“Hyung, why on earth did you put me in this group? Was it to torment me?”
During that time, Jo Inchan was in a strange state.
He developed a habit of biting his nails and lips or looking around nervously. He compulsively sought out posts where people were criticizing him, which only worsened his anxiety. He also started obsessing over the word ‘
talent
‘.
Somehow, it felt familiar.
“Nicholas exudes class even when he’s just standing there, but I will just come across as cheap, tacky in comparison. If I took on that role, people would undoubtedly compare me to him, and it would make it hard for them to focus on the performance.”
It was very similar to the feeling I had with Baek Kiryang, when he kept repeating certain words over and over again, as if he had been brainwashed by Frick. When I realized this, I felt sick.
‘…Why didn’t I realize that sooner!’
The reason I was able to recognize it right away when it happened to Baek Kiryang was because I didn’t have any immediate problems that I had to prioritize, like the members of Prism or my father’s issues, so I could focus all my attention on Baek Kiryang. It also was partly because I had more experience and was much more emotionally stable than I was during my days in Prism.
If the person I was during my time in Prism had been able to handle things the way I do now, the situation wouldn’t have escalated to this point.
“If anything happens to Jo Inchan, let me know right away. Even if it’s something small, it’s fine. He seems reluctant to talk to me about things.”
“Hyung, as his manager, please take good care of him, so he doesn’t get too stressed.”
I made that request to Lim Seunghoon because I was worried about Jo Inchan, who was mentally vulnerable due to the many malicious comments. As a result, Jo Inchan naturally started spending more time with Lim Seunghoon.
But that was my biggest mistake.
If Lim Seunghoon had already been under Kang Hyukwoo’s wing at that time, wouldn’t my request have been no different from pushing Jo Inchan into danger?
‘Could it be the reason why Jo Inchan, more than any other member, was particularly affected by the malicious comments….’
I started to think that Jo Inchan might have been exposed to Kang Hyukwoo’s intense gaslighting without me realizing it.
It was my fault.
I always tried to thoroughly keep track of the activities and conditions of all the members, but it seemed that while I was preoccupied with my father’s issues, Kang Hyukwoo found a loophole to slip through.
What a fool I was.
Now, I even began to suspect that Kang Hyukwoo might have created the scandals to divert my attention, all in order to make a move on the members of Prism who were under my protection.
Gaslighting is not simply done with the purpose of criticizing the other person.
It was done to drag a person’s self-esteem to the bottom, distort their reality, make them lose their judgment, and ultimately keep them under one’s influence, allowing them to be manipulated and controlled.
‘I don’t know. Are the words Jo Inchan poured out to me back then really his own thoughts?’
“Where are you going? You’ve been keeping your mouth shut this whole time, so why are you acting like this all of a sudden?!”
“My leg hurts. Are you still going to leave me?”
The last image of Jo Inchan, dangerously chasing after me while dragging his leg that couldn’t move properly after the surgery, came crashing back. I couldn’t bear it and rubbed my face roughly.
‘No, no.’
Jo Inchan spoke as if he wanted me to disappear.
But when I actually tried to leave, he cried and clung to me. Even when the medical staff restrained him, he refused to let go until the moment I pushed him away with cruel words.
Perhaps that was Jo Inchan’s true feelings.
“…….”
I realized I had unconsciously taken for granted that Jo Inchan would naturally feel anxious when comparing himself to the others: Cha Woon, who valued time spent with the members more than his own achievements; Lee Chise and Seo Yuseong, who possessed unmatched talent; Nam Yihwon, who was starting to shine in fields outside of idol activities; and Yoo Jay, who, despite lacking talent related to the stage, was growing rapidly with his natural wit.
I never suspected that the anxiety Jo Inchan had, being the member with the slowest growth, could have been an emotion intentionally created by someone else.
But the truth was something else entirely.
“I won’t be scared of anything as long as you’re with me, hyung! Let’s stay together as Prism for the rest of our lives!”
“I trust you, hyung.”
“If you’re left alone, wouldn’t you feel a bit lonely, hyung?”
Jo Inchan was simply the most tender-hearted among the members, so there was an opening for Kang Hyukwoo to dig in.
“
There was a record of the two of them coordinating the story
.
They promised to make it possible for him to talk to Seo Yutae.”
‘Damn…….’
Having heard those words, Jo Ichan must have headed there with the feeling of hanging onto a rotten rope.
Just for the mere reason that he could meet me.
“…….”
I felt horrible as I recalled that memory. As I tightly squeezed my eyes shut, the door to the room creaked open and Lee Hwayoung entered. He must have been tormented by Zen and Do Yuda until the very end of the party.
Sighing tiredly, he walked with slow steps until he approached my bed and stared at my face. It seemed like he was checking if I had fallen asleep. I kept my eyes closed and showed no reaction. I wasn’t in the mood to have a conversation with Lee Hwayoung.
Then he closed the door again, went to his bed, and lay down quietly.
Little by little, I regained my composure as I listened to Lee Hwayoung’s regular breathing.
.
.
.
When I opened my eyes, the sight before me was not the ceiling of the dormitory I had been looking at just moments ago, but something entirely different.
In the cloudy night sky, where even the moonlight was obscured by clouds, strangely enough, countless stars were shining, so many that they couldn’t be counted by hand. And the place where I was standing was a deserted alley near RH Entertainment, where few people passed by.
‘…Is this a dream?’
The sensation was very similar to when I dreamt about a past argument I had with my father.
It seemed that my body, exhausted from my schedule and various tasks, had fallen asleep without me realizing it.
When my eyes fell upon my body, I was met with the sight of clean, white skin, completely free of the rose and chrysanthemum tattoos I had expected to see.
It was Han Seungbeom’s hand, not mine.
This was strange. I had never been in Han Seungbeom’s body in my dreams before.
‘What is this?’
I tried to spit out the questioning words, but my mouth wouldn’t move.
It wasn’t just my mouth. There was no part of my body that I could control. I felt like I was just watching a scene that had already been recorded, just like the dream I had last time.
‘It doesn’t seem like Han Seungbeom’s memory….’
The clothes I was wearing didn’t seem to belong to Han Seungbeom. The few clothes Han Seungbeom owned were all simple and plain, but the ones I was wearing now were all perfectly in line with my taste.
And before I had time to be confused by that, I was struck by a sudden, inexplicable fury.
I was looking for someone.
As I frantically looked in all directions, I saw a familiar figure standing alone in a corner.
Then, my body moved against my will.
Running breathlessly until my lungs nearly burst, I lunged at the figure in the corner and grabbed him by the throat.
“…Han Seungbeom?”
It was Kang Hyukwoo, who looked bewildered.
The only time I faced Kang Hyukwoo in Han Seungbeom’s body was the day I first opened my eyes in this body. Indeed, this was bewildering.
“What are you doing … urgh!”
And when I came to my senses, I was strangling Kang Hyukwoo.
The sensation of my left hand, directly against his skin, was vivid. I pressed down on his writhing body and added strength to the hand clutching his throat.
“…Die, die!”
The voice, so harsh and twisted that I doubted it was really Han Seungbeom’s, sounded desperate. It almost resembled the cry of a beast. Losing all sense of reason, I just let my anger consume me. While pouring out curses as I tightened my grip on Kang Hyukwoo’s throat, a part of my heart felt strangely refreshed.
Even though I was committing an irreversible violence, I felt as if the weight of my own sins was being lifted. I even felt as though I could finally breathe.
Yet, at the same time, I felt a crushing sorrow.
I wished for my soul to sink into the void, ceasing to be in this world.
Transparent water fell beside Kang Hyukwoo’s crushed face.
As I felt the weight of what had been heavily clinging to my mucous membranes lighten, I realized I must have been crying.
“Aaah, aaah!”
Kang Hyukwoo’s face showed nothing but bewilderment and horror as he watched me screaming and crying, unable to formulate a proper sentence. Before the ugly voice begging for mercy could finish, Kang Hyukwoo’s limbs trembled and his pupils turned over to reveal the whites of his eyes.
Suddenly, someone’s voice echoed loudly in my head.
“….beom!”
Then, my body was shaken violently, forcefully waking me from my dream.
“Han Seungbeom!”
“Ugh, huff! Huuff.…”
The vivid sensation of almost killing a person had not yet faded.
Gasping for breath, I managed to lift my head and saw Lee Hwayoung staring at me with a desperate expression, his hand still gripping my collar.
I had no recollection of moving my body, but seeing that my upper body was already upright, I thought maybe Lee Hwayoung had forced me to sit up. Before I could even say, “
I had a nightmare. Thanks for waking me up
“, Lee Hwayoung interrupted me with a sharp, urgent voice.
“What did you just say?”
“…….”
At first, I thought it was a surprise camera.
I hadn’t said a word since waking up from my dream, so I couldn’t figure out what he was asking.
Confused by the situation, I furrowed my brow and rolled my eyes to focus my still blurry vision, but there were no cameras or microphones in sight.
‘If it’s not a surprise camera, why is he acting like this all of a sudden?’
With that thought in mind, I tried to push away Lee Hwayoung’s arm, which was holding me firmly, but perhaps because I had just woken up, my body felt unusually weak. And my hands were damp, so I slipped before I could get a good grip on Lee Hwayoung’s arm.
My whole body was drenched in sweat.
‘…Sweat?’
It was strange.
I rarely sweated, both on my own body and on Han Seungbeom’s body. The temperature in the room wasn’t even that high, so it felt a little unsettling that I was sweating.
‘Is it because I had a nightmare?’
But before I had time to think about it further, Lee Hwayoung’s blue eyes, unwavering, came closer to me. I sighed and started to talk.
“…What are you talking about? Just step away for a moment.”
My voice came out roughly, scratched by exhaustion, but Lee Hwayoung seemed completely unconcerned by it and snapped at me again.
“What did you just say?!”
Apparently, he was not willing to let me go until I gave him a proper answer.
I shook my head calmly and replied, “…I didn’t say anything. Maybe you were just dreaming?”
“Don’t try to get away with that ridiculous excuse. I haven’t even fallen asleep yet.”
Seeing his fresh face and neat appearance, the complete opposite of myself who was drowsy, he seemed to be telling the truth. But I didn’t understand what he was talking about at all, so I replied with a puzzled look on my face.
“Then you must be mistaken. Did you have too many drinks?”
At that moment, despair was clearly reflected on Lee Hwayoung’s pale face.
He always had fair skin, but this was the first time I saw him so pale and drained of color. His widened eyes flickered as he studied my expression, and then he asked me with a distant gaze.
“You can’t … remember?”
“…Remember what?”
And then, he slowly let go of his grip on my collar and muttered in a daze.
“…You called out Seo Yuseong’s name, just like Seo Yutae.”
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Translator’s Corner:
This is why you should have a healthy sleeping habit guys.
You ever think about how maybe Jo Inchan said all the words he heard from others to Yutae hoping his hyung would get mad and deny it, but at some point, Yutae was blaming himself for Inchan’s injured leg and thought he deserved to be resented so he stayed silent …. doomed found family ….