Cody sighed. He was so tired of failing rolls. He hung precariously by his chain shirt, two feet from the top of the hole as he watched his friends descend into the darkness. The sounds of the horses thundered just above as the Wieners circled it. Cody folded his arms over his chest and waited.
"Look here, boys," one of the Wieners laughed. "Pussy hanging out just waiting for the Wieners."
Eww.
Laughter rattled through their saddles. Cody sighed again. “I’m not helping you.”
The laughter flared. “Listen to ‘em, boys. He thinks he’s helping us. Get him up.”
Hands reached down and grabbed him painfully by the fur and tugged. Cody went boneless, keeping his arms folded over his chest and his gaze straightforward. He felt them struggle to pull him up, his body scraping against the rock and dirt. He spied a small root by his side and quietly looped his tail around it and held firm.
“Come on, boy!” One of the men spit. “Push off the rock there! You don’t want we should drop you.”
“Nope.” The troll was hungry and they were feeding.
“Move over, ya weak ass,” he heard another voice call out and a set of hands release his back fur. “Let a real Wiener get at this pussy.”
Eww.
There was a hard pinch as the big Dick grabbed him. “Cock.”
“Whassat, boy?” He called back then laughed.
There was a strong pull and upward motion. The end of his tail came quickly, and he managed to hold tight, jerking them to a halt. Immediately he lowered back down as the hands released and a set of armor flew over top and down into the depths. Score.
“THROBBERT!” They cried.
“His name was Throbbert?” Cody maintained his deadpan. “Throbbert the Wiener?”
“You shut your bloody mouth, boy!” One called out. “Throbbert Girthsome was the best of us—"
“That’s the best you got?” He cut in. “Bruh.”
“Get a rope!”
“Ain’t got one.”
“Drop me.”
Several additional hands grabbed on and hauled him to the surface, tossing him to his back. A large, smug guard looked down at him. “There. Your protest was in vein, boy. Get up.”
“Nope.” Cody had not moved, hands still over his chest.
They looked confused momentarily, then angry. “Enough of your games, boy or ill run ya through!”
“Do it.”
They all crowded around him shouting and swearing. “I’ll do it, boy! I’ll gut you where you lay.”
“Lie.” Cody said.
“What, boy?” he snarled.
“Where I lie.” He corrected. “You’re going to threaten to gut me where I lie.”
They roared and the man pulled out a sword and waved it over his still unmoving body. “Last warning, boy. I’m gonna do it!”
“No, you won’t.”
He puffed up his chest and let out a roar. “The hell I will!”
“No, you won’t.”
“Do you know who I am?” He blustered. “I’m Girthaniel Broadshaft. Coldest killer since the great Brandish Cox. You want to know what I did to a man once?”
“Kissed him?”
“Buuuhhhwuuut,” He shook his head. “No! No, I didn’t kiss Dongal. NO! I ripped his head off with my bare hands!”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Then I shit down ‘is throat!”
“Pics or it didn’t happen.”
“Arrgggh,” He raged. “I did so!”
“Golden Wieners are sworn not to kill.”
Complete silence as the men looked back and forth at each other.
“Get em up.” He commanded as he grabbed one shoulder. Another man grabbed his other and they hoisted him up. “Now walk, boy.”
“I’m good.” Cody let his feet drag almost to his knees as they tried to pull him.
They fought against his dead weight, dragging him toward the horses when he felt his foot catch on a rock. He quickly stiffened his foot muscles to snag it, causing them to drop him flat on his face. Worth it. They screamed and grabbed at him yanking him to the horse. They tossed him crudely over the side and he already felt gravity doing it’s work as he slid back and fell to the ground smacking his head hard. Worth it.
More arguing and they tossed him over again, this time nearly perfectly balanced. Nearly. With a clench of his stomach muscles, he pushed that balance and he tumbled head first over the far side. Fuck that hurt.
“God’s fucking damn it!” One of the men screamed in a high pitch frustrated tone.
Still worth it.
“Make a sledge!” One scratched his chin.
“Won’t help.”
They hastily threw together a sledge and mounted it to a horse. Two picked him up by the shoulders and dragged him, pulling him up and resting him in the center. Before the man could move, Cody flexed his back slightly and tipped the sledge to the left just enough his limp body rolled off. The man looked like he wanted to kill both Cody and himself simultaneously.
He pulled Cody back to it and tried his best to anchor him closer to the bottom. He fought with the hastily constructed sledge until he had cost lodged good. He stood and folded his arms and gave a nod. “There.”
Cody held his gaze until he turned.
Flex. Thump.
He froze. The man didn’t turn around but Cody could see the red rise on the back of his neck. The men facing him looked scared of whatever reaction he was having. He spun on Cody and pounced, fists pulled back. Cody clenched his stomach muscles and rolled back over his own head and to his feet.
He held a hand up at the men who had already moved back in frustration and waved his fingers while charging the hole and jumping. “Toodles.”
[SYSTEM ALERT: Encounter Cleared.]
[SYSTEM ALERT: Troll Bonus.]
[XP Awarded: 3,000]
[Level Up Available! Unspent Attribute Points: 10]