A Beautiful Dream
This was the first meal Song Song and Li Xiao had shared.
He had heard that Li Xiao was mad. Even when he smiled, the way he looked at people inspired fear, because no one knew whether he might draw his sword and kill them the next second. Even the emperor had guards stay close whenever he was around his son. In everyone’s eyes, Li Xiao was a lunatic.
At this point, no one knew that Song Song’s name was the key to controlling his emotions. Even Song Song wasn’t sure whether his name would still have that kind of power in this life.
He would have to take things one step at a time.
Those who served the Mad Prince were always on edge. The smallest movement from him could send them scattering like startled birds, but today he had sent away everyone attending them at the table.
Song Song’s chopsticks fell onto the table. Li Xiao picked them up at once. He sat very close to Song Song. As the scholars would say, only a concubine or a male favorite would be so lacking in propriety as to sit that close to their master.
That left Song Song feeling a little uneasy. The emperor was still alive, and even the crown prince couldn’t claim he was certain to ascend the throne one day. Only a madman like Li Xiao would dare say such things. But to Song Song, those words could mean that Li Xiao valued him and felt close to him, or they could mean he was testing him.
Song Song picked up his chopsticks again and quickly weighed the pros and cons. Worried about angering him, he said very softly, “Your Highness, you should be careful what you say.”
Li Xiao didn’t get angry. “You’re quite right, Songer. I’ll be more careful from now on.”
Song Song used the serving chopsticks to put food on Li Xiao’s plate. He could tell Li Xiao was in a rather good mood. As they ate, Li Xiao suddenly remarked, “You seem to know my tastes very well, Songer.”
Of course he did. Back then, he had stayed by the little prince’s side and watched Li Xiao eat countless times. To prevent anyone from poisoning him, the emperor usually made sure he didn’t eat much. As a ghost, Song Song had had little else to do, so his eyes and mind had grown sharp. He had remembered things without even meaning to.
But he couldn’t tell Li Xiao that, so he smiled. “What a coincidence. These are the very things I like, too.”
Actually, Li Xiao liked his food heavily seasoned, while Song Song preferred blander dishes because of his poor stomach. But he had been through hardship; whether the food suited him or not didn’t really matter.
Li Xiao regarded him with a faintly probing gaze. Song Song couldn’t tell whether he’d realized he was lying, but in any case, he didn’t call him out. His tone remained gentle. “From now on, just tell the kitchen what you want to eat. You need to put on some weight. I’ll be more comfortable holding you that way.”
So he really was dissatisfied with him.
Song Song nodded. His stomach had shrunk from long periods of hunger, so he couldn’t eat much at a time, but he still waited until Li Xiao had finished before setting down his chopsticks.
It was already October, and the weather had begun to turn cold. But the inner room in the main house of the prince’s mansion was warm, clearly heated from below. Song Song followed Li Xiao inside. A faint scent of incense reached his nose, and his gaze drifted to the delicate little incense burner. Seeing this, Li Xiao said, “This incense calms the mind. You must have heard something about my condition.”
“I’ve heard a little.”
Li Xiao’s eyes darkened. “Have you heard that I often wake in the middle of the night and hack at people with my sword?”
Song Song nodded again. His face was gaunt, but his eyes were large and bright, clear as glass. Seeing the faint hint of unease in Li Xiao’s expression, he stepped forward. As he helped the man, arms spread wide, out of his outer robe, he said gently, “Those are just rumors. You needn’t take them to heart.”
Li Xiao’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He looked down at Song Song and asked hoarsely, “Are you afraid?”
“No.” Song Song looked up and smiled. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
The flicker of emotion in Li Xiao’s eyes gradually faded. He wrapped an arm around Song Song’s waist, pressed his forehead to Song Song’s, and kissed him. Song Song responded awkwardly. He had thought tonight would surely be sleepless, but unexpectedly, Li Xiao didn’t go any further.
He lay on the wide bed, held in the man’s arms like a body pillow. Li Xiao closed his eyes, still grumbling, “You’re too thin. You’re all bones.”
Song Song thought, Why didn’t you find me bony in your previous life?
He couldn’t wait to have a child, but Li Xiao seemed to have no such intention at all. That wasn’t quite right. He must have wanted one, but seemed to be holding back for some reason.
Song Song couldn’t make sense of it. Before long, he drifted off to sleep. His sleep was restless, plagued by nightmares all night. One moment he dreamed he was lying on the ground, covered in blood; the next, Song Ge was raising a dagger to stab him; then he dreamed of the child wailing in the fire… When he suddenly opened his eyes, Li Xiao was holding him. Beads of cold sweat slid from his forehead down his cheek and neck. A flash of panic crossed his unusually large eyes, then quickly gave way to calm.
Li Xiao brushed his fingers across Song Song’s temple. “A nightmare?”
Song Song’s lashes fluttered. He joked, “Did I frighten Your Highness?”
“You guessed right.”
Song Song: “…”
Li Xiao was unexpectedly sincere. He drew Song Song into his arms and rubbed his chin against Song Song’s long hair. “I’m a coward, you know. If you don’t want to be executed by the emperor someday for frightening me half to death, you’ll have to dream more pleasant dreams.”
Song Song could tell he was teasing him, and felt his heart soften a little. “I’m not good at having pleasant dreams.”
Li Xiao thought for a moment. “Once I ascend the throne, I’ll make you empress. That should count as a pleasant…”
Song Song clapped a hand over his mouth again, utterly alarmed. Good heavens, what was wrong with this prince? He might not care about keeping his head, but Song Song certainly did.
Li Xiao’s lips curved. He caught Song Song’s hand and kissed the center of his palm.
Song Song decided to stop entertaining his nonsense. He tucked his head into Li Xiao’s chest and soon fell asleep again.
It was probably the most comfortable night he had slept through in either of his two lives. He didn’t have to worry about rats crawling under him, lie awake all night because of the chilblains on his body, or fear someone suddenly kicking open the woodshed door and using him as a punching bag.
Everything was so wonderful it seemed impossible. When Song Song woke, the space beside him was empty. He yanked open the bed curtains and raised a hand to shield his eyes from the dazzling light, only to realize that the sun was already high in the sky.
He immediately got out of bed. Two maids were waiting outside the inner room. They bowed to him. “You’re awake, Young Master. Would you like to wash up first?”
He agreed, and someone soon brought hot water. After he had washed his face, someone handed him a soft towel. Once he had finished washing up, food was quickly brought from the kitchen. “The prince ordered ginseng chicken soup for you. Please have it while it’s hot. It’ll help build you up.”
He picked up the soup as if in a dream and thought, So Li Xiao really does plan to fatten me up before he eats me… Is he that picky?
Outside the door, Steward Qi peered into the room, then peered again, looking uncertain. A young boy beside him glanced at him, then glanced again. At last, he couldn’t hold back. “He really is Duke Song’s illegitimate son. Everyone in the capital was talking about it this morning. They say our prince went to the Song residence and forcibly took him away.”
“The prince’s behavior gets more and more insane,” Steward Qi muttered. “Poor man.”
The young boy said, “But the prince carried him back himself. I hear all the maids in the residence are green with envy.”
“What would you know?” Steward Qi gave Song Song one last look, the kind one gave a dead man, then turned away. “Just wait. The next time the prince has an episode, that’ll be the day he meets his end.”