[BAEK KIRYANG’S POV]
When the performance started, I recalled the voices of my fans that I heard over the roar of the on-site audience.
“Kiryang-ah, be confident!”
“You can do it! Baek Kiryang!”
Pathetically, I was always terrified every time I went on stage. Therefore, I never had a chance to really listen to each fan’s individual cheer, and this was the first time I was properly listening to what they were saying.
“Nicholas! Show us again this time!”
“Captain, let’s go!”
The cheers I heard for the first time were filled with genuine worries and concerns, unlike the cheers from Seungbeom and Nicholas’s fans. It was only now that I had finally understood why there was such a difference.
‘My anxiety must have spread to my fans. Because I kept being weak and scared.’
I received such overwhelming love that I didn’t quite deserve, and I achieved a high ranking, but I was the trainee who was the farthest behind in terms of public recognition.
— What on earth does Baek Kiryang do? He’s always ranking high, but I can’t remember what he actually did on stage.
└ Baek Kiryang’s fandom is a shielder training center lol. His fans are always so busy running around shielding him.
└ Ah, they said they’ll wait until Baek Kiryang awakens hahaha
— If Baek Kiryang is included in the debut lineup, I’ll quit the fandom. I’m currently sending telepathy to Han Seungbeom.
As a result, my fans were always busy covering up my flaws, and I was always feeling indebted to them.
‘I wasn’t an idol that my fans could be proud of.’
I knew that my position was far too undeserved compared to what I had accomplished, and I was unable to deny those who said it should be taken from me or that it was beyond their understanding.
But even though I knew that what I held in my hands was more than I deserved, I was so scared of losing it that I became a coward and hid.
As I wasted time struggling with this contradiction, I came to a point where I asked myself this question one day.
‘Am I really a person who is suitable for being an idol?’
As the program progressed, each trainee had their own breakthroughs and grew. Yuda gradually developed the qualities of the main vocalist, Zen started from scratch and quickly stood out among the other talented trainees, and Danbi, who was always willing to do anything, even if it meant doing something he wasn’t used to.
However, unlike them, I was in the same place every day.
I had practiced singing for a longer period of time than the other trainees, and I had already developed my skills quite a bit, so I knew that my outward growth would be relatively small.
But as everyone around me was moving forward on their own paths, I’d find myself standing there, alone, and the thought would gradually fade from my mind as I noticed how empty my surroundings had become.
“I have to do well … I have to prove myself and be recognized by everyone….”
All that remained was hatred for myself for not being able to accomplish anything.
“Trainee Baek Kiryang should be gaining something from participating in this program.”
Anxiety.
“Why are you always so timid, hyung?”
“Didn’t I always advise you? That your environment shapes who you are.”
And all I felt was the shame of having my inadequacies laid bare.
While I was drowning in those feelings, embracing the emotions that didn’t suit an idol, someone came along and took all my fears away.
“What kind of personality is suitable for being an idol? That’s all a bunch of nonsense. If that’s the standard, then I should quit being an idol too.”
“I lack patience and get angry easily. But thanks to that, I have quick decision-making skills and strong driving force. People’s personalities naturally have two sides like that. So, hyung you just need to find your own strengths.”
His words were so simple, as if he was telling me not to waste time on useless thoughts, but they carried such a powerful force that they instantly took away my anxiety.
As I was drawn to such Seungbeom, I followed him, and before I knew it, I was surrounded by a better version of myself and members who would grow alongside me.
And, with them, I felt like I could always show my best performance.
‘…Huh?’
However, regardless of our efforts, a crisis came without warning.
Tick. Tick.
‘The MR messed up. And it happened right in the middle of the rap part!’
Through the in-ear monitor, I could hear the MR cutting out and then going back to the previous section. And the next thing I heard was Danbi sharply exhaling the breath he had taken in to maintain the long breath for the rap.
There was no point in holding it in. I could feel the breathing that had been so carefully planned to keep up with the fast rap collapsing all at once.
Danbi, who stood in the center, didn’t show any outward signs of agitation. He knew he had to remain calm, and he had the mental strength to do so. But that didn’t make it easy to start rapping again.
‘Unfortunately, it’s a section with hardly any melody and just repetitive beats….’
There was nothing he could do.
Even if he didn’t panic, he couldn’t rashly continue rapping because he didn’t know where the beat was in the song. And he was too inexperienced in rapping to fill it with freestyle.
“…….”
‘Then, what can I do?’
As soon as I had that thought, a broadcast accident occurred, and there was only about 0.5 seconds left.
In the time that wasn’t even enough to blink, the entire stage was drawn in my head as if I had spread out a map. And I immediately started to recall which members with which characteristics were in which positions.
‘Seungbeom and I are the only ones who can tell which part of the song we’re in even when the instrumental is skipped. But Seungbeom won’t be able to make it to the center right away because of the formation.’
Perhaps the person who could most reliably handle this situation was the one who arranged the song himself. But since he had already moved quite far from the center of the stage after finishing the dance break, it was highly likely that it would take too much time.
In the end, the most
efficient
person to resolve this situation was none other than me.
‘But … can I do it?’
I wanted to. I had to.
However, I wasn’t sure whether it was the
best
choice for me to step up and take over.
Torn between my desire to succeed and my fear of failure, I finally turned to my advisor.
Then, Seungbeom nodded his head with a small smile.
‘You believe in me…..’
The moment I laid my eyes on him, the slight hesitation that remained disappeared as if it had been sucked away.
With a surge of warmth in my raised hand, I firmly gripped the microphone and stepped forward towards the center.
I felt like I was floating.
The implication of ‘
act like the main character of a movie
‘ still hadn’t left my mind, and I felt as if my body didn’t belong to me.
Even while my heart was pounding, I didn’t find it unpleasant. Following my body’s impulse, I stood in front of Danbi and provocatively rested my arm over his shoulder.
Then, I took a deep breath and began to sing.
“and I…….”
Now, I fully understood the value of the weapon I possessed.
‘Danbi will be able to recognize which part it is as soon as there’s a slightly distinguishable section and continue the rap. Because that child stays calm in any situation.’
Because I had firmly perfected my basics, I could sing songs I hadn’t practiced specifically in a very skilled-looking manner, and because I had a timid and observant personality, I developed excellent observational skills and consideration for others to judge the situation.
‘It’s not enough to just fill in the appropriate parts. The on-site audience have already figured out that there was a stage accident, and to instantly get their attention back, we need to take a gamble.’
In other words, I am a person who has enough skills to resolve this situation.
“I won’t run away!”
As I filled the gap by belting out an ad-lib high note that reached the fifth octave, something I normally wouldn’t do in practice, I could immediately feel the audience holding their breath and looking up at me.
“…….”
“…….”
And then, as if to shatter the brief silence, the audience’s exclamation-filled cheers filled the stage.
“WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
By the time the cheers died down,
“You have the right to remain silent!”
Danbi was already perfectly poised.
.
.
.
“Thank you!”
“Thank you!”
As I gasped for breath, feeling pleasantly tired, and greeted the on-site evaluation audience, senior Yang Hajun came up on stage with a new script from the production team.
“We apologize for the unexpected accident that occurred. To our trainees who handled the situation calmly without panic, we sincerely thank you for your hard work.”
— Seriously, do it properly.
— Do you think it makes sense that the trainees who haven’t even debuted are showing more professionalism than the production team?
— But honestly, I think it’s so amazing and cool how they can just cover on the spot like that, so I wish there would be another broadcasting accident, hahahahahaha
└ Actually, me too haha
└ 333
— Stop making Yang Hajun apologize on your behalf. PD, come out and bang your head. How many times are you going to use the National Oppa as shield?
└ This.
As he watched the angry chats explode in real time, Senior Yang Hajun smiled awkwardly and immediately conducted a short interview with the trainees to divert people’s attention.
“Indeed, we can’t not hear the greetings from Baek Kiryang who showed such great improvement on stage today, can we?”
The first person to speak was me.
Until now, I had never been asked a question after finishing a performance, so I accepted the microphone a little awkwardly and opened my mouth.
“I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the fans who have been supporting me. I feel like I’ve shown a lot of lack of confidence and poor performance until now, but your unwavering support has been a huge source of strength for me.”
While I was bowing deeply, trying to express all the gratitude I had never been able to say before, Seungbeom’s words suddenly came to mind.
“When you first had this dream, what was the image of you that you dreamed of, hyung?”
As I lifted my head, I could see the faces of my fans, each one waiting for me to speak. Their eyes were sparkling, and their faces were flushed with the excitement of the performance. I could feel that they were truly enjoying the stage we had prepared.
When those faces came into my view, without realizing it, words I hadn’t prepared at all slipped out.
“…Was I an idol that you could be proud of today?”
I wanted to become an idol who could put on the best performances.
Enough to be
loved
and to be
proud
of.
Could I get even one step closer to that dream today?
While standing there blankly, lost in thought, I heard the fans’ shouts.
“Of course!”
“WAAAH!”
“Good job, Kiryang-ah!”
The moment I heard their voices that seemed like a dream, tears welled up in my eyes. I wiped my blurred eyes with my sleeve, and through my clearer vision, I could see the faces of my fans once again.
“Don’t cry! You really did well today!”
Their eyes were filled with tears, just like mine, but joy was also reflected in them.
Seeing that, I couldn’t help but bow my head, my heart overflowing with emotions.
After a while, I felt a hand tapping my back.
“Why are you so sad when you clearly gave a performance that deserved praise from everyone?”
“….Seungbeom-ah.”
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the affectionate words that were delivered in a blunt manner. My face was undoubtedly a mess, damp and unsightly, but Seungbeom didn’t bother to point it out.
Instead, he stared at the on-site evaluation audience who were applauding us and spoke bluntly.
“You did well … I’m glad that I placed my bet on you too, hyung.”
[END OF BAEK KIRYANG’S POV]
You can support this translation through Buy Me a Coffee!
Translator’s Corner:
Just where I can find a survival show this heartwarming……………
But as everyone around me was moving forward on their own paths, I’d find myself standing there, alone, and the thought would gradually fade from my mind as I noticed how empty my surroundings had become.
AND I’M SERIOUSLY GOING TO CRY BECAUSE THIS LINES ALONE ? omg me too, why I’m being left alone. Author-nim, why are you hurting my heart. ….. health insurance won’t cover this…..
Oh I finished this on time for the food place to open, so I’ll go eat before I fainted. But seriously I feel like half of the TN is me starving because I wake up in the middle of night ??????????? It seemed like for the past months I’ve already eat only once a day but I don’t get any thinner somehow ? shouldnt at least my cheeks get less chubby ???????? But it’s still so full ?????? Like where did all the fat came from when I don’t even eat ….. sighs, on my way to complain to God