"Patty? Glacia. Glacia? This is Patty," I said, making introductions. "Best mind in the country for gadgets and gear. She’s a technopath."
"Charmed," Glacia said.
"Likewise," Patty said with a smile.
I glanced from one to the other, puzzled by the odd tension hanging between them. However, before I could dwell on it, Patty abruptly spun toward me and skipped over.
"So!" she said brightly. "Whatcha got for me, big guy? Need a death ray? An army of kaijus? A mech? Please tell me you need a mech!"
"Woah, nothing like that," I said hurriedly, extending my arms to show the bracers. "I got singed and dinged a little fighting Ms Fire. And I’ll need some equipment as well. Glacia’s going to go after the Ice Diamond."
While removing my bracers, Patty halted and gave me an inquisitive stare. "She is? So? What’s that got to do with you?"
"I’m working with her on her debut as a villain. It’s a whole thing."
"Huh? But... you never take sidekicks," Patty said, pouting.
I gave a shrug. "Normally no. But they made me an offer I couldn’t refuse."
"That right?" Patty sent Glacia a glance I couldn’t fully interpret. Glacia inclined her head.
"I am to be his apprentice."
"Trainee," I amended at once. "For now anyway."
"Ohhh! You know I thought when you finally got around to building that harem I’d be the first on the list, eh?" Patty said.
"Wh—what!" I sputtered.
"Hey! Not to worry! I get it," Patty laughed, giving my stomach a slap. "I knew it would happen some day. Guess you’re saving the best for last... hopefully second. Good on you, Miles."
"I’m not building a harem!" I protested. I took the opportunity to look over at Glacier who’s eyes were on the floor wi[h a hint of a smirk. "Nothing’s going on."
"Sure you’re not," Patty said with a second wink. She looked back at Glacia, who had used the moment to examine the scientist’s curly horns.
"Curious how I got these?" Patty said, reaching up and tapping the curling bone.
Seeing the monologue coming I tried to stop her. "I—"
"Well! It’s a dramatic tale of love. Lust. And science!" Patty cried, hugging herself and twirling, her lab coat billowing like pale wings.
She completed the spin, crouching like Igor, wiggling her fingers ominously. "It was a dark and stormy night. The thunder was booming. The tesla coils humming! And I was strapped to the metal table by my former lover, Doctor Malevolence! See he had a plan.
A plan to make me even more brilliant and beautiful than ever. Yes!" Patty cried, thrusting a hand into the air, clutching the heavens as the room hummed in answer to her passion.
"Yes! He believed that I could be even more amazing, even more brilliant once he crossed me with a sheep! The most scientific animal of all!
"Boom went the lightning as he threw the switches," Patty said, sweeping her hand, turning to us, her eyes glittering. "Down came his patented DNA scrambler onto my head. And then-"
"Didn’t you inject yourself with sheep mutagen to try and clone yourself?" I said.
Patty let her arms fall and pouted. "Spoilsport," she said, then broke into a grin. "Well!" she cried. "Anyway, let’s get you measured up for your new suit."
"It’s just some repairs," I said, even as Patty seized my hand and pulled me farther into her laboratory.
"Nonsense! Your body is constantly evolving. We can’t have it not fitting. You’d hate to have a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of battle, wouldn’t you? Not that I think the ladies would mind. I bet you’d be even more popular fighting in nothing but a cape. Now, let’s get to work."
I groaned but allowed her to guide me. That was simply her way. It was also why I only visited when absolutely necessary. Not that I minded an attractive lab assistant’s hands on me. It just consumed a lot of time.
As we ventured farther in, Patty abruptly spun around, Glacia halting mid-step behind me. "Sorry," Patty said, holding out a halting hand. "Employees only from this point on."
Glacia frowned. "I do not believe I should leave sir’s side at this time."
"It’ll be fine," I said over my shoulder. "Just wait here. I’ll be back soon."
"But..."
I cast a questioning look her way, and she reddened, lowering her head. "Yes, sir. As you say. I’ll wait here."
"And don’t touch anything!" Patty trilled as she spun back and shoved me to urge me onward. "You don’t want to get turned into a chicken! And I won’t tell you which device does it either."
Glacia stood forlornly while steel doors hissed closed, severing sight of me.
"Wonder why she wanted to come so badly?" I mused.
"It’s a real mystery," Patty giggled, giving me another nudge. "Now let’s see those abs, Miles!"
She led me to a round platform I knew well by now. I stepped onto it, shivering as the floor illuminated, bathing me in a blue glow that served no apparent purpose beyond looking stylish.
"There we go. Now, would you mind?" Patty said.
"I guess not," I replied, stripping off my clothes but leaving my underwear on.
"Nice," Patty said, licking her lips a little, practically drooling.
I allowed her to stare.
Partly because it was, honestly, flattering, and partly because I hadn’t exaggerated about her being the best in the business.
Working freelance meant tolerating oddballs. If you were a freelancer and good at your craft, it was because you couldn’t be squeezed into a corporate mould or you refused to be ordered around by idiots. I fit the latter, while Patty was firmly the former.
It was nothing unusual for someone with her talents to be excused for eccentricity.
Especially among genuinely ’evil’ villains. Short of baby-eating, they permitted almost anything (and some didn’t even consider a bit of culinary infanticide a dealbreaker—one more reason I avoided the Order). I never inquired.
Everyone had their motives, and I doubted she’d give me an honest answer anyway.
For all her chattiness, she’d fed me at least a dozen origin stories over the years. The most recent had her siphoning her old research funds into Dogecoin before the crash.
"Nice. Yeah, real nice," Patty said, stepping nearer. She grinned and started sliding her hands across my chest and thighs, her touch warm and searching.
"Do we always have to do this?" I asked, sounding more exasperated than truly annoyed.