“….It’s a sasaeng.”
As I said that, Do Yuda seemed momentarily startled and looked at me with shaking eyes. Seeing his surprised reaction, I gently patted his back to reassure him that everything was fine.
In response, Do Yuda relaxed a bit and turned his attention back to the camera. He knew that showing any more signs of tension in this situation would be inappropriate.
‘It’s understandable that you’re surprised. IThis must be the first time you’ve had to deal with so many calls coming in during a livestream.’
Actually, I wasn’t shocked by this anymore.
“….Doesn’t it feel like something has been recorded?”
“Hey guys, did anyone see Yutae-hyung’s underwear?”
The fame of Prism in its heyday was so high that it far surpassed the current Pantheion, and because I was one of the members with an exceptionally large core fandom, I experienced situations like this quite often.
I had experienced so many bizarre incidents, like finding cameras in dolls, discovering recorders and small cameras in hotel bathrooms, spotting sasaengs staring from the building next door, and having my belongings disappear daily, that I’ve become completely desensitized to it all. I felt nothing when this kind of situation happened.
As I sat there with an indifferent expression, I could hear Do Yuda mumbling in a tiny voice, sounding like a broken machine. He was still scared, sitting stiffly and awkwardly.
“Why is he always so calm? Am I the only one scared? Am I the only one terrified?”
There were just too many things that had happened to me … that I couldn’t get scared by something this trivial.
I couldn’t really say anything like that, so I decided to just keep quiet.
‘This kind of thing should happen once or twice at most, not something I need to respond to every time.’
Saesang was an inevitable trial for idols.
Becoming popular meant that a variety of people were showing us affection, and it also meant that the
‘abnormal people
‘ that people often talk about would start to like us as well.
Even if you cleared one out, another would appear.
This was a problem that couldn’t be completely solved, unlike Kang Hyukwoo, as the number of people couldn’t even be estimated.
Those commonly referred to as sasaengs would pay people who could access personal information, such as employees of telecommunication companies or government officials, to find out details, and they also bought information from hackers who stole personal data by hacking SNS or websites.
‘I can’t say for certain how this sasaeng got my number … but I have a rough idea.’
When I started a livestream like this, the phone calls began to flood in like crazy, because they were trying to confirm whether the phone number they had found was really the idol’s number.
Livestreams were usually done in a relaxed atmosphere with an everyday feel, so most idols have their phones with them, and they would be able to see the phone ringing in real time.
Some people might say, ‘
Then why don’t you just change your phone number?’
. But they were just people who haven’t experienced it themselves, carelessly making light of it with short-sighted thinking.
No matter how many times you changed your number, sasaengs would find the new one and call you again.
If you’re going to waste your mental energy changing your number, there should at least be something to gain from it. But since everyone knows the same situation will repeat, they just give up and let it be. That way, they can at least save time.
Even when the number was changed, they would send threatening texts like ‘
Why did you change your number?
‘ or ‘
Did you think I wouldn’t be able to contact you?
‘. So, to avoid these annoying situations, I would either ignore my phone or steal a phone under Choi Jeokhyeon’s name for personal use.
“…….”
‘I think about it every time I experience it, but it’s depressing.’
I wanted to leave only good feelings and good memories with the people who love me.
But every time something like this happened, it felt like that relationship was being tarnished, and it didn’t make me feel good.
Sasaengs are not fans.
Calling sasaengs “
sasaeng fans
” was an incredibly insulting act towards the fans who loved me in the right way.
[Captain, please get plenty of sleep ㅠㅠ For Muses, Captain’s health comes first!! It’s great that you’re working hard, but I hope you’ll take care of your body too ㅠㅠ]
What kind of feelings did fans who communicated with me in the proper way have when they saw sasaengs easily getting my number and contacting me? It wasn’t that they couldn’t get my phone number themselves. It was that they kept boundaries in order to treat the person they liked as a human, not as a product.
[Seungbeom-ah, tell Do Yuda to move away. Why does he keep acting so close to you in an annoying way?]
‘Quit your bullshit.’
I was thinking about my fans, but then I remembered that text again, and my anger rose again.
Who the hell do you think you are to act so friendly with me?
I might be able to tolerate them calling me, but the content of their text was ridiculous. Seriously, who else besides my members would dare to act like they’re close to me?
[The outfit you wear today isn’t great hehe, wear white next time.]
The text I received earlier had an unusually intimate tone, despite the fact that the person had been reluctant to reveal their own personal information. It almost seemed like they were treating me as if I were their family, friend, or lover. It felt like they were mistaking our relationship for something beyond that of a fan and idol.
And besides the tone, the content was also a problem.
At first glance, it might have seemed like just a simple conversation about the clothes I wore today, but in reality, it was something said because they considered me someone they could control as they pleased.
[The cult leader’s face is really like an angel, but why do I like it so much when his fashion is the complete opposite of his appearance, all in black? How can he be so good at ignoring people’s image of himself and wearing whatever he wants … Guilty as charged.]
Since my usual style had already become well known among my fans, that sasaeng was probably aware of it too. However, seeing them speak in such a commanding tone as if it were a given, without considering my preference at all, it seemed like their basic mindset was, ‘
Since I think white clothes look prettier, Han Seungbeom should just do as I say
‘.
Seeing them even criticize my perfectly fine clothes just to make me follow the choices they wanted, it seemed like they were desperate to control me.
‘Anyone who really knows me would know that this kind of nonsense won’t work on me.’
This kind of people trapped others in the image they imagined, believing that the person would only act in a way that fit that image. And this seemed to be the outcome of that belief.
I looked down at my phone, using Woo Kangwon’s back as a shield, then lifted my head and smiled brightly at the camera. Then, while reading the chat, I started to proceed with the livestream calmly.
“Both the title track and the B-side tracks received such great reactions, so I felt very proud.”
The reason I deliberately didn’t say anything was because warnings like ‘
Don’t call me
‘, ‘
Stop it
‘ or ‘
This is making me uncomfortable
‘, would only make the situation worse, not better.
I knew that the stress and anger built up from being constantly harassed would lead people to say those things, but when you considered whether it was realistically helpful, unfortunately, it wasn’t.
Sasaengs are not making calls because they don’t know that the other person will hate it.
Since they were the type of people who would feel a sense of accomplishment from leaving an impression on me through a strong reaction, it was better to stay unresponsive, making them uncertain whether this number was really mine.
‘The fans must have been looking forward to this livestream, so I can’t ruin it.’
I glanced at the chat window plastered with colorful emojis, which seemed to reflect their excitement, and decided to focus all my efforts on the livestream in front of me.
“Which song from the B-side tracks did you like the most, everyone?”
Returning to the topic of the B-side tracks, I asked for the fans’ opinions, and the chat window started moving at an incredible speed as answers to my question came flooding in. Among them, the most common answer was ‘
Pet Talk
‘.
“
Pet Talk
is really dominating.”
Woo Kangwon, who had also checked the chat window, smiled softly at me and said that. He seemed quite proud to see that the fans liked the song I composed.
After giving Woo Kangwon a quick glance, I turned my gaze back to the camera and began explaining the song.
“
Pet Talk
is a song that was inspired by the first competition mission. I remember how much everyone really liked it even though it was a stage prepared with many limitations. I thought that if I properly prepared and brought a similar concept, the fans would be happy, so I composed it. I’m happy that everyone likes it. Did you all enjoy the music video?”
[Of course ㅠㅠㅠ Pet Talk is really the best! I’m already dying to see the stage ㅠㅠ Our Captain really knows exactly what the fans want to see ㅠ]
[Pet Talk = a banger, a concept that kills the fans.]
[The Captain, who even takes care of mainstream taste with the B-side tracks, is really the best ㅠㅠ Seeing that the B-side tracks are even making it into the top 100, suddenly I’m feeling so hyped … Is this what it feels like to be a fan of the composing member…]
[I was walking around the city today and heard Pet Talk everywhere hehe. It seems like Pet Talk is the public’s pick.]
[I like the Myth concept too, but I love Pet Talk so much because our Captain planned everything from the song to the music video himself ㅠㅠ I’m going crazy. Pox, who worked hard on preparing the Myth concept … close your eyes.]
When
Pet Talk
was mentioned, the fans reacted passionately as if they had been waiting for it. Seeing that, I let out a small laugh and spilled something that our fans might like.
“During the showcase, since we had to focus on the title track, we arranged the stage to match that concept, so we couldn’t properly show you the
Pet Talk
performance. But we’ve really prepared the music show stage properly, so please look forward to it a lot.”
“The stylist, the company instructor, and Leada discussed it diligently, and they even made new costumes. They are very pretty outfits, so please wait, Myumyu. This time, I’ll be going for something different from ssssh ssshh snake Zen. You must not faint.”
Zen, who had been nodding enthusiastically, caught my gaze and dropped a small spoiler. The fans, almost as if a party had begun, expressed their joy and spammed rough words.
[OMG OMG OMG CRAZYYY Are you guys going to wear actual animal costume? I had a feeling about it ever since I saw the lyrics and music video, but no way, no way, no way!]
[I really really love it so much!!!!!]
[Ha, I’m going crazy. Stop making women go crazy, Pantheion … I can’t take it anymore.]
[Seungbeom-ah, can you do the long-hair styling that you showed in the music video on stage too? Please ㅜㅜㅜ]
And at that moment, another text message arrived on my phone.
[That guy is really a nuisance. Why is he spoiling things without permission and causing a fuss?]
[Seungbeom is going to do the cat thing again, right? It’s a bit too predictable hehe]
‘Seriously, what are you even trying to say?’
Once again, they were picking on my member. My irritation skyrocketed to the point where I started to think I might not even be able to tolerate them anymore.
As I frowned and watched the missed calls and unread text notifications stacking up to over 150, I suddenly felt a chill in my chest.
‘…What is this?’
I was definitely someone who wasn’t affected at all by the actions of sasaengs, but as I looked at the abnormally high number of notifications, I felt my heart beating a little faster.
And as the sound of my rapidly beating heart grew louder and louder, ringing in my eardrums, my vision suddenly altered and I saw another scene overlapped with my current reality.
With a headache so intense it felt like my head would split open, all I could make out was my own figure sitting in a dark room, with no light turned on.
[
Please answer the call. Are you okay?
]
[
I just want to make sure that you’re okay. I won’t say anything else. So, please just pick up the phone once.]
And my own phone, with new notifications that kept piling up without even a chance for the lights to turn off.
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Translator’s Corner:
Wow today is the new years eve … this will be my third new year being far away from my hometown. The last two years still bearable because I have my college friends with me, but now that everyone already went back to their hometown … I guess I just stay in my room and watch movies. I’ll make a mental note to order foods for tonight now …. last year I almost have nothing to eat because all placed were closed …. this town is really a dead town in holiday season….
Anyway, I guess that’s it for today? This arc is not particularly happy because of that sasaeng, you guys shouldn’t stress yourself in a happy day like this. Have a great new year! I hope you all enjoy a lot of nice foods with family and friends!