling her new shoes.
"Has anyone seen a child who looks like this!"
Crouching beneath the bridge, she peered terrified through tall grass at their bloodstained blades.
When she was disobedient as a child, her father would frighten her with tales of the tiger emblem on Northern Dynasty banners—nightmares that haunted her for years.
Now those nightmares had become reality.
Fortunately, they didn't discover Song Zhiluan. The spot was dark and damp, too narrow to seemingly hide anyone, but six-year-old Song Zhiluan just managed to squeeze in.
The sky grew increasingly dark.
Before hiding under the stone bridge, Song Zhiluan encountered a merchant woman who seemed to recognize her. The woman appeared terrified and nearly cried out, but Song Zhiluan quickly grabbed her arm, removing her own valuable accessories to offer them to the woman's young daughter held in her arms.
Normally eloquent, Song Zhiluan now spoke haltingly, whispering, "Sister, please save me."
The merchant woman stared at her in fear and shock. Just when Song Zhiluan thought she was doomed, the woman suddenly pushed her into the cart.
"Child, hide in the wooden barrel quickly."
Song Zhiluan crawled inside.
"Thank you, sister."
But the city gates were heavily guarded, with even Northern Dynasty merchants undergoing thorough inspections.
Realizing she couldn't remain hidden, Song Zhiluan told the merchant woman: "I can't get through. Sister, please deliver this bead bracelet to my father in neighboring Yecheng. It was my mother's keepsake – when he sees it, he'll come rescue me. I'll wait by the riverbank. He'll know which river."
Two days had passed since then.
Song Zhiluan had survived on melted snow for two days, with day and night becoming indistinguishable in her eyes. The daytime sun felt as cold as the moon. One day, as she scooped river water, it suddenly felt warm, as if all her meridians were unfolding.
She knew her body was failing, yet she couldn't resist immersing half her body in the water.
Then she lay down completely.
Dying warmly like this would be better than being torn apart by tigers, she thought.
But she opened her eyes again, detecting a familiar scent, finding herself resting against a slender back.
"Sister."
Song Heyan was carrying her on her back, trudging step by step toward the village. Perhaps because her voice was too weak, Song Zhiluan had to call several times before Song Heyan heard. Song Heyan immediately set her down, touching her forehead with trembling hands before embracing her tearfully.
"Ah Luan, you scared me to death."
Song Zhiluan clung tightly to her, as if Song Heyan were a dream.
Finally, she began weeping quietly.
Song Heyan quickly wiped her tears, comforting her: "Don't be afraid. Sister will definitely bring you home."
Song Zhiluan covered her mouth while crying, her stomach growling loudly. Feeling embarrassed, she watched as Song Heyan produced a flatbread from her robe.
It was cold and slightly sour.
But to Song Zhiluan, this bread looked more delicious than any delicacy.
"Aunt Qin made this bread," Song Zhiluan happily took a bite. "Sister, has father returned then?"
Song Heyan didn't answer. Only after Song Zhiluan finished eating did she silently lift her onto her back and take several steps forward.
Seeing their direction, Song Zhiluan urgently said: "They've been searching this area frequently these past few days. It's dangerous."
Song Heyan glanced at the dark woods and village, suppressing her fear as she spoke with difficulty: "Alright, then let's enter the woods."
"Is father in the woods?"
Song Heyan remained silent, teardrops the size of beans falling onto Song Zhiluan's hand.
"Father isn't coming, Ah Luan," Song Zhiluan heard her say. "But we will survive."
Only partially understanding, Song Zhiluan asked: "Then when will father come for us?"
Hearing her sister's childish question, Song Heyan spoke no more, carrying her through the heavy snowfall as she suppressed her sorrow and entered the forest.
What awaited them, nobody knew.
That night, Song Zhiluan and Song Heyan huddled together for warmth.
Only then did she understand what "isn't coming" meant.
They had been abandoned by their father.
In this endless nightmare.
Song Zhiluan hugged herself tightly, gazing through the window lattice at the whitening horizon in the west. That indescribable fear and despair of abandonment had accompanied her through many winter nights in the Imperial City, where only the all-night revelry and clamor could temporarily quench her thirst like poisoned wine.
It was the exact same situation all over again.
Her father had left her at Changbai Slope for her safety, and Xie Yujin had also sent her to this village for her safety.
Why must they always leave her behind? Even dying in a dangerous place would be a hundred times better than this tormenting fear. Aside from her sister, she didn't believe anyone else would risk everything to save her—she didn't believe Xie Yujin would either.
No matter how nicely they put it, she was safest when she was by their side.
"That bastard Xie Yujin," Song Zhiluan murmured to herself, "he's going to make me lose sleep again."
She got up, intending to ask Zhinu for some calming pills.
When she pushed the door open, golden light was already spreading across the sky.
Xie Yujin, seated on his horse, spotted her at first glance.
Song Zhiluan's pupils gradually focused.
The sunlight was hazy, as if spilling from some high, distant place, weaving into an immense, beautiful dream.
She remembered how long ago, a young man had also sat atop a tall horse, lost in thought, and called out her name from among the beggars on the bridge.
No one had called her that in a long time.
She had almost forgotten her own name.
Her mother had said she was the green luan bird on the branch.
"Song Zhiluan?"
Song Zhiluan seemed rooted to the spot, something subtle shifting in the depths of her eyes. She should have smiled, but at that moment, a grander sense of destiny stunned her into stillness.
She had turned into wood too.
"Why have you come back?"
Xie Yujin dismounted and approached her, complexity swirling in his eyes. "Afraid to die?"
Song Zhiluan shook her head, then nodded.
Xie Yujin raised an eyebrow, whether he understood her meaning or not. "If you're afraid to die, then stay close to me."
Gradually coming to her senses, Song Zhiluan tried to regain control of her body, embracing Xie Yujin as tears fell with a blink.
Softly, she said, "Okay."
If there was anyone in this world she could still trust, someone who would rush to her like a moth to flame,
Then she hoped that person would be Xie Yujin.
She was equally willing to be the lover who would throw caution to the wind for him.