Fang Ye panicked and began struggling desperately.
Back when he was human, Fang Ye wasn’t as much of a clean freak as Song Zhuchen, but he was still someone who liked being tidy and had at least some idol-like vanity about his image, he was devoted to keeping himself clean and fresh. But after being reborn as a cat, the matter of bathing had become extremely awkward.
As a human, Fang Ye could not accept bathing himself by licking his fur with his tongue, let alone using his tongue to clean his rear. Meanwhile, the cat part of him was instinctively terrified of getting soaked in water. Zhong Jianli had once tried to give Fang Ye a bath, only to end up drenched himself, and promptly gave up after all, it was you who was dirty, not me; bathe or don’t, your choice.
And so, in just a few short days, Fang Ye had successfully transformed from a beautiful pale golden-gray Blue-Gold Cat into a gray lump of coal. Fortunately, the people making wishes at the temple wanted something from the Buddha, and love for the Buddha extended to his pet, so they were especially tolerant of the Buddha’s companion. Neither host nor guest particularly minded the other, and it never affected the great cause of reviving the incense fire.
But that was exactly the problem. The question Fang Ye had been unable to figure out from that afternoon until now was: he was this filthy, so why had Song the Clean Freak still carried him home? Could it be that Song had seen through appearances to the true essence of his soul?
No, no, no. Song Zhuchen was practically an AI come to life. It would be easier to get him to believe aliens had invaded Earth than to get him to believe in gods and ghosts.
Looking at it another way, if he had really seen that this cat’s body housed Fang Ye himself, he would most likely have walked straight past without so much as a glance, without stopping for even a second.
Could it be that he’d taken pity on the pretty little kitty “clinging stubbornly” to him in the cold wind?
But then again, Song Zhuchen didn’t have a heart.
Before, Fang Ye had thought that while Song Zhuchen was terrible with people, he was surprisingly kind to small animals. Now it was clear it had all been nothing but a scheme.
This bully just wanted to trick the little kitty into coming home so he could torment it. First it was a bath, and who knew what would come next, maybe cat obedience lessons, or even demanding that he earn some kind of cat diploma for him.
“Stop squirming.” Song Zhuchen pinned Fang Ye so he couldn’t move, while his other hand tested the water temperature in the sink.
“It’ll be over soon,” Song Zhuchen said, trying to lower the cat, who had his claws and tail clamped tightly around Song’s hand into the water. The little kitty in his arms let out soft, strained mews of protest. Song Zhuchen frowned. “That scared of water?”
“Meow!” [“Song Zhuchen, I don’t believe a word you say. You’ve never even had a pet, you’re probably trying to drown me!”]
After repeated attempts to struggle, each one ending with him being clamped immobile by that big hand, Fang Ye, heartbroken and desperate, gambled on a last resort, he decided to solve the problem at its source. From between the gaps of Song Zhuchen’s large hand, he stretched out a paw and pressed down on the drain stopper at the bottom of the sink.
“Hm? So you actually like water?” Song Zhuchen was a little surprised, but decided to respect the cat’s choice, and obligingly let go.
Just a little more, and the water would be gone! Fang Ye felt like the hero of a movie who was one final step away from ultimate victory as long as he gritted his teeth and endured this last wave of trials, happiness would be his.
Suddenly, the whole cat felt himself abruptly released, and with a splash, he sank straight into the water.
“Aow!” Fang Ye let out a truly miserable yowl.
Knock knock knock knock knock! Why the hell did you let go! I just wanted to take a leak, and you’re actually trying to take my life! What did the little kitty do wrong, the little kitty just didn’t want a bath, is that any reason for this, you big pervert! @%@￥……%%￥&%【This section has been censored because Fang Ye’s cursing was truly too filthy】
Fang Ye, in a panic, flailed around in the water with his eyes squeezed shut while shrieking out an immersive stream of curses at Song Zhuchen. Truly a busy cat.
Song Zhuchen observed the kitten’s body language, and once he confirmed that the cat thrashing in the water was not happily swimming, he immediately reached in and scooped it out.
Fang Ye, eyes shut tight and flailing in the water, suddenly grabbed hold of a thick, sturdy lifeline, scrambled straight up it, and buried himself headfirst into a solid embrace. The terrified Fang kitty had no attention to spare for anything else, whimpering as he burrowed desperately deeper into the embrace. Song Zhuchen’s white shirt was smeared into a black-gray mess, and the little kitty’s rubbing even popped several of the shirt’s buttons loose.
The kitty quickly discovered this refuge made of loosened shirt fabric and warm abdominal muscles, and burrowed into Song Zhuchen’s arms with even greater effort. The cat’s uniquely soft, fine fur brushed back and forth over skin that had never been touched by anyone else, bringing a strange, intimate tickle.
Song Zhuchen clearly did not appreciate this intimacy, and immediately yanked the kitten out from the depths of his embrace. But the faint disgust in his heart couldn’t help softening the moment he saw the cat’s pitiful, big azure-blue eyes.
“It’ll be over soon, I promise.” Song Zhuchen simply stripped off his filthy shirt one-handed, and bare-chested, began wrestling with the cat’s four little legs. The next second, Fang Ye was pressed into the pool of warm water with lightning speed.
“Meow!” This time it wasn’t a scream of terror, but though the language barrier made it unintelligible, anyone could absolutely tell it was a greeting to eighteen generations of the Song family ancestors.
“Quick and easy,” Song Zhuchen said, briskly lathering Fang Ye with the cat shampoo he’d specially had Qi Yan buy, scrubbing until Fang kitty howled like a ghost again.
“Quick quick quick, I hope you’re the fastest man alive for the rest of your life!” Fang Ye, pressed into the pool, cursed through snot and tears in a stream of meows, entirely uninterested in the free show of Best Actor Song’s pecs, abs, broad back, and narrow waist.
Though the bath was thoroughly unwilling, he had to admit he really was quite dirty, the pool of clear water turned gray-black muddy at a visible speed.
“You really are filthy,” Song Zhuchen said with distaste.
So what if I’m dirty? None of your business! The kitty scowled sourly as Song the bastard pulled the plug to drain the dirty water. At the very end of the draining, there was actually sediment left at the bottom of the pool that hadn’t washed away with the water, and Fang Ye, in a futile attempt to cover it up, pawed the sediment toward the drain.
Finally, the bath was done. Fang Ye let out a long breath. To be fair, though terrifying, being clean felt wonderful and even the bare-chested Song Zhuchen looked easier on the eyes by association. Fang Ye secretly started scheming: if Best Actor Song personally attended his baths every time, then perhaps he could grudgingly agree to it.
Excellent. Fang Ye had forgotten that he was a cat with a Special Ability wishes that landed on his head tended to come true if he so desired and he was once again pressed into the warm water.
“Ahhh!” Fang Ye’s four paws kicked frantically, and in his panic his sharp feline claws came out. Song Zhuchen, caught off guard, instantly had several red scratch marks across his solid pecs, the deepest one had even begun to bead with blood, startlingly vivid against Song Zhuchen’s fair skin.
Song Zhuchen and Fang Ye both froze.
Song Zhuchen reacted quickly. Pressing his lips together, he clamped the cat down, unceremoniously pinned Fang Ye in the tub to rinse off the body wash, then wrapped the little cat up into a burrito with a large towel. Holding the cat burrito in one hand, he quickly dialed a number with the other. “I got scratched by a cat. Can you come over to take a look?”
Fang Ye, meanwhile, had gone guiltily quiet after accidentally marring the movie star’s handsome pecs. Sure, he and Song Zhuchen had never gotten along, but it hadn’t reached the point of drawing blood.
Song Zhuchen didn’t seem too bothered. While waiting for the doctor to arrive, he very calmly blow-dried the cat though thanks to the earlier struggle, he had to pin Fang Ye down so hard this time that the cat nearly suffocated.
“Holy hell, good thing I’m your personal doctor, I’m telling you,” Dr. Qin said as he disinfected the wounds. “Otherwise, try telling people out there you got scratched by a cat like anyone would believe you!”
Cat-Fang sneaked a glance at Song Zhuchen: a face that looked exceptionally refined and ascetic behind his glasses, but his chest and abs were covered in a messy sprawl of bright red scratch marks, paired with the water droplets left over from his hasty wipe-down. It looked rather… striking.
“It really was the cat,” Song Zhuchen said, adjusting his glasses and glancing at the culprit cat sitting primly on the arm of the sofa, supervising Dr. Qin’s life-saving work.
“I know. I just mean a cat this small normally wouldn’t have the strength to break skin,” Dr. Qin said, then suddenly thought of something. “You… you’re not in need of some other special way to relieve stress now, are you?”
“Hm?”
Dr. Qin put down his cotton swab and said gravely, “What did you do to the cat?”
“I gave it a bath.” Song Zhuchen’s expression remained perfectly placid.
“Cats don’t like getting their bodies wet,” Dr. Qin said. Seeing the half-damp towel and hair dryer tossed on the coffee table, he decided the evidence chain was complete and concluded that his patient had not, in fact, been abusing the cat. “Though a cat that could struggle hard enough to scratch someone up like this isn’t exactly your typical scaredy-cat.”
Fang Ye: Thanks a lot… Why don’t you try being one cat with two personalities, primary and secondary?!
“Did you pick this cat up off the street?”
“Mm.”
“Good,” Qin Zhun said with a nod. Having lost someone dear and then rescued a stray, Qin Zhun felt a little more at ease about Song Zhuchen’s psychological state. “Remember to take the cat to a vet soon for a full checkup.”
“Okay.” Song Zhuchen nodded, then asked, “So timid, is it a female cat?” as if he’d suddenly remembered that cats actually had genders.
“No idea. Take a look and see.”
Fang Ye: ??
Fang Ye: !!
Unfortunately, cats have short legs. No matter how desperately he ran, he couldn’t outpace a few strides of that long-legged freak doctor.
“Meowr! Aow! Aow!” [F*ck, get your filthy hands off me! No one has ever dared look at me like that in my entire life!]
Fang Ye yowled himself hoarse.
“Hey, this little kitten, even its tantrums come out in cutesy squeaks. Must be a little princess.” Dr. Qin scooped up the soft, fluffy Blue-Gold Kitten, lifting its round little bottom to examine it carefully.
No way! How could anyone be this shameless?! Powerless against his circumstances, Fang Ye could only clumsily direct his tail to cover his rear, trying to preserve his last shred of dignity.
The next second, his tail was lifted right up.
Fang Ye, utterly unable to resist and having already rasped his voice hoarse from cursing: …
“Hey, it’s a boy! Congratulations, you’ve got yourself a cat son!” Qin Zhun extended a finger and precisely flicked the two little balls showing on the fluffy bottom.
Fang Ye: !!
Exhausted. Let the world end.
In the end, Qin Zhun helped Song Zhuchen set up the cat bed, filling the pretty cat bowls with food and water before leaving.
Song Zhuchen crouched in front of the cat bed, watching for a long while the listless kitten lying there, refusing to eat or drink, dozing off (in melancholy), before turning to go.
Fang Ye was truly exhausted today more tired than working at the temple. In the last moment before his mind blanked out, all he could see were Song Zhuchen’s long, elegant legs walking farther and farther away, until they disappeared at the top of the stairs.
Was he really going to become Song Zhuchen’s pet? What exactly was Zhong the Fraud scheming?