To make a long story short, Xiao Zhuang began with a self-introduction, “My name is Zuo Shisan. I was originally a carefree Immortal Second Generation!”
The System wondered, ‘Your father from both lifetimes was surnamed Zhuang. Why did you change your surname?’
Xiao Zhuang responded inwardly, ‘I was formed from the thirteenth rib on Zhuang Feibai’s left side. If I’m not called Zuo Shisan, should I be called Zhuang Shisan?’
Uh, the System went silent!
After shutting down the System, Xiao Zhuang continued with dramatic flair, spinning tales to the two unlucky souls, “My family originally belonged to Spirit Sword Peak, one of the Five Major Sects in the human world. It’s all your uncle’s fault—he had nothing better to do than steal me away to the Monster World!
He was so poor he could barely feed himself, so why steal me?
Could he even afford to raise me?
I’ve had it rough! Following Lao Hei, I went hungry nine times in three days!
Luckily, I’m omnivorous and can eat grass, but that guy wouldn’t, so he starved himself to death!
Don’t you think I’ve been wronged?
Lao Hei died and left me here, unable to return home or recognize my father. Boohoo, how wicked!”
Seeing the child cry, Young Master Xue quickly assured him, “Cousin, don’t worry—ah, no!
Shisan, don’t worry. I’ll take responsibility for my uncle’s debt. Coincidentally, I’ve just had an epiphany and plan to go to the human world to seek a master. I’ll definitely take you back to Spirit Sword Peak!”
Wow, and here he had prepared tricks one, two, and three—this big brother was way too accommodating!
Xiao Zhuang wiped away nonexistent tears, “Brother Xue, you’re truly too kind!
From now on, I’ll rely on you for food, clothing, shelter, and travel!
I won’t even expect the Spirit Pills and Spirit Rice that Lao Hei promised me. Just having meat every meal will do—my demands aren’t high!”
Cunzhang just wanted to roll his eyes. “Demands aren’t high” yet asking for meat every meal? There was no way Young Master Xue would agree to that!
Unexpectedly, Young Master Xue shook his folding fan and said, “No problem, Shisan. Rest assured, Brother Xue will provide you with meat!”
Cunzhang flicked his sleeve, “You two chat. This old man takes his leave!”
He had seen it clearly: this Zuo Shisan was full of cunning schemes, and Young Master Xue was a genuine fool. One was eager to deceive, the other eager to be deceived—he’d better not get involved!
Young Master Xue didn’t feel cheated at all and enthusiastically introduced himself, “My name is Xue Nàruì—’Nà’ as in attracting wealth and blessings, ‘Ruì’ as in auspiciousness!”
Xiao Zhuang burst out laughing. Xue Nàruì—a Schnauzer, nicknamed the little old man with a bearded face, hahaha!
In his original memories, Lao Hei was quite majestic—a large blue-maned wolf dog. How did his nephew end up as a Schnauzer!
Xiao Zhuang tried hard to suppress his laughter, “So, um, is your father quite wealthy?”
“How did you know?” Young Master Xue looked proud, “My father is the clan leader of the Snow Wolf Clan, but my mother is a concubine and a dog demon, so my eldest brother inherited the family business!
But my eldest brother treats me very well!”
The System chuckled inwardly. Probably, his Young Clan Leader eldest brother saw him as too foolish to be a competitor!
Though Xiao Zhuang wondered why a black dog demoness marrying the Snow Wolf King would give birth to a Schnauzer, he didn’t dwell on it.
He had been worrying about how his three-heads-tall body would leave the beginner’s village, but unexpectedly, a fool fell right from the sky!
If nothing else, this silly son of a wealthy family had a genuinely good heart!
He didn’t get angry about mistaking his cousin, didn’t get angry after being bitten, and was even willing to travel thousands of miles to help him find his father. Even a living Bodhisattva couldn’t be more generous!
Lao Hei’s place was bare and empty, so Xiao Zhuang had nothing to pack. Young Master Xue, dressed in luxurious silk robes, wasn’t suited to stay overnight there either. After discussing, they decided to settle in town.
Xiao Zhuang thought that since he was traveling, he needed a handy weapon. But when he checked, he found he only had 76 points left.
“Can’t even afford to buy a dagger!”
The System mocked, “Weren’t you good at calculations?
You dared to spend over half of the 100+ points you earned on Buddha Jumps Over the Wall, and now you’re stunned, aren’t you!”
Stunned? Impossible! The System’s reminder made Xiao Zhuang realize that Wrath Points could be farmed in groups!
If he got woken up in the middle of the night again tonight, the Wrath Points would probably double.
If quality wasn’t enough, quantity would make up for it. This whole village should…
Xiao Zhuang suddenly had a flash of inspiration—he had a plan to quickly rack up over ten thousand points!
Thinking this, he put on a fawning smile, “Hey, Brother Xue, I heard Snow Wolves can run 800 miles in their true form at night. How about you?”
Schnauzer didn’t know what Xiao Zhuang was up to and proudly thumped his chest, “800 miles is nothing! Don’t look down on me for being mixed-race—I could do it since I was ten!”
“Perfect!” Xiao Zhuang smiled with pure innocence. “Brother Xue, can you transform and carry me? I want to spend more time in the room—let’s travel at night, alright? Let’s skip the town and go to the City That Never Sleeps 500 miles away. I heard it’s really lively there at night.”
Schnauzer agreed without suspicion. To him, Xiao Zhuang was just a kid who’d never left the village and wanted to see the night scenery—no big deal!
They decided to set off at dusk. Young Master Xue said he wanted to thank Cunzhang for guiding them and left Lao Hei’s courtyard.
Once alone, Xiao Zhuang immediately called the System and used his last points to exchange for half a pound of sulfur and an alarm clock!
Young Master Zhuang was wasteful but no slacker—he’d taken physics electives in college. While he couldn’t handcraft a nuke, making a timed bomb was no problem.
The mountain had saltpeter, and charcoal could be homemade. After working for over two hours, he finally produced a timed explosive package weighing over two pounds.
The System was puzzled, ‘Even if you just want to wake people up with a loud noise at midnight, you don’t need one this big! What if you hurt some demons?’
Xiao Zhuang grinned slyly, “Don’t worry, Tong Ge—where I’m placing this, no one will be there at night! Hehe. I have a feeling I’ll be earning points from this for a whole month.”
The System was even more confused—even if people got woken up at midnight, they wouldn’t stay angry for a month! But soon it understood.
The little rascal had planted the timed explosive in the village school’s outhouse.
Xiao Zhuang’s Qingshan Village was the largest nearby, with two decently educated teachers. Demons needed literacy too, so several villages had jointly built a school at Qingshan Village’s entrance.
Children from four or five villages studied here, with up to a hundred students at times!
By late afternoon, the children had all gone home, leaving the school quiet and empty.
Xiao Zhuang set the bomb for four hours and placed it in the school outhouse!
The System was stunned—what kind of creature had it bound? This went beyond ordinary mischief!
Xiao Zhuang felt no remorse. “Relax, Tong Ge—the kids will thank me! When I was in school, the historical figure I appreciated most was Qu Yuan. Li Bai and Du Fu only gave me memorization assignments, but he gave me three days off.”
Hah, true enough!
The System could already foresee how furious the parents would be! As long as the little divine beasts couldn’t attend school, their parents’ wrath wouldn’t subside!
Perfect—maximum gains with minimal investment!
When Xiao Zhuang returned to the courtyard, Schnauzer was already waiting for him. The two locked the courtyard gate and left the village together!
After exiting the village, the sky had completely darkened. Young Master Xue stretched his limbs, preparing to transform into his true form for the journey.
Xiao Zhuang was also somewhat expectant, hoping Schnauzer’s demonic form would be larger than an ordinary non-sentient one. Otherwise, he truly wouldn’t be able to ride a small dog breed.
A puff of white smoke flashed by, and the dashingly handsome Young Master Xue transformed into a two-meter tall, six-meter long… Husky!