My English assignment for the weekend was to read another three chapters from part two of this dreary novel and despite my best efforts my mind kept wandering instead of ingesting Orwell's words. After getting home on Thursday, I had immediately started on the pile of homework that had built up over the course of the week. I had been too distracted then to make much progress and now, two days later, that was still the case. My mind kept returning to my conversation with Margaret on Thursday.
She had seemed to be studying my expression, but at the same time she had worn a distant look in her eyes. I had been holding back tears on the way to her car after the GSA club meeting ended.
"I need you to know that I am not sad because of anything anyone said at that meeting," I had told Margaret as I clambered into the vehicle. "This week has been really rough, and all my stress is finally getting to me."
"Don't worry Laura, I can tell the difference between a good cry and a bad one. It's okay to let down your guard like that, especially around people who actually get it," Margaret had said as she pulled out of the school parking lot.
"I am not sure what you mean," I had replied uneasily.
"I'm talking about the other folks who are queer and dealing with it in school."
Great. More vocabulary with murky definitions.
"Huh?" I had let the syllable fall out of my lips.
"Right, you're still learning. I'm talking about people who are anything other than a straight and cis person. Cis means not transgender, by the way." She had pre-empted my next question with a quick smile. She had clearly been picking up on my lack of familiarity with the terms.
"It was nice getting to know some other trans people. Alex and Elizabeth were both great. And I am glad to know I am not alone. Thanks for inviting me to the meeting, Margaret."
"The club is always open to new members so don't be afraid to recommend us," Margaret had said. "I'm sure you wouldn't invite anyone who would be rude to queer people, but please make sure to check first. I don't want anyone to skip future meetings because a bigot showed up. That group is like a second family to me, you know. And for some of them, it's the only one they've got."
"I will keep an eye out, I guess," I had said with a small laugh.
"I know you were trying to avoid singling anyone out earlier, but I do apologize for Elizabeth's behavior. She can be a bit of a force of nature sometimes."
"We had a good talk in the hallway. I think she toned down her, uh," I had floundered for a word. "Forcefulness?"
"I'm glad."
We had continued for a while in silence except for me providing the occasional directions to reach my house. Eventually when we were almost there, Margaret had started to ask, "Well Laura, I was wondering if you wan—" but I had quickly cut her off.
"Sorry, Margaret, I need to go. I have got so much homework to do, and it is all due tomorrow," I had said as I gripped the door handle.
Her eyes had glanced over to my hand clenched around the passenger door release. She had taken in a halting breath and then began again, "Okay then, you better get to it. Just in case I don't see you tomorrow, I hope you have a good weekend. And that you don't have to spend all of it doing homework."
After she finished speaking I had said goodbye and went home.
My mind was sticking on that last part of the conversation as if I had missed something important. I tried to peel my thoughts away and back to this reading assignment. Eventually, I figured that if I was not making any progress on reading at least I should go to the library and try to find some information about the creatures that made the silk. How had so many things happened to me in one week? I slotted a torn piece of paper to save my place in the book and tossed it across my desk. As I approached the stairs, I could hear the television on the business news channel.
"We're seeing unprecedented failure rates, some as high as ninety-nine percent!" said one voice from the television.
"For the listeners and investors what exactly does that mean?" a second voice from the television asked.
"Either revision three and four are undergoing external sabotage or there is some core problem with our understanding of physics here. We ran into problems with the three as we shrunk our node sizes, but we expected to address those problems all to be addressed with our new microarchitecture. Beyond the half micron limit we see exponentially rising failure rates and our target goal of one hundred thirty nanometers seems to produce one working processor per wafer, if we're lucky," the first voice rambled as I made my way down the stairs.
"What are you watching?" I asked as I turned the corner into the living room.
"CEO of one of the major processor manufacturers doing an interview. At my job we buy a lot of these chips, and I've been wondering for a while now why the newest ones were so incredibly expensive," my father said as he turned the volume on the TV down.
"None of our competitors have even cracked the one fifty nanometer threshold yet. Even mobile ARM chips have been blocked at four hundred nanometers or larger for years and that has taken its toll on portable and handheld technology," the first voice said.
"Is that why the smallest cellular phone still requires a five-pound briefcase?" the second person on the television asked.
"Yes, absolutely. Today I am pleased to announce that we have allocated one billion dollars to our research and development division. I am fully confident that we will be the first to crack this problem, even if we have to win a Nobel Prize in physics to do it!" the first voice said. The news channel's label under his talking head displayed his name as Barrett and that he was the CEO of a company I did not recognize. My father seemed to have lost interest, though. He pressed the volume down button until the television was fully muted.
"How is the homework going, Laura?" he asked.
"Not great, actually, but I still have to keep plowing along. I am going to head over to the library for a few hours and see if I can get some research done," I said carefully. The research was not for school, but I did not really want to bring up the weird silk cocoons to my father.
"Well, good luck!" he said and smiled at me as he turned his attention back to the television. Even if his job was more on the business and accounting side, my father really did seem to enjoy working for a technology engineering company. It was just too bad that none of the things they made saw use outside of very large businesses or universities.
-*-
As I rode down familiar streets, I mulled over the events of the previous night for any details that might be useful for the investigation. After a short fight with a few shades, we had searched the riverside. We had then ended up finding piles of silk that looked suspiciously like human-sized cocoons deeper in the forest. The entire time Sarah had maintained an intense focus I had not seen from her before, but her demeanor returned to normal after we found the silk and headed home. Dan had also stepped up to the occasion and had restrained himself to a single verbal jab directed at me the entire night.
My pondering was quickly cut short as I arrived at my destination.
The Thread Creek Community College Library was an extremely utilitarian building, with no ornamentation or even large windows; it was clearly a repurposed office building. It also served as the town's public library, so Lucas had been checking out books here since middle school. The college connection meant it had an ample supply of reference material, and access to more from other universities upon request. Before diving into the greater catalog, I decided to dig through what they had in stock first. My plan was to look for titles that could contain references to giant silk monsters or even monsters in general based on what we saw near the creek last afternoon. Upon entering the building, I immediately turned and headed to the card catalog which was off to the side and separated from the stacks.
The first roadblock I came across was what category would be best to look under. Religion, pure science, arts and recreation, and history seemed best, but that was still a massive net to cast.
"If I happened upon a book that was essentially a giant list of monsters, how would I categorize it?" I muttered to myself. "Well, if I want to find something that most people think of as fake, I might as well start in fiction."
My eyes quickly found the literature section, then English literature, then finally fiction in English and noticed that it occupied the next several rows of the card catalog.
I had hoped that this system would narrow things down further rather than cramming all fiction ever written in English into a single section. My heart sank as I pulled out the first drawer and was greeted with a bright red card. I slid it from the notch it rested in and pulled it closer to read its small text. 'For specific fiction selections we recommend querying the digital catalog using title or topic search or asking a librarian for assistance.'
Asking for books about real monsters was not going to work. Maybe I could describe it as mythical or a fantasy creature instead? If I found at least one book that was in the right category and had some accurate information, then I could ask for others like it. It was worth a shot. I walked over to the counter and waited for the librarian who was scanning returns to notice me and come over.
"How can I help you?" he asked politely.
"Hello, do you have any recommendations for books about mythical monsters? Specifically large spiders or moths?" I ventured.
"Do you have your library card? I can add some recommendations onto your account, and you can review them at one of the computer terminals." The man held out a hand and I quickly passed him Lucas's library card. I hoped he would not notice or comment on the name and picture on the card not matching up. He scanned the card and handed it back. "I'll tag your account with some titles in a few minutes. Always happy to help a fellow cryptozoology lover." He shot me a conspiratorial wink.
"Thanks so much." I smiled, quickly pocketed the card, and headed over the computer terminals to do my own search.
-*-
I spent a surprisingly extensive amount of time wrangling the unfamiliar device. There was a laminated printout with a list of shortcuts and what all the 'F-keys' did beside each terminal. It took me a solid five minutes to figure out how to log in, navigate the maze of menus, and open the catalog. To get access to the system I first had to enter my library card number and password. Thankfully, the one Lucas had used to set up his account still worked. The text interface for the library catalog loomed before me as I slowly typed the words 'myth' and 'spider' into the search bar. I scanned the entire page of titles on the monitor, jotted down any that sounded interesting in my notebook, used the page down button to advance to the next screen, and repeated the process for multiple minutes. Due to the rarity of computers, Lucas's experience regarding them was scarce and mostly unhelpful.
"I should probably learn to type on one of these eventually," I muttered. I only had two memories of Lucas ever using the computers here. Did he just rely on the librarian to get books? Digging back through my catalog of Lucas's life, I had a vague recollection of him scanning the shelves and picking books to read at random. This method did sound much more fun, but today I only had time for the most direct approach. And that meant dealing with this unfamiliar and frankly unintuitive device. Oh well.
Tentatively, I also peered into Aurora's memories of libraries and briefly saw a hazy hall lined with books in old handmade leather bindings. Many of them had no titles on their spines. Rather, the shelves themselves were labeled in great detail. Looking down I saw a slender, unfamiliar hand reaching out, taking a book off the shelf, and flipping it to the first page that contained text. It was inscribed with large garish lettering split across several lines: History of Numerical Notation. I heard a voice—it felt like it was emanating from my throat, but it was not mine—saying something I could not understand. The text on the page glowed green and shifted around. I could also see the green glow escaping from pages further into the book. As the letters stopped moving, they formed a new title: The Disposition and Dispatchment of Fiends. The memory ended and my perception snapped back to the computer screen. My login session had expired.
"Well, now I want that book," I huffed. I stared at the annoying login prompt before me. After feeding my credentials back in, I quickly searched for History of Numerical Notation, which returned no results. I even tried The Disposition and Dispatchment of Fiends and again found nothing. I wrote down both titles in my notebook next to the three I had found in my earlier computer struggles. Thankfully the librarian's suggestions had yielded another three. Four of the ones that were in the system were already checked out so I clicked the button next to them that said 'wish list.' The remaining two books: Mythical Creatures of the Americas and Ancient Terrors: Monsters of Myth were available. I noted down where they were, logged out of the computer, and finally headed upstairs to the dense aisles where the books were stored. My notes indicated that both of them were located in the historical non-fiction sections since they were about real myths.
"Maybe that is a good sign?" I whispered quietly to myself as I scanned the rows.
The second floor was extremely quiet compared to the first floor and the air was suffused with the smell of aging paper. The pleasant aroma was a light earthy tone mixed with a hint of vanilla, and it slowly emanated from the rows and rows of shelves filled floor to ceiling with paperbacks, hardcovers, magazines, and journals. If I were less intent on figuring out what those silk balls in the forest were then I could have spent hours aimlessly wandering these aisles. But unfortunately, my search was over far too quickly for me to bask in that peaceful atmosphere. Maybe I could come back later after things settled down.
After finding the books I headed over to a reading desk and flipped to the end of both of them looking for a glossary or index. Mythical Creatures had several entries about spiders which were unfortunately devoid of images. Among the mentioned monsters were those with the face of a human, humans with spider-like appendages, and giant spiders up to six feet long. There were no entries in the index for silk or moth, so I moved on. I quickly took brief notes on each spider entry with page numbers and set the book aside.
The second book, Ancient Terrors, did not have an index or glossary which was disappointing. I started over from the beginning, looking for a table of contents, only to find that the mythical beasts were listed in order of region instead of category of creature. The section that seemed most relevant was for South America and after quickly flipping through I found no mention at all of large spider monsters or large moths of any kind. The only mention of spiders were large colonies of small spiders that would roll together in a giant ball and swarm their prey. Fortunately, such a thing was only a myth, or at least I hoped so. It was a total dud. I groaned in frustration.
Turning back to Mythical Creatures, I took more extensive notes and then compared the entries. A common element in the three retellings was the monsters' fear of fire. On top of their webbing being vulnerable, they were frequently depicted fleeting from any open flame. I was excited to share this information with Sarah. She always looked so happy whenever she got a chance to wield her magic, even at the beginning when we were almost overwhelmed.
Lucas's and Aurora's memories of the battle against the shade army on the banks of Thread Creek jumped through my head again. Lucas had harnessed ice spells from Aurora, Sarah had hurled fireballs given by Corona, and Dan had utilized powerful protection spells from Chromos. They had all worked so well as a team and destroyed dozens of shades, but now I, Laura, had to fill the role of both Lucas and Aurora at the same time.
Could I even keep this up for much longer? I thought about what Lucas and Aurora would be doing right now if they were still here instead of me. When I dug into the brief memories Lucas had while bonded with Aurora, I also unearthed a brief glimpse of Aurora helping others with whom she had bonded. Lucas's few memories of Aurora contained a weird mix of frustration and wonder. In the hours Lucas knew her, she had offered him powerful magic that completely shattered his worldview. Lucas had accepted her gift, and Aurora and the other spirits had worked together to save both Lucas' and his friends' lives. Aurora's memories had several instances of bestowing her power on humans; each of the times she had were in similarly desperate circumstances.
I dredged these various memories out of the deep recesses of my mind and smooshed them together as a potter would mix red and blue clay together to make purple. A sudden feeling of intense vertigo hit me and intensified into a full-on sense of falling. A distant part of me could tell that I was still sitting in the library, but at the same time I was disconnected from that place. The blob that I had visualized as that mixture of memory was no longer beside me or even nearby. I pushed my awareness out until I realized with a jolt that the churning morass of thought and reminiscence that I had been seeking had completely surrounded me. Here was a space with nothing in all directions, but it was not dark. There was a vague sense of light that somehow permeated everything despite having no source. I was able to look down at my hands and move around freely in the void.
"Hello?" I called into the haze of nothingness around me. As my voice echoed around the enormous, seemingly endless, expanse I felt a weird sensation in my head, something like a slowly building warmth.
"Who are you?" A young man's voice replied with a deep sense of unease.
"L-Lucas?" I barely stammered out the name, "Is that you? I am Laura, I wanted to ask Aurora something."
"Aurora, do you know her?" Lucas's disembodied words echoed across the emptiness.
"No." It was a woman's voice this time, terse and sharp. Was that Aurora? She sounded a little different from how I remembered.
For a moment I considered why Lucas and Aurora were here. I had combined the memories together, yet these two people seemed so distinct from me within this realm. Had my actions somehow caused Lucas and Aurora to manifest inside my head? I was not even trying to do that! Was I going to be stuck like this forever? I whispered a brief prayer to the arcane forces for mercy and pulled myself back to the matter—and people—at hand.
"Aurora, do you know anything about giant silk cocoons or eggs?" I forced myself to speak through my hesitation and the words piled out on top of each other. In the empty space three of the large silk orbs appeared directly from my memory.
"Yes." Aurora's reply had a spike of anger to it. Her transparent form slowly materialized next to the orbs and she appeared to be examining them intently.
"Could you please let me know anything you know about these things?" I asked carefully. As I asked the question, I knew I had made a mistake. I could have just rummaged through Aurora's memories directly. Now that I had created this space and animated my predecessors, I felt suddenly unsure and a bit terrified. Were Lucas and Aurora still alive within me somehow, but just imprisoned? Panic had begun to slowly creep in, and I started to tense my metaphorical legs in preparation for a sprint. I needed to get the hell out of here as soon as I could and end this.
"Wait," Aurora said, cutting into my spiraling thoughts. Could she see or feel that I was trying to escape? "These appear to be skin stitcher eggs. They are spider-like predators which can utilize corpses as a form of camouflage, but it takes them time to prepare the remains before they can be used."
"I found a book which said that mythical spiders hate fire." I offered as I slowly approached Aurora.
"Skin stitchers are not mythical. They are incredibly dangerous and must be destroyed to protect this town." Aurora slowly enunciated each individual word. "But yes, fire should be effective against them."
"Got it. I will take the threat seriously. What about your ice magic? Do you think I could use it effectively against these monsters as well?" I replied quickly and Aurora's gaze landed on me. I reflexively backed up a step under her intense look.
"What are you?" Aurora asked without answering my question.
"A human?" I quickly responded, somewhat offended by the implication, "I am not sure what you are asking." The sensation of heat in my head was rapidly becoming uncomfortable.
"Why are you able to utilize my magic? I did not bind myself to you." Aurora seethed.
"Uhh..." I blurted, unable to form anything resembling a response.
"Laura, why do you look so familiar?" Lucas cut in.
I turned to look at the source of the voice and was briefly startled by the sudden arrival of his corporeal form. He was dressed in the same blue sweatshirt and sweatpants that he had been wearing the night he bonded with Aurora, and his body was shaped like it had been pre-transformation. My outfit by comparison was overtly feminine presenting; it consisted of new items I had picked out with Sarah last Sunday. Lucas must never have gotten a good look at himself after Aurora changed him. There were no mirrors in Chris's living room where Lucas turned into—well, me—and he only knew from context what had happened to him. I looked between the two of them and their suspicious stares cut through me.
"Lucas, she is dangerous." Aurora said, looking directly at him. The bite was gone from her voice, replaced with the smooth melodic tone I remembered. It would seem Aurora did not like me and had no intention of hiding it. My next idea was not without risk, but I needed to know sooner rather than later.
"Lucas, what is the last thing you remember?" I murmured. My quiet words echoed like gunshots.
"A white void?" He answered, but it sounded more like a question. He appeared to remember his last moments. That was probably good.
"What about what happened right before that?" I prodded.
"Aurora did something to me. She changed me somehow. Why did you do that, exactly?" Lucas turned to Aurora and then quickly turned back to me. "Wait," He looked me up and down and continued, "Okay, what the hell is going on?"
"Honestly, I am not sure, Lucas. Sarah, Dan, and I went to the river to find some clues on how to proceed with the mission we were given by the spirits. We found a giant mass grave full of mutilated corpses, too many to have been gathered simply for shade production. Then we went deeper into the forest and found enormous egg-liked cocoons made of silk. They were empty and freshly torn open, so I decided to research mythical giant spiders and moths at our local library and then I accidentally woke both of you up somehow." I was rambling as much to myself as I was to Lucas at this point. If something went wrong, I was fairly sure I could pull the plug on this mess instantly. I silently mouthed another prayer that these instincts were correct.
"Woke us up? Sarah and Dan went with you? How do they even know you?" Lucas queried and then seemed to take in his surroundings for the first time. The fire in my head started to significantly intensify. His gaze landed on me and a wave of discomfort flowed over me directly from Lucas himself.
"Well," I briefly hesitated, "do you want a turn? Feel free to poke around." I manifested a vision of the library's reading area into this non-space in my mind and motioned at it. The fire-like feeling in my skull was now actively causing me pain. I knew I was making things worse at this point, but I had continued to push forward heedless of the danger. And now Aurora and Lucas were both treating me like a stranger. I felt so alone.
"A turn?" Lucas asked, evidently completely lost.
I then addressed Aurora, "What about you? I do not think I can keep doing this. Want to take the wheel?"
"I think I already have it," Aurora said as a bemused grin spread across her face.
The pain continued to increase and all at once it was too much. I reacted abruptly and removed myself from the swirling memory and forced my awareness back into the physical space of the library. The heat and vague unsettling discomfort immediately ceased. My head darted quickly left and right trying to see if anyone had seen or heard me acting oddly. Thankfully, no one was looking at me and I breathed a sigh of relief. A wave of fatigue hit as I tried to relax. Whatever I had just done had consumed a lot of my magical reserves.
"Aurora? Lucas? Are either of you still there?" I whispered to myself.
Teardrops steadily fell onto my notepad blurring my handwriting.
There was no reply.