He stopped moving and fell silent. The strand of hair between his fingers seemed to have a will of its own. The moment his grip loosened, it sprang free and slipped away.
Xi Cai had spoken half-jokingly, but as soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She had made the joke far too casually, and she had no idea how he would turn it against her.
He did not disappoint. He tossed the question straight back at her.
“Does my wife want to?”
Those four words were like a stone thrown into a deep pool, sending ripples spreading in every direction.
She looked at him, and he looked back at her.
The fine threads of the canopy divided the light into countless tiny patches that fell across their faces like silent snow. Only then did Xi Cai notice the faint, restrained fire burning deep in his eyes. It had never truly gone out.
Suddenly, she did not know what to say.
He leaned closer to her. The scent of pine mingled with the fragrance of medicine, cool and sharp, drifted toward her.
His voice was soft, almost like a sigh, but his teasing was unmistakable.
“What is it? Are you afraid?”
By rights, a man who was so sickly should not have been threatening in the slightest. Yet for some reason, Xi Cai felt that if they ever came into conflict, she would certainly lose in a physical fight. Xi Xiao and Xi Tan had already tried their luck and failed miserably. That was enough to tell her that she could never defeat him through sheer strength.
Besides, his weakness seemed more like an elaborate deception. The only reason she could see his frailty and helplessness was that he had chosen to let her see them.
A sudden curiosity stirred in her. Lowering her voice, she asked, “My lord, whenever I’ve seen you these past few days, your complexion has looked terrible. Let me take a look at you…”
As she spoke, she found his hand and traced her fingers up from his wrist, feeling along his entire arm before finally reaching a conclusion.
“You really have become thinner.”
A flicker passed through his eyes. He probably had not expected her to be bolder than he was, reaching out to touch him the moment she felt like it.
“The buckle on my belt has been tightened by another inch. Ever since those two princes secretly began preparing to seize the palace, I’ve been worrying about everything.” He looked at her, his voice growing heavier. “And you, too. I’ve been worrying myself sick over you. If I didn’t care about our marriage, why would I go to so much trouble?”
It was time to soften him up. Quickly!
Xi Cai leaned against him sweetly and wrapped an arm around his neck.
“I’m sorry. I was too stubborn. I never imagined you would be willing to save my father. I misunderstood you.”
Her parents were already safe. Whether she spoke sincerely or insincerely no longer mattered. As long as her words sounded pleasant, that was enough.
Besides, they were surprisingly good at pretending to be an affectionate married couple in bed. After all, they had truly gone through the wedding ceremony, and on some level, they accepted each other as husband and wife. As for their feelings, love and hatred could both be disguised. Either could be turned into whatever tool was most useful for achieving their goals.
They were so close that their warm bodies touched and their breaths mingled. Even without crossing that final boundary, their thin sleeping clothes allowed them to feel parts of each other they would ordinarily have avoided.
He hardly dared to move. He merely rested a hand against her back and stroked it slowly.
The air beneath the canopy seemed to have been sweetened with honey, growing so thick that it was difficult to breathe. Their breathing gradually quickened. At a moment like this, it seemed impossible not to feel something.
But Xi Cai was different. Her heart was far steadier than he had imagined. Her breathing remained perfectly even as she began exploring his body.
The hand resting behind his neck moved down from his collar, slowly tracing his shoulder blades and back, inch by inch. She wanted to determine whether his weakness was genuine or merely an act.
How should she describe what she found?
He was certainly not a strong, muscular man. Compared with most men, he was indeed thin, with only a thin layer of muscle covering his bones, just enough to soften their outlines. Perhaps his years on the battlefield had left their mark. His muscles still followed their natural lines, and his bones remained properly aligned. Though thin, he did not have the completely collapsed, wasting appearance of someone whose body was failing from the inside out.
But when her hand reached the middle of his back, her heart suddenly gave a hard thump.
That spot was ice-cold.
The area was not very large; her palm could cover it. Yet the skin surrounding it was also much colder than normal body temperature.
Xi Cai could not quite explain how she felt.
She thought that if this man truly died, his death probably would not be dramatic or spectacular. He would be like a lamp whose oil had run dry, quietly going out without a sound. At most, he might adjust the wick one last time before the flame finally died.
She slowly withdrew her hand and pulled the quilt up over his shoulders.
He seemed relieved. In the dim light, his eyes fixed on her.
“Finished examining me?”
“Finished.” She made no attempt to hide what she had been doing. Her tone was as calm as a physician’s. “You really need to take better care of yourself. If you get any thinner, I’m afraid you’ll leave the house one day and never come back.”
He gave a faint, helpless laugh.
“Are you afraid the wind will blow me away? How do you intend to take care of me?”
Xi Cai lay on her back and stared at the dark patterns on the canopy for a while.
“Starting tomorrow, you’ll have extra meals. Four meals a day, no excuses. I’ll watch you eat.”
Naturally, this was also part of her plan. If she kept a close eye on him, she could keep track of his movements. It was a brilliant way to monitor him without making it obvious.
He did not argue.
“I’m afraid I’ll be giving you a lot of trouble.”
As soon as he finished speaking, he found her fingertips and intertwined his fingers with hers.
It was a degree of intimacy that even ordinary married couples rarely shared. Xi Cai could tell that he genuinely enjoyed this kind of physical closeness.
His next words carried a hint of self-satisfaction.
“When you mentioned that thirty-year-old grandfather earlier, I began to wonder whether you were deliberately trying to remind me of my unfinished responsibilities.”
It seemed he was determined to wear himself out. His back was already cold, yet he was still thinking about that matter.
Xi Cai had always been firm in her decisions. Since she had married him, she could grit her teeth and accept it. But he was different. A man who had to calculate the effort required for every breath could hardly withstand too much excitement or reckless indulgence.
If he accidentally died, the great warlord would fall before his time.
That would not necessarily be a bad outcome. She could announce to the world that the Marquis had died from exhausting himself for the sake of the empire. Perhaps the emperor would even posthumously honor him with additional titles.
With that thought, she tightened her fingers around his.
Her eyes moved slowly toward him, and her voice took on a bewitching softness.
“Have you made up your mind for tonight?”
He did not answer. The more he tried to restrain himself, the tighter his grip became, until her hand began to hurt.
Suddenly, he rolled over and propped himself above her.
His long black hair fell like a dark waterfall, covering one of her shoulders. He lowered his head until his lips were almost touching hers. If she lifted her face just a little, their lips would meet.
But he stopped.
He hung above her like a sword suspended in midair, never quite falling.
Xi Cai gazed at him. She could clearly see the curve of his eyelashes and her own faint reflection in his pupils. She could even sense the disorder in his breathing.
She waited, wondering whether he would finally descend or retreat in defeat.
After a long time, he did not flee. Instead, he lowered his head and buried his face in the hollow of her neck. The tip of his nose rested against the warm skin just above her collarbone as he let out a long, deep breath.
His body gradually relaxed, like a fully drawn bow returning to its resting position. He lay over her, his weight still bearable.
Neither of them moved.
Behind the screen, the candle flame flickered. Their heartbeats gradually slowed. At some point, their interlocked fingers loosened, their hands no longer gripping each other but resting together in a loose embrace.
Xi Cai raised her other hand. After hesitating briefly, she placed it on the back of his head.
He suddenly trembled. The movement was slight, like a breeze passing over the surface of a lake.
The water clock dripped steadily. Time seemed to flow unusually slowly that night.
They remained silent for a long time. So long that she began to think he had fallen asleep.
Then she heard his low, indistinct voice against her neck. It seemed to be trying to reach its way into her heart.
“Ti-ti.”
He called her by her childhood nickname, not Madam or my wife.
Xi Cai did not respond.
He called her again, even more softly than before.
“Ti-ti.”
In the alley outside, the watchman’s clapper sounded three times, its dull knocks echoing as though they had come from another world.
Her fingers were still threaded through his hair, and his face remained buried in the hollow of her neck. They stayed entangled like that, neither one surrendering to the other.
Only after the earlier tension had completely faded did he slowly move away and lie back against his soft pillow.
He turned his head and looked at her through the dim light.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “If you stay with me, you may never have children in this lifetime.”
Xi Cai felt relieved.
She had successfully survived another crisis. Things had already progressed this far, yet he had still stopped. It seemed he was fully aware that his body could not endure it, so he had given up.
As time passed, he would probably grow weaker and weaker, until he could no longer manage even the simplest things. Did that mean she would never have to become his wife in the true sense of the word?
She could continue holding the title of the Marquis of Yanling’s wife without having to fulfill her marital duties. After all, the marquis would simply be too physically weak to do anything.
Wasn’t that how it would work?
The thought made her very happy.
Her plan to exhaust him by letting him take several concubines might have fallen through, but that was all right. This unexpected benefit more than made up for the disappointment. By her calculations, she had still come out ahead.
Now was the time to show him how understanding she could be.
She moved closer, resting against his shoulder. One arm gently encircled his neck while she affectionately stroked his earlobe.
“I don’t care about that. Having children isn’t important to me. What matters is being able to stay by your side for a long time and take care of you. Isn’t it enough for us to lean against each other like this?”
His lips curved faintly.
“Without a true marital relationship, I always feel that I can’t be completely close to you in heart. I cannot give you what you deserve, and I’ve made you live like a widow despite having a husband.”
Xi Cai did her best to comfort him.
“Marriage isn’t only about that. As long as you treat me sincerely and we stay together for the rest of our lives, why can’t we be close in heart? Besides, you’re a great hero. I’ve heard of your reputation for a long time. Marrying you has brought no shame upon me. Do you know that young women like powerful men? You have influence at court, while my father is the Censor-in-Chief and has offended plenty of people. Now that our family has encountered such a huge disaster, you’ve still managed to protect us. That alone tells me I chose the right husband.”
She showered him with sweet words as though they cost nothing. She seemed to have completely forgotten how stubbornly she had refused to yield to him on the night of the emperor’s birthday, choosing to be escorted away by the guards rather than show him weakness.
But the past was past. There was no point in bringing it up. One had to live in the present.
He still longed for the warmth of her affection. When she put away her claws and remained obediently by his side, her tenderness could briefly make him forget his ambitions and immerse himself in a peaceful world of affection.
“Don’t you dislike me?” he asked. “I’m weak and sickly. I’m afraid I might not even have the strength to lift you into my arms.”
“I don’t need you to carry me. I have my own legs. Why would I need you to carry me?”
As she spoke, she tilted her head to look at him.
“When we’re outside, we naturally have to maintain our dignity. But in bed, you can hold me however you like.”
Although Xi Jiyuan was his sworn political enemy, Yang Xun had to admit that the man had some admirable qualities. In particular, he had raised his daughter to be so sweet-tongued yet secretly sharp. Yang Xun found himself admiring his father-in-law more and more.
She clearly despised him, yet she could smile at him as sweetly as a flower.
Wasn’t that the true meaning of a wife following her husband?
He secretly laughed to himself.
Very well. She certainly had some of her father’s style.
He turned his head and rested his cheek against her forehead. In an unhurried voice, he said, “I intend to recover my health for a while. I’ll temporarily leave the affairs of the court and the military alone. I know you’re considerate, but having children is important too. Otherwise, won’t my family line come to an end?”
Xi Cai immediately sensed trouble.
So he still hadn’t given up!
One moment he seemed discouraged, and the next he refused to accept his fate. His changing attitude left her feeling just as unsettled.
Whatever the future held, there would always be a way to deal with it. She nodded and agreed with whatever he said, but after tossing and turning for half the night, she was growing sleepy.
His light caresses beneath the quilt had initially made her skin crawl. Now she had gradually learned to accept them calmly. Xi Cai felt she had already done very well.
At least he was not yet so emaciated that he looked like a dried corpse, and his body did not give off any unpleasant odor. Perhaps that was the greatest blessing Heaven could grant her.
If he had become a frail little old man, sickly as a desiccated corpse, and still insisted on wriggling around against her body, she certainly would not have been able to endure even a single day. She would have stabbed him with a knife on the spot.
She tightened her arm around him and murmured drowsily, “My lord, let’s stop talking. I want to sleep…”
He smoothed her long hair.
“Then let’s stop talking. Go to sleep.”
It was a peculiar way for two people to live together. Only by remaining in precisely this position could they create such deliberate tenderness. If they were any more distant or any more intimate, the feeling would be wrong. Neither would be as intoxicating as their current arrangement.
Perhaps that was why a straightforward relationship lacked subtlety. Only a winding path could lead to unexpected beauty.
He did not dislike their marriage as it was. They could lie beside each other while dreaming different dreams, yet still maintain an extraordinary degree of warmth and affection. Wasn’t that more lingering and satisfying than simply being intimate before turning away and falling asleep?
Thanks to their narrow bed, they were still touching when morning came.
Her arm lay diagonally across his waist, only an inch or so away from a certain sensitive spot. Half-awake, he felt her move and immediately startled, hastily shifting farther away.
What time was it? Neither of them knew. In any case, daylight had already filled the room.
Xi Cai had still been half-asleep when she suddenly remembered her circumstances. Thinking she was still in the Sili Prison, she abruptly sat up.
Only after seeing the tall bed, soft pillows, and embroidered canopy did she remember that she had already returned home.
She turned around. The man beside her had also awakened. He slowly propped himself up and asked, “What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”
She shook her head.
“I forgot that I came home yesterday.”
She had only been imprisoned for five days, yet ordinary life already felt like something she had not experienced in ages.
After getting out of bed, she sat before the mirror to do her hair and makeup. Looking at her reflection, she pinched her cheeks and realized how much weight she had lost. Feeling sorry for herself, she decided to eat an extra bowl of breakfast. She had to regain every bit of weight she had lost with good food and drink.
Of course, before that, she had to attend to Yang Xun’s medicine.
She lowered her head and examined the bowl of medicinal broth. It was darker and thicker than before.
He remained as calm as ever. Sitting down gracefully, he explained, “The physician has changed the prescription. The previous medicine wasn’t strong enough to suppress the coldness in my body anymore.”
Xi Cai frowned.
She had never abandoned her desire to kill him, but seeing his illness worsen day by day, even when it was not part of her own plans, still stirred some unwilling sympathy in her heart.
He looked up at her. Seeing her grave expression, he smiled instead.
“It’s bitter. Much more bitter than before.”
She silently prepared a cup of clean water for him to rinse his mouth and pushed it closer.
“Good medicine tastes bitter. As long as it can cure your illness, a little bitterness is nothing to fear.”
But this bitterness was truly unlike anything else in the world. Even after he finished drinking, the taste lingered at the root of his tongue for a long time and refused to disappear.
She now thought that eating a honey-preserved cherry after taking the medicine might be a good solution. However, she had rejected the idea before, so it would be awkward to suggest it now.
Fortunately, Xi Cai was considerate enough to think of an excuse.
“I was locked up in prison, and all I could think about was eating honey-preserved fruit. Have a box prepared for me. That way, I can satisfy my craving whenever I feel like it.”
The maid went off to carry out the order.
Xi Cai smiled as she watched him finish the medicine.
After drinking so much liquid, they needed to move around a little. The two of them began strolling along the corridor, where Xi Cai said, “Tomorrow, I want to return to Dayangshu Street to visit my parents. If you want to come, you can accompany me. If you’re too weak to go out, stay home and rest. I’ll definitely return after dinner.”
Yang Xun considered it for a moment.
“I won’t go this time. I really don’t have the strength to leave the house. Have the steward prepare some gifts for your parents, and please give them my regards.”
Xi Cai readily agreed. She was delighted that he would not accompany her. She would be able to spend the entire day at her parents’ home without having to worry about him.
Just then, Xi Xiao and Xi Tan came running out to meet them.
“Why are you standing in the rain talking? Come inside!”
Everyone hurried together beneath the covered corridor and stood side by side watching the rain.
Xi Xiao smiled and said, “Do you remember when we went to Yingzhou four years ago to attend a wedding banquet? It rained that day too. The adults went off to discuss their affairs, and none of us knew anyone there. We stood under the eaves for half an hour without knowing what to do.”
Xi Cai remembered.
She had been fifteen that year, while Xie Qiao had been twenty-one. She had vaguely heard that his family had begun arranging a marriage for him. Back then, she had secretly felt miserable. The rain had poured down in torrents, and her tears had flowed silently into her heart.
So many years had passed in the blink of an eye. Everything seemed to have changed, yet somehow nothing had changed.
Xi Tan and Xi Xiao were still the same as ever. But she and Xie Qiao had exchanged places in life. He remained unmarried, while she had become another man’s wife.
Sigh. Life was nothing but a series of missed chances. It was a pity, but she believed Heaven must have its reasons for arranging things this way.
While she was lost in thought, a maid came out to announce that the mistress of the household was inviting the lord and the young ladies inside.
Everyone followed the covered corridor toward the rear and entered the main hall.
Her parents were sitting inside with her uncle and aunt, chatting.
The moment her aunt saw Xi Cai, she began voicing her grievances on her behalf.
“Yang Xun is truly despicable! He never regarded Ti-ti as his wife at all. Husband and wife are supposed to be one. If he had even the slightest sense of shame, he would never have thrown his own wife into prison. He remembered that Ti-ti was a daughter of the Xi family, but forgot that he had married her himself!”
She paused, furious.
“I also heard that the marquis’s household even skipped the customary shared wedding meal and nuptial wine. It seems he had already made up his mind long ago. He never truly accepted this marriage.”
Madam Xi could only sigh.
“We regret it so much. From beginning to end, we never wanted this marriage. We should have fought harder back then. Then Ti-ti wouldn’t have had to suffer like this.”
Her uncle, Xie Cheng, had a clearer view of the situation.
“Every blessing may conceal a misfortune, and every misfortune may conceal a blessing. Without this marriage, Yuanzheng would never have been released so quickly. Even if he had managed to escape imprisonment, his official rank would certainly have been reduced by at least three grades.”
Xi Jiyuan stroked his knee and nodded.
“This time is different from before. Yang Xun would rather be accused of showing favoritism than give up what he wants. The two princes were punished for their crimes, and everyone at court applauded their downfall. Who could have expected this affair to implicate the Grand Tutor as well? The Sili Office dug up all sorts of accusations against him, and they can decide for themselves which are true and which are false. Now his residence has been confiscated, his entire household has been convicted, and the case has even implicated the Minister of Justice.
“Everything was part of Yang Xun’s calculations. The Supervising Director of the Court of Justice is one of his men. Once his superior fell, he took over the office naturally. From now on, Yang Xun will practically have the entire judicial system in his hands.”
Only then did Xi Cai, who had been listening quietly, understand why Yang Xun had suddenly changed his attitude and why her father’s case had been resolved so quickly.
It was because he had achieved something far more important.
Her father was a censor who often clashed with Yang Xun in court. That had been only a minor inconvenience to him. Bringing down the Grand Tutor and replacing the Minister of Justice with his own trusted subordinate had been the real priority.
Sigh. She had thought she had won a reprieve by lowering her head and admitting defeat. In the end, she had misunderstood everything. If the Grand Tutor and the Minister of Justice had not fallen from power, she might have remained in prison for another ten days or half a month.
Her uncle and father continued discussing how they might rescue their former colleague. Xie Qiao, however, held a different opinion.
“The consequences of this affair have not yet settled. As long as the Sili Office issues an order, those who have already been released can be arrested and investigated again. Uncle has only just managed to protect himself. At this time, it’s better to remain still than to take action. We should wait and see what His Majesty decides and how he ultimately handles the Grand Tutor and the Minister of Justice.
“If the emperor decides to sacrifice a pawn to protect the more important pieces, I advise you not to raise the matter again. Someone has to charge ahead, and someone else must remain behind to provide support. If there is no one to protect your rear, then confronting swords and axes with nothing but your flesh and blood will only end in complete defeat. It simply isn’t worth it.”
The elders fell silent.
Xi Jiyuan, in particular, was the Censor-in-Chief. His duty was to speak on behalf of the court, expose injustice, and impeach officials before the emperor. Yet now, even the words he spoke in defense of justice had to twist and turn eighteen times before they could leave his mouth.
He could not help feeling that it was both tragic and lamentable. The entire court was now shrouded in the shadow of the Marquis of Yanling. Who knew how long it would be before they saw daylight again?
Xi Tan chimed in from the side.
“Cousin is right. A truly wise person knows to protect himself first. Father, you absolutely cannot get yourself arrested again. Their executioner’s blade is already sharpened. One more person won’t make much difference to them. Once the blade falls and your head is gone, they won’t be able to put it back!”
Xi Jiyuan shot him a glare.
“When will you finally learn to read properly? If you could make your plainspoken remarks sound a little more scholarly, I’d thank Heaven for it.”
Xi Tan stammered, “But we’re at home! Why do I have to speak in such a roundabout way? As long as people understand me, isn’t that enough?”
The Xi couple shook their heads, but their aunt praised him enthusiastically.
“Our Third Young Master is simply straightforward and genuine. As long as he lives comfortably, what more does he need? Why should he spend his whole life studying?”
Madam Xi was displeased.
“Elder Sister, please stop encouraging him. You have a son like Huaidu, who is so well educated, so of course you can say that being comfortable is all that matters. But someone has to uphold our family’s reputation in the future, and that responsibility will fall to him. If all he knows is plain talk, if he lets his hair hang loose, takes the Five-Stone Powder, and spends his days playing music, talking about lofty mountains and flowing streams as though he were searching for a soulmate, won’t he ruin the Xi family’s reputation?”
Her aunt disagreed.
“That won’t happen. He still has me to support him. What is there to worry about?”
Madam Xi frowned.
“If your younger brother has prospects, you’ll be happy to visit your maiden family more often. But if he has no future and can only rely on your help, why should you keep helping him? Are you short of a son of your own?”
In any case, it was normal for sisters-in-law to disagree. Their occasional differences of opinion did no real harm. After grumbling at each other for a while, they sat down as usual to share a family reunion dinner.
Everyone raised their cups and clinked them together, expressing the hope that surviving a great disaster would bring good fortune afterward. They had come so close to disaster that they might otherwise have been eating a funeral meal instead.
What worried the elders most was Ti-ti. Her marriage had left her in an awkward position. At her husband’s home, she had to protect her maiden family. Once she returned to her parents’ home, she had to listen to everyone criticize her husband.
After dinner, the women moved to the rear corridor. Her aunt asked anxiously, “The Marquis of Yanling has been sick for years. His mind may no longer be like that of an ordinary person. Has he bullied you? Has he ever laid a hand on you?”
As far as bullying went, most of it had been emotional torment. As for physical contact, did hugging and holding each other in bed count?
Naturally, she could not say that aloud.
She simply told her elders not to worry about her. She could handle the situation herself.
Her aunt looked at her with deep sorrow before turning to Madam Xi.
“To tell you the truth, when Huaidu’s new wife suddenly passed away, I once considered arranging a marriage between him and Ti-ti. I was quite envious of your daughter. But when I mentioned it to my husband, he told me to abandon the idea immediately. How could a fine young woman be made to marry a widower as his second wife? After thinking it over, I realized he was right. I was foolish at the time and ruined the children’s chance at happiness. Our Huaidu has suffered too. If we had arranged their marriage earlier, perhaps both children could have found happiness.”
Madam Xi waved her hand.
“Huaidu is six years older than Ti-ti. They were never a suitable match.”
Her aunt widened her eyes.
“Yang Xun is nine years older than Ti-ti, yet he was considered a suitable match?”
Madam Xi muttered, “We had no choice. He forced the marriage on us.”
As she spoke, she rubbed her temples.
“Please stop talking about it. My head already hurts. What good is it to act wise after the fact?”
Xi Cai listened to their bickering with a smile.
She also thought the matter through carefully. Even if the idea had been proposed earlier, it would never have worked. Her parents would not have agreed to let her marry Xie Qiao as his second wife.
But now, if Yang Xun died first, they would be a widower and a widow. Only then might they truly be suited for each other.
It was a rather wicked thought, but it was also perfectly reasonable.
Her aunt turned back to comfort her.
“Just endure it a little longer. Surely this kind of life won’t last forever. You’re strong and healthy. As long as you take good care of yourself, why worry that you won’t outlive him?”
Xi Cai nodded and agreed, leaving the two women to share their private thoughts. She then left the rear corridor, intending to visit her old courtyard.
Her mother had planned to have a new bed made for her, but something had gone wrong halfway through the work. The carpenter had stopped after completing only part of it. Xi Cai had always wanted a small cabinet beside the bed, so while the work was still unfinished, she decided to go over and give the carpenter instructions. That way, the cabinet could be built at the same time.
She followed the covered corridor but could not find Xi Xiao or Xi Tan. The two had apparently gone to collect some fruit and had been gone for ages.
The rear corridor connected to her father’s study. As she walked slowly past it, she wondered whether Xie Qiao was inside and glanced toward the room.
By coincidence, their eyes met.
He used the opportunity to leave the study and came out to meet her.
“Are you going back to the marquis’s residence?”
Xi Cai shook her head.
“Not yet. I’ll stay as long as I can. I’ll go back after dinner.”
After a pause, she remembered something.
“Thank you for the two ginseng roots you gave me. They were so precious, yet I accepted them without giving you anything in return.”
Xie Qiao replied, “They were meant as a wedding gift for you. You can keep them. When you were imprisoned in the Sili Prison, I tried to visit you, but they stopped me at the entrance. I couldn’t get inside.”
Xi Cai was surprised.
“I had no idea. But that prison was heavily guarded, and it was an unlucky place anyway. Perhaps it was better that you couldn’t get in.”
Xie Qiao merely smiled faintly without replying.
The rain outside was heavy, pouring from the roof tiles in continuous streams. Weather like this always seemed to carry an extra measure of sorrow.
Xie Qiao was concerned about her life after marriage, but he had no proper standing to ask about it. All he could do was keep his worries to himself.
The autumn wind had risen, carrying strands of rain that stirred Xi Cai’s sleeves. The broad embroidered borders of the floral patterns on her horse-faced skirt shimmered even under the gloomy sky.
From the moment she entered the house, Xie Qiao had noticed the jade clasp at her collar. It was the one he had given her.
It did not make him happy, nor did it stir his heart. It simply felt right, as though nothing had changed and her heart remained where it had always been.
They stood silently for a long time.
At last, Xie Qiao told her, “I’ll be transferred to another post soon. I received the appointment two days ago. I’ll be taking the position of Gentleman of the Ministry of Personnel.”
Xi Cai understood something about official promotions and demotions. After thinking it over, she realized that although his official rank had technically fallen by one grade, the new appointment was actually a promotion in disguise. She could not help feeling happy for him.
“This is a good thing. It looks like a demotion on the surface, but it’s actually a promotion. As Left Vice Director in the Secretariat, you were already near the top. Advancing further would have been extremely difficult. But as a Gentleman in the Ministry of Personnel, your position is much more prestigious. Your next step could be to enter the Eight Ministers and participate in central government decisions.”
Xie Qiao listened to her analysis, approval appearing in his eyes.
“The Left Vice Director mainly handles supervision and administration within the office. It’s nothing extraordinary. A Gentleman in the Ministry of Personnel, however, is an official with real authority. The aristocratic clans have always valued that position, and it carries much greater prestige.”
Xi Cai sincerely exclaimed, “It really pays to study. How many people throughout history have become Gentlemen of the Ministry of Personnel at the age of twenty-five? If you eventually become a Minister and then advance to an even higher post, securing a place among the Eight Ministers, all those nights you spent studying by lamplight will not have been wasted. You’ll truly bring glory to your ancestors.”
Xie Qiao did not care much about such empty fame. If he felt fortunate about the appointment, it was because it would allow him to enter the center of decision-making, where he could express his views and do something meaningful for the court and the people.
“After the transfer, I won’t be living at home anymore. The court has granted me an official residence on Heng Street near Dongyang Gate. If you ever need anything, you can come find me there.”
Xi Cai nodded, though she did not understand why he wanted to live in an official residence.
“Are Uncle and Aunt pressuring you to marry again?”
He lowered his eyes and gave a helpless smile.
Xi Cai tried to comfort him.
“They think you’re alone and don’t have anyone to look after you. They’re only trying to do what’s best for you.”
He sighed.
“I know they’re trying to help. But after experiencing something once, I don’t want to go through it a second time.”
The rain beneath the eaves hung in strings like a curtain of pearls. Beyond it lay a hazy, indistinct world.
He gazed quietly into the depths of the rain, as though waiting for someone who would never return. His voice was calm but sorrowful as he murmured, “The night she died, the weather was just like this. The physician said her qi had surged into her heart and that she couldn’t be saved. But I knew she had died of fright.
“She married me three years after the previous dynasty fell. She never plotted a rebellion or formed a faction. She didn’t even utter a single complaint. All she did was embroider every day and wait for me to return from the government office.
“When the court decided to settle old scores, what exactly was there to settle with her? She had done nothing wrong. Yet she was still afraid. She feared that I would be implicated, that the Xie family would have its property confiscated, and that she herself would become the final straw that broke the whole family.
“She never told me anything. She bore everything alone until she could no longer bear it and died.
“After that, I decided it would be better to live alone. I didn’t want anyone else to spend their days worrying about me, and I didn’t want to experience another separation through death. I don’t know when my heart will recover from what happened. Until it does, I don’t want to obey my parents’ arrangements for another marriage. I want to follow my own heart and live one day at a time.”
This was the first time he had spoken so much to her, and the first time he had shared thoughts that no one else knew.
Only then did Xi Cai truly understand him.
Xie Qiao was no longer simply a good man, a description that had previously seemed enough to sum him up. He had his own worries, sorrows, and fears. He was not the flawless person others made him out to be. He was a real person with a heart and feelings of his own.
Perhaps realizing that he had revealed too much, he suddenly looked embarrassed.
“Why have I become so long-winded? Please don’t take it to heart.”
Xi Cai gently shook her head.
“I understand your difficulties now, Cousin. After experiencing such pain, who would dare enter the same situation again? But you’ll be living alone in the official residence, so please take good care of yourself. Don’t neglect your meals or make do with whatever is available. Your health is the most important thing.”
He gave a quiet “Mm.”
“I understand.”
Then he folded his hands into his sleeves and turned to look at her.
“There is something I’ve wanted to tell you, but I haven’t had the chance until now. Your marriage to the Marquis of Yanling came about almost as a joke, but Yang Xun certainly didn’t marry you on a whim.
“Look at the current situation at court. Of the three senior military guard commands in the capital, he controls two. The judicial system and the Ministry of Revenue are almost entirely in his hands. His next target will be control over the channels through which officials speak out against injustice.
“As long as your father refrains from openly opposing him for the time being, the personnel of the Censorate will remain unchanged. After all, Yang Xun went to considerable lengths to arrange this marriage. He won’t abandon it easily.
“As for you, I truly don’t want you to become entangled in political struggles. You have to face him day and night. If a storm breaks out, you’ll be the first to be swallowed by it, without even a chance to escape. Do you understand?”
Xi Cai naturally understood the danger. But a woman who had lived through war was not as fragile as he imagined.
“If my father is targeted by him one day, as he was last time, will I have a way out?”
She looked straight at Xie Qiao.
“I will share my parents’ fate, whether life or death. That won’t change whether I am married to him or not. Cousin, please don’t worry about me. I have my own plans. I’ve already chosen this path, and I cannot turn back halfway.
“Whether I reach the end or leave the road before I get there, that will be my fate. There’s no point in losing heart. I should simply keep moving forward with courage.”
After hearing her words, Xie Qiao realized that the sense of duty and courage she had shown in her youth had always been the foundation of her character.
It was only because the world had become peaceful that the daughters of noble families had acquired new rules to follow. Those rules had gradually confined her lively nature. For a time, she had lived by the book, and the reputation of the Xi family’s daughter had spread everywhere until her true self had become blurred.
But today, after speaking openly with her cousin, he finally understood that each of them had their own principles to uphold. A woman, too, could shoulder responsibility.
Xie Qiao no longer tried to persuade her. He simply reminded her to be careful.
The rain gradually weakened. A faint line of red appeared at the edge of the sky, casting a soft glow over the wet stone road and reflecting a scattering of tiny lights.
Time passed quickly while Xi Cai was at home. Every so often, she checked the water clock, watching the water level slowly rise. It seemed as though time were gradually squeezing the space of her life narrower and narrower. She had not even left yet, but the sadness of parting was already welling up inside her.
Fortunately, there were plenty of trivial matters to distract her.
Later that afternoon, her father received a letter saying that relatives who had been living in exile were planning to move their entire household back to Luodu.
Her father and aunt were delighted and immediately began discussing the arrangements. The first priority was finding somewhere for the relatives to live and making sure they had food.
An old residence in the western part of the city had been left vacant, so they could use it temporarily. They would also prepare rice, flour, cooking oil, and other necessities so the returning family would not have to struggle to get started.
Everyone gathered to trace the family’s ancestry. Her aunt counted the generations on her fingers, carefully working out which branch and generation the returning relatives belonged to.
They were not particularly close, but the Xi family had become so small that anyone who shared their blood was considered a close relative.
Before they knew it, evening was approaching. While everyone was still talking enthusiastically, a servant entered to announce, “Young Lady Cai, someone from the marquis’s residence has arrived to take you home.”
Xi Cai’s mood immediately darkened.
She was extremely reluctant to leave. They had agreed that she would return after dinner, but it was not even time to eat yet!
Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do. She reluctantly said goodbye to her family.
“I’ll come back again in a couple of days.”
The women of the household accompanied her to the entrance, where the marquis’s carriage was already waiting outside.
However, the procession was rather grand.
The carriage was not the ordinary enclosed carriage usually used for travel. It was a four-sided imperial carriage, with windows on all four sides.
This was a carriage bestowed by the emperor. It had double eaves and ornate railings, with windows on every side. The decorations on its black lacquered panels were all made of gold.
Everyone exchanged glances, silently wondering why such an extraordinary carriage had been sent.
The small windows were closed, so they could not see who was inside. But the carriage was probably not empty.
Perhaps someone important was sitting within it.
Perhaps the person himself had come to collect her.