"Uh, Brother Shi Tou, I'm just an ignorant guy and don't know how to talk right, so please don't mind me.
"What I mean is, we should be punishing evil and protecting our home. How can our own people bring disaster upon each other? No matter what, we're better than those bloodsucking bailiffs, right?"
"Don't. Ergou, don't try to fool me. I can understand Big Huang Uncle calling me a menace.
"After all, he's an elder, and he has to look after me day in and day out. It's only natural he'd have some complaints.
"But besides Big Huang Uncle, who have I ever menaced?
"On what grounds do they call me a local scourge? Is it because I can't lift my blade anymore, or are they just itching for a beating?"
Ever since Zhou Yuan transmigrated to this other world, he had feigned being a reckless, brainless madman to reverse his predecessor's situation of being simple-minded, dull, and constantly bullied.
The villagers still remembered the scene from over twenty days ago: a madman wielding a wood chopper, chasing someone from the north end of the village to the south.
Although the man he was chasing ran like hell and wasn't hurt, he still thought about getting revenge on Zhou Yuan.
But Zhou Yuan was no magnanimous soul. He prowled around that villager's house day and night.
Sometimes he would suddenly burst out of a haystack; other times he would peek out from a street corner, staring blankly; and sometimes he would break down the door in the middle of the night...
After that, Zhou Yuan's name became infamous throughout Qiaoxi Village. Everyone knew he didn't joke around. If he said he'd kill you, he meant it.
The villager who had bullied his predecessor was terrified. He fled overnight to a relative's in another village and still hadn't dared to return.
And so, Zhou Yuan became the village tyrant. No one dared to cross him wherever he went.
He had thought of himself as a warrior with a fearsome reputation, but he never expected someone would dare to voice his own inner thoughts. This guy understood him too well; he had to be taught a lesson.
"Ergou, my friend, I've gotten the short end of the stick. I've shouldered the bad reputation, but I haven't even done any bad deeds yet. How can that be right?
"Tell me, who's been slandering me behind my back? After I take care of them, we'll still be good brothers."
"Brother Shi Tou, please don't make things difficult for me. It's not that I won't tell you, it's just that... there are quite a few people badmouthing you. You wouldn't be able to handle all of them."
"I get it. Ergou, let's go back to talking about hiding out in the deep woods.
"As the old saying goes, 'A man is worthless away from home, but goods are valuable.' And another saying goes, 'Keep the good stuff for ourselves.'
"Since we brothers are so outstanding, why don't we focus on menacing Qiaoxi Village? Let's set an example for everyone, show them what's good and what's bad."
"Brother Shi Tou, menacing our own people... that's not very good, is it?"
"What's not good about it? We have experience with our own people! We know the roads, we know the folks. I guarantee every robbery will be a success."
Zhao Ergou regretted it. He had originally just wanted to get away from his wife at home, and he did have some thoughts of deserting his military service.
But Zhou Yuan's words dragged him back to reality. As expected, a conscientious person like him could never join Brother Shi Tou in menacing their own village.
"Uh, Brother Shi Tou, I just remembered... I have a family to support, I can't just desert. Otherwise, my pa, my ma, and my wife would all be punished.
"I have to be a man of conscience, you know? I really can't leave. I can't go with you to hide in the woods.
"But, Brother Shi Tou, if you really are set on menacing Qiaoxi Village, remember not to come after my family.
"My family is miserable enough as it is, and we've never bullied you. We can't afford to be broken and ruined."
"Of course not. With the bond between us brothers, if I really did go menace outsiders, I'd even bring some of the spoils back for your family."
"That's great! I knew you were the most loyal of men, Brother Shi Tou."
Amidst Ergou's flattery, Zhou Yuan patted the wood chopper at his waist, signaling that if there was nothing else, he was going to practice his blade.
Zhao Ergou gritted his teeth and revealed the other reason he had come.
"Brother Shi Tou, Cui Niang and I have talked it over. I'll be busy during the day, and you'll be busy at night.
"It doesn't matter which of us is the father, as long as we can leave a descendant for our old Zhao family.
"But let's be clear. If I make it back, the wife and the child are mine.
"If I don't make it back, you'll take care of Cui Niang and the child. We're brothers, let's not sweat the details. We'll just see who has the better luck."
*Smack!*
Zhou Yuan slapped a heavy hand on Ergou's shoulder, bending down to stare intently into his eyes.
His solemn gaze was terrifying, like a prelude to fury, or a silent interrogation.
"Brother Shi Tou, you..."
"You sly dog, Ergou! So you want me to take a blade for you, huh?
"Get up. For the sake of that heart of yours, I'll make this military journey with you. I guarantee that when you die, someone will be there to collect your corpse."
"That'd be great! If you can carry my body back, my pa and ma will definitely treat you like their own son."
"Stop joking around. Just try not to piss your pants in fear when the time comes."
Zhou Yuan wasn't a native of this world. He couldn't comprehend Ergou's spirit of sharing everything.
But he knew that he was a man of flesh and blood, and so were the people here.
"I'm off, Brother Shi Tou. Remember to sneak over to my place tonight."
"Get lost! Do your own business yourself. Don't you always be thinking of slacking off. It's better to handle this kind of thing personally."
"Brother Shi Tou, something's not right with you. Are you looking down on me and Cui Niang?"
"No."
"If you're not, then why won't you go? Even if you don't leave a seed, you can still be a man for a night. It's better than dying with nothing."
"Fine, I am looking down on you. I am solely focused on menacing demonesses and devilish women. I have no interest in decent folk."
Zhao Ergou and Zhou Yuan stared at each other. He suddenly felt he'd gotten a raw deal—he'd poured his heart out, only to be rejected in the end.
However, he felt there was some sense in what Zhou Yuan said. 'Demonesses and devilish women' sounded very impressive. Maybe Brother Shi Tou wasn't rejecting him, but simply had lofty ambitions.
"Then I'm really leaving. I won't leave the door unlocked for you tonight, don't want to let some other outsider get lucky."
"Wait."
"What is it, Brother Shi Tou? You changed your mind?"
"Changed my mind, my ass! My will is firm, and my goal is unchanged. Other than beings of great and baleful nature, no one can make me look twice.
"Ergou, you're married now, so you're a man. I don't have anything to give you, so how about I give you a proper name?
"In case you die on the road, you can at least have a decent memorial tablet."
"Okay!"
"Mm, let's call you Zhao Yang. Yang as in the sun. Hopefully, it can balance out your family's overabundance of yin and lack of yang."
"Zhao Yang... that name is much better than Ergou. If I manage to leave a seed, I'll give it to the kid. If my luck is bad and I can't, I'll use it myself."
"Suit yourself. Now hurry home and deliver the goods. I'm busy honing my martial arts here.
"Whether it's serving in the army or menacing the locals, I have to master my skills first, right?"
Ergou was sent home by Zhou Yuan to make a baby, while Zhou Yuan began to ponder his skills in peace.
At this moment, Ergou, the supposed winner, had become the loser. At least, he wasn't as free as Zhou Yuan; he could only charge forward with tears in his eyes until he was utterly spent.
"Mountain-Splitting Strike can be turned into a skill, so running should work too. What about eating and sleeping, two things I do every day?
"I can try it. Starting today, I'll eat smaller meals more frequently. I'll try to eat only three bites of a steamed bun each time, and have twenty or thirty meals a day.
"I can't neglect sleeping either. I'll train for an hour, then nap for half an hour, doing my best to turn all my life activities into skills.
"Let's go. Time to start running. Being fast is the true foundation of survival."
Proofreader: Peter Pan