Bernd Leno
What did I just say?!
I was not in sense while shouting over him.
I shouldn’t have.
Why all the time I made mistakes?!
My head was circling and kicking me after I laid down beside him.
Instantly, without thinking further, I got off from the bed and sat near him.
I heard some deep crying sound from under his veil.
He was sitting back and outcoming the feedback.
I don’t know how he was taking it, disrespect?
Anger?
Heart-broken?
All is suitable for my behavior.
I do not have any sense what I have done with him.
I can not say anything in that way.
I felt guilty instantly.
That’s not what a husband does on his first night.
Maybe I don’t deserve an apology, but I can give him company if he allows.
With that expectation, I move myself and sit face to face.
He was still crying.
I can’t touch him without permission.
So, I opened my mouth to speak, “I-I am sorry, I am so sorry, Modric.
It just slipped out from my mouth.
Ac-actually, I was so angry for my family.
I could not control my words.
I know how you are feeling.
It was not intentional.
Please, and don’t cry, please.
I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I don’t know, at the time, I feel so much disappointed, so much low, so much guilty.
It was not either a silly mistake I made.
But why do I lose control off me?
He exhaled deeply.
He was trying to stop his tears but wasn’t helping.
I got no option without lifting the veil for one more time.
I did it.
I lift it up for him and give him enough air to inhale.
I moved it over from his head and looked at him.
In the meantime, I did not recognize that it is the Luka Modric, we all watch playing for Croatia and Madrid!
He was looking so beautiful and calm.
How did I get the gut to make him cry?
I was feeling so sad for him.
I can clearly say he expected too much less from me.
And I, I even could not give it.
I, with hesitations, extend my hand after saying, “May I?” And wiped his tears.
I was in at my max hesitation level, my hands were shaking as he did not say ‘Yes’ or nod his head, but I went wiping it.
Thank God he lets me.
He was still looking down with pain and suspicion.
I touched his chin lightly and pulled it up to meet his eyes.
He faintly looks at me, right to my eyes.
I could not see his real eyes as the tears were making it unclear.
All is one if you mix.
“I am sorry.” I again apologize.
It wasn’t maybe too late to apologize after what I did.
I noticed his congealed lips muttered, “It’s okay.
I didn’t mind.
I understood that you, you were angry over, over something.” He said, controlling his emotion, what increased for me.
I found no words after to say, as he moves back a little and rests his legs on the bed.
He tried to put his jewelries off.
I again spoke up, “Can I help you?” I asked cause he could not do it all by himself.
He nods this time.
As I went to help him to untie the safety-pins, loosen the necklaces, untwisted the bracelets, unfastened the ribbons, and unlace the dress.
Then I got off from the bed and stood beside it, facing away.
I gave him space to change his heavy dress on the bed, no need to run to the dressing room.
The nightdress was put on the corner of the bed, I said the maid to put.
I do hope he has seen it.
I was standing there, looking away, against the bed.
If he needs any help or a glass of water.
I do not want to leave, I should but choose to stay there.
Maybe he will feel uncomfortable but has no option.
I was pouring a glass of water from the desk next to the bed.
The curtains were away from the desk.
I slightly moved the curtains while holding my face away, then covered the whole area with it from my behind.
Wishing that he doesn’t feel uncomfortable.