Esmira (Enora)
I made a mistake.
The thought had been circling my head for hours, tightening like a noose with every passing second.
I stood at the window of the Luna’s chambers, staring out at the palace gardens without seeing them, my fingers picking absently at the skin around my thumbnail.
I’d told Roderic everything.
Why did I tell him?
Everyone in this palace knew what he was.
He was a puppet king, a figurehead who danced to the tune of House Sorvane and to the strings pulled by Lord Aven.
What if he went straight to Lord Aven?
What if he were in Lord Aven’s study right now, repeating every word I’d sobbed on his floor, and Lord Aven was already deciding how to dispose of me?
My thumb was bleeding now, but I couldn’t stop picking at it.
I’d been a Luna for less than forty-eight hours, but in those forty-eight hours, I had never felt more terrified, more alone, or more certain that I had made a choice that would get me killed.
Maybe dying would be simpler.
I’d been toying with that thought for a while now.
My mind constantly wandered to the image of my mother and my two sisters sprawled dead, blood seeping from their bodies.
Everyone who had ever loved me was in the ground.
What was left to survive for?
The privilege of pretending to be someone I wasn’t until the lie collapsed and I joined them?
I pressed my forehead against the cool glass of the window and closed my eyes.
No, I told myself quietly.
Mama said live.
The last word she ever spoke was live.
I opened my eyes again, and the gardens blurred behind unshed tears.
Suddenly, a hand touched my shoulder, and I jumped so hard my elbow grazed the window frame, leaving a peppery sting in its wake.
I spun around, my heart slamming against my ribs, and found a maid standing behind me, her hand still raised, her eyes wide.
“Your Majesty — I’m so sorry — I called your name several times, but you didn’t—”
She stopped mid-sentence, her face draining of colour as her gaze shifted to something behind me.
I followed her eyes and turned, flinching when I saw Lord Aven standing in the doorway.
How long he had been there, I didn’t know.
He was perfectly still, hands clasped behind his back, watching me with those pale grey eyes that never seemed to blink.
The maid was already backing toward the door.
Lord Aven inclined his head slightly, and she disappeared without another word.
The door closed behind her, and we were alone.
I straightened and curtsied, my bleeding thumb pressed into my palm.
“My lord.”
He didn’t return the greeting.
He walked into the room and stopped near the centre, his gaze sweeping over the untouched breakfast tray, the unmade bed, and the way I was standing, hunched against the window like a cornered animal.
“How much longer do you plan to carry on like this?” he asked. Follow the newest chapters on g.com.
“How many hours do you need to grieve your loss and move on?”
“My lord?”
“The flinching, the cowering, staring into space. The servants calling your name three, four times, and you standing there like a ghost.” His voice was quiet, but each word landed like a warning.
“You are the Luna Queen of Valdren. The daughter of Alpha King Eldric and Princess Heir of Ceranthia. If you cannot even respond to your own title, how long do you think it will take before the wrong person notices?”
“I’m sorry, I’ll—”
“I told you to stop apologising,” he cut me off, holding my gaze until I dropped mine.
“You’re royalty, Esmira. You do not apologise at every turn. You command, you seize, and when you enter a room, the room adjusts to you. That is what you need to become, and you need to become it quickly because we have a problem.”
I risked a glance at him.
“A… problem?”
“Your father arrived a while ago.”
He must have noticed the blank look on my face and added, “Alpha King Eldric. Esmira’s father. He arrived at court during the morning assembly. He’s in Valdren.”
The anxiety I’d been trying to fight surged through me until I could taste it on my tongue.
My heart was beating three times as fast as before.
My lips parted, but no sound came out.
“Don’t look so alarmed,” Lord Aven chided, sighing, and for the first time since our close encounters, I heard something in his voice that sounded almost like frustration.
“He was not expected at all. He finished a campaign in the southern reaches and came directly here. He’s currently freshening up in his room, but he’s been asking for you. He wants to see his daughter.”
His daughter.
A woman I had never been.
A woman whose childhood memories I didn’t have, whose favourite food I didn’t know, whose father’s face I had never seen.
“I’ll stall him for now and try to avoid a meeting until evening. Tonight, at dinner, you will attend and stay as far from him as protocol allows. He’ll be seated at the other end of the table, so it’ll be difficult for him to notice if you speak less. Within ten minutes, you will excuse yourself. Use whatever reason you like — fatigue, nausea, I don’t care. But you will not spend extended time in his presence. Not until I find a solution. Am I clear?”
“Yes, my lord,” I nodded.
He studied me for a moment longer, his expression shifting into something I couldn’t recognise at first, something that almost passed for softness.
“Are you alright, Esmira? Are you in pain?”
I lifted my head, caught off guard by the gentleness in his tone.
For one bewildering second, I thought he was asking because he cared.
Hope bloomed in my chest as I stared at him.
Was this a sign that perhaps he was reconsidering his actions?
“I’m… yes, my lord. I’m fine, and I’m not in pain.”
“Good.” He nodded, his gaze flitting to something else.
“Tonight, after dinner, you will go to Roderic’s chambers.”
The hope in my chest withered instantly, and my stomach dropped.
“But the marriage is already consummated. Surely there’s no reason to—”
“A queen who avoids her husband’s bed raises questions, especially in the early days of a marriage,” he said, cutting me off.
“And with Eldric here, he’ll be watching your union closely. If you sleep in separate chambers on the second night of your marriage, he’ll wonder why. And wondering leads to speculation. That speculation might lead to war.” He paused, letting his gaze wash over me.
“You want to survive this, don’t you?”
“Yes, my lord.”
“Then go to him willingly for at least a month, long enough to stand a higher chance of conceiving a child. Not because I told you to, but because it is the smart thing to do. There’s an unspoken rule even among the cruellest of warlords. Women and children must be protected at all times. A child would be your only shield.”
I gripped the sides of my gown, willing my hands to stop shaking.
“What if I don’t please the Alpha again?” I stuttered.
“Stop playing dumb, Esmira.” His tone changed, the softness evaporating.
“Why are you shying away from visiting his chambers when you went there this morning of your own accord?”
My head snapped up, my breath catching as I met his amused gaze.
“Did you really think you could walk through these corridors without my knowledge? This kingdom is mine, Esmira. Every stone, every door, every whispered word in every hallway reaches me before it reaches anyone else.” The amusement faded.
“Tell me. Why did you go there?”
My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears.
“I — I was only—”
“You were only what?” He took a step toward me, closing the distance enough that I had to tilt my head back to hold his gaze.
“Tell me what you were doing there. Alone. Without my permission.”
I stared at him, my mind scrambling for an excuse.
“I went to apologise,” I blurted.
“For this morning. He’d been so angry, and I thought if I went to him and—”
“And what? Begged for his forgiveness?” Lord Aven laughed, his lips curving into a smile.
“I hope you weren’t running your mouth. Telling the Alpha things he doesn’t need to know?”
This was a good sign.
It meant Roderic hadn’t gone to him.
“No.” I shook my head quickly.
“I would never. I swear.”
“You swear?” He scoffed.
“You had better be telling the truth, Esmira. Or need I remind you of the clearing?”
My body froze as images of my family falling to the ground, trembling in their own blood, filled my mind.
“You remember how they died,” he said quietly.
“And all of it is your fault.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“You know what I am capable of, Esmira. The only thing standing between you and a shallow grave in a forest is my continued belief that you are useful to me.” He paused.
“The day that stops, you die.”
He turned and walked toward the door.
At the threshold, he paused.
“Get ready for dinner tonight. I expect you’ll surpass my expectations and make sure the night doesn’t end in chaos.” His voice dropped.
“The fate of the whole kingdom depends on you now, Enora Hale. Don’t forget that.”
The moment the door closed behind him, I crumpled to the floor, my hands pressed over my mouth, my body folding in on itself as silent, airless sobs tore through me.
I was still on the floor, shaking, when the chamber door opened again.
The maid stepped inside, her voice filled with urgency.
“Luna, your father, Alpha Eldric, has arrived and wishes to see you. He is waiting in the antechamber.”
I stared at her.
My father?