Roxy’s room in the Laws house was right next to Gawain and Sylphiette’s.
On the first night after moving in, Roxy felt that she had grasped a sharp blade she could use to attack someone in the future:
She hadn’t expected that Gawain still slept together with his sister.
He was almost five, wasn’t he?
So childish!
In this world, the human race likes to use “five years” as an important standard.
Those under five are considered infants, those between five and ten are roughly called children, those between ten and fifteen are youths, and those over fifteen are adults.
Of course, in reality, children from poor families, as well as those with some talent, are generally considered capable of independence after the age of ten.
It is also common to find a partner and start a family in the early teens.
Even in the most prosperous and peaceful Asura Kingdom, Roxy could frequently see adventurer parties composed of children aged ten to fifteen.
Of course, as for why she often encountered them, that was another impolite topic.
In short, five years old already counts as a big child.
Five years later, one can already become independent.
And yet Gawain like this was still a clingy little brat who couldn’t sleep without holding his sister.
Just imagining it made Roxy want to roll around on the bed laughing.
It was probably about half a month ago.
Because of their height difference, Roxy had clearly realized for the first time that Gawain was just a child.
But ever since moving into Gawain’s house, in just a few hours, she had been repeatedly reminded and confirmed of this point:
Gawain was still a child.
And moreover, a very clumsy, unrefined fool in terms of life and emotions.
Only in her heart, Roxy felt guilty about having previously placed her expectations on Gawain.
‘I actually hoped that a child like this would bear the weight of my life.’
’Planned to rely on his recognition to gain the motivation to move forward.’
Sitting by the window of her new room, looking at the beautiful moonlight outside, Roxy felt deeply ashamed:
”I’ve really gone completely off track.”
Why did I set out on a journey in the first place?
Why did I leave home despite the danger?
Roxy couldn’t help but question herself.
All along, I only told myself there were three reasons:
First, I longed for the scenes described by Master Kant, and wanted to see the landscapes of the world.
Second, I like magic, this mysterious power, and wanted to learn more and explore deeper.
Third, I am an outsider, and for the sake of my parents, I didn’t want to continue being their burden.
But I also know, there is a fourth point I didn’t want to admit:
Fourth, I wanted to escape from the village.
It was for myself that I wanted to escape.
I see.
That’s right, it has always been like this.
Even without Master Kant’s descriptions, I would have wanted to escape.
Even without the power brought by magic, I would have wanted to escape.
Travel and magic were not my original pursuits.
They were only tools to realize my original pursuit.
My pursuit was: escape.
But… it shouldn’t be like this, right?
Clearly, I really do feel that the scenery along the journey is very, very wonderful.
Even when encountering unpleasant things, things I dislike, it’s the same.
Clearly, I really, really like magic.
When studying at Ranoa Magic Academy, I always felt fulfilled, and when solving problems and presenting results, I felt extremely satisfied.
It can’t be that I’m actually just a shallow and boring person, right?
I’m not traveling, I’m just escaping from one unpleasant place to another.
What I call interest and curiosity are merely tools to divert pain.
I’m not studying magic either, but enjoying the feeling that I can do what others can’t, that I’m hardworking and talented while others are not.
Even so-called research—is it just the thrill of overthrowing an authoritative mentor?
I am someone who must prove I am stronger than others in order to feel justified in living.
“I really do seem like a terrible person.”
Roxy fell silent.
Always escaping, always using familiar methods to fill her empty heart, always trying to please herself and maintain the motivation to move forward.
Helping someone, going somewhere, achieving something, gaining recognition—these were all just fuel.
Through such actions, she tried to act like a good person or a hero, obtaining the fuel needed to maintain the appearance of living normally.
So, what do I actually want?
“I want to live happily I want to feel satisfied.”
”I want to obtain happiness.”
Yes, I escaped from the home that made me feel suffocated and lonely because I was in pain!
When Master Kant described her travels, I saw a look of satisfaction I had never seen before on her face, and in her eyes, I saw vast happiness and joy like a starry sky.
So, I thought I wanted to travel.
When I barely managed to create a water ball for the first time, when I cast increasingly powerful magic, I felt that I could control everything, I felt that I was special, I felt a strong sense of security and attention.
So, I thought I liked magic.
Of course I like these things, but aren’t these just hobbies or careers?
Many people have similar things, even if it’s just going to a tavern after work to drink the cheapest ale—something I once looked down on, something without prospects or breadth.
But it seems, they are the same.
All are important pillars that support a being to live steadily.
There is no need to escape anymore.
There is no need to be both inferior and arrogant anymore.
There is no need to arm myself with things others find impressive, hiding and imprisoning the most fragile, never-grown, helpless child wearing the Migurd tribe’s robe.
I’ve already grown up.
Even if I’m not that capable, I can still move forward.
Roxy knew what she should do next.
“Creak—”
The newly installed door still made a slight sound when opening.
A familiar childish voice immediately interrupted Roxy’s moment of resolve:
”Stop crying.
I have something to ask you.”
Roxy hurriedly wiped away the large tears that had unknowingly flowed down, and scolded in embarrassment and anger:
”Idiot!
Don’t you know to knock before entering someone else’s room?!”
Gawain closed the door, thinking:
”I see, this is the first time I’ve heard of that.”
Roxy wiped her tears clean and showed a helpless smile:
”I really can’t do anything about you.”
Having learned a new piece of knowledge, Gawain continued his request:
”Roxy-sensei, since you are a demon, you should be able to read and write the Demon God Language, right?
Please teach me all of it.”
After agreeing, Roxy learned that Gawain had already mastered the Human Language, Beast God Language, and Fighting God Language.
With the addition of the Demon God Language, he could basically handle all situations on land—quite impressive.
In short, the night lessons began in a form and content that Roxy had not expected.
Since Sylphiette and Rudeus were not planning to learn another language for the time being, it was only the two of them for now.
The next night.
Gawain knocked on the door, then pushed it open without waiting for permission, and was immediately scolded harshly by Roxy, who was changing clothes.
Author’s Note: Roxy’s “resolve” arc is basically over.
What follows is just consolidating the changes and correcting some minor issues.
This is roughly my interpretation of Roxy in the original work.
In my view, the side story depicts Roxy’s descent into extremity and self-destruction.
The main story, on the other hand, depicts Roxy gradually being redeemed.
However, in the main story, Roxy’s transformation is too slow, and she doesn’t have much interaction screen time.
It’s mostly her stubbornly drilling into dead ends by herself, just in a less terrible direction than before.
Then came the much-criticized trio of “offering herself,” “intervening,” and “I am the concubine.” After marriage, her inferiority complex was probably cured, but who knows how many years it took for her to figure things out.
If not for Lara being special, it could almost fast-forward to Aisha 2.0, the spiritual successor of the maid little sister—the concubine daughter.