"Look at that white stone well in the square, Boss Jack!"
Beside One-Eyed Jack, a skinny bandit with a rat-like mustache stood up in his stirrups, pointing his curved saber toward the center of Dry-Well Village. "The water is bubbling right over the top! And smell that air—they just boiled a big pot of new yellow millet! If we take this village, our Sand-Jackal Gang won't ever have to buy water from Salt-Pool Town again!"
"Hahaha! Sharp eyes, Rat-Whiskers!" One-Eyed Jack licked his thick, scarred lips, his single eye gleaming with greed. "A sweet-water spring right here in the middle of the Red-Sand Wastes! Once I take this well and bring the news to my big brother Scarface Wolf, we can move our whole gang here and charge every passing caravan ten silver taels a bucket!"
Behind the crumbling mud wall of the west gate, the hundred villagers of Dry-Well Village heard every word.
Old Man Liu's face turned white with rage, while Stone gripped his rusty pitchfork so hard the wooden handle creaked.
"They really want to kill us all and steal the well His Lordship just made!" Stone whispered fiercely.
Right then, Pei Xuan calmly walked out from behind the mud wall and stood right in the middle of the thirty-foot gateway.
Behind him stood Old Wei with his chipped broadsword drawn, Hong Ling holding her two heavy iron kitchen cleavers, and Old Guo carrying his forty-pound black iron wok like a round shield.
Pei Xuan looked across the twenty-foot funnel of fat green cactuses at One-Eyed Jack. Above the bandit boss's head floated a dark-red status box:
[ Hostile Boss: One-Eyed Jack (Sand-Jackal Gang 3rd Boss) ] * Realm: Rank 1 Peak Martial (480 Jin Strength) * Loyalty: -40 / 100 [Ruthless / Greedy] * Current Thought: "Who is this pale kid in the gray shirt? Doesn't matter—I'll smash his head with one swing of my club, take that pretty little maid with the cleavers, and claim the well!"
"Hey! Look who came out!" One-Eyed Jack resting his forty-pound iron wolf-tooth club on his shoulder, grinning down from his tall brown warhorse. "Where is that hunched old goat Liu? Who are you, pretty boy? Did a rich family's carriage get lost in the sand?"
"My name is Pei Xuan, the new Lord of Dry-Well Village," Pei Xuan said loudly, folding his hands behind his back. "One-Eyed Jack, take your thirty men and turn your horses around right now. Wait—before you leave, your horses just kicked dust onto my village road. Leave ten silver taels at the gate to pay the road-sweeping fee, and I'll let you ride home in one piece."
Silence fell over the desert road for three full seconds.
The thirty horse bandits blinked at each other, wondering if their ears had been clogged with sand.
Then—
"BWAHAHAHA!"
One-Eyed Jack threw his head back and laughed so hard tears squeezed out of his single eye. Behind him, all thirty horse bandits doubled over in their saddles, slapping their thighs and howling with laughter.
"Boys, did you hear what this little chicken just said?!" One-Eyed Jack pointed the spiked tip of his iron club at Pei Xuan. "He wants Grandpa Jack to pay him ten silver taels for a road-sweeping fee! With what? With that one-armed old cripple behind you, a fat cook carrying a frying pan, and a little girl holding two kitchen knives?!"
Rat-Whiskers rode half a step forward, pointing his saber at the ten fat, six-foot-tall green cactuses planted in two neat rows outside the gate.
"Look, Boss! I think the pretty boy is counting on these ten fat green melons he just planted by the side of the road to protect him!" Rat-Whiskers jeered. "Hey kid! Did you think planting a few prickly pears would scare our horses?"
"I warned you," Pei Xuan sighed, shaking his head as he took three steps back behind the wooden gate posts. "Just remember, whatever you break on your way in gets added to your bill."
"My bill?! I'll write the bill on your skull!"
One-Eyed Jack's grin vanished, replaced by a fierce snarl. He raised his forty-pound iron wolf-tooth club high in the air and kicked his horse's flanks with his iron stirrups.
"Brothers! Charge in! Kill the men, tie up the women, and take the sweet-water well! Whoever chops off that pretty boy's head gets ten silver taels and the first drink!"
"KILL!"
Thirty-one desert warhorses thundered forward all at once, kicking up a blinding cloud of red dust as they charged straight into the thirty-foot-wide funnel between the two rows of [Needle-Spitting Guard Cactuses]!
Rat-Whiskers was riding at the very front of the left flank. As his galloping horse passed within five feet of the first fat green cactus, Rat-Whiskers let out a wild laugh and swung his iron saber horizontally to lop the top off the "fat green melon."
CLANG!
His iron saber hit the dark-green skin of the Guard Cactus—and bounced right off with a shower of orange sparks!
The impact was like hitting a solid iron anvil. The saber flew out of Rat-Whiskers' numb fingers, and not even a white scratch was left on the cactus's tough hide!
"What the hell?! Why is this melon as hard as iron?!" Rat-Whiskers yelled in shock, cradling his stinging wrist.
Before the words even left his mouth, all thirty-one horses had charged right into the middle of the thirty-five-foot kill zone between the ten Guard Cactuses!
In Pei Xuan's vision, a bright red tactical alert flashed across his RTS screen:
[WARNING: 31 Hostile Units have entered Guard Cactus Attack Range (35 ft)!][Auto-Defense Triggered: Firing Full 600-Needle Volley — Pin-Cushion Mode Engaged!]
Out on the road, all ten six-foot-tall Guard Cactuses suddenly swelled up to twice their size like giant green blowfish!
HUUUUUU—!
The hollow round tubes in the center of all ten cactuses sucked in a massive gulp of air, swiveled slightly to lock onto the unarmored thighs, shoulders, and backsides of the thirty-one riders, and then—
THWIP-THWIP-THWIP-THWIP-THWIP-THWIP!
A sound like ten heavy crossbows firing at the exact same time ripped through the morning air!
Six hundred three-inch-long, razor-sharp black-iron needles shot out from both sides of the road at three hundred feet per second, weaving a dense black net that covered every single inch of the gate road!
The bandits in the front row didn't even have time to blink.
"AIEEEEEE!"
Rat-Whiskers was the first to get hit. Because he was leaning forward in his saddle reaching for his lost saber, his rear end was sticking straight up in the air.
Thwack-thwack-thwack-thwack!
Twenty-four three-inch black-iron needles punched right through his thin leather trousers and sank two inches deep into both of his butt cheeks and the backs of his thighs!
The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
The sheer force of the pressurized needle blast lifted Rat-Whiskers right out of his saddle and sent him flying sideways through the air like a rag doll!
"MY ASS! SOMETHING BIT MY ASS!" Rat-Whiskers shrieked at the top of his lungs before landing belly-first in the sand with a loud thud.
And he wasn't alone!
THWIP-THWIP-THWIP-THWIP!
Along both sides of the road, the ten Guard Cactuses puffed their cheeks in and out like mad drummers, spitting storm after storm of black-iron needles into the packed column of riders!
"OW! OW! MY THIGH!"
"MY BUTT! IT'S RAINING IRON NEEDLES!"
"PULL BACK! THE MELONS ARE SHOOTING AT US!"
Total chaos erupted in less than three seconds!
The bandits wore tattered leather vests over their chests, leaving their arms, shoulders, thighs, and backsides completely unarmored. Even worse, the Guard Cactuses' [Non-Lethal Pin-Cushion Mode] had uncanny accuracy—every single needle curved slightly in the air to dodge their vital organs and heads, slamming straight into the thickest, fleshiest parts of their arms, legs, and rear ends!
Thud! Crash! Whinny!
Twenty-two bandits were blasted right off their horses in the first volley! They hit the dirt road rolling and screaming, each man looking like a giant two-legged hedgehog with fifteen to thirty black-iron needles sticking straight out of his backside!
Even the horses got three or four needles in their rumps. The moment the natural numbing sap on the cactus needles entered their bloodstream, the horses' hind legs went completely stiff and numb. One after another, the warhorses sat down on their butts in the sand like giant dogs, sliding ten feet forward and dumping the remaining riders over their heads!
"Retreat! Turn around! Those aren't melons, they're demon plants!"
Eight surviving bandits at the back of the group scrambled to their feet in terror and tried to sprint back out the way they came.
Unfortunately for them, turning their backs to run meant aiming their rear ends straight at the outer pair of Guard Cactuses!
THWIP-THWIP-THWIP!
The first two Guard Cactuses puffed up one last time and fired a parting volley of sixty iron needles!
"AAAAARGH!"
All eight running bandits stiffened mid-stride as dozens of black needles nailed them right in the seat of their pants. Their legs instantly turned to numb wood from the cactus sap, and all eight of them pitched forward on their faces in a neat row, kicking their boots helplessly in the sand!
Behind the village mud wall, the hundred villagers who had been trembling in fear just ten seconds ago stood frozen with their mouths wide open.
Stone slowly lowered his rusty pitchfork, rubbing his eyes. "Th-thirty horse bandits... wiped out in five breaths by ten cactuses?!"
"Look at their butts!" Little Mud pointed over the wall and burst out laughing. "Every single one of them looks like Grandma Zhang's sewing pincushion!"
Out in the middle of the road, only one man was still standing.
It was One-Eyed Jack!
Because One-Eyed Jack was a Rank 1 Peak Martial fighter with tough, leather-like skin and fast reflexes, the moment the first volley of needles fired, he had roared and spun his forty-pound iron wolf-tooth club in front of him like a iron windmill!
Ting-ting-ting-ting-clang!
Sparks flew wildly as his heavy spiked club knocked away forty or fifty iron needles! Even so, six needles slipped past his club and sank half an inch into his thick shoulders and forearm, making his muscles twitch with numbness.
When One-Eyed Jack looked around and saw all thirty of his men lying face-down in the dirt with their backsides full of black iron needles, his single eye turned blood-red with fury and terror.
"You little bastard! You used dark magic on my brothers!"
One-Eyed Jack knew that if he waited three minutes for those terrifying green monsters to spit again, he was dead meat. Instead of running backward, he kicked off his sitting horse's saddle and leaped twenty feet forward toward the village gate, raising his forty-pound wolf-tooth club with both hands to smash Pei Xuan's head in!
As his heavy boots hit the side of the gate, his shoulder slammed into the old wooden fence beside the entrance.
CRACK! SNAP! CRASH!
Three rotten wooden fence posts snapped clean in half and collapsed into the dirt!
At the exact same instant, because One-Eyed Jack had jumped past the gate line, his back was now facing the fifth pair of Guard Cactuses right beside the gate!
THWIP-THWIP!
Two last reserve needles—thicker and longer than the rest—shot out of the twin cactuses with a sharp whistle and punched three inches deep right into the left and right sides of One-Eyed Jack's backside!
"YEEEOOOOWCH!"
One-Eyed Jack let out a high-pitched scream that sounded nothing like a fierce desert bandit. Halfway through his downward swing, the numbing sap from the two giant needles shot straight up his tailbone, making both of his legs lock up like frozen sausages!
His forty-pound iron club wobbled in midair, losing half its speed.
"My turn, bandit!"
Old Wei stepped forward with a tiger-like roar! With his single muscular right arm boosted by the Morning Essence water he had drunk before dawn, Old Wei swung his chipped iron broadsword upward with all his might!
CLANG—!
The broadsword slammed into the underside of One-Eyed Jack's iron club, knocking the heavy weapon high into the air!
Before One-Eyed Jack could even pull his arms back, a gray figure blurred right past Old Wei.
It was Pei Xuan!
Having cleansed his dantian and broken through to Rank 1 Early Martial with 550 Jin of pure strength, Pei Xuan stepped inside One-Eyed Jack's guard, twisted his waist, and drove a rock-hard right fist straight into the bandit boss's bare stomach!
BOOM!
It sounded like an iron hammer hitting a wet leather drum!
One-Eyed Jack's single eye bulged out like a dead fish's. All the sour wine he had drunk in the canyon sprayed out of his mouth as his two-hundred-pound body folded in half like a cooked shrimp!
"Take a nap!"
Old Wei followed up instantly, flipping his broadsword sideways and smacking the wide, flat side of the iron blade right across One-Eyed Jack's jaw!
SMACK!
Two yellow teeth flew into the air. One-Eyed Jack spun around twice on his numb legs and crashed face-first into the dirt right at Pei Xuan's feet, his backside sticking up with two long iron needles quivering in the breeze.
"Guh... ugh..." One-Eyed Jack groaned dizzily into the sand, unable to lift a single finger as the cactus sap numbed him from his waist to his toes.
Just then, soft hoofsteps padded over from behind the gate.
Old Yellow looked down at the bandit boss lying in the dirt, chewed his cud twice, and let out a wet, rumbling snort from deep in his throat.
Hock—PTOOEY!
A massive, warm glob of sticky yellow camel spit landed squarely on the back of One-Eyed Jack's bald skull, dripping slowly down over his leather eyepatch.
For a second, the gate was dead silent.
Then—
"WOOOOOOOOH!"
"HIS LORDSHIP BEAT ONE-EYED JACK WITH ONE PUNCH!"
"THE SAND-JACKAL BANDITS ARE ALL DOWN!"
Behind the mud wall, all one hundred villagers erupted into wild, deafening cheers! Grown men threw their straw hats into the air, women hugged each other crying tears of relief, and Stone vaulted right over the mud wall waving his rope!
==================================================================== [ BATTLE VICTORY: WEST GATE AMBUSH! ] -------------------------------------------------------------------- * Enemies Defeated: 1 Rank-1 Peak Boss (One-Eyed Jack) + 30 Mounted Bandits (100% Captured Alive!). * War Booty Captured: 31 Desert Warhorses, 30 Curved Sabers, 1 Iron Wolf-Tooth Club, and 42 Silver Taels in bandit pouches. * Village Casualties: 0 (Broken Property: 3 Rotten Wooden Fence Posts). * Village Average Loyalty: 78 -> 88 / 100! ====================================================================
"Stone! Take twenty men with hemp ropes!" Pei Xuan ordered briskly, dusting off his knuckles. "Tie up all thirty-one bandits hand and foot while their legs are still numb, strip their weapons and coin pouches, and lead their thirty-one horses into the village corral!"
"Yes, my Lord!" Stone grinned from ear to ear, leading the young men out like a pack of hungry wolves. Within five minutes, all thirty-one groaning bandits had their hands tied tight behind their backs and were dragged into a neat row in front of the gate—lying on their stomachs because none of them could sit on their needle-filled rear ends.
One-Eyed Jack spat a mouthful of red sand out of his mouth and lifted his bruised face to glare up at Pei Xuan.
"Pei... Pei Xuan!" One-Eyed Jack croaked, his voice shaking even as he tried to sound tough. "My big brother is Scarface Wolf, Chief of the Sand-Jackal Gang! He's a Rank 2 Mid Martial master with iron bones and a hundred riders! If you chop my head off today, he'll ride over here and bury your whole village in the sand!"
Above One-Eyed Jack's head, the red tooltip flickered, revealing what he was really thinking:
[Prisoner: One-Eyed Jack | Loyalty: 5 / 100 (Terrified)][Current Thought: "Please don't chop my head off! My ass hurts so bad I can't feel my legs! Keep talking tough about Big Brother so this kid is too scared to execute me!"]
Pei Xuan looked at the floating thought bubble and laughed out loud.
He walked over to Hong Ling, took the small wooden abacus out of her hands, and squatted down in front of One-Eyed Jack's nose.
Clack-clack-clack!
Pei Xuan flicked the wooden beads rapidly, then pointed a finger at the three rotten, worm-eaten wooden fence posts that One-Eyed Jack had knocked over when he jumped into the gate.
"Kill you?" Pei Xuan raised an eyebrow, looking at One-Eyed Jack as if the bandit had just asked for a huge favor. "Why would I let you off so easily by killing you? Do you have any idea what you just broke?"
One-Eyed Jack blinked his single eye, looking at the three rotten sticks lying in the dirt. "Th-three pieces of rotten firewood?"
"Rotten firewood?!" Hong Ling gasped on cue, pointing her kitchen cleaver at One-Eyed Jack's nose. "Those were our Dry-Well Village's ancestral hundred-year-old Dragon-Heart Iron-Wood Gate Pillars! Look at how neatly they were aged by the desert wind! One pillar is worth one hundred silver taels!"
"That's right," Pei Xuan clicked the abacus one last time and held it right in front of One-Eyed Jack's face. "Three ancestral gate pillars at one hundred silver taels each, plus ten silver taels for kicking dust on my road, plus thirty silver taels to pay for the iron needles my cactuses just left in your men's butts. Total bill: three hundred and forty silver taels! How would you like to pay—cash or labor?"