“Uncle, are you a little bit mean?”
ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
“It’s been half an hour. What is little Yubao looking at? Is there someone in the sky?”
“My guess is she’s waiting for the plane her parents are on~”
Yan Xingli thought it wasn’t good to just wait like this. He put down his book and walked over to ruffle the child’s hair.
“Have Mom and Dad set off yet?”
Qi Youyu tilted her round head back. “No, Mom and Dad are still pulling weeds at the dinosaurs’ home.”
“How about you ask them when they’re leaving, so you don’t have to wait by the window?”
Yuyu sat up and pointed a small finger out the window. “Uncle, I’m watching the birds.”
“Birds are so lucky. They can play outside and go wherever they want.”
Yan Xingli said, “You want to go out and play, don’t you?”
“I didn’t say that.” Qi Youyu shook her head with an air of pretend seriousness, her little hands placed properly on her knees, her black eyes sparkling. “But I would be happy to accompany *you* out to play.”
Yan Xingli: “Well, thank you very much.”
Ten minutes later, Yuyu was clutching a newly delivered fluffy dress, refusing to let go. “I *want* to wear this dress out!”
Yan Xingli had a headache.
This dress was a new release from Brand A. He had intended to give it to the child as a farewell gift. He’d heard that Cang’ai Planet was warm and spring-like all year round, so this dress would be perfect.
“It’s very cold outside. It’s minus three degrees.”
“I’m not afraid! With my Little Apple, I won’t be cold.”
“Alright, since you like it, wear it out.”
Yan Xingli figured, since the child was going back to her home planet anyway, he’d let her have her way for once.
Qi Youyu cheered. Finally, she wouldn’t have to go out bundled up like a dumpling. She was going to play freely in the snowy wonderland!
“Is Yan Xingli crazy? Is the child clueless, or is he? She’s his own niece! Doesn’t he care at all?”
“That’s a summer dress! Wearing that out will freeze her to death!”
Xiaohua used a ribbon to tie Yuyu’s hair into a bun and pinned an apple-shaped hair clip on her head. This was the “Little Apple” she kept talking about.
Only the three of them knew that the Little Apple wasn’t actually a hair clip, but a warming chip.
Wearing the warming chip was like soaking in a hot spring. Even if she went to the South Pole and had a snowball fight naked, she wouldn’t feel the slightest chill.
This was a little invention Qi Youyu had tinkered with before coming to Earth, just in case.
“Uncle, come here. I’ll put a Little Grape on you.”
The child was holding a purple grape-shaped hair clip, trying to pin it in Yan Xingli’s hair.
Yan Xingli waved his hands repeatedly. “I don’t need it. I can stand the cold.”
One child going out in summer clothes in the dead of winter was enough. He preferred to go with the flow. Better to avoid standing out.
Little did Yan Xingli know that because of this decision, netizens were tearing him to shreds.
“If you’re so tough, why don’t you go out in a tank top and sandals??”
“Exactly! You’re bundled up tight, but you let the kid wear so little? How can you say that? I’m not joking, I’m seriously considering calling the police.”
Wearing her fluffy dress and little sandals, Qi Youyu went out, followed by worried gazes from the audience.
Knowing they’d face many condemning looks along the way, Yan Xingli wisely carried the child the whole time, quickly heading downstairs and strapping her into the car.
Yan Xingli didn’t know if people three hundred years in the future drank nutrient solutions, but since they didn’t even have seafood, there probably weren’t many tasty things to eat.
“Do you want some seafood sauce?”
“How about some dried squid? You can use it for soup or porridge.”
“Can you take live fish fry up there? If you can, I’ll buy you some to raise. Once they grow up, you can eat them.”
Yuyu’s Little Fish was quite spacious. Yan Xingli basically bought anything that caught his eye on the spot. If the car couldn’t fit it, he’d ask the store to deliver it.
Observant netizens noticed that most of the items were seafood. Dried seafood was one thing, but buying fish fry to raise seemed rather odd.
“Where is Yuyu from? Sounds like they don’t have fish. Even in the arid northwest, there are seafood markets and grilled fish shops everywhere.”
“I always feel like the uncle and niece’s conversations are a bit strange.”
After Yan Xingli and Yuyu finished their trip to the seafood market, besides the lobsters and groupers they were having for dinner that they carried themselves, everything else was on its way for delivery.
Xiaohua was going to be busy.
The uncle and niece swaggered in and out of malls and food streets. As the crowds grew denser, Yan Xingli felt increasingly self-conscious.
He whispered to the child, “Yuyu, it’s windy out. I have a jacket in the car. Want to put it on?”
“I don’t want to!”
“Uncle, if I put a Little Grape on you, you won’t be cold.”
Yan Xingli: “I don’t want that.”
“See, you’re not listening again.” Qi Youyu gave him a helpless look and patted his head like a ball. “I just don’t know what to do with you.”
Yan Xingli studied her closely.
The child’s complexion was still rosy, and she felt warm and soft like a freshly baked bun in his arms. It seemed the cold wind didn’t bother her.
He had to give up. As long as she didn’t get sick.
But there’s such a thing as “adults think you’re cold.” Yuyu was now a somewhat famous child star. Many motherly and sisterly fans, seeing her in thin clothing, her white, plump arms exposed like segments of lotus root, shivered on her behalf.
“Aunties and sisters, I’m not cold.”
“I have my Little Apple.”
Yuyu lowered her head and pointed to the apple clip in her hair. “This is Yuyu’s invention. It turns me into a little heater that isn’t afraid of the cold. But Uncle won’t let me tell anyone.”
Did his telling her not to tell work? It still slipped out.
Yan Xingli smiled politely.
The uncle and niece shopped extensively at various malls. Yan Xingli carried the child, switching arms frequently, his arms feeling heavy as if weighed down by lemons, while the child’s shoes remained spotless.
Yan Xingli couldn’t take it anymore and found a place to sit and rest in the mall.
He felt something hard in his shoe. Wondering how a pebble got into his shoe at the mall, he took it off and shook it.
Yuyu watched him bend over to shake out the pebble. She gently held his hand.
“Uncle, this little stone wants to wear your shoe. It likes you.”
“Thank it for its affection, but I find it a bit presumptuous.”
“It wants to invite you to play on the spaceship.”
Yan Xingli paused, his eyes holding a hint of confusion. Was the child hinting at the origin of this stone?
He had, after all, under the child’s enthusiastic invitation last night, toured the Little Fish again, herded sheep with her on the grassland for half an hour, and ridden a horse for ten minutes.
“Uncle, let’s go time travel, mmph.”
Yan Xingli: “Shh.”
The child looked at him with innocent eyes.
The uncle and niece, who had been inseparable moments before, now faced a crisis in their friendship.
“Okay, don’t be mad.” Yan Xingli’s eighteenth attempt to hold the child’s hand failed.
He crouched down and gently poked her chubby arm. “Will buying it for you make it better?”
“No, no.”
“If buying it won’t work, what will?”
“You don’t even know why I’m upset.”
Yan Xingli was exasperated. He didn’t understand why the child insisted on that ugly poop-shaped hat. But if she had fallen in love with it at first sight, he should have just paid for it instead of saying anything.
Yan Xingli: “Aren’t you mad because I didn’t agree to buy you the hat?”
“That’s only a little bit why. Not all of it.”
“Then why?”
The child huffed loudly but wouldn’t tell her uncle.
Yan Xingli stared at the round bun on the back of Yuyu’s head and sighed, muttering, “Never seen such a temperamental little terracotta warrior.”
Yuyu whipped her head around.
Yan Xingli quickly put on an appeasing smile.
Yuyu clenched her little fists and bumped her head against his chin. Only after hearing his exaggerated “ouch” did she feel slightly better.
Then she glared and snorted softly: “I didn’t use force. My head just gently kissed you.”
Yan Xingli quickly said a few more soothing words. Finally, the child relented and spoke grudgingly:
“It’s because you covered my mouth with your hand earlier.”
Yan Xingli was shocked. Those two incidents were at least ten minutes apart. How could they be connected?
“Uncle, you know, we humans need to be hygienic and clean.”
Yuyu pouted her chubby face accusingly. “You used the hand that touched your shoe to cover my mouth, and you said my hat was ugly. Tell me, are you a little bit mean?”
“Yeah, that *was* mean of me.”
Yan Xingli took Yuyu back to the previous store and bought the poop-shaped hat. The knit hat was very stretchy and fit Yuyu’s big head easily. Though the shape was a bit odd, it suited her.
The child sat on her uncle’s strong, broad shoulders, happily swinging her poop hat and humming a little tune.
Her regal demeanor made other children on the street jealous. A little boy pestered his father to give him a shoulder ride. The father looked at his own chubby son, then at the soft, adorable Yuyu, and coldly snatched the ice cream from his son’s hand and ate it himself.
“Eating ice cream and still wanting more? Let’s go home and do homework.”
The boy immediately burst into tears.
Sitting high up, Yuyu had a good view. She spotted a bustling food street from afar and patted Yan Xingli’s head to direct him.
“I want to eat that!”
It was a stall selling takoyaki. The line was pretty long, so it probably tasted good.
Yan Xingli felt relieved. He quickly put the child down. “Okay.”
“Yuyu, do you dare to buy it yourself?”
“I dare! I’m very brave.”
Yan Xingli: “Good. Here’s my phone. You go order and pay.”
Taking her uncle’s phone, Yuyu felt like a secret agent on a critical mission. She silently repeated “takoyaki” in her mind and marched confidently to line up at the stall.
Most of the passersby recognized her and happily let her cut in line. Yuyu thanked each one.
Finally, she shouted in her clear, high-pitched little voice: “Hello, miss! Please give me a serving of *cockroach* balls!”
The child was short, barely reaching the height of the food stall. The young woman running the stall didn’t see her at first, only heard the adorable, milky voice, until a pair of small hands waved.
“Excuse me, I’m down here, not in the sky.”
Only then did she see the child wearing a poop-shaped hat, looking at her with sparkling eyes.
The young stall owner immediately recognized her. She was pleasantly surprised but also found it amusing.
“Yuyu baby, I don’t have cockroach balls here. Only takoyaki, octopus balls.”
Qi Youyu: “Ah, yes! Takoyaki!”
The child knocked on her own head, then clasped her little hands together shyly. “My little brain is a bit foggy today. It must be because the takoyaki smells so good!”
“Hahahaha, Yuyu made the big sister’s day with one sentence!”
“The big sister is so nice too! She gave Yuyu hers for free~ So sweet!”
After a long day of shopping, Yan Xingli felt like his old bones were about to fall apart. He went home, washed up, put on a steam eye mask, and fell fast asleep.
In the middle of the night, his phone buzzed.
Still half-asleep, Yan Xingli fumbled for his phone, barely opening his eyes, and answered by instinct.
“Xiao Xing, open the door. Mom and I are outside.”
Yan Xingli mumbled in response.
“Xiao Xing, open the door.” This time, it was Yan Yuanqing’s voice. “If you don’t open up, Mom is coming in herself.”
Yan Xingli’s back suddenly went cold. He jolted awake instantly. “Mom, what did you just say?”
Su Yu said, “She said if you don’t open the door, she’s going to pry it open.”
Yan Xingli sprang out of bed, shirtless, and staggered to the entrance, yanking the door open to find himself face-to-face with two formidable figures.
“Mom, Dad! Why are you here? In the middle of the night?”
“Because of you, of course.” Yan Yuanqing glared at him, walked in, put on slippers, and sat down in the living room with authority.
“Taking a child out in winter with bare arms and legs! Do you know how many people online are calling you clueless? Some even said they’d report you for child abuse!”
Yan Xingli took the scolding in stride. “Those people are just talking nonsense. Everyone can see how much fun Yuyu had.”
Yan Yuanqing thought he was making excuses and got even angrier.
She grabbed one of her slippers and threw it at him. “Children are less sensitive to the cold. That wasn’t joy, that was her freezing silly and still laughing!”
Yan Xingli deftly dodged the incoming projectile and pointed to the turned-off camera. “Mom, Mom, Mom, it’s recording!”
Yan Yuanqing didn’t back down. “Who cares! So what if it’s recording? I’ll pay the penalty! Tell your agent to contact me!”
“No need for that. Just transfer the money directly to my account.”
“You cheeky brat!”
Su Yu decisively took off his own slipper and handed it to Yan Yuanqing. “Use mine. It’s bigger, more surface area for impact.”
Yan Xingli: “?”
Having not received his mother’s “special attention” for a long time, Yan Xingli was thoroughly humbled.
“Given your irresponsible behavior, Yuyu’s parents must be furious. If a child misbehaves, it’s the father’s fault. So your father and I traveled all this way to clean up your mess.”
Yan Yuanqing asked: “When do her parents arrive?”
Yan Xingli: “I don’t know.”
Yan Yuanqing glared.
Yan Xingli shrank his neck and said with a pitiful face, “I really don’t know! Yuyu doesn’t know either.”
Su Yu: “Yuyu must have a way to contact her parents. Here’s what we’ll do. Have Yuyu call them. Your mother and I will arrange a time to meet them.”
“…Mom, Dad, trust me. You don’t want to meet them.”
Who could guarantee that a giant dinosaur wouldn’t suddenly appear in the background during the conversation?
A gentle herbivore might be okay, but if it were a Tyrannosaurus rex, its parents would have a heart attack, even if they didn’t have heart conditions.
Yan Xingli’s earnest advice only solidified a suspicion the old couple had.
Yan Yuanqing and Su Yu stared silently at Yan Xingli.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Yan Yuanqing blurted out, “Alright, stop covering for your sister. You two can’t hide your little schemes from me.”
Yan Xingli was thoroughly confused.
What did this have to do with Yan Shanyi?
His son’s poor acting made Yan Yuanqing feel a bit sympathetic towards the online critics. Why had she let this boy go into entertainment? She should have tried harder to talk him out of it.
Oh well. He might be a little dense, but at least he wasn’t some rich family’s ugly kid.
Su Yu glanced at the time. It was 2:47 AM.
He picked up his coat from the sofa, put it over his arm, and stood up to remind Yan Yuanqing gently:
“Yuanyuan, it’s late. Xiaoyi’s flight arrives tomorrow at noon. Let’s go to bed now so we can be ready to welcome the child tomorrow.”
Yan Yuanqing nodded. The couple linked arms and headed towards the room, leaving a bewildered Yan Xingli.
“What flight? My sister is coming back?”
“Still pretending.” Yan Yuanqing turned back to glare at him. “Once I’ve had my sleep, I’ll deal with you two properly.”
Yan Yuanqing’s voice faded until it was inaudible as they entered the room.
Yan Xingli sat in the living room, thinking for a while. Then he crooked his finger at Xiaohua, who was playing dead in the corner. “Xiaohua, come here.”
Xiaohua’s green bulb eyes flickered, and it rolled over to him.
Yan Xingli looked this adorable, alien high-tech robot up and down. He rubbed his hands together and asked, both subtly and directly:
“Do you know how to read minds?”
Xiaohua: “I do not.”
Yan Xingli: “Besides taking care of kids and doing chores, what other special skills do you have?”
“I can connect to all of Earth’s security networks, monitor human activity in real-time, and stay updated on the latest information.”
Awesome! Yan Xingli asked happily, “So what’s the latest information you’ve gathered?”
“A household registration booklet is missing.”
Yan Xingli: “Whose? Do I know them?”
Xiaohua shook its big head: “You do. The head of that household is your older sister, born of the same mother and father.”
Yan Xingli’s smile slowly froze. “…What do you mean by ‘missing’?”
“It is no longer in the head of household’s safe.”
Yan Xingli exclaimed, “Ah! Was Yan Shanyi’s house robbed?”
Xiaohua paused for a moment, then spoke: “The household’s security system is shared with me. I did not detect any suspicious individuals resembling a thief.”
Yan Xingli stroked his chin, thinking. “That’s strange…”
Wait a minute,
Yan Xingli abruptly stood up, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead. “Could it be that the household registration booklet is *with* Yan Shanyi?”
For the first time, Xiaohua flattered him: “Yes. You are very clever.”
Yan Xingli felt like he’d been hit by a club. His head spun. He exclaimed, “How can this be?! Weren’t you monitoring her all the time? How did you miss her opening the safe?!”
Xiaohua hesitated, its voice noticeably smaller: “In fact, besides gold jewelry, the head of household’s safe also contained many other important documents. As you know, my primary duty is to accompany the offspring. Occasional oversights regarding other matters are inevitable.”
Yan Xingli: “…”
“Then why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
Never mind. This wasn’t the time for blame.
“I remember you said you could modify the household registration information at any time. Do it now.”
“Delete Yuyu’s page entirely!”
Xiaohua: “…Um, okay.”
Just as Yan Xingli thought he could relax and go back to sleep, a trembling voice came from the darkness:
“Xiaohua, why do you think Yan Shanyi suddenly took the household registration booklet?”
“Did she notice there was an extra person in it?”
“It can’t be that coincidental, right? Hehehe.”
Xiaohua couldn’t lie, so it chose to shut down.