Sara looked at the hastily put-together circle on the concrete patio with a mixture of immense pride and gnawing nerves. Her group had grown from four to eleven in a matter of days, and there were twenty more Dwarven laborers on the way.
But this wasn’t the time to celebrate their corporate expansion. They had a man to rescue.
Everyone was gathered around the fire pit, waiting. Thick clouds of vape smoke and skunky weed loomed heavily over the patio.
“Do we have any actual intel on this country estate?” Sara asked, her pen tapping rhythmically against her clipboard. “Where is it? Why is Cody being taken there? Anything?”
“It’s a giant plantation castle sitting on hundreds of acres of vineyards,” Chadwick said, his massive frame taking up two of the Pho King chairs. “It’s just in the foothills of Jimmy Stewart’s Massive Hardon.”
Sara sighed heavily. She pinched the bridge of her nose and frowned at Mark.
“Second biggest mountain peak in Tawagoto,” Mark responded plainly, avoiding her gaze. “Located deep in the Outermap territories.”
“That’s a long way,” Simone worried, wringing her hands. “I shouldn’t have let him go into the city. I should have stopped him.”
“Simone.” Sara walked over and put a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder. “This wasn’t you. You know that. Cody is an adult who makes terrible, impulsive choices. We’ll get him back.”
Simone’s shaking lessened slightly, and she nodded her head. “Ok.”
“What’s the fastest route there?” Sara asked, looking around the circle of mercenaries and monsters.
“I come from Nutbutter Basin,” Sir Cumstance added politely in his crisp tuxedo. “The fastest, most secure route would be to follow the Discharge River straight up to the Taint Hills, then divert through Hamwalleton.”
“Eww,” Simone answered for every woman everywhere. She glared across the fire pit. “Mark. Goddammit.”
Mark didn’t answer. His expression was somehow much more serious and pained than before. Hearing his profoundly stupid, late-night teenage jokes treated as grim military geography was clearly taking a heavy psychological toll on him.
“If there are slaves at that estate, there will be heavily armed guards,” Raven stated, her pale eyes reflecting the firelight. “That means I’m going.”
“Agreed,” Sara said, checking off a box. Knowing she was their strongest, highest-level fighter made it an easy call.
“I’m going.” Mark’s tone brooked no compromise.
“And me,” Simone added, her Elven jaw set tight. “It was my fault he got caught.”
“Nonsense, but I need you both anyway.” Sara looked down, scribbling assignments onto her clipboard. “Chadwick. I need an Assistant Manager. You in?”
“Sure am, boss-bro,” the Minotaur responded, his chest puffing out slightly.
“Good. After I finish my shift report, I’m going to get my brother,” Sara commanded. “The store is yours. All base-building operations stop until our family is home safe.”
“Got it,” Chadwick nodded seriously. “I think I can have us fully set up and ready to open for business by the time you guys get back.”
“And if the Shafted arrive while we are gone, show them the tentative tracts of land,” she instructed, slipping fully into her corporate persona. “They are free to start building their homes as desired, but all wage and contract talk is tabled until I get back. They’re going to bargain with me directly, not a representative.”
“Heard.” Chadwick stood up, splitting off toward the edge of the property with the four tuxedo-clad Butlerguards in tow to organize the night watch.
Sara looked at the crackling fire for a long moment. This was it. It was inevitable that one of them would eventually have to be rescued, and it was entirely inevitable that it was Cody first. Even on Earth, he knew exactly how to piss the wrong people off while looking like he wasn’t even trying.
She turned to Raven, who stood on the far side of the fire, lost in a distant gaze. “Can I talk to Mark and Simone alone for a minute?”
Raven shook out of her daze, offered a soft, understanding smile, and walked off toward the tree line to check on Chadwick.
Sara slumped down into her Kong chair. “I’m scared,” she admitted to her two oldest friends. “I have no idea what we are about to face. I had no idea King Dong even had a private estate.”
“Yeah,” Mark sighed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I had no idea life happened in this engine when I wasn’t here to narrate it, either.”
“I mean, it’s the King,” Simone worried. “He’s probably pretty powerful, right?”
“It will probably be like trying to break into the President's house,” Mark said, staring into the flames.
They all sat in heavy silence, the fire crackling under the alien stars. Sara stared across the flames toward the dark tree line where the Drow woman was standing. She complicated things. Now Sara felt like she had one more person she desperately had to come home for, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that kind of emotional stakes yet. She’d spent so long trying to find something real on Earth; was she really going to just pass this up here? She shouldn't answer that now. It was too soon.
“I’m going to sleep,” Mark announced, groaning as he pushed his four-Strength body up from the chair. “We need to leave in five hours.”
“See you tomorrow,” Sara said. She reached into her bag and cracked the seal on the last Monster Ultra Strawberry she had scavenged from the Party Store refrigerator. “I’ve got too much logistics planning to do still."
She took a long, cold pull from the aluminum can. It tasted like standard green Monster mixed with a bit of strawberry, but only 10 calories! Ugh. It tasted like chemically flavored, ground-up Sweet Tarts juice. Who was she kidding? She’d already gone through all the scavenged espresso energy shots, and she wasn’t looking forward to switching to regular coffee.
She paused, staring at the nutritional label on the can.
Did calories even matter here?
Her eyes narrowed. Her law-student brain started spinning. She thought about the literal 3.5e Player's Handbook. She needed to eat exactly one Ration of food a day to avoid the Starving status effect and subsequent Exhaustion checks. But did a Monster count as a ration? Was she going to incur stat penalties if she stayed up all night planning the rescue? She desperately needed to consult the legal framework of this reality.
She looked at the empty air, testing a wild, deeply arousing theory about the game's UI, and blurted out a command.
“Book!”
Instantly, a heavy, leather-bound tome materialized out of thin air and dropped into her lap. It was mint condition. A rare, first-printing 3.5 edition Player's Handbook.
Simone jumped in her chair. “What the fuck?”
Sara startled, her hands trembling as she flipped through the glossy pages. The text was perfectly legible. “It's the Player's Handbook. Holy shit. The system answers to library queries.”
Simone’s eyes went wide. She held out her hands. ”Book!”
The Monster Manual appeared in a flash of light, dropping into her palms. “Holy fuck!”
Sara wanted to test her exhaustion theory. She flipped frantically through the appendix and turned to page 237. There it was, in black and white: A character needs to eat one ration of food a day to avoid starving. Nothing more on the subject of liquid caffeine. The dangerous, intoxicating power of having the literal laws of physics written down in her lap brewed in her chest. She shook the book, dismissing it into the ether.
“What if you can just get the DM Guide?” Sara said nervously, looking up at her friend.
“Already tried it,” Simone said, her face falling. “No go. Just nothing. I tried it back at the tavern. But other sourcebooks work!”
Simone scratched her head, thinking of an incredibly obscure splatbook. “Arms and Equipment Guide! Book!”
There it was. It materialized instantly. She leafed through a few pages of exotic weapons and shook it away. “Well, this is going to be incredibly handy for the rescue.”
Simone looked up, seeing Mark halfway across the patio, walking toward the dorms. “We need Mark. MARK!”
“WHAT?” Mark yelled, not turning around.
“New system command!” Simone yelled back. They had been playing together far too long to waste unnecessary energy walking back and forth.
Mark was back at the fire pit in five seconds. “What is it?”
“It’s like a search engine for rulebooks,” Simone replied excitedly. “Think of the Dungeon Master's Guide.”
“Book!” Mark yelled.
His hands remained completely empty.
Mark frowned. ”Book!”
This time, the Unearthed Arcana expansion rulebook appeared in his hands. He stared at it, confused. “The DMG should only appear for the Dungeon Master. That’s probably fucking Craig. Who knows what we can actually do with that rulebook if we find it.”
Sara took a long moment to really process everything that had transpired over the last few days. Mark breaking down. Mark officially handing her the store. Her giving the orders. The system wasn't broken. It was just updating its hierarchy.
She braced herself, holding her hands out.
“Book!” Sara commanded.
A heavy, gilded, impossibly thick tome materialized and dropped into her lap with a resounding thud. The cover read: Dungeon Master's Guide.
Absolute silence fell over the patio. The fire popped loudly.
Mark and Simone stared at the glowing book in her hands, then slowly looked back up at her face.
“You’re the DM.” Mark scoffed, a mixture of utter disbelief and profound relief washing over his face. He shook his head, turning back toward the dorms. “I’m going to bed.”
[SYSTEM ALERT: Encounter Cleared.]
[SYSTEM ALERT: DM Status Activated.]
[XP Awarded: 24,000]
[Level Up Available! Unspent Attribute Points: 10]