Dan, Sarah, Chris, and I were celebrating the end of the week of tests later tonight with a board game and movie night. Since it was Thursday, I had also planned to attend the weekly GSA meeting after school. The walk was eerie from the gym to Miss Knight's classroom where the club meetings were held. There were far fewer students lingering in the halls than normal after school ended, especially for Thursday. Before entering the classroom, I looked up and down the halls to make sure I had not been followed by Tommy or one of his lackeys. Thankfully, the way was clear. I took a deep breath and quietly slipped inside. Within, desks with their attached chairs had been moved into a circle, the same as the week before. Jade was already sitting at one of the desks and reading a thick paperback. Her hands were covering the title, and I did not recognize the remaining cover I could see.
"Hey Laura! I'm glad we didn't scare you off," she said looking up from her book.
"Not yet," I said, taking a seat about halfway around the circle from Jade. "How did the gauntlet of tests this week treat you?"
"Good. I am glad it's over. Only three months until finals," she said as she returned to her book and flipped a page.
The remaining members of the club trickled as Jade kept reading. Margaret, Mark, and Alex all came in together in a group and were chatting about a class they had just finished a test in together. Elizabeth was last to arrive. She gave me a small wave and a smile after she spotted me.
"I know everyone is excited to be done with school, so I'm glad that you all still decided to come today. No unfamiliar faces today, but we will still run through names and pronouns like always. Margaret, she and her." She indicated the person to her left and each person spoke in turn.
"Jade, she and her."
"Alex, they, them."
"Mark, he, him."
"Elizabeth, she, her."
The responses each came rapid-fire around the circle and when I hesitated at my turn Elizabeth filled the silence and let me go last.
"Laura. She and her," I said.
"Great! Perfect. I remind you that changes or even trying new things out is of course entirely allowed," Margaret said. "So, for today I was—" She cut herself off as the door opened and another girl entered. "Amber! Glad you could make it this week." Margaret said excitedly as the newcomer gave the circle a wave.
"Amber. She, her," she said. She approached the circle, leaned over to Jade and they shared a quick kiss before Amber sat down in the empty seat. She looked around the room briefly and her eyes landed on me. "Sorry, I don't think we've met."
"Laura. She, her," I repeated.
Her eyes lit up, and she said, "Oh! You're friends with Dan, right?"
I hesitated before replying, "Yes. How do you know him?"
"The competitive cheer group is also the sideline cheer group during football season. Small school," she said with a shrug. "I've seen him on the field of course. He is also pretty good friends with one of my friends." She grew quieter and said, "she went missing," before her voice drifted away. She had a stricken look on her face.
I had to know. "Wait, who?"
"Jessica," she said quietly.
"Oh," I breathed. She was one of three ghosts that Lucas, Chris, Dan, and Sarah had seen before the guardians and shades had shown up. William, another of the ghosts, was also a close friend of Dan's. No wonder he had become so serious and determined since that night. I could not tell Amber what happened to Jessica, not here. It also seemed like something Dan would have mentioned to her sooner. The only thing that made any sense to me was that Chromos must have told Dan not to tell Amber what happened to Jessica.
"For today I was thinking we should go around the table and let people bring up any announcements or new business for the club. I'll start. Nothing from me," Margaret said.
"I was wondering if people were interested in reading a book together. Maybe we could discuss sections of it each week? Or talk about it next month?" Jade said. A few people in the group seemed interested but no one said anything.
"Did you have a specific book in mind?" Margaret asked.
"Not really, but I could pick one! If that's okay?" Jade said.
"Sounds good to me," Elizabeth said.
"I hope it's not just a lesbian memoir," Mark muttered. Jade and Amber both glared at him; Margaret gave him a frustrated look and Elizabeth just laughed.
"I read some of She's Not There recently. It is about a trans woman," I said, trying to diffuse the sudden tension. Then I immediately regretted bringing the book up. I was not even sure it was any good and it had not exactly resonated with me. Though, I might learn something from hearing Elizabeth's thoughts about the book.
"Did you like it?" Margaret asked with a smile.
"It's written in a series of vignettes. It was well written, but I do not think I was the target audience," I said. Other than some strange word choices and could not exactly put into words why I had not liked it.
"Was it written for cis people? Or for questioning people?" Elizabeth asked.
"I am not sure. I am not set on pushing the group to read it," I added.
"I'll look for more books and bring a list next week," Jade said.
"Sounds good!" Margaret said and lightly clapped her hands. "Alex?" Alex shook his head. "Mark?"
"Do you think we should advertise the group more?" Mark said. The faces around the circle soured slightly at the question.
"I think we should keep it invite only for now, but we could put it to a vote," Margaret said.
Three people, Amber, Jade, and Alex immediately replied, "No."
"Oh," Mark said looking a bit surprised. "I see."
"Laura?" Margaret asked.
"I am not sure this is exactly a club thing, but maybe it is important. Tommy told me he was following me around outside of school when he was suspended. Not sure if he is after me specifically or—" Or what? Or go after one of them? He seemed to initially go after me because I was trans, but was that the only reason? He saw me using magic at the creek so maybe now he was only fixated on me because I was interesting.
"He's such an asshole," Margaret snapped. "What's wrong with that guy?" Her question was directed at Amber.
"He thinks he's hot shit. Most of the girls avoid him like the plague," Amber said.
"I thought I should mention it. Sorry if that was out of place," I mumbled.
"Yes, of course you can mention it." Elizabeth said, "Part of this club is that we stick together and watch out for each other."
I could not meet Elizabeth's eyes. I felt uncomfortable about bringing him up since I was not really in any danger as far as Tommy went. Now that my magic had started working again, I could just throw sharpened ice at him if he started harassing me again. Why did I even bring him up at all? As my frustration with myself grew, my eyes landed on Miss Knight sitting at her desk. I expected to see her grading or working on something else and not paying attention to the club, but now she was watching us intently with a frown. Not us, I realized, just me. As I analyzed her face, I decided that she did not look upset and instead looked concerned.
"Thanks Laura. Anything from you Elizabeth?" Margaret said.
"Nothing in particular," Elizabeth said.
From there the tone got a lot lighter and the group talked about this week's tests. I learned that the juniors had just taken the SAT this week. Everyone seemed glad to finally be done with reviews or studying and ready to move on. Amber said that there was a long cheerleading practice tomorrow to prepare for a competition event on Sunday. The normal Thursday practice had moved, which is why she was able to attend the club.
The group smoothly moved across a wide range of topics while I offered only the smallest contributions. Which movies were playing at the Cinemaroll and were they any good? Why was the food so bad this week in the cafeteria when people were taking so many tests? It was especially terrible when you consider that the junior class was taking the SAT! Did the bakery in town get any new absurd sandwiches on the menu? I was surprised how easily they talked to each other considering they were from different grades, and I bet they had barely met before going to the club. Last week I had been stuck inside my own head and not really paying attention to the group's dynamic. My thoughts drifted to my own tight-knit group of friends that I had kept all through high school and how different this group of friends was.
Sarah had really helped me, specifically the new me, out the first few days. The way I felt towards her was that of a very close friend or even a sister despite me being an only child. We really needed to hang out more, especially at times other than when we were doing work for the guardians. Dan had gotten over whatever issue he had with me—or I at least hoped he had. Lucas was good friends with him, and I really did not want to lose any of my friends. I had spent a lot of time studying with Chris recently, especially after school, and I even helped kick-start his foray into using magic. I planned to spend more time with Sarah and Dan in the next few weeks. I resolved to talk to Dan about Jessica at some point when I saw him tonight and maybe I could spend some time with Sarah this weekend.
"So, Laura," Amber said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I had completely lost track of the conversation. "Who are you taking to prom?" I made a small pathetic sound and stared at Amber. I had to say something even if I was at a total loss.
"I have not thought about it to be honest. I doubt I am even going," I said dejectedly.
"You should! It'll be fun," Amber said.
"I will think about it." My reply held no enthusiasm. The group moved on to other topics while I mulled over this.
Thread Creek High School held combined junior and senior proms since the school was so small. Lucas did not go last year because he did not ask anyone out. I was fairly sure that I was not supposed to ask someone out, but how else would I have a date? Would I even want to date? Amber turned her focus on the others in the group, and I realized they could all be attending if they wanted. There were no freshmen or sophomores in the club, or at least none in attendance today. Amber was of course going with Jade. They were cute together. Part of me wondered if I would ever have a partner like that.
Aurora and other guardians understood the concept of human love, but since magic spirits were usually incorporeal, they grew strong attachments in different ways than humans. Comparing Aurora's and Corona's working relationship of trust and understanding to human companionship was like comparing bananas and potatoes. Unfortunately, five hundred years of memories were not going to give me an easy solution for my future relationships as a human.
Lucas had a girlfriend at one point, but the specifics felt muddled in my mind and felt not worth digging into. Lucas had been a cis man, and I was not sure I wanted to act anything like he had in romance. Leaving those memories in the past felt like the right thing to do. I could feel how Lucas had felt about the girls his age and that attraction was solidly still there, but girls overwhelmingly liked men, right? Then, it struck me as silly to think like that while sitting opposite Jade and Amber. Did I … want to be attracted to men? Dan was someone I could try to get closer to, but the mention of him being close with Jessica and her death meant I should give him some space. It really put his mom's comments into a grim light. I could ask Chris to the dance, but I did not feel the same pull towards him as I did with Dan. That pull had a strange familiarity to it that I could not quite place.
Damn it all to the frozen wastes.
I did like men. How did I not realize it sooner?
I was bi? Had Lucas been bi?
"Laura, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost," Elizabeth asked me with a worried expression. I looked at her face closely, searching and examining it more than I had last week. She had been so supportive. She helped explain some of my insane situation to me and also she was attractive. The realization of my attraction to her hit me all at once and I blushed so heavily I feared that I resembled a tomato.
"Yeah," I said, stumbling over my next few words, "I, uh, just forgot, some homework I need to do." My emotions were out of control while the rest of me had just fallen into a pit of confusion.
"Hmm," Elizabeth demurred. "It looked a bit more serious than that." A grin spread across her face. There was no way she knew what I was thinking, she must be poking at me because it was fun. Did that mean we were friends?
"I'm going to be busy tonight and this weekend. No time to do it," I said.
"There's always tomorrow or Monday during homeroom," she said with a shrug.
It seemed like no one else in the group realized I had spaced out for a bit and when I returned to participating it was like I had never left. I completely lost track of time as Mark and Alex told a story about some party they found in the campgrounds to the north of the town. The story took a strange turn as Alex explained how the party organizers claimed someone had stolen all the drinks and food. Then the organizers blocked the main exit to the campground and tried to interrogate people before letting them leave. After a few hints from Margaret, the discussion finally was winding down.
As I got up to leave, I realized I had forgotten to arrange a ride home. I asked, "Margaret, can I get a ride again?"
"Of course, Laura. I was planning to give you a ride again. I doubted you got a car since last week," she said.
"Thanks," I said, relieved.
Margaret ran the club, so it was her responsibility to make sure everyone got home or had a ride. This meant we would be the last two to leave. As Elizabeth headed to the door, I told Margaret that I would be right back.
"Hey," I said as I caught up to her in the hallway. "Can I have your number?"
She laughed and said, "Oh, I see." She smiled, smoothly uncapping a pen from her backpack then gently grabbing my hand.
I blushed again, somehow more than the last time, and said, "For questions. You know, about being transgender. It has been a lot for me. If asking is okay with you, I mean?"
"Oh," she paused and her wide smile changed subtly. The best way I could describe it is that her gaze went from fixated on me to pleasant. "Of course. Anytime." I relaxed my hand and she quickly wrote seven digits. "Just ask for Liz."
"Thanks, Liz," I said looking down at my clasped hands with her phone number. The skin tingled slightly. She gave me a wave, and I turned back to the classroom as a surge of energy flowed through me.
When I returned, I quickly retrieved and opened my backpack then copied the number into a notebook. Margaret made a low whistle behind me. Suddenly spooked, I spun while holding my notebook in front of me as I tried to hide the number and nearly knocked both of us to the ground.
"Whoa, relax. I was just surprised you got her number."
"It is just if I need help," I said uneasily. "You know, trans stuff."
"Ahhhh," Margaret said, her voice dropping to just above a whisper despite us being the only students left in the classroom. "Well, if you have questions about your newfound girlhood my door is always open, of course." She stuck out her hand and motioned for the pen. Confused, I handed it to her, she plucked the notebook from my hand, added seven digits as well as her name three lines below Elizabeth's.
"Thanks?" I said, picking up the notebook and pen.
"Now, let's get you home." Her grin was enormous.
-*-
My bike glided easily along the empty road as I pedaled towards Chris's house. As always, we were hanging out there because it had the best television. Or at least that was the cover story Lucas would have given, but I had also noticed a lack of siblings or parents during my previous visits. This would not have been the case at any of the rest of our houses. Except for possibly mine during the week and some weekends. Yet I was glad we were not using my house; a small part of me felt embarrassed at having my friends over my house. I was sure Lucas had felt the same way. There was nothing special about it and it was too small with poor seating areas for four people.
My father was still at work when Margaret dropped me off. I quickly dropped off my backpack and left dad a note explaining where I would be. I still had not told my father about my run-in with the witch or anything regarding magic. Not since he showed me my mother's safe filled with magic items and notes. I would need to tell him about Chris’s abduction eventually. Hopefully as little as possible, but at least some of it. That story was at the bottom of the list of things I wanted to talk to my father about. Kim’s body had disappeared so maybe she had not actually died that night. I shuddered at that thought.
I arrived at the end of Chris’s driveway as Dan was approaching the front door. As I got to the front porch myself, someone was already opening the door.
"Dan and Laura are you ready for Carcassonne?" Chris asked excitedly as he pulled the door open to admit us.
"Is that one of Sarah's B-movies or a board game?" Dan asked with a grin.
"You'll just have to come in and find out," Chris said.
We threw off our shoes and entered the living room. Sarah greeted us and said, "As always after test week, no talking about schoolwork! That means you, Chris!" He responded with a feigned "boo." She continued, "And no magic talk either, Laura."
"Huh? Why me?" I blinked. Chris seemed more likely to bring up magic than I.
"We're relaxing today. So that means no magic, no witches, no spiders, no ghosts, and no shades," she said, ticking them off on the fingers of her left hand."
I had not felt comfortable talking about magic at school since I knew Tommy and people he might have asked for a favor could be snooping for information. Sarah's request meant I could not bring up the woman at the library. I hoped Chris was right that I was just being paranoid. We did not find a guardian at the creek, so it was not as if I had something important to report about that. I did my best to push all my lingering thoughts of magic out of my mind for a while. Instead, I asked, "Any rules for Dan?"
"Nope!" Sarah said cheerily.
"I've got a rule for you then," Dan said. "We get to pick the movie tonight."
"Okay, new rule for Dan. He can't make rules." She sounded triumphant.
"Too late! I already said it," Dan retorted.
"Well, what if I only brought one tape?" Sarah said, with a smirk.
"Hmm, that doesn't sound like you," Chris said as he walked over and picked up Sarah's backpack. He gingerly lifted it off the ground and felt its weight. "There's gotta be at least four in here."
"Come on Sarah, let's see them." Dan crossed his arms in mock frustration.
She pulled out the tapes, arranging them neatly on the table. The titles were: Return of Barnham's Pride, The Pewter Circle, Howls VI, The Crimson Fallen, Venusian Menace, and Grim Darkness.
"Okay, have any of you even heard of these?" Dan asked Chris and me. We both slowly shook our heads.
Sarah let out a heavy sigh and said, "Fine, I'll give you a hint for each." She pointed to the films in order and quickly rattled off, "Ghost ship, witches, werewolves, vampires, aliens, and the unknown."
"These are all horror?" I asked. I knew that was Sarah's favorite genre, and she leaned deeply into the more low budget or obscure, but it was a surprise that there was not a single other type of film. I was hoping for something different.
"Yup!" Sarah said with a huge smile while I restrained a sigh.
"Tonight is 'no magic night' so I think that only leaves the last two," Chris said as he pushed those two tapes away from the others. "Wait, are all of those monsters and whatever real? Witches and wizards sure are real."
"You and Laura are proof of that," Dan said with a chuckle.
"I'm not sure I'd go that far," Chris said.
"Take the win," I said, and put my hand up for a high five. Chris reluctantly raised his hand, solidly hit mine, and I had a rush of nostalgia from years of hanging out with Chris. I continued, "As for ghost ships, werewolves, and vampires none of those are real. At least I do not have any spark of recollection. I do not think they actually exist outside of fiction."
"I vote for the alien movie. I doubt we’ll ever run into those," Dan said.
I shrugged and Chris said, "Sure."
"I'll get it set up then," Sarah said with a grin. "I do like this one."
-*-
Once the body horror extravaganza that was Venusian Menace was over, I abruptly walked out of the room and mumbled, "I will be right back."
I splashed some cold water on my face while washing my hands in the bathroom and tried to relax. Why was I so tense? That movie must have gotten to me, but why? It was nothing like the real life fights we had been in. The shades' blood vanished moments after they began to unravel. The only real blood I had seen as Laura had been from the skin stitcher I had stabbed and when Kim died. The answer had hit me all at once, the dead bodies they had flashed on the screen reminded me of the glowing green outlines of the bodies in the mass graves near the creek. I sat down heavily on the tile floor and tried my best to focus on my breathing.
"What the fuck," I muttered.
Maybe Chris was right and it was getting to me after all. Eventually, I left the bathroom and headed for the front door. I slid my shoes back on and slipped out the door, making sure to close it softly behind me.
"Hey Laura," Dan said, startling me enough to make me jump backwards and slam into the door with a thump.
"Uh, hey," I said embarrassed. I tried my best to hide my startled reaction. "I did not expect that ending. A giant space battle above Venus? Seemed a bit strange."
"Yeah. It clashed with the rest of it," Dan said. "I don't think the movie was very good to be honest."
"Why did the alien ray-gun weapons make people turn inside out?" I asked pouring out my disgust and frustration. "And why did the corpses look like that?"
"Like the ones at the creek, you mean?" Dan asked.
"Yeah," I breathed.
"I noticed that. Chromos did as well. I had to demand he go to sleep and stop bugging me. Sorry I picked that movie."
"There is no way you could have known," I said. "Maybe we should take a break from horror films until we figure this mess out and the guardians are gone."
"Sarah won't be happy about that," Dan laughed.
"I talked to Amber today—" I began, unsure how to even begin to ask him about Jessica.
He sighed heavily as my words fell away. "I know exactly what you're going to say. Chromos demanded I not tell her what happened to Jessica. And he's right, too. That's the worst fucking part. There's no way to prove it. Even though I know the truth. And if I say anything about it then Amber will think I'm just giving up. Or that I'm crazy." He punched his fist sideways into the metal railing ringing the porch and it thrummed with the impact. "At least we found the person that killed her. All of this shit is so fucked up."
"Yes. It is," I said and I gently grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Though there must be more. More people like her. The guardians are still here."
"Maybe if we can find Jess’s ghost again, she can tell us who the others were," he said looking at his hand as he flexed his fingers. It must have been throbbing after that impact on the railing.
"I've been back there three times. I have not seen a ghost any of the times," I said.
"Wait, three? When was the third time?" Dan looked directly at me. I realized my mistake far too late.
It was not like there was a reason to lie. "Chris and I went again on Tuesday. He wanted to look for a new third guardian. To replace—" I trailed off avoiding having to say one of my previous names. “Me,” I barely whispered.
"It's a good idea," Dan huffed. "We need the muscle." My hand fell away from his in my surprise. "Sarah and I should have been with you."
"Yes. I know. It was stupid."
"And careless. We are a team. We work together. Don't go running off on your own," Dan chided.
"Yes, coach," I said with a groan.
"I'm serious," he said, but then after a beat he laughed. "Also, Chromos says guardians appear when people they can bond with are in danger. Part of the spell that ties them to this area. And we have thoroughly cleared that creek."
"We need to get in trouble? Is that what you are saying?"
"Yup," Dan said confidently. "And I know just how we're gonna do it, too."