The last thing I remembered was the bright yellow color of a banana peel. It was comedic, really. It was the sort of thing that happened in cartoons, not to a grown man walking down the street on his way to buy groceries.
One moment I was thinking about whether to buy white bread or whole wheat, and the next moment, my heel lost all friction with the pavement. The world spun violently, my feet went up, and the back of my head connected with the sharp corner of a brick wall with a sound like a melon being dropped from a second-story window.
Darkness followed immediately. There was no tunnel of light, no pearly gates, and definitely no old man with a beard checking a list. There was just a void, and then, abruptly, there was sunlight hitting my eyelids.
I groaned and tried to sit up, but my body felt heavy and strange. It felt powerful, rippling with a latent energy I had never possessed before, yet simultaneously empty, like a Ferrari engine trying to run on an empty fuel tank.
("Did I survive?") I wondered, rubbing my eyes. ("The hospital has really uncomfortable sheets.")
I opened my eyes and froze. This was not a hospital room. The walls were covered in strange wallpaper, and the floor was littered with empty cups of instant noodles. There was a green flak jacket hanging on a chair, and a forehead protector with a metal plate resting on the bedside table. On the plate was a symbol that looked like a stylized leaf.
I scrambled out of bed, tripping over my own feet, and rushed to the mirror hanging crookedly on the wall.
A stranger stared back at me. He had spiky blond hair, bright blue eyes, and three distinctive whisker marks on each cheek. He looked about eighteen years old, standing tall and broad-shouldered.
("No way,") I thought, touching my face. ("I am Naruto Uzumaki? The Savior of the World? The Hero of the Hidden Leaf?")
Panic and excitement warred in my chest. If I was Naruto, that meant I could do magic. I mean, Ninjutsu. I closed my eyes and tried to summon that warm feeling of chakra I had read so much about in the manga. I tried to mold the energy, to call forth a shadow clone, or perhaps a Rasengan.
Nothing happened.
I tried again, straining until my face turned red. It felt like trying to lift a boulder with a chaotic nervous system. The energy was there, buried deep, deep down, but it was locked behind a massive, impenetrable iron door.
("What is going on?") I screamed internally. ("I have the body, but the engine is broken! How am I supposed to survive in a world of ninjas without any chakra?")
Just as the panic was about to turn into a full-blown anxiety attack, a mechanical voice rang out in my head. It was clear, genderless, and sounded almost bored.
"Welcome, Host. The transmigration process is complete. Binding the System... Success."
I blinked. ("A System? Okay, that is standard procedure for these situations. Good. Is it the Strongest Hokage System? The Infinite Chakra System?")
The voice continued, obliterating my hopes. "Binding the Netorare Situation System. Activation complete."
I stood frozen in the middle of the messy room. ("The what system?")
"The Netorare Situation System," the voice repeated.
("Wait, wait, wait!") I shouted in my mind. ("I know that word. That is a terrible word! That is the genre where the protagonist gets cheated on and watches his wife with other men! I do not want that! Send me back! I would rather be dead by the banana peel!")
"Calm down, Host," the System said. "Please listen to the full description before you have a mental breakdown. This System is designed to help you recover the sealed powers of the original Naruto Uzumaki. Currently, all of your experience, muscle memory, and chakra are sealed at ninety-nine point nine percent."
("Okay, I got that part. But why the Netorare?")
"The System functions on the 'Rito Effect' principle," the System explained. "There is no actual infidelity. Your romantic partners will remain loyal to you. However, the System has placed a permanent passive buff on your current girlfriend, Hinata Hyuga, and any future harem members. This buff turns them into magnets for high-grade, accidental, and completely misunderstanding-based physical comedy."
I sat down on the bed, processing this. ("So... nothing actually happens?")
"Correct," the System said. "However, whenever another male character comes within a certain radius of your partner, the probability of a physics-defying accident increases by ten thousand percent. These accidents will create a visual tableau that looks incredibly suspicious or intimate to an outside observer, or simply embarrassing. This is called a 'Netorare Situation.' When this happens, you will generate 'Shy Points.' You can use these points to buy back your powers."
I put my head in my hands. ("So, to save my life and regain my powers, I have to watch my girlfriend trip and fall onto other men in compromising positions?")
"Basically, yes," the System confirmed. "Would you like to see your current status?"
("Fine, show me,") I thought, resigned to my fate.
The text appeared in front of my eyes, not in a box, but floating like subtitles in the air.
Host Name: Naruto Uzumaki (Transmigrator) Current Status: Powerless Civilian with a strong body. Sealed Power Level: Kage Level (Locked). Current Chakra Access: Zero point one percent. Current Skills: None. (You do not even know how to throw a shuriken properly). Current Harem: Hinata Hyuga (Buff Active: The Clumsy Princess). Shy Points Balance: Zero.
"This is going to be a disaster," I muttered out loud.
"Naruto-kun?"
A soft, melodious voice came from the doorway. I jumped about a foot in the air. Standing there was Hinata Hyuga. She was stunning. She wore a light lavender hoodie and dark shorts, her long dark blue hair cascading down her back. Her pearl-white eyes looked at me with deep affection and concern.