I slowly moved my legs and climbed the stairs.
I was hoping that breathing in the cold air would make my chest feel better, even if only a little.
I was out of breath, but I knew that if I went out into the street, people would flock to me.
With my frequent TV appearances and increased popularity, I had recently gotten quite a few people recognizing me despite wearing a mask and hat. The rooftop was my only option to get some air and away from prying eyes.
I walked up the stairs in silence, and when I reached the last step, I opened the tightly closed rooftop door.
A cold breeze immediately hit me in the face, and my vision, which had been limited to the narrow stairwell, widened. However, perhaps because of the drizzling rain, it was pitch-dark in front of me, even though it wasn’t that late.
“…….”
It was quiet.
Apart from the sound of car engines, the rain, and the occasional noise of buildings resonating in the wind, there was nothing else.
Whoosh.
Standing still and listening to the rain, I felt like I was standing in front of the night sea with waves crashing.
I brushed back my bangs, which had been blown into a mess by the wind, and lifted my head.
I was never the type to keep something as cumbersome as bangs in the first place. It was only because Han Seungbeom had been hiding his face behind his bangs from the beginning that I continued doing the same. As I brushed my hair back like I usually did, I felt much more comfortable.
Recalling Han Seungbeom’s face, the one I saw when I first opened my eyes, I blinked slowly and walked towards the railing. I looked down and saw the puddles on the asphalt reflecting the colors of the traffic lights.
After standing motionless as the light changed several times and the cars on the road quickly sped away, I reached into my pockets out of habit. But no matter how much I rummaged through my hands, I couldn’t find the familiar paper pack.
It was only then that I realized, belatedly, that this body was not mine.
I must have been mistaken because I was spending time with the members of Prism.
I briefly considered going to the convenience store, but then dismissed the idea. My clothes were already soaked from the rain, and it would be awkward if I went into the store.
As I shook my head at the thought, I suddenly realized that I had forgotten something.
‘Ah, an umbrella.’
The rooftop had no roof.
I should have brought an umbrella, but I forgot.
I could catch a cold from this, but even such an obvious thought didn’t register in my mind. I just spent the time leaning against the railing, letting the cold rain cool my head.
“….Huu.”
As if to soothe the emptiness in my mouth, I took a deep breath, held it, and exhaled. The warmth escaping past my lips turned into white vapor and drifted upward. Following it with my gaze, I looked up at the hazy sky and saw stars shining brightly. Normally, with clouds this thick, nothing would be visible, so it was truly a strange sight.
“…….”
It had been raining all morning, and the weather showed no sign of clearing up.
At least it’s a relief there’s no lightning
, I thought, and then continued to distract myself with other thoughts, as if fulfilling some sort of obligation. There was this vague fear that if I didn’t, I might completely sink beneath the surface.
Let’s not think about it anymore.
Like a desperate flailing in deep water, I shifted my thoughts.
‘This height is better than I thought.’
Staring down with a blank expression, I found myself surprisingly calm. Perhaps it was because the height wasn’t enough to kill me instantly if I fell, or maybe it was just the sensation of falling that bothered me. I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary like the last time I rode an amusement park ride. The tightness in my chest eased, replaced by a cool sense of comfort.
Drip, drip.
A droplet of water, trickling down my eyelashes and the bridge of my nose, fell onto the railing, making a soft sound. While I was quietly staring at it, I noticed a person holding a black umbrella standing in front of the studio building through the gaps in the railing.
‘Is he a neighbor?’
I couldn’t see his face because he was carrying an umbrella.
This building had a lot of residents like Lee Chise, who lived alone in a large space, so there weren’t many neighbors. The neighbors I’d seen coming and going didn’t seem to dress like that. So, I thought that person probably wasn’t a neighbor.
He didn’t even go inside the building, so I assumed he wasn’t a guest.
Just as I was starting to wonder why he was standing outside the building, not going inside, he looked up.
I thought I might finally get a glimpse of his face, but he was wearing a hood, so I was unable to see his face.
Worried that a strange sighting might be reported, I pulled my body back, and he seemed to glance at me, but by the time I returned to the railing, he was already gone.
Again, a part of my mind went blank. Once that person disappeared from sight, there was a space for other thoughts to creep in.
“No matter how desperately you try, you’re nothing more than a substitute.”
“Don’t look at me with that expression, don’t talk to me in that tone! It’s disgusting!”
Then, Nam Yihwon’s voice rushed in, fast and furious. The noisy static sound pounded in my ears, like someone was constantly changing channels on an old TV.
“…Are you doing this to torment me, to make me kill myself?”
“….Hyung, don’t go. It was my fault.”
And lastly.
“It’s because of you, hyung.”
Hoooonk!
The moment I heard a voice that didn’t belong to Nam Yihwon, a car’s horn sounded like a blast that would tear my eardrums.
Having barely regained my senses, I leaned against the railing and coughed, like someone who had been hauled from the depths of the sea.
I clutched at my throbbing head and turned my head towards the road where the horn had sounded. To my surprise, the traffic light hadn’t turned red yet.
“Haaaa, ha……”
It was a split second.
I only let my guard down for a second, but I lost track of how much time passed in my head.
Even though I was thinking that I had to regain consciousness quickly, I could feel myself slipping further into a point of no return. The harder I fought to think of something else, the more my mind was trapped in that very thought.
There was nothing surprising about it now.
That’s just the way compulsion works.
Would it be more efficient to just face it head-on and start over?
As I was absentmindedly contemplating this, the phone in my pocket vibrated, alerting me to a notification.
Ding!
‘…My clothes are this wet, yet somehow it didn’t get damaged.’
I unlocked it and saw a text from Taeui.
[T: Hello, Han Seungbeom-nim. This is Taeui from COMA-1. I have a question regarding the request you made the day before yesterday.]
His promotion period wasn’t over yet, but even though he was busy, he would reply to me whenever he was done with his schedule like this.
[T: Could you possibly tell me the reason you want to investigate that club? It’s not a place that offers anything good to get involved with. Especially for someone like you, Han Seungbeom-nim, who is a public figure.]
In between work, I kept in constant contact with Taeui, asking for information related to Kang Hyukwoo’s club, as well as details about Lim Seunghoon or Kang Hyukwoo’s private places and schedules. It seemed that I had aroused quite a bit of doubts.
Usually, he would have quietly answered my questions to the best of his knowledge, but this time, he was showing a somewhat sensitive reaction. Considering the things happening at that club, it was understandable that Taeui was so concerned.
“…….”
I hesitated to reply to Taeui’s text.
Taeui was not an ally, but a collaborator.
He was the opposite of Choi Jeokhyeon, who was an ally, but not a collaborator.
Should I give up the information to reduce the risks to zero? Or should I take the risk of being betrayed again and reveal why I was so concerned about that club? I was torn between these two choices.
‘If I were the only one who had to shoulder the risk, I’d be more than happy to take it.’
It wasn’t easy to make a decision because it could harm all the members of Prism together.
I stared at the screen, agonizing, and eventually put my phone back in my pocket without replying to the text.
Suddenly, I heard urgent footsteps downstairs.
‘…Is that the person I saw earlier?’
I poked my head over the railing, but there was nothing to see. It looked like he had either already entered the building, or had been inside all along.
“…….”
As I stood still and listened to the footsteps, I could hear the low, rigid heels of men’s shoes hitting the stairs. What on earth could be so urgent that someone would run through the building and up those steep stairs in such uncomfortable shoes?
What had started as a small sound coming from the first floor gradually grew louder, eventually reaching right up to the rooftop. Puzzled, I turned my gaze toward the source of the noise, and suddenly, the metal door was forcefully opened, and a large man jumped onto the rooftop.
Bam!
“…Han Seungbeom!”
The person who ran as if his chest would burst was Nam Yihwon.
He must have been fast asleep from alcohol, but now he was right in front of me.
Startled by Nam Yihwon’s unexpected appearance, I pushed myself off the railing I had been leaning on and straightened my body. Then a voice, dripping with fear, cried out in desperation.
“…Don’t move.”
“Yes?”
I didn’t understand what he was saying, so I simply took a step back, putting some distance between us. All I could think was that if he had sobered up, I needed to get as far away from him as possible.
“Sunbaenim, I’m……..”
Before I could even finish my sentence, Nam Yihwon’s golden eyes trembled, and a shrill scream cut through the air.
“No!”
“…….”
“Don’t move. Just, please, don’t move! Don’t do anything!”
It was closer to a wail than a shout.
He was in a strange state.
“I-I will come to you, so don’t move and just stay still.”
With those words, he approached me cautiously, step by step, nervously watching my every move. When he was close enough to reach me, he grabbed hold of me as if snatching me up.
As soon as he grabbed me, his legs gave out and he collapsed to the floor, curling up like a child and trembling uncontrollably. Yet, even as he trembled, he didn’t loosen his grip on me, leaving me no choice but to awkwardly crouch down with him.
His arm was very hot.
I wasn’t sure if it was his body that was hot, or if mine was cold.
“Why, why are you doing this in here? It’s cold … Is it because I said something harsh? Because it’s hard to bear?”
“…I just came out to get some fresh air.”
Even after hearing my answer, he couldn’t seem to understand right away. He stared at me with widened pupils, panting heavily. Then, after a while, as if he finally came to his senses, he grabbed me by the collar and yelled at me.
“Are you crazy? If you fall from this height … Just get angry at me, don’t do this!”
It was only then, when I heard those words, that I realized what kind of misunderstanding Nam Yihwon had. Feeling a pang of bitterness in my heart, I lowered my head and slowly got up.
“I’m not going to die. I just really came out to get some fresh air.”
“…….”
“…I apologize for troubling you. I’ll take my leave now.”
But just as I was about to walk away, my wrist was grabbed.
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
I could feel my pulse beating in a steady rhythm against our touching skin.
It was a sound that proved I was alive.
Something about that made me feel sick, so I tried to move my legs again. However, he grabbed my wrist even tighter and whispered in a barely audible voice.
“…Don’t go.”
For a moment, I thought I had misheard.
But when I heard the words that immediately followed, I realized it wasn’t the case.
“…I hate myself for doing this to you. I hate myself for betraying my hyung just so I can breath a little…….”
“…….”
“But it’s just, I think my hyung would forgive me even if I did this…….”
What on earth was I supposed to say in response to that?
As Seo Yutae, I wanted to tell him, “
It’s okay
“, but I couldn’t. The only thing I could do was stay by his side, just as he wanted, so that’s what I decided to do.
Nam Yihwon looked at me and didn’t ask for anything other than for me to stay by his side, and that was all that changed between us.
And so, time passed, and the filming day for the Idol Sports Championship was right around the corner.
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Translator’s Corner:
You know, if you’re confused why his reaction is this intense … just compare Nicholas and Seungbeom. By appearance, Nicholas is the one who 100% resembled Seo Yutae. From cold expression to the talent to outshine people, even the way he’s speaking is similiar because he learned it all from Yutae.
Meanwhile, as Camilla already said before, Seungbeom has a totally opposite look of Yutae. He has that kind of angelic, warm visual, meanwhile Seo Yutae is like … the handsome death reaper you saw in kdramas … so imagine how crazy it is to look at Seungbeom but think of Yutae … like you’re looking at a cute cat, but it make you think of a wild gorilla … no wonder it drives people crazy …
I think I talked about my broken charger cable like … 20? 30? chapters ago? During this period, I already bought like … 5 new cables … 2 of them were even from the official brand online store, the expensive ones …. but it’s also not working ajkeshdfjhnkfh it’s not charging my phone AT ALL. after some thinking I finally decided to accept the reality that the problem was the phone, not the charger, so I need to bring it to the service to change the charger port …. except that if I bring it to the service, I won’t have my phone with me for like … a day at minimal ??? I won’t survive that ???? omg being addicted to smartphone is a disaster ….. we all should live like Nicholas who only used his phone 10 minutes a day ….
And yes, if you noticed the details and wondering about it, it’s implied that MC almost did it.