[YOO JAY’S POV]
‘A celebrity like Seo Yutae will never appear in Korea again.’
That’s what everyone used to say.
When I first met my hyung, he was already someone in a position far beyond what I could ever dare to reach.
He was a star who appeared out of nowhere and swept through the entertainment industry, which was dominated by idol groups, as a solo artist. Everyone’s idol. The idol of idols. And then there was me—a mere trainee with no talent, no background, and not even a spot in the debut group. That was where we stood when we first met.
“Jay has a great visual … but his skills are so mediocre. At this rate, he’ll probably just rot in the practice room forever. There’s no hope for him.”
I already knew what the people at the company were thinking. I constantly heard trainers say things like, ‘
You have no talent at all
’ or ‘
Do you really have to become an idol
?’. At the time, I was fully aware that a chance to debut would never come my way.
The problem was that I was trying too hard.
If there were issues with diligence, they could threaten with debut or expulsion to force some effort out of you. But if you were already doing your best and still showing no improvement, you would end up being labeled as a ‘
kid with zero potential
‘.
“If you’ve tried that hard and still can’t make it, it just means that’s the limit of your ability. It’s about time you accept it and give up.”
“I’m saying this for your own good, okay?”
Everyone said that.
My parents, my friends, and even my fellow trainees.
The gap between ideals and reality, effort and talent, couldn’t make me give up, but the reactions of those I trusted and relied on brought me a great sense of disappointment.
While I was spending each day in stagnation, I overheard something as I passed through the company’s hallway.
“What’s with this group thing? When I’ve already established myself as a soloist, what do you mean by telling me to start a group? If you don’t have the confidence or ability to make a new group successful, just drop it. Don’t pass it on to me.”
It was the voice of Seo Yutae, which I had only heard about through rumors.
‘…Group?’
Listening to the conversation, I learned that the company was planning a new group and that they were trying to include
that
Seo Yutae in it.
“Come on, don’t do that! At least go see the kids. The trainees who are rotting away in the practice room are dying to get a glimpse of your face. Are you really going to be so heartless and just leave? Go give the kids some words of encouragement.”
In response to Kang Hyukwoo’s persistent persuasion, taking advantage of the trainees’ desperation, my hyung replied, “
Finish it quickly. I’m just going to see their faces and give them a few words of advice
“, and then left the meeting room.
My heart pounded.
I could feel my blood racing with the expectation that perhaps a
chance
might come to me as well.
I quickly returned to the training room where many of the trainees were gathered and waited for my turn, trying to keep my composure. Soon after, I noticed the trainees quietly leaving the practice room one by one. Following the staff’s instructions, they silently headed to the practice room where my hyung was.
“…….”
But no matter how long I waited, my turn never came.
Apparently, I wasn’t even allowed to enter that room. I was a fool to even expect it.
As soon as I became aware of that fact, a staff from the Rookie Development Team, who had been calling the trainees out, opened the practice room door and spoke as he was about to leave.
“Why are you here?”
I replied in the quiet practice room, where no trainees were left.
“To practice.”
I was foolish.
The truth was, I already knew. There was no way such a chance would be given to me. I had always been unnecessarily quick to notice things, so it was impossible for me not to realize. But the younger me back then didn’t want to accept that reality.
“Really? Just do it in moderation.”
“Yes.”
“…Don’t work so hard.”
The staff said that to me, who was staring at him in silence, then left. As soon as he was gone, I turned on the music and started practicing again.
It was a song that I could never pull off with my skills.
As I mechanically practiced the song, one that would suit a brilliantly shining idol, transparent liquid poured out as if it were raining. The practice room floor, soaked with moisture, began to make increasingly louder friction sounds, and just as my head throbbed as if it were about to burst, a low voice was heard.
“You’re not supposed to dance to my song like that.”
Startled, I turned around, and there stood a tall man leaning against the door, so tall that it seemed like his head would touch the doorframe.
‘….Seo Yutae.’
I couldn’t help but hold my breath at that moment.
There was something about those bright eyes and sharp pupils that I had often seen on TV that overwhelmed me, exactly like what people had said, and every expression and gesture had something extraordinary about them that drew my attention.
“I clearly said I would see everyone, but why is there still a trainee whose face I haven’t seen?”
As my hyung said that, he tilted his head, and his jet-black long hair cascaded down his sturdy shoulders like the night sky.
Honestly, I was filled with admiration, but I didn’t let it show. I nodded politely, and with a faint smile, I replied calmly.
“I’m about to be kicked out, so I guess they thought there was no need to show me.”
The Seo Yutae I analyzed at that time seemed to value hierarchy, but in reality, he was a very free-spirited person. When faced with people who fawned over him excessively, let alone fly, his mood would sink to the bottom of the earth. It was this understanding that allowed me to take that attitude.
‘And that was actually the right answer.’
It had to be neither too much nor too little.
It had to be clear that ‘
I know exactly the limits you can tolerate
‘. That was the utmost respect I could offer to the idol I deeply admired.
“The trainees wouldn’t be told anything until right before they were kicked out.”
“I can tell without hearing it in words. I picked up on it from the expression of the staff I just met and the way the company treated me.”
“…….”
My hyung stared at my face for a few minutes after hearing my words, then tugged at one corner of his mouth, smirked, before speaking again.
“Anyway, you haven’t terminated your contract yet, correct?”
“Yes.”
“But he was trying to just pass you off, that bastard….”
My hyung lowered his gaze with a cold look in his eyes, as if recalling Kang Hyukwoo’s face. After a brief moment, he spoke.
“Yoo Jay.”
He knew my name.
How? Since when?
A million questions raced through my head. But before I could even formulate them, he sat down on a chair at the back of the practice room and said,
“I’ll take a look. Give it a try.”
I knew I would 100% fail to live up to those expectations. Knowing that, I couldn’t help but feel like a liar, so I immediately confessed the truth.
“…I told you earlier. I’m going to be kicked out soon. I have no talent, so no matter how hard I try, I won’t improve….”
A simple question was thrown at me with a scoff, as if to say, ‘
what are you talking about?
‘.
“Then why are you still practicing?”
“…….”
That unwavering gaze seemed to pierce right through my heart, and strangely enough, I felt my heart beat fast again.
That was the beginning of my life, the beginning of Prism.
The first person who recognized me was
that person
, not anyone else.
It was probably the same for the other members, not just me.
“Hyung, I think we’re going to do really well!”
I didn’t want to accept the fact that such an existence was by the side of others, not ours. I probably wouldn’t be able to support my hyung’s new beginning forever.
‘…Why on earth!’
I knew that even if he was reborn, he would still be an idol.
I also knew that I couldn’t just suddenly take my hyung back to Prism.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t suppress my childish, immature feelings.
All sorts of complicated and shameful emotions like jealousy, a sense of loss, and regret were intertwined, making my head spin.
“Do well at work, Seungbeom-ssi.”
My mind was so chaotic at the time that I blurted out whatever came to mind, something that wouldn’t sound too strange to others, and rushed out of the waiting room in a daze. It wasn’t until I had walked for a while and calmed down that I regretted it.
To say such a thing with that kind of expression … I really acted like a brat.
***
If you wanted to understand the style of the person called
Seo Yutae
, you could just take a look at Prism.
The group was originally formed around my hyung, and since he was involved in every aspect of Prism’s activities, from planning to production, as the main producer, it was safe to say that Prism’s identity was Seo Yutae, and Seo Yutae’s identity was Prism.
But now, if you put Pantheion and Prism side by side, what would you see?
The colors of the two groups were strikingly different.
This meant that, to put it bluntly, the current songs that Pantheion produced were not the kind of songs that
Seo Yutae
excels at. It was more like he was wearing clothes that didn’t fit.
It was inevitable because, in order to prevent the public and the members from noticing the similarities between Han Seungbeom and Seo Yutae, he had to abandon all the styles he had and forcefully build a new one.
“I’m being really careful because I’m afraid Seras and the others will accuse me of plagiarism. It feels like I’m wearing sandbags.”
As he mentioned, if people find similarities between Seo Yutae’s songs and Han Seungbeom’s songs, the situation could spiral out of control. It seemed like he composed songs with a different atmosphere and took in a lot of other people’s opinions regarding the concept to prevent that from happening.
After checking the music video and lyrics of
Heracles
, I started to think more and more that, rather than showing off all of his talents in this group called Pantheion, my hyung might be prioritizing making the other members shine.
It was clear why my hyung made that choice.
[Prism’s other members, aside from Lee Chise and Seo Yuseong, are really talented too. But the problem is that the comparison is with Seo Yutae.]
My hyung didn’t want to repeat what had happened with Prism.
‘Hyung, you’ve become very gentle too. When we first met, you immediately told us to adjust to you. Now, you’re completely like a docile lamb.’
I laughed while deliberately muttering that nonsense in my head, trying to ease the stiffness in my heart that I still felt from the agitation in the waiting room. However, it didn’t take long for my face to harden again. I knew that my hyung’s current change was simply a reflection of how much he’d been affected by Inchan-hyung’s situation, and all the various incidents and accidents he’d gone through.
As I was trying to soothe the burning feelings inside me, before I knew it, the showcase began.
“Waaaaaah!”
As soon as the stage began, the enthusiastic cheers of the fans filling the seats echoed throughout the massive concert hall. I let out a chuckle as I watched the Pantheion’s members calmly took the stage from the VIP section.
‘Are they really rookies?’
It wasn’t just my hyung, every member was perfect.
From the choreography to the live performance, everything blended together flawlessly without a single mistake. It was hard to believe that this was a group that just debuted today.
‘Everyone was good in Survive IDOL, but now they’re on a completely different level.’
I could see that all of the members’ skills were gradually improving under the guidance of their outstanding leader. It was a phenomenon that Prism had also experienced, so there was no way I wouldn’t recognize it.
“If you’re a singer, you have to be good on stage.”
I could tell what he must have said to the members without even hearing it myself. Finally, I was able to smile a little comfortably.
‘Yes, this is Seo Yutae.’
It didn’t matter if it was his style or not.
It didn’t matter if he was wearing clothes that didn’t fit him, because Seo Yutae was someone who always showed his best performance.
‘This performance is going to become a hot topic.’
Born a slow learner, I went through painstaking efforts and practice to stand alongside geniuses, only to find that in front of me was a genius who put in hundreds, even thousands, of times more effort than others, as if it were his second nature.
When I looked at my hyung, I felt it painfully in my bones.
What exactly is
talent
?
I gazed at my hyung, surrounded by the numerous audience’s cheers, as he stood at the center of the stage.
Then, maybe it was just my imagination, but I felt like my gaze met his.
I stared at him quietly and muttered the words I wasn’t able to say out loud in my mind.
‘Everyone calls me the second Seo Yutae or something like that, but honestly, no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to surpass you. Because it seems like people still love you and miss you, hyung.’
But, hyung, do you know?
I don’t want to surpass you, I just want to stand by your side.
[END OF YOO JAY’S POV]
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Translator’s Corner:
Apparently Pantheion’s (I really need to get used to this name) name didn’t get mentioned much … I finished editing everything in 15 minutes.
ANYWAY FINALLY THIS CHAPTER. I’ve been waiting for this so I can properly explain why Prism is so so soft towards Jay.
Jay was, indirectly, the reason Prism was created. If that day Seo Yutae didn’t meet a child who was abandoned by everyone because “he didn’t have the talent”, he was probably never going to create Prism. (And we’re not going to see all this tragedy omg). He’s already a successful solo artist on his own right.
You think he was the best leader because he created the debut song for Danbi … but he straight out changed his mind about redebuting in a group because Jay wouldn’t debut otherwise. Like you see how he treated Danbi right? Jay was treated the same, if not worse, and as mentioned before, Prism was a group where all the members followed the leader. So, when Yutae did something, they all following his suit, including treating the youngest like the most weakest being needs to be protected at all cost (And Danbi was too shy to be treated as the youngest, but Jay was so shameless he’s enjoying all the attention he could get from his brothers using his maknae status). In short, he was that kind of spoiled kid except this spoiled kid was raised by big brothers with messed up personalities.
This is probably why in some chapter ago, when MC thought about why he impulsively revealed his identity to Jay when Jay asked, he wondered if it was because “
Jay was crying
“. Their
first meetin
g was when he saw the young Jay crying alone in the empty practice room (this was also why, when he saw Yang Hajun cried before, he thought birds of the same feather flock together, since Hajun was friends with Jay).
Now you see why Jay is so clingy ….