"Laura," said a male voice which pierced my peaceful sleep. "It's time to wake up." I felt a hand land on my shoulder and gently nudge me. Pulling the covers over my head, I rolled as far away from the hand and voice as I could. I needed to go back to sleep. "Did you stay up late?" I finally recognized the voice as my father's and drowsily poked my head out from under the covers.
"Good morning," I said in a subdued and barely coherent mumble.
"Welcome to the land of the living," he said with a smile. "You still have plenty of time to get dressed and eat. Don't forget, we're going to the school office together today. The wonders of paperwork await."
My reply was a long dull groan.
"Even a world of magic and monsters has paperwork?" I griped and started rubbing my eyes.
"Nothing will ever get rid of paperwork, unfortunately," he said. He laughed and closed the door behind him as he left my room.
I sleepily and awkwardly threw the covers off before clambering out of bed. Slowly, I began the process of swapping out the oversized tee shirt and pajama bottoms I slept in for a fresh set of underwear and the purple dress Sarah had picked out for me yesterday. That dress and its accompanying blouse were easily my favorite outfit that we had purchased yesterday. It seemed fitting for reintroducing myself to my classmates. I had to look my best after all.
After I got back from my shopping trip, I told my father Sarah's solution to the school problem: I would be coming out as trans. It seemed much easier than trying to invent an entirely new sister or cousin while also explaining Lucas's mysterious disappearance. This plan also neatly sidestepped having to explain magic as apparently most of my appearance could be explained by non-magical medications and treatments. I had to hope that no one would realize that those methods took far longer than a single weekend to become effective. The people who paid the most attention to me already knew the real story. If pressed I would reply that this was years in the making and the person asking had not noticed until I switched up my presentation. Okay, maybe this plan had a few holes.
My father seemed unsurprised at my suggestion as if he had independently reached the same conclusion. As we had discussed, we would go to the school office and take care of the paperwork first thing in the morning. He did seem to hesitate initially when I mentioned telling the school I was trans. He had let a long silence build after I first mentioned the idea. It was as if he expected me to say something more, but I had no idea how this was even supposed to work other than the short explanation that Sarah had given. Eventually, the conversation reached a vague conclusion, and I went back to finishing all the homework Lucas had so rudely let accumulate over the course of the week.
I looked in the mirror mounted to my bedroom door, making sure the outfit looked the same as yesterday, and that I was not forgetting anything. Throwing on my backpack, I pulled open the door to the bedroom and headed down the stairs to grab breakfast.
"No half-measures I see," my father said as I entered the kitchen.
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"The dress. It looks good. Did you want eggs for breakfast?" he said.
"Rain check on the eggs? I am feeling cereal right now," I replied. "As for the dress, Sarah picked it out."
I pulled open the cabinet and retrieved the box of peanut butter granola. It was the same kind I had yesterday and I was craving it again. After filling my bowl, I grabbed a bag of raw pecan halves and dropped a handful on top. I decided to eat in the kitchen and keep my dad company while he made his breakfast.
"Pecans?" my father asked me from over my shoulder.
"Yeah, I have wanted to try them ever since-" I began as I retrieved a spoon but trailed off. Ever since what?
"Usually, I just have a few as a snack. I would never have thought about combining them with peanut butter," my dad mused.
"It is good," I said between spoonfuls. I thought back to the last time I had this specific breakfast. Wait. No. I, of course, had never had this before. My first ever breakfast was yesterday, and it was pecan-free. Where did that idea come from? A name drifted into my head: Marie. Who was Marie?
The image of a young woman materialized in my mind. She wore a long dark blue dress covered in a regular pattern of small white polka dots. The collar was surprisingly large and extended from her neck to her shoulders and down to her bust with a rounded fringe. She wore a full face of makeup, and her hair was curled into a short bob that did not even reach her shoulders. My perspective suddenly shifted, and I saw from her point of view as she cast the same sword summoning spell I used last night. A few swings of the sword later and the memory faded away.
Did I really have a third person's memories crammed in my head? That could not be right. Those must have been Aurora's memories from when she was bonded to Marie. That would also explain why the experience was at least partially from Marie's point of view. Aurora must have been guiding her to cast that same spell that both Lucas and I have cast. And Marie liked nuts in her breakfast cereal. Why did Aurora remember that specific detail? Aurora did not even eat food! Am I just a blend of—by my current count at least three—different people?
"Are you okay?" my father asked. I returned to the present and blinked down at a spoonful of cereal held aloft over my bowl.
"I was thinking about something, that is all." I said before resuming eating. "Do you know someone named Marie?"
"No," he said with a pause before he continued, "I don't think so. Why?"
"Just a name I heard recently," I said. Looking down at my bowl I saw it was empty. "Looks like I am ready to go. I will take care of my dishes first."
"I need a bit more time, I didn't sign up for the breakfast grand prix," my father laughed.
After rinsing out my bowl, I headed to the bathroom which would give my father time to eat. After finishing up I checked my appearance again in the mirror and made sure I looked presentable. Comparing how Marie looked in that memory to how I looked now was a little disappointing. Would I need to get makeup? There certainly would not be any makeup in this house with only Lucas and his father living here. This meant I would need to go shopping again, maybe even today. I retrieved the backpack from where I dropped it beside the table to eat and headed to the garage. Inspecting my face must have taken longer than I expected because the garage door was already up and my dad was in the driver's seat of the car. I tossed the backpack in the back seat and jumped into the front passenger seat.
A ride in a car was a nice break from taking the bus to school for once. The bus that I have never ridden in. Eventually, I was going to have to get over this weird speed bump in my brain of my memories not being mine. I was not even consistent about it, and it only served to make me frustrated. If someone has memories then they are their memories, right? I pressed both of my fingertips into my temples and did my best to stop thinking about it.
"Are you sure you're okay?" my father asked again.
"Yes, just thinking about math," I lied.
"Did you finish all your homework yesterday?" he said.
"Yup, I barely managed to finish it all despite my past-self leaving it all to the last minute," I grumbled.
"The philosophical implications of the persistence of personal identity," he replied laughing.
"The what?"
"There was an article I read recently about an old sci-fi show which had teleportation technology. The story goes that when the characters in the show use the machine to teleport, they are replaced with copies of themselves and are not actually moved. A new copy of the person is created in the new location they're trying to go to. They have all their old memories and so they act exactly the same and no one thinks about it any further than that. Well, the one character in the show who understands how the teleporter works doesn't like the tech and everyone else thinks he is the strange one," my father explained.
"What do sci-fi technologies and cheesy serials have to do with past me though?" I asked.
"The article cites a section of the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy about personal identity. It argued that the implications aren't limited to the TV show, but that any break in the flow of consciousness could technically be counted as a separate person. For example, when you sleep or if you forget an important memory. Even if it's an unimportant one."
If losing memories could change you then what would getting a bunch of new memories do to you? Was that the only thing keeping me from being Aurora or Lucas instead of Laura? I shuddered.
"So, by that logic you are a new person every morning?" I asked skeptically.
"Exactly!" he proclaimed. "It was an interesting piece. It was in the March issue of that magazine we just got. Should I save it for you?"
"Sure, I will look it over," I replied. It did sound somewhat interesting. My father usually did not have much time to spend together with me, and I enjoyed this small peek into his interests outside of work. After a few more minutes of driving, we turned into the parking lot for the school. Very few people were there this early and no buses had arrived yet to drop off students.
"Ready?" my father asked cheerily as he put the car into park and cut the ignition.
"I think so. With how early we are, I might not even miss homeroom," I laughed as I opened the door and released my seatbelt.
"Education is important. Even if your senior year is nearly over," he lightly chided as he exited the car.
Moments later, we were in the main office which served as the school district's administration center. The small room had three chairs next to the doorway and an additional three single piece desks. Across from these six chairs was a large desk covered in papers, a lamp, and two wire baskets labeled 'in' and 'out'. To the right of the desk was a door which seemed to lead deeper into the office with a sign that read, 'Faculty Only'. Thankfully, no one else was waiting in the entryway and the middle-aged man seated at the office reception desk greeted us with a polite smile as we came in.
"Hello, we would like to update some of the records the school has for my daughter," my father said with only slight hesitation.
"Address, phone number, or emergency contact details?" the person behind the desk guessed.
"Name and gender actually. I am Laura Loranger and I am trans," I stated, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible.
"I can print the forms for that. Your last name is the same, right? I will need that to retrieve your current file. Have you gone through the legal process yet?" the man asked.
"We haven't done the legal name change process yet, but she plans to keep her last name. We'll work on the legal stuff tonight, I guess," my father answered.
"I'll retrieve her file and print the preferred name update forms. Please excuse me for a moment," the man said before opening and entering a door leading deeper into the office.
"That went much easier than I expected," I said sighing with relief.
"No reason for it to be difficult, it's just some paperwork," my father replied and shrugged.
A few moments later the man returned holding a folder, two forms, and a small booklet. He handed the forms and booklet to my father. "This booklet should help cover the legal process such as how to update your gender marker on IDs. When you get the court order, you'll need to fill out this first form again. Today we'll just update your preferred name," he explained. "Is your daughter under eighteen?"
"I am eighteen," I said.
"Then you need to fill these out," he said to me. My father handed me the forms, and I just blinked at them.
"Oh," I breathed.
"I guess I didn't even need to come after all," my dad said looking at me with an expression I could not place.
"I am glad you came," I started and turned to face him, "I hope you have a good day at work." I pulled my father into a hug while also trying to not wrinkle the forms too much.
"Kicking me out already?" he said with a chuckle.
"No, it is not like that. I know they demand a lot from you there." I gave him a small smile, but my frustration with his job likely leaked through my expression.
"Laura, I took the entire morning off. It's fine." He took a seat in one of the chairs next to the door to the office.
"These shouldn't take too long to fill out. So, feel free to do it here. I'll give you a pass for homeroom so you won't be marked late. I'll also update all your records and class lists with your preferred name, and I can also write a note for you to hand to your teachers. Should save you having to explain it over and over for today," the district employee explained calmly.
"Thanks," I said. I sat at one of the student desks since it had an attached writing surface. Despite it being useful as a table for the moment, this style of desk always bothered me. They always felt awkwardly low to the ground and my knees felt like they were being scrunched under the writing surface. As I slid into the desk, I realized my knees were not even close to touching the desk now. There were some benefits to being a bit shorter, it turned out. The supporting bar dug into my hip a little though.
As I looked over the forms, they turned out to be fairly straightforward with only one surprise. To sign them would affirm under threat of perjury that my statements were true. I should have known these were legal documents after the question about my age, but I was still caught off guard. While I was filling out the forms the one-minute warning bell rang. I would need that late pass after all.
"Could you look this over?" I said and passed the first form to my father after I completed it. He took it and began checking it without a reply.
"How do you spell your first name? I just want to make sure for the late pass and the note," the man at the desk asked as he flipped through the folder he had retrieved. I assumed it was some sort of official school record for me.
"Laura, L-A-U-R-A," I said, trying to clearly pronounce each letter as the bell for the start of homeroom echoed through the empty halls.
"Thanks!" the man replied and continued writing. As I finished the second form I looked up to see him slap a sticky note onto the first page in the folder. He had written 'Laura Loranger' on the note and stuck it over Lucas's name on my records.
"Thanks," I said, letting out a small laugh. Lucas was now officially me.
"You're welcome, and here's your note as well." He placed a piece of paper on my side of the desk. "And this is your attendance pass for homeroom," he said, setting down yet another piece of paper.
"Dad, could you check this one too?" I said and we traded the first form and the second form. When I handed the first form to the man at the desk he took it with a smile. I scooped up the two papers from the desk and I sat down next to my father. The first was a note on official Thread Creek School District stationery. It offered a quick summary of the situation, requested that my teachers use my new preferred name, and explained and that I identified as transgender. The second was a simple note for my homeroom class to not mark me late since I was at the office.
"Looks good," my father said and handed the second form back. "I'll let you get to class, Laura. Oh, and I'll read the name change booklet and figure out what we need to do next."
"Thanks dad," I beamed. I turned and passed the second form to the man at the desk. As my dad stood up from the chair, I gave him a brief hug, and he headed to the exit.
"Have a good day at school Laura," my father said as he walked out the door.
The man reviewed the two forms making sure I filled them out correctly. Most of the first form was left nearly blank since it was not a legal name change. It also had felt strange leaving the parent or guardian sections blank. I turned eighteen recently and this was the first legal form I had filled out other than a driver's license renewal application. I briefly thought back to when Sarah, Dan, Chris and Lucas were all showing off our brand-new driver's licenses to each other. The licenses were the strange vertical style the state just started issuing and very few people I knew had them. And now I need a new one. Great. Good thing I ride my bike everywhere.
"Looks like you're all set. When you get the legal process completed, we'll swap that sticky note out for an official record update. We take preferred names seriously here though so there isn't a rush. I'm sure I'll see you back here soon enough!" he said with a smile. I was so relieved that this went so smoothly that I could not help but smile back.
"Thanks," I said heading to the door and onwards to my homeroom.
"If anyone gives you trouble, let me know," he said just as I pulled the door open.
"Oh, yeah. Uhm. Thanks again," I said, surprised. I appreciated his offer but strongly hoped I would never need to take him up on it.
My walk to homeroom was uneventful. By the time I reached the door the speakers in the school had begun to broadcast Sarah's voice reading the day's announcements. Before turning the handle to open the door to the room, I hesitated. My hand clenched up and I began squeezing harder and harder. I forced myself to release handle, stepped back, and took a deep breath to center myself. As my heart rate slowed, I looked into the room through the narrow window in the door. My drifting eyes met the homeroom teacher's and he gave me a strange look while tilting his head slightly. Mr. Takahata did not recognize me. He turned back to his students and broke eye contact with me.
My hand slowly reached out once more, firmly grasped the door handle, and turned it. I brandished the two notes before me as some kind of ward. Sarah's voice stopped talking on the announcement system, the entire class turned to look at me, and I froze. No, that was not quite right, they were looking up at the flag for the pledge. I shook off the minor moment of shock and continued walking to the teacher and handed him the two notes. Mr. Takahata gave me the strangest look I had ever seen from a teacher.
"Are you in the correct room, miss?" he asked warily.
"Yes, these should explain everything," I said, gesturing at the papers. Unsure of what to do next, I turned and headed to the seat I normally took in the back of the room next to Chris. The teacher looked a little less confused after I sat down. Then, he finally looked down at the two pieces of paper I gave him.
"Nice entrance," Chris whispered while restraining laughter. "Real smooth. I'm surprised you wore a dress on your first day."
"Was I supposed to wait until after the pledge? The teacher saw me at the door," I muttered.
"Might have been a good idea. Would have avoided that deer in the headlights moment at least." Chris was failing to hold back the laughter now. Frowning, I stared him down and crossed my arms.
"Hey, where's Lucas?" the girl sitting to my left asked. I tried to pull her name out of Lucas's pile of memories but drew a blank. Did Lucas not know her name? I suddenly felt a bit embarrassed. I was sure that Lucas did know everyone in his grade. The senior class at Thread Creek High had just over a hundred students. As I kept my eyes on Chris, he opened his mouth, likely to reply to the girl, and then closed it without saying anything. Telling my classmates about my new status felt way more daunting than telling the school faculty, but I had already chosen this path. I took a deep breath and turned in my seat to face the girl on my left. Here it was, the first of many little explanations, my 'coming out'.
"Uh. Hi. I am Laura," I began uneasily. "Umm. Now, I mean."
"Huh?" she replied and looked closer at my face. "Lucas? Is that you? You look so different."
"Laura, please," I requested.
"Oh!" she blurted. "Sorry, I didn't catch what you meant at first. I like your dress by the way."
"Thanks! I was just at the office taking care of the paperwork. That was why I was late," I rambled. "It was pretty straightforward, just some forms, and I am officially Laura at school now."
"You're trans?" another girl asked, surprised. She was seated in front and to the right of me. She had rotated completely around in her seat to look straight at me. I glanced around the room and saw with immediate terror that the entire room was looking at me. Was I that loud or had everyone just realized Lucas had come to class in a dress? I glanced behind me and only saw the wall of the classroom. This time the entire class was looking at me.
"Uhhh," I spluttered.
"What does trans mean?" Chris whispered to my right. I looked at him then back to the room. Other than what Sarah told me yesterday I did not know much about of what it meant to be transgender. I had hoped that the concept was more well known and only I had not heard of it. Maybe being completely unprepared for this was a bad idea? I really should have looked everything up in the encyclopedia in the library first. Should I have sat at one of the other empty desks rather than broadcasting who I was by taking Lucas's empty seat? I had no idea what to do. Some of the students in the class began whispering to each other and the noise level of the room steadily rose.
"Class, I don't mind you talking amongst yourselves, but please keep the volume at a reasonable level," The teacher said sternly. In a more relaxed tone he continued, "Laura, I think you should introduce yourself."
Wobbling to my feet, I headed to the front of the classroom and looked at my classmates warily.
"Hi. I am Laura Loranger. I'm transgender. I am a girl now. That is all," I said, forcing the words out.
"Wow, Lucas, I knew you were a weak loser with no balls, but-" a blond boy at the front of the class began in a mocking tone, but I did not listen to the rest of his vile words. Instead, I stared at the ground and thought about Lucas. Lucas was not weak. He had fought alongside his friends regardless of the effect it had on him and defeated an army of shades. Then only hours later I had stolen his entire life and replaced him entirely. What the hell was I doing?
"Mark Moore, that language is unacceptable in this classroom!" Mr. Takahata called across the room from his desk. "You will receive detention, and you must serve it today." I glanced around the room and saw a mixture of smirks, indifference, and a few looks of surprise. A glance at Mark's face showed that the punishment had not phased him. The high school senior sat there with a look of pure arrogance and self-satisfaction. Getting in trouble for it seemed to only fortify his demeanor. After a few more moments of my eyes darting across my classmates' faces I just walked back to my desk and ungracefully plopped myself into it.
What the hell had Mark said? After that reaction from the teacher, I did not want to know. It would just make me even more frustrated. The entire rest of the school day lay ahead. How many more times was this going to happen to me?
I could feel my calm demeanor that I was carefully holding onto start to fray and slip away.
"Are you okay?" Chris asked after a minute of silence.
"Yeah," I lied. I do not even know why I lied. Chris was my friend. Or, at least, he was Lucas's friend.
Eventually the bell rang to signal the end of homeroom which snapped me out of my malaise. As I shuffled to the door to leave, Mr. Takahata approached and handed the name change note back to me. I gave him an appreciative smile and walked through the doorway to the hall, directly to my locker.
"Mark!" a girl's voice called down the hallway. I recognized her as the same girl who asked if I was trans. She was facing towards the main hall, away from me, and she rapidly approached the student who had harassed me. Mark turned and immediately his face met the girl's open palm. The slap's sound carried over the din of the hall and attracted several onlookers.
"You can't just call people slurs, asshole!" she hissed and quickly walked away. Unlike detention, this seemed to finally break Mark's smug expression.