I sat quietly in the dark room, resting my elbows on one knee with my eyes closed.
Once I recalled memories of my father, I couldn’t fall asleep no matter how hard I tried.
“…….”
Lee Hwayoung was still asleep in the same position he’d first turned his back to. He had always been the type to sleep quietly without tossing and turning since he was young, and I felt grateful for that habit today. If he realized what I was doing, he might get angry again.
[Wait, but didn’t Seo Yutae give him any money? That guy hangs out with chaebols and lives such a luxurious life, but I guess he’s stingy when it comes to giving money to his own dad. Maybe it’s true what they say about people who grew up poor, no matter how rich they get later, they can’t seem to shake their greed for money. Pathetic.]
[There were paparazzi photos of Seo Yutae’s dad trailing behind Kang Hyukwoo and fawning all over him. Oh, man, lol, I got such secondhand embarrassment just looking at it, I couldn’t bear to look twice. Such a beggar mentality. Seriously, if my child were that big of a top idol, I’d just stay quiet and live off the allowance instead of acting out.]
‘….Shut up.’
I shifted my gaze to check the clock and realized that only 15 minutes had passed. It felt like three hours had gone by, but the stark reality was laughable.
[Seo Yuseong should take responsibility if his dad made a mess, but all he’s doing is just cutting ties. Excuse me, but blood ties aren’t something you can cut even if you want to lol. Come out, take responsibility, and clean it up, you ungrateful bastard]
└ Seo Yutae already paid it all back, what are you babbling about ?-?
I didn’t feel any significant abnormality, like when I received a call from the sasaeng or when I was on a ride. The incident regarding my father was already a thing of the past, and there was no need to react sensitively to it now.
[Isn’t Nam Yihwon just saying that they weren’t aware because he feels sorry for Seo Yutae and Seo Yuseong? Or maybe he said it like that out of necessity, knowing that if Seo Yutae leaves, they’re all screwed~~]
└ Leave Yihwon-oppa alone, it really pisses me off ㅜ Ha … why can’t they just kick him out and let him do solo activities or whatever? Now that they’ve already released enough hit songs, they don’t need Seo Yutae anymore
‘I probably wouldn’t have remembered if it was just me being cursed at.’
I only felt a slight tremor whenever I thought of the words that mentioned Seo Yuseong and the other members. It made me realize that I had been living a very simple and happy life with the Pantheion members until now.
I’ve always had an unnecessarily sensitive personality, so I was quite used to this level of discomfort and could easily manage it on my own.
“Really?”
Seo Yuseong’s voice seemed to ring in my ears.
I slowly opened my eyes and looked out the window.
Then, I consciously emptied my mind by counting the stars in the pitch-black night sky.
‘One.’
When Seo Yuseong was born, there were so many stars in the sky.
‘Two.’
Whenever I felt this way, Seo Yuseong was always by my side.
‘Three.’
I wondered if Seo Yuseong was seeing the same sight as me right now.
‘Four.’
…No. I wish he didn’t see it.
I hope he’s sleeping soundly without thinking about anything. It’s already so late.
As I continued to gaze at the stars and let my thoughts wander, I felt a sense of peace settling over me.
‘See, I told you I’d be fine in no time.’
But there weren’t many stars to be spotted in the city’s cloudy sky. Feeling a sense of emptiness at the number of stars that didn’t even fill all five fingers, I moved my arm and opened my laptop.
My hand moved unconsciously as I stared at the empty search bar.
[Seo Yutae Family]
Before I could press Enter, I snapped out of it.
As if I was being chased by something, I cleared the search bar and typed the first thing that came to mind to distract myself.
[Nam Yihwon]
Then, articles and videos about Nam Yihwon appeared one after another.
[Nam Yihwon won Best Actor Award at the ‘62nd Aseon Awards’]
[‘Best Actor Award’ Nam Yihwon: “Thank you to the fans who supported me.”]
[(Photo) Even as an actor, he’s forever Nam Yihwon of PRISM]
[First-ever ‘Mother & Child award winners’ at the Awards Ceremony: Gong Ayeon & Nam Yihwon]
What’s more, the writing within the article informed me that he had recently received some very good news.
As I took my time reading them, it seemed like vitality was gradually returning to my depressed heart.
‘He finally made it.’
Nam Yihwon was the son of the great actress Gong Ayeon, who was respected by her peers for her outstanding acting skills, and originally debuted as a child actor.
I once said this to him, who had completely quit acting for personal reasons and continued his activities with Prism.
“Don’t quit acting, just continue on. No matter how much you insist on saying that you have no regrets or that you’re over it now, when I look at you acting, you look genuinely happy to me.”
“Don’t be intimidated by your mother’s reputation, just face it head-on. No matter how much you fail there, the fact that you’re a member of Prism will never change.”
It felt like just yesterday when I was pushing Nam Yihwon’s back, yet here he was, so successful as an actor that he could win such a prestigious award. It really brought back a flood of memories.
With a small smile on my face, I unconsciously pressed the touchpad and clicked on the video at the top. Then, the scene of the awards ceremony for the ‘
Aseon Awards
’ that all actors dream of was played.
[“TV Category Best Actor Award, congratulations to Nam Yihwon-ssi from
The Sun is Waiting for Us
!”]
Despite the highly emotional moment, Nam Yihwon didn’t show any signs of intense emotion and just smiled casually. His characteristic sly demeanor seemed to have remained unchanged even to this day.
[“Nam Yihwon-ssi proved his outstanding acting skills as he flawlessly portrayed the role of Geum Hansol, a decadent and rebellious character, in
The Sun Is Waiting for Us
, boasted a huge viewership rating and was loved by many viewers.”]
That guy must have felt uncomfortable in his neatly dressed attire, so he rebuttoned his shirt, which he had undone, and walked onto the stage. Then, bending slightly to adjust the microphone set to the height of the other actors, he stood with his hands behind his back and spoke.
[“Hello, this is Nam Yihwon of Prism. Haha, I was thinking it couldn’t be me, so I was thinking about something else, like what to eat for dinner tonight, and was really surprised when my name was suddenly called.”]
His languid voice, which sometimes sounded a bit flirtatious, echoed through the earphones as the official acceptance speech began.
[“Thank you to writer Kim Jaeyeon-nim and director Park Dongho-nim for gifting me with a great work and a wonderful character. I feel like I want to give you a kiss. If you call me again, I’ll run over like a bullet. This time, you made me a bad guy, so I’m looking forward to what kind of character you’ll give me next time.”]
Then, on the screen behind the stage where Nam Yihwon was standing, the face of his mother, Gong Ayeon, was shown. The audience at the award ceremony cheered and applauded, but he didn’t show any reaction and continued to express his gratitude to the fans and staff.
[“Thank you to the viewers for enjoying our work. And to our Seras, who always supports everything I do. You know what I’m going to say, right? We have such a connection that we can understand each other just by looking at each other’s faces. I love and I’m always thankful to you. And to the many staff members who worked hard on set, if it weren’t for all of you,
The Sun Is Waiting for Us
would probably never have been able to make it into the world. Thank you for your hard work.”]
I felt a little awkward as I watched him, having grown into a prominent lead actor, deliver his acceptance speech so skillfully, but I was also filled with pride. Then, suddenly, he fell silent.
[“…Haha.”]
Taking just enough time to avoid looking too rushed at the awards ceremony, he chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair. As the silver hair, neatly styled to match his suit, began to fall out of place, he mentioned the members of Prism.
[“To Cha Woon-hyung, who’s been struggling to handle our difficult members. To Chise-hyung, whom I’m always proud of and who is always a reliable support. To Inchan, who works so hard that I always worry about him. To Yuseong, whom I really miss a lot … and to our youngest, Jay, whom I want to look up to. I want to thank all of you. Let’s stay together forever, Prism.”]
And then that guy wiped away the smile he had been faintly holding. Instead of looking at the camera, he looked up at the sky and continued speaking.
[“Lastly, Yutae-hyung, I don’t think I would be here if it weren’t for you. Thank you. I’ll keep working hard, so please continue to watch over me. I’ll come see you soon.”]
When he expressed his gratitude towards me, a slightly solemn atmosphere began to flow inside of the award ceremony hall.
There were some people who felt uncomfortable with the mere mention of me, someone who didn’t quite meet an honorable death. However, just like when his mother was shown on the screen, he didn’t show any emotion and simply bowed briefly before stepping down from the stage.
The video ended with the audience belatedly applauding Nam Yihwon.
“…….”
After the playback finished, I stared at the screen, now black, and wiped my face with the palm of my hand.
“Haa…….”
Lately, I had deeply regretted taking my own life. I kept thinking that I should have endured, no matter what. But in this moment, I couldn’t help but feel that there might have been something positive to come out of that foolish choice.
If the public, who had been cursing me to death, hadn’t been appeased by my death, and if the unspeakable guilt hadn’t spread, Nam Yihwon would have been criticized for mentioning me as he did earlier. In the worst case scenario, it could have sparked a discord among fans, leading to a boycott.
Nam Yihwon was quite stubborn, so he probably wouldn’t have compromised, no matter the consequences, and he would have still mentioned me even if he got cursed at.
‘Why would he say something like that, willingly accepting the risk of being cursed at, when he hates losing more than anything in the world?’
If you were to ask whether Nam Yihwon was originally that type of person, I would definitely answer
no
. The first image that came to mind when I thought of the name
Nam Yihwon
was “
a cunning guy
“.
“A two-faced bastard.”
“He sides like a bat
1
. He uses his acting skills most diligently to play politics. What a waste of talent.”
Seo Yuseong and Jo Inchan, who were never on friendly terms with him, expressed it a bit too harshly, but most people, including the Prism’s members, had that kind of image of him.
The members probably laughed and thought, “
Why is that guy pretending to be so nice
?” after hearing what he said to them during his acceptance speech. No, I didn’t just think they might have laughed, I was completely sure they did.
Even I think that way.
I couldn’t guarantee how much of his acceptance speech was sincere.
That was understandable. Nam Yihwon was skilled at scoring points by flattering others, and was a guy who lied as easily as breathing to manipulate situations in his favor. Of course, those behaviors never worked on the members of Prism, so it was only in the very beginning that we got to see that side of him in Prism.
‘There must have been at least a little bit of sincerity.’
But deep down, he must have thought that his achievement was mostly due to his own abilities, and most of what he said was probably just acting. Because that’s the nature of a man named
Nam Yihwon
. But I couldn’t understand why he brought up the topic of me at the end.
“Hyung, don’t go. It was my fault.”
I closed my laptop and looked up at the window, recalling what that guy had said when he grabbed me after I brought up my decision to leave.
“…….”
Beyond the window, the sun was rising.
Knock, knock.
While I was watching that sight in a daze, I heard a knock on the door, followed by Lee Danbi’s slightly excited voice.
“Hyung, the manager-hyung says it’s time to wake up. Our fansign schedule is finally happening today!”
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Translator’s Corner:
Comparing some to a bat is basically saying that person is
sticking to the beneficial side in a situation
. It’s based from the Aesop fable,
The Birds, the Beasts, & the Bat
.
So, in the story, The Birds and the Beasts declared war against each other. The Bat family did not openly join any side. When they saw the Birds getting the better of it, they claimed they’re bird because they have wings. And when the tide of battle turned, they claimed that they’re a beast. When the battle ended, neither sides accepted the bat; they get ostracized and end up moving only at night.
Basically, Nam Yihwon’s personality is like that. ↩︎
Why everytime Prism showed up, no matter how angst the flashback is, no matter how much it made me cry, the warm feeling between them is so strong that i keep getting that familyless feeling ASDFGHJKL LIKE GOD, I’M SO JEALOUS??? BUT I’M ALSO SO HAPPY HAPPY FOR YOU? i should’ve been obsessed with this story before i finished my thesis … so i can write Seo Yutae name in the thank you page … sighs what a missed opportunity
But anyway, I’m busy preparing mental to pack today (It’s tomorrow and I HAVENT PACKED AT ALL, I’M SO DONE WITH MYSELF AND THIS ATTACHMENT ISSUE), so there’s just this chapter