◎Stubborn Mouth, Why Admit Defeat So Quickly!◎
When Chen Yan saw Ping’an leave the banquet, he had an ominous feeling. But surrounded by relatives and unable to break away, he instructed A Xiang to follow him.
Ping’an, troubled by the lack of adult assistance, sneaked into the kitchen with three companions and a dog, pilfering two catties of beef and lamb, two fish, along with cabbage, shiitake mushrooms, string beans, eggplant, dried tofu, and more.
Since the dishes were all delivered by a restaurant and the stove hadn’t been lit, Ping’an directed A Xiang to chop the meat and vegetables into chunks. Meanwhile, he climbed onto the stove with a small bowl, rummaged through jars of expensive spices, and mixed a bowl of barbecue seasoning.
A Xiang frowned at the sight—this young master’s reckless concoction in that small bowl was enough to cover a month’s expenses for an ordinary family.
After marinating the ingredients, Ping’an packed them in a bamboo basket, covered it with a floral cloth, and had A Xiang carry it as they sneaked furtively past the screen wall.
The two mischievous children, confined to the yard collecting dud firecrackers, were utterly bored. Seeing the master and servant sneak out, they exchanged glances and followed them all the way to their granduncle’s deserted garden, observing from a distance.
Within a quarter of an hour, the charred aroma of grilled meat filled the garden, wafting into their nostrils and nearly making them drool.
The four focused on their barbecue, the charcoal crackling under the makeshift grill, reflecting off Ping’an’s flushed cheeks. The tender beef and lamb gradually browned, releasing an enticing, smoky fragrance.
“Hey!” Chen Pingji suddenly sprang out from nowhere. “Haha, caught you! I’m going to tell Uncle you’re playing with fire!”
Chen Pingxin hopped and mimicked, “You’re playing with fire!”
The four and the dog stared at them quietly, as if observing two foolish children.
Though younger, Chen Pingxin was clearly smarter. Pointing at A Xiang, he said, “Wait, big brother, isn’t that Uncle’s personal attendant? Uncle must already know.”
Chen Pingji: “…”
“Mmm, smells amazing!” A Man picked up a skewer of fragrant lamb and handed it to Ping’an.
Ping’an shoved the skewer sideways into Aji’s mouth, holding the dog’s muzzle to teach it how to eat off a stick.
Chen Pingxin stood rooted, swallowing his saliva.
“Ignore them, let’s go play with firecrackers,” Chen Pingji said.
Xiao Fulu chimed in, “An Ge’er, I want to play with firecrackers too.”
Ping’an turned to A Man, “What’s so fun about small firecrackers? My grandfather bought me a Wanxiang Cannon once.”
“A Wanxiang Cannon? That’s incredible!” A Man exaggerated. “Back in our hometown, we only played by blowing up manure pits.”
Ping’an asked, “How do you blow up a manure pit?”
Chen Pingji also leaned in curiously, eager to hear the details. Ping’an even kindly made room for them and handed each of the brothers a skewer of grilled meat.
A Man explained, “It’s the village latrines, with straw sheds and low walls. You light a bunch of firecrackers and toss them in before the person inside comes out, then run! Last time my dad beat me, I got him covered in manure like that!”
As he spoke, the three burst into weird laughter, sending shivers down A Xiang’s spine.
Chen Pingxin remarked, “Brother, they’re really bad!”
Ping’an praised, “Sister A Man, you’re so brave. No one in Chen Family Alley would dare blow up their own father.”
Chen Pingji didn’t like hearing that.
Chen Pingxin, focused on eating, raised his skewer and said, “Brother, this is really tasty!”
Chen Pingji glared at him and retorted to Ping’an, “Who says no one would?”
Ping’an blinked, “You played hooky the day before yesterday. I heard your dad beating you, and all you did was cry.”
“I…” Chen Pingji flushed red. “A gentleman’s revenge is a dish best served cold.”
“Ten years, and you say it’s not too late.”
“Ten years is just a figure of speech!” Chen Pingji said. “I can take revenge today.”
“Really?” Ping’an said. “I don’t believe you.”
Chen Pingji nearly exploded with anger at his response. Chen Pingxin patted his back beside him: “Elder brother, calm down, calm down.”
“If you don’t dare, you’re a coward,” Ping’an said.
“Just you wait, I’m going right now!” After saying this, Chen Pingji bit off all the beef from the skewer in one go, pointing back at them as he walked away: “You’ll see!”
The four of them watched Chen Pingji storm off with his younger brother in a huff. Except for A Xiang, they were all doubled over with laughter.
After finishing their barbecue feeling fully satisfied, they returned home to find it already filled with legends about their elder uncle Chen Lang – quite colorful legends at that.
Everyone was chatting and laughing during the banquet when suddenly a loud “bang” came from the direction of the outhouse. Master Qi came running out covered in filth, and the Chen Pingji brothers were caught red-handed, immediately dragged back home.
Ping’an reflected that although his two young cousins were mischievous, they certainly had initiative.
Ping’an avoided his father and squeezed in next to his grandfather, overhearing Grandfather say to Second Uncle: “Thank goodness this didn’t happen yesterday. If this had happened in front of Sun Zhixian, our Chen family would have suffered great humiliation.”
Second Uncle turned crimson with embarrassment, habitually making excuses: “Children don’t know any better.”
…
After the banquet ended and the guests dispersed, Chen Yan was invited by his classmates to attend a Yaji gathering, while Lin Yuebai slipped away to her parents’ home to share the good news. The large Chen residence returned to its usual tranquility.
Ping’an deliberately went to his grandmother’s courtyard to eavesdrop – the main courtyard was right next to Elder Uncle’s courtyard.
As expected, sounds of the Chen Pingji brothers being beaten came from next door. It sounded like they were using those particularly sturdy willow branches, followed by howls of pain. Ping’an laughed so hard he collapsed onto the swing chair, rocking violently and nearly flipping over the other side.
“Be careful!” Zhao Shi exclaimed in alarm, quickly ordering the maid to watch over him.
“You’re this happy about someone else getting beaten?” Chen Laoye chuckled, clearly also taking pleasure in their misfortune.
However, after a moment, Ping’an couldn’t laugh anymore, because he heard Auntie questioning while beating them: “Tell me, who put you up to this?”
Auntie Li Shi was known for her sharp temper. If she got proof, she would definitely come to their door and make a scene half the night. With Mother away from home, Father – being a frail scholar – certainly couldn’t be counted on.
Ping’an expected Chen Pingji to immediately give them away, but instead came an unusually firm voice from next door: “I thought of it myself.”
“Impossible,” Li Shi scolded while beating him. “With your brain, you couldn’t have come up with such a devilish scheme!”
Ping’an: …
Those words hurt more than any weapon.
Yet Chen Pingji insisted it was his own idea, even absolving his younger brother of responsibility. No matter how much Li Shi beat or scolded him, he refused to say another word.
Ping’an sighed. Say what you will, this troublemaker was quite loyal. If not for the family’s indulgence, he probably wouldn’t have turned into such a spoiled brat who caused trouble for others.
In the evening, Mother returned from her parents’ home, bringing back a camel bone flute that Elder Uncle had bought for him from foreign merchants.
Ping’an sat on the jacquard carpet, blowing random notes on the flute. Chen Yan leaned against the headboard reading, while Lin Yuebai set up a small clay stove on the couch table, arranging various dishes and bowls.
“Ping’an, come try the salted cherry hawthorn sweet tea I just prepared,” Lin Yuebai said.
Hearing this, Ping’an scrambled up, took it and sipped – indeed richly sweet and sour.
Lin Yuebai poured another cup and said: “Take this to your father.”
Ping’an scurried off.
Chen Yan didn’t even glance at him, merely accepting the teacup to drink before setting it aside on the small table.
Ping’an guessed A Xiang must have tattled on him.
“Father, what book are you reading?” Ping’an asked, making conversation.
“Extended Meaning of the Great Learning,” Chen Yan replied.
“That Extended Meaning again. What kind of novel is this? It put me to sleep several times—I didn’t understand a single sentence.”
Both husband and wife froze for a moment before bursting into laughter.
Ping’an joined in the laughter. The atmosphere lightened, and he felt much safer: “Father, what does this book talk about?”
Chen Yan glanced at Ping’an and couldn’t help a faint smile: “This book says that when two armies face each other, arrows are dipped not in poison but in feces. Do you know why?”
Ping’an thought to himself, of course it’s for bacterial infection.
Chen Yan continued: “Feces entering through the mouth and nose can easily cause high fever, diarrhea, even epidemics. Arrows dipped in feces can make wounds repeatedly fester until they burst open and lead to death.”
Ping’an’s eyelids twitched—he felt a beating coming.
“Firecrackers thrown at people can also easily cause burns and blast injuries,” Chen Yan added.
“Father, I was wrong! I won’t give others bad ideas anymore!” Ping’an was always quick to admit mistakes, though he still felt somewhat aggrieved: “But if they throw firecrackers into Aji’s shed, Aji could get hurt too. I didn’t want to watch Aji get bullied.”
Chen Yan was taken aback and looked at his wife.
Lin Yuebai looked surprised: “Was it your idea for your two cousins to blow up the manure pit?”
Ping’an froze. Had A Xiang not betrayed him after all? Had he confessed without being pressed?
Stupid mouth, why did you admit fault so quickly!
Chen Yan also said: “I only meant to remind you not to follow their mischievous example. Little did I know there’d be additional revelations…”
Ping’an blinked, then bolted barefoot toward the door—Grandfather! Grandmother! Save me, save me!
Chen Yan scooped him back in one motion: “No shoes again!”
Lin Yuebai scolded him too: “You’ve been utterly unruly lately. Put your shoes and socks on and go stand by the wall.”
As Chen Yan retrieved the shoes and socks Ping’an had hidden under the table, he admonished: “I just taught you about ‘three beneficial friendships and three harmful ones,’ and you’re already putting it to use.”
Ping’an obediently went to pick at the wall plaster.
As time ticked by, behind him the couple engaged in a laborious silent conversation:
“You tell him.”
“If the son is untaught, the father is at fault. You tell him.”
“How can I? Was he wrong?”
“Wasn’t he wrong?”
“Those two brothers set off firecrackers at the dog first.”
“That doesn’t mean he should blow up their father.”
“If the son is untaught, the father is at fault.”
“Right—if the son is untaught, the father is at fault. You tell him.”
“…” Chen Yan was stumped: “What should I say? Teach him to be soft and easily bullied?”
Ping’an heard rustling behind him. Turning around, he saw the two adults playing rock-paper-scissors.
“What are you doing?” he asked in astonishment.
The air froze solid.