◎The Human Toddler, Instant Villain Arc◎
Ping’an was no ordinary child easily fooled.
He maintained a skeptical attitude toward Doctor Li’s prescription, especially when he saw that bowl of medicine resembling congee—he utterly dismissed it: “Since when does medicine look like this?”
Jiu Huan pointed at the medicine bowl and explained: “This is ‘Medicinal Congee,’ a type of medicinal cuisine. An Ge’er, you’re still too young. All medicine has some toxicity, so you must take this ‘Medicinal Congee.'”
“Oh—” Ping’an suddenly understood. So ancient people also distinguished pediatric medications.
To restore his appearance, he had to drink two bowls of congee daily and ensure proper rest. Even if he woke early, he’d keep his eyes closed to conserve energy. Of course, with his current dreadful state, he couldn’t possibly go outside—what if he scared someone into thinking some little zombie had crawled out of a grave?
He diligently slept, washed his face, and checked the mirror every day. On the third day, when he woke from his afternoon nap, A Man came to play with him and excitedly pointed at his face: “An Ge’er, your dark circles are gone!”
Ping’an rushed to the mirror—indeed, the dark circles had vanished. That exquisitely beautiful child, like jade carved from pink blossoms, had returned.
Lin Yuebai and her two maidservants stood nearby, barely containing their laughter while maintaining serious discussion:
“Doctor Li’s method truly works—the dark circles really disappeared!”
“Children indeed need sufficient sleep to stay fair and lovely.”
“Madam, could we have Doctor Li examine me too? My complexion has been looking dull lately.”
“Certainly. Doctor Li specializes in these matters.”
Ping’an listened in bewilderment as A Man and Xiao Fulu studied his face intently.
“Mother, let me see the prescription, just one look,” Ping’an said.
“You don’t know that many characters yet,” Lin Yuebai quickly responded.
“I do, I do!” Ping’an chased after Lin Yuebai all the way to the main courtyard.
The whole family had gathered. Maidservants brought in dining tables while Granny Liu was setting the meal.
Old Master Chen, unaware of recent events after not seeing his grandson for three days, pulled the boy over and kissed his forehead. Sensing something odd, he drew the child closer and sniffed. “Why does this child smell of castor oil?” he wondered aloud.
Chen Yan: “For bowel movements.”
Lin Yuebai: “For moisturizing.”
Old Master Chen looked confused: “Which is it then—bowel movements or moisturizing?”
“Your nose is almost as sharp as Aji’s now. Hurry and eat.” Zhao Shi picked up some asparagus with her chopsticks and stuffed it into his mouth to silence him.
Ping’an frowned warily—no wonder he’d been noticing a strange smell since waking from his nap.
He looked at his parents. Both avoided his gaze, simultaneously picking food for each other to mask their embarrassment—only to end up clashing chopsticks when they reached for the same dish.
His intuition told him: he’d been tricked by his mother!
“Hmph!” Ping’an emitted an enraged… tiny milky voice.
The provoked human toddler decided to instantly embrace his villain arc, plotting more fierce “retribution.”
The next day, he rose at dawn. After simple warm-up exercises in the courtyard, he once again invaded his father’s study—only to find the room pitch dark.
Familiar with the route, he groped his way to the front courtyard. The front courtyard was equally dark, and when the cool breeze brushed past, goosebumps rose all over his body.
Where was Father?
He felt his way back to the eastern courtyard, where he happened to see Feng Pozi yawning as she emerged from the side room, heading to the small kitchen to prepare breakfast.
In her drowsy state, Feng Pozi saw a small figure in white clothes with disheveled hair and initially got frightened. Collecting herself, she said: “An Ge’er, why are you up already?”
“Grandma Feng, where’s my father?” he asked.
“Master returned late from the literary gathering last night and is sleeping in the west room.”
Ping’an nodded and felt his way toward the west room. In the dim morning light, he could see the person on the bed sleeping soundly.
Rubbing his tired eyes, Ping’an confirmed it was indeed his father. But it was already mao hour (5-7 AM), why was he still asleep?
He stood there tilting his head, momentarily unsure what to do.
Wake him up to study? But what was he here for?
Let him continue sleeping? But what was he here for?
Ping’an’s mind was a muddled mess. He sat down on a chair, unable to stay awake any longer, yawned, and fell asleep with his head on the table, sleeping until the sun was high in the sky.
He woke up with sore shoulders and arms feeling like they were filled with television static.
Shaking his hands and stomping his feet, he looked up to see his father just getting out of bed, hair disheveled, looking at him lazily.
They stared at each other in silence for a long moment.
“What are you doing here?” Chen Yan spoke first.
“Father, aren’t you getting up to study?” Ping’an asked simultaneously.
Chen Yan yawned: “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Aren’t you going to the Prefectural School for lectures either?” Ping’an asked, confused.
Lin Yuebai happened to enter at that moment and explained to him: “Your father has taken leave from the Prefectural School. He needs more rest before the Xiang Examination to recover his health.”
To corroborate his wife’s words, Chen Yan lazily collapsed back onto the bed, intending to sleep a while longer.
Ping’an felt like he was hearing a fantasy tale, as this was the first time since he could remember that he had seen his old dad sleep in.
For several consecutive days, Chen Yan slept until noon at the earliest and afternoon at the latest. Ping’an began to wonder: why had his father suddenly changed his nature, sleeping during the day every day?
After ruling out various adverse factors like poisoning, illness, injury, or pregnancy, Ping’an became convinced this was an exceptionally good thing. He decided to guard the west room door every day, blocking anyone who might disturb his father’s sleep.
Meanwhile, Chen Yan, thoroughly annoyed by Ping’an’s constant attention, had to find an alternative approach: he would sleep when Ping’an was awake and study when Ping’an was asleep. Such a young child would need to sleep regardless of whether he stayed up late or woke up early.
Under his son’s “protection,” not only did Chen Yan’s sleep quality greatly improve, but his studying also became more focused.
With only seven days left until the Xiang Examination, Chen Yan spent three days adjusting his sleep schedule, packed his examination basket, and prepared to depart for the provincial capital the next day.
…
In this examination year, with the Xiang Examination approaching, the prices of writing brushes, ink, paper, and inkstones had skyrocketed. Cheng Wenfan Ink was completely sold out. The streets were filled with scholars wearing square scarves and Confucian robes, loudly discussing Cheng-Zhu Exegesis and examination techniques. Even their bargaining was filled with classical literary phrases.
Ping’an went for an early morning stroll around the streets and returned home speaking strangely.
Cao Mama washed a plate of sweet pears, and Xiao Fulu picked up the largest one with her small hands.
Ping’an stopped her: “Hast thou not heard of ‘Kong Rong Giving Up the Larger Pear’? The largest pear should be given to thine elder sister first.”
When Granny Liu was serving meals, she accidentally spilled a bowl of chicken wonton soup.
Ping’an shook his head: “Alas, the chicken wonton soup is gone, never to return.”
This left Granny Liu flustered, thinking she had committed some grave taboo.
Old Master Chen frowned upon hearing this: “Good grandson, straighten your tongue before speaking.”Ping’an stuck out his tongue and said vaguely: ‘Grandfather, my tongue is straight.'”
Lin Yuebai put down her chopsticks: “If you don’t want to eat, shall Mother teach you to read instead?”
Ping’an hurriedly served his mother some food: “Mother, this lettuce dish is truly delicious, so crispy. Please taste it.”
The entire family was amused by him.
“Is everything prepared for Yu Guan’er’s departure tomorrow?” Zhao Shi reminded.
“Don’t worry, Mother. Everything is in the examination basket. I check it daily and nothing will be missing,” Chen Yan said.
Ping’an returned to the eastern courtyard, where three large trunks were arranged in the courtyard. His mother was meticulously checking them against a list.
The first layer contained brushes, ink, paper, inkstones, exam paper waterproof bags, windproof candles, and tools like hammers and paste for repairing the examination cell. The second layer was left empty, ready to be filled with food, cooking utensils, and tableware. The third layer held the examination curtain, bedding, and woolen felt for warmth. The fourth layer stored identity documents, household registration, examination pass, float, and other items to verify the candidate’s identity.
The Xiang Examination lasted nine days and six nights, with eating, drinking, and resting all confined to a small examination cell. Physical condition was crucial, so thorough preparation was essential.
He asked Jiu Huan, “Why prepare three identical trunks?”
Jiu Huan pointed at them: “That’s the backup, and that’s the backup’s backup.”
Ping’an: …
So meticulous—but he really hadn’t planned to steal anything this time.
Early the next morning, Ping’an was awakened by firecrackers. Stepping outside, he saw relatives and friends who had come to see him off already eating breakfast in the front courtyard. Some chatted cheerfully at the table, while others pulled Old Dad and his grandfather aside to offer auspicious words. Chen Laoye, flushed and beaming with pride, listened to the flattery from outsiders.
In the eastern courtyard, everything was bustling in an orderly manner.
Feng Pozi laid a bag of white rice and long-lasting pastries and cooked foods on the table, then went to pack seasonings into the Kao Xiang.
Ping’an sat down at the dining table. Besides a bowl of Imperial Examination Porridge, at least seven varieties of “Number One Scholar Cake” were arranged before him, each inscribed with phrases: “Victory Upon Arrival,” “Name on the Golden List,” “Brilliant Future,” “Plucking Cassia in the Lunar Palace,” “Achieving High Rank,” “Great Journey,” and “Step-by-Step Promotion.”
He didn’t need to ask—such extravagant pastries could only be his grandfather’s doing.
Ping’an said to Jiu Huan, “I’d like to eat steamed buns, wontons, and You Dunzi.”
Jiu Huan covered her mouth and laughed. “The Old Master’s orders: only these today for great fortune and prosperity.”
Ping’an: …