Cheesy Pickup Lines
Shen Muyu held out for less than three seconds before his resolve crumbled. He sidled up to Prince Jing. “Let me do it. Heh heh.”
Prince Jing was tall and lean, with broad shoulders and a narrow waist. He stood a full head taller than seventeen-year-old Shen Muyu, who had to tilt his chin up to look at him.
Shen Yangyu was so furious he couldn’t get a word out. He just wheezed, looking ready to pass out.
The servants who had come at the order to catch the snake didn’t know what to do. They stood by with their heads respectfully lowered, waiting for instructions.
Shen Muyu put on a fawning smile. “Holding it takes effort, but holding me doesn’t.”
Ling Yanxing raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Because I can walk on my own.”
He blinked his puppy-like dark eyes, gazing up at the tall man with hopeful anticipation. Then his eyes shifted to the white snake’s tail, dangling in the air.
A shadow passed through Ling Yanxing’s eyes. His gaze swept over the startlingly pale skin at the back of the boy’s neck. “And you won’t turn around and bite this prince.”
The man’s words were dripping with sarcasm, but Shen Muyu didn’t take offense.
A great man knew when to bend and when to stand tall. He’d already prepared himself to become Prince Jing’s son, no, his brother. A few jabs were nothing.
But clearly, the man still held a grudge. He made no move to let go, merely raising an eyebrow as he watched Shen Muyu at his leisure.
The white snake’s cries for help were already flooding Shen Muyu’s mind like a barrage of “The spring breeze of reform blows across the land.” His head was buzzing with noise.
He pouted and shouted, “You shouldn’t let it get your hands dirty.”
Ling Yanxing paused. It wasn’t as if he’d planned to crush the snake to death with his bare hands.
His fingers tightened slightly around the snake’s vulnerable spot, and the rigid creature flicked out its limp tongue before passing out.
Playing dead?
Ling Yanxing found that rather novel, but then a sticky sensation spread across his hand. Against the snake’s cold scales, it felt as if a thin film had formed between them.
Ling Yanxing’s brow gradually furrowed, a flicker of confusion passing through his eyes.
Shen Muyu looked a little embarrassed. “Well, it is a white snake.”
Ling Yanxing: “…”
For a moment, the handsome, aloof face went blank. His left eyelid suddenly twitched.
The snake in his hand was black and white, a water snake…
Shen Muyu gave an awkward smile. “I painted the black markings on with ink.”
Ling Yanxing: “…”
Shen Muyu added, “It might not be dry yet.”
A crack appeared in Ling Yanxing’s composure.
Seizing the opportunity, Shen Muyu cupped his hands beneath the white snake’s tail and gave Prince Jing a shy smile. Two little pointed canine teeth pressed against his cherry-red lower lip, and he unconsciously stuck out his tongue to moisten his dry lips.
Ling Yanxing lowered the snake with a dark expression.
The black markings around the snake’s neck had faded considerably, leaving it looking dingy and gray, like a middle-aged man with a bald spot. The moment it was free, it sprang back to life and shot into the boy’s red sleeve.
Ling Yanxing fought to keep his eyelid from twitching and glanced down at his palm.
Anyone who knew would say he’d caught a snake. Anyone who didn’t would think he’d been digging for coal.
Ling Yanxing’s expression darkened completely. Pressing his lips together, he strode away.
Shen Muyu straightened as he watched him go, wavering uncertainly. He had just started to step forward when a shout made him freeze.
“You little wretch!”
Shen Yangyu finally caught his breath, panting hard, his chest heaving as he pointed a trembling finger at Shen Muyu. His voice cracked as he shouted, “Since when have you been keeping one of those things in the residence?!”
Old Madam Shen was afraid of snakes. The servants inspected the garden walls of the Shen residence every day to make sure not even a single snake egg could be found.
And this disobedient son had actually dared to keep a snake openly, then tried to let it loose on someone!
He was, he was going to be the death of him!
He really had spoiled the wretch until he’d forgotten his place. Did the boy think having the Director of the Secretariat for a father meant he could do whatever he pleased?
Shen Yangyu was so furious his ears rang. Shen Muyu dodged his father and called out pleadingly, “Father, just pretend it’s a dog!”
“You still have the nerve to argue!” Shen Yangyu chased him a few steps, but years hunched over a desk had left him in no shape to catch up with a boy in his prime. In a blind rage, he even pulled off a shoe and threw it, but Shen Muyu nimbly dodged that too.
“After him! Catch the young master! I’m going to break his legs today!”
Shen Muyu knew he was in trouble and took off at a sprint.
He bounded through the bushes, scrambled up the artificial hill, and leaped over the man-made stream. He even had time to look back at the servants chasing him, and his father, whose face had turned purple with rage.
“I’ll stop running if you promise not to hit me!”
Shen Muyu made a heart with his hands toward his father, then grinned and backed away a couple of steps, about to run again. But he hadn’t expected to run smack into a wall of flesh. His forehead hit it with a thud, and stars burst in his vision.
A deep, cool voice, unmistakably male, came from above him, laced with familiar mockery. “Walking right into the trap?”
The white snake’s scales all stood on end, and it instinctively tightened around its host’s wrist.
But from the man’s icy voice, Shen Muyu somehow sensed a hint of murderous intent. His courage immediately faltered. He choked on his words, then lowered his head like a meek wife and smoothed out the rumpled fabric where he’d bumped into Prince Jing.
He obediently stepped back to put some distance between them. Then, after a moment’s thought, he took a step closer, satisfied with the half-step that now separated them.
Beyond the distance between strangers, into the realm of good friends.
Excellent, Shen Muyu. Was drinking and talking merrily really so far away?
He glanced at Shen Yangyu, hurrying over the bridge, and sighed. “Guess I can’t escape my fate.”
“You little wretch, stand still!” Shen Yangyu threatened.
Ling Yanxing folded his arms and looked down at the boy. He gave him a grudging bit of credit. “Not running?”
Shen Muyu met his gaze and looked deeply into Ling Yanxing’s eyes. Then he darted behind him and shook his head. “That was the plan, but I can’t run anymore.”
Shen Yangyu had crossed the bridge and was running over with a large crowd of servants, stumbling along unevenly.
Shen Muyu was on edge. Old Man Shen really would hit him when he lost his temper. The rattan switch had left a red welt on his backside, and it was still there.
But he still wanted to take a gamble, betting that even the fiercest tiger wouldn’t eat its cub. His father wouldn’t have the heart to beat his only son to death.
Prince Jing was hard to catch a glimpse of. Shen Muyu had lurked outside Prince Jing’s residence for over half a month, and he hadn’t seen the prince once. He hadn’t even seen a single dog from the residence!
Granted, Prince Jing might not keep dogs.
But Shen Muyu had only ever seen the guards at the gates, and they’d gone from strangers to familiar faces, close enough to exchange pleasantries. Still, he hadn’t seen so much as a strand of Prince Jing’s hair.
This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If he wanted to win Ling Yanxing over, he had to seize the moment!
Ling Yanxing leaned against the nearby artificial hill, seemingly dozing, perfectly content to wait and watch a father and son tear into each other.
Shen Muyu waited for a long while, but the man never asked why he’d stopped running. His prepared lines were useless, and his handsome face scrunched up in frustration.
He shamelessly edged closer. “Aren’t you going to ask why I suddenly can’t run anymore?”
Just a moment ago, he’d bounded over like a monkey with boundless energy. Wasn’t the man even a little curious?
Was there not a single descendant of Yan and Huang with an instinct for watching a good show?
Shen Muyu’s dark eyes were like black grapes, practically spelling out “Ask me, ask me!” He tilted his head back to look at Ling Yanxing, like a puppy waiting to be fed.
Ling Yanxing suppressed his curiosity and kept his expression impassive.
Shen Muyu: “…”
Ask! Come on, ask!
If he didn’t ask, how was Shen Muyu supposed to continue?
Those who were loved had nothing to fear. In this passionate friendship, he was the only one carrying the burden from beginning to end.
Shen Muyu’s clear, bright eyes flickered. He looked up at Prince Jing as if to say, “How could you be like this?” Unconsciously, he caught his lower lip between his teeth and gently worried it.
He felt so wronged.
Like a puppy nobody wanted.
Ling Yanxing raised an eyebrow. The irritation from having his hand smeared with ink had eased a little.
The Shen family’s values were poor, but the feng shui must have been good. The boy they’d raised was certainly pretty.
Shen Muyu stared at him resentfully for a long time. The man had clearly shown a flicker of interest just moments ago, and yet he’d managed to resist the instinct to watch the drama unfold. Shen Muyu couldn’t help admiring him a little.
He hadn’t meant to keep him in suspense anyway. “It’s all right. I’ll tell you.”
Ling Yanxing had a bad feeling again. Before he could say there was no need, Shen Muyu had already answered his own question. “Because I’ve found my whole world.”
Ling Yanxing: “…”
Shen Muyu bashfully made a heart with his hands. “And you’re my whole world.”
Ling Yanxing: “…………”
Shen Yangyu came running over just in time to hear his son confess his feelings to Prince Jing. A surge of heat shot straight to his head, and his soul nearly leapt out of his body. His eyes rolled back, and he fainted.
“Master!”
The servants erupted into chaos, rushing over and working together to carry Shen Yangyu away before he could catch his breath.
Shen Muyu hadn’t expected his father, who was destined to have his entire household executed, to be so easily frightened. He was a little surprised.
How had his father found the courage in the original novel to snub the all-powerful Prince Regent and join forces with the puppet emperor to stir up trouble, only to botch the whole thing?
Shen Yangyu’s faint had startled Shen Muyu too, but once he’d calmed down, he wasn’t worried about his father’s health at all. His father hadn’t started anything yet, so he wasn’t going to die of shock just because Shen Muyu upset him.
A son pays his father’s debts, and a son hosts his father’s guests. He’d be sure to give his future best friend a proper welcome.
Shen Muyu lowered his eyes, thought it over, and came to a conclusion. Then he turned back with a carefree grin and stared straight at Prince Jing, rubbing his palms together eagerly. “Since my father isn’t up to it, I’ll be your host instead.”
Heh heh.
Come on, Prince Jing.
Ling Yanxing still hadn’t recovered from that revoltingly nauseating line. His refined face was wreathed in cool detachment, and he looked like a god untouched by the mortal world, more ethereal even than an immortal in a painting.
“Dream on.” Ling Yanxing lowered his head slightly. A boy’s reflection suddenly appeared in his deep eyes, and a mocking smile touched his lips.
“Aw, come on,” Shen Muyu said. “Whenever you need me, I’m free day or night. I’ll go anywhere you want, and I’ll do anything with all my heart.”
Then, as if words alone weren’t enough to show his burning enthusiasm, he gave a sincere, utterly guileless smile. His neat, white teeth all but flashed Ling Yanxing in the face.
Look closely, and there wasn’t a trace of guile in those clear, bright eyes that kept winking at him. Just a touch of pure, unadulterated stupidity.
Ling Yanxing’s temple twitched. His impression of Young Master Shen had taken a new turn.
Stupid, rich, and nuts.
Ling Yanxing wasn’t the sort to pick on someone who meant him no harm, especially when that someone was just a silly kid.
He let out a faint, amused snort and curled his lips. “Lord Shen has certainly had a hard time all these years.”
Shen Muyu sighed, taking him at his word. “Tell me about it. He’s gone bald at such a young age.”
He’d been so busy trying to get in with the puppet emperor that his already sparse hair had fallen out. Every morning, a maid had to use his mother’s eyebrow pencil to color in the bald spot before he could go out.
It was a long story, and a sad one.
Shen Muyu didn’t hesitate to sell his father out for his own gain. He glanced at Prince Jing’s thick, smooth black hair, momentarily dazzled by his good looks, and smiled dreamily. “Unlike Your Highness, with your flowing locks, every strand a thread carrying my thoughts of you. And with me around, you don’t have to worry about losing your hair. I’ll think of you forever.”
Backlit by the setting sun, the boy stood a little stiffly. The tall man made him tilt his head back, revealing a glimpse of his beautiful neck.
The setting sun’s afterglow happened to fall on his ears as they slowly reddened. Inside his boots, his toes curled in sudden embarrassment.
Whoever came up with these cheesy pickup lines was a damn genius!