The moment she asked the question, his body language became evasive.
Fuck, it really had been a lie, hadn’t it?
Back when he’d belatedly shown up in her life, she hadn’t hesitated to demand an explanation for his absence. The excuse he’d given her was that he’d gotten into a bad car accident and ended up stuck in a coma far from home. Because he hadn’t been carrying any ID or phone, by the time he woke up and got discharged her pregnant mother, who’d assumed he’d abandoned her, had already vanished.
It wasn’t an impossible story, so Euphy always felt a little guilty for doubting it. However, she’d never been able to entirely believe it either, always suspecting that the way it absolved him of blame was too convenient, not to mention the fact that the whole thing sounded like it’d been lifted from a telenovela.
“Why worry about things that happened such a long time ago?” he muttered, turning his attention back to the crackers he’d been playing with earlier. “I’d rather hear about how you’re doing here, there’s a lot I want to catch up on…”
Her eyes narrowed, and she bit back the bitter taste of annoyance.
Why worry? Their entire relationship was built on a lie, one that’d persisted as a knot in her heart for two lifetimes, and he had the audacity to ask why she was worried?
“Dad,” she called in a sweet voice, keeping her tone gentle, “I’m glad to see you again, but if you think I won’t kick you into this sacred pool and stomp on your fingers if you try to climb out, you’re wrong.”
“… You know, usually you just remind me of your mother, but every once and a while it occurs to me that you really are my kid.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll heal anything I break.”
“Oy vey, I get it, calm down,” he said with a gloomy face, viciously snapping an innocent cracker into tiny pieces. “Look, I really didn’t ditch your mom on purpose, alright? That part was true, it just wasn’t a car accident, I, uh… I guess you could say I… got locked up.”
It took her a few seconds to understand what he meant, and then her eyebrows shot up so fast that she had to slap a hand to her forehead for fear they’d rocket clean off of her face.
“You mean, like… you were arrested? You went to prison!?”
“Mm… yeah, basically,” he confirmed, and judging by the way he’d now set the mutilated crackers in his palm alight, his dark expression lit ominously from below by the tiny fire, he was still pretty upset about it.
“But, why?” she asked, torn between genuine concern for his well-being and a burning desire to unearth this interesting piece of information he’d been hiding from her all this time. “Did you really do something, or were you innocent?”
She tried to imagine her father getting arrested for something and was having a hard time coming up with anything realistic. Unpaid parking tickets, maybe? Or tax evasion? He was pretty weird, but mostly harmless, so maybe it had been a misunderstanding—or worse, maybe he’d been tricked into it?
“I trusted the wrong people and got fucked over, okay? That’s the end of it.”
Euphy gasped, eliciting a glare from him.
Fuck! He really did get tricked into it.
“But… don’t they let you have phone calls in jail? And lawyers? Why couldn’t you contact her at all?”
“Well, a phone call and a lawyer would have been nice, but unfortunately, nobody involved gave a flying fuck about what I wanted.”
“Isn’t that illegal?”
“Wow, is it really? Oh man, why didn’t I think to tell them that?”
“Okay, sorry, no need to get sarcastic…”
Her father rarely got genuinely angry, so it was rather unsettling to see him looking so furious, especially considering the fact that he was currently wearing Ianthe’s face.
She knew she should probably back off, but her curiosity had always been much stronger than her good sense, so instead she asked, “Come on, at least tell me what you were arrested for?”
Grimacing like a cat being pet backwards, he refused. “Look, I already told you what happened, isn’t that enough?”
“No, I want details!”
“It’s embarrassing, can’t you let me keep what little dignity I have left?”
“Embarrassing…?”
Her brain, feverishly digesting everything she’d just learned, first concluded that he probably wasn’t lying because his pride was so obviously wounded, and secondly came up with a number of wild scenarios that could have caused him to get tricked into prison, then immediately decided on the most insulting one.
“Dad, you fell for a scam, didn’t you?”
In response he gave her such an intense look of mingled surprise and disgust that she had to lean back.
“No, I did not get scammed!”
Privately, she felt it made sense that he’d fallen for a scam, since he was kind of a pushover. She’d always believed that the reason he had so many ‘friends’ wasn't just because he was outgoing, but because he was constantly letting people trick him into doing all sorts of inane favors for them, even if it wasted not only his time but his money, and try as she might she’d never found a way to convince him to stop.
“Dad, it’s nothing to be ashamed of…”
“Euphy, drop it.”
“I’m just saying, that sort of thing can happen to anybody—”
“You do realize I run this university now, don’t you? Keep talking, and I’ll reschedule you for all morning classes.”
…
All she’d done was threaten to kick him into a pool, wasn’t he going too far?
Still, she couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him.
Losing contact with her mom because of a car crash could be considered an incredibly unfortunate accident, but losing contact because he’d been betrayed by someone felt much more cruel.
No wonder he was so reluctant to talk about it.
Figuring it was time to back off, she asked, “Wait… does that mean you’re planning to replace Ianthe?”
She did not miss the way he mouthed ‘oh thank God’ the moment she changed the subject, but elected to ignore it.
“Well, what else can I do? I can’t exactly tell people I’m an old guy that stole her body, right? Anyway, the Saint said she’d be willing to let me, uh… ‘consult’ with your team as long as you’re okay with it, which, I mean… if you’re not, I understand.”
He hesitated, coming off as rather pitiful out of nowhere, and eventually added, “I know you’re an adult now, and you’ve got a lot going on… I don’t want to burden you.”
Euphy stared at him for what felt like a long time, wondering how she’d never noticed her father was so emotionally delicate before.
When she was younger he’d always come off as unreasonably confident, so either he’d always been like this and he’d just been hiding it, or now that she was an adult some invisible flip had switched.
“When did I say you were a burden? Who gave you the right to put words in my mouth? If I wasn’t so mature and sensible now, I’d be thinking that maybe you didn’t want to be here at all.”
“No! That’s not what I—”
“Anyway, you’re not allowed out of my sight, so don’t even think about it! You’re new here, I bet you have no idea how this world works, I mean—look at you!”
She hadn’t thought about it much earlier, but now she gave his hand a hard poke and confirmed that he wasn’t wearing any spells. Offended, she immediately cast mage armor on him herself, ignoring the huge chunk of mana that cost.
“You’re not wearing any defensive magic, who the hell let you go out like this? Are you trying to get yourself killed? This world isn’t as safe as our last one, you can’t just assume the wards will always protect you! Are you trying to give me a panic attack?”
“That’s—look, I couldn’t even use magic until like a half hour ago—”
“That’s even worse! I thought you had Ianthe’s memories, what’s taking you so long to learn? You’ve been here a few days at least, why aren’t you practicing?”
His face reddened, and he opened his mouth to reply, but then he closed it without saying anything and just glared at her like she’d wronged him somehow.
Deciding not to dwell on this, she continued, “That said, freshmen have to stay in the dorms, so it’s not like we can live together anymore… but maybe we could have breakfast or something?”
“Wait, like, just tomorrow, or every day?”
“Every day, of course,” she insisted with a disapproving scowl.
Knowing how inattentive he could be in regards to his own health and safety, if she didn’t make sure to cover him in defensive spells every morning she’d be too nervous to go to class.
While he seemed very happy about this, Euphy’s face fell as she began to think about just how complicated Ianthe’s identity really was. Even if she assumed her dad wouldn’t be antagonizing any of the Heroes, that didn’t change the fact that he was now part of a dangerous cult, and the fact that he’d become the heir to a duchy currently run by Ianthe’s evil father, and the fact that Cydonia’s politics could be deadly…
Remembering her own brief brush with politics between Chione and Moros on Monday, a chill ran down her spine.
Suddenly, just putting protective spells on him every day didn’t feel like anywhere near enough.
“Uh, just wondering… how exactly are you planning to take on Ianthe’s identity?”
“I dunno, just wing it, I guess.”
“Wing it!? Dad, you can’t ‘yes, and’ your way through a doomsday cult! If you don’t take this seriously, you could really get hurt—wouldn’t it be easier to just fake your death and dye your hair?”
“Thank you for the suggestion, but if disappearing was that easy for Ianthe, I wouldn't have ended up wearing her body.”
“But, don’t you get it? You’re nothing like her! Nobody bothers her because she’s scary, but you’re too fucking friendly! The moment people notice Ianthe’s buddying up and handing out favors, all sorts of bad actors are going to start targeting you, and—”
He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, pressing down and saying, “Ketzeleh,1kitten pause that and take a few deep breaths for me, okay? I may be new here but I’m not some doe-eyed ingénue. I can handle myself, you don’t need to worry about this crap.”
“Yes I do! I only just got you back, if something happens to you, then…”
She trailed off, the corners of her eyes growing hot and prickly.
“Nothing’s gonna happen to me,” he insisted, and then, looking at her closer, asked, “Euphy, are you gonna start crying again?”
“No!”
He continued staring at her.
“… Maybe,” she sniffled.
“Then at least drink some more juice,” he said, offering her another bottle.
Taking it, she twisted the cap so angrily that she accidentally snapped off the glass neck of the bottle. As she scowled down at it in confusion, her father swiftly replaced it with a new one, saying, “Don’t drink that one, it mighta gotten shards in it.”
Opening the second bottle more carefully, she accused, “You know, it’s your fault for shocking me with all of this. It’s not like I cry all the time.”
“… Sure, uh-huh, whatever you say.”
Her scowl deepened, and he scooted a few inches away from her as though anticipating more punches.
“Euphy, seriously, don’t worry about me too much, alright? It’s not like I’m trying to go at this alone, those Temple nutjobs are gonna advise me and I promise I’ll take their suggestions seriously.”
“Oh, right…”
She nodded, considering this.
It made sense that the Temple would be willing to help out, it wasn’t like they could just let a transmigrator who knew about the game run around unsupervised.
Unfortunately, the one meeting she’d had with Moros had convinced her of his unreliability. Since Professor Iphis’ personality seemed far steadier, she resolved to send him a message later asking him to take care of her father.
Hopefully, Iphis would be enough to keep him out of trouble.
“Look,” her father said, blissfully unaware that Euphy had just assigned him a baby-sitter, “back to what I was saying earlier, you don’t need to worry about me, and you know, to be honest, I’m not exactly thrilled about this ‘Saint’ thing you’ve got going, either.”
“… Oh.”
While having a parent who cared about her was great, for the first time it occurred to her that her dad’s presence here might make fulfilling her destiny more complicated.
While she and everyone else were willing to risk her life to save the country, she doubted that a man who’d tried to talk her out of becoming a doctor because he was afraid she wouldn’t get enough sleep was willing to let her run off to fight the forces of evil.
“Euphy… are you sure this is what you want?”
Oh, here it comes.
She stiffened up, mentally preparing herself to start debating.
“What do you mean?”
With a grim expression he leaned closer, lowering his voice like he was worried someone else might overhear them, even though they were alone.
“I mean, have you really thought about what they’re asking you to do? Put aside all the cultural crap here for a moment and look at it from my perspective—sweetie, you’re nineteen. You oughta be hanging with your friends and going to classes and embarrassing yourself in new and exciting ways, not worrying about some holy war. Don’t you realize what they’re asking from you is unfair?”
“Well, yes, but… Dad, I already agreed to a contract with the Goddess.”
“So? I’m an old man and my meeting with that spider-lady still put me through the ringer, so there’s no way the agreement you made wasn’t under duress, and… and you were still a minor! No reasonable person would hold you to that!” he hissed, his brows furrowing. “And you know, maybe it’d be one thing if you and I were the only ones who could help, but Saint Calliope and her team already know everything, and they’ve done this before!”
“It’s—it’s hard to explain, but Calamities aren’t as simple as that, I really do need to help—”
“Euphy, I’m not saying don’t do it, I’m trying to say that if you’re doing this because you’re an idiot with a bleeding heart, then I’ll support you, but if you’re only here because they’ve pressured you into it, tell me and I’ll find a way to get you out.”
She fell silent, stunned by his words.
Everyone here who learned about her identity, even the kinder ones, had always treated her role as a given. The few times she’d made the mistake of voicing any misgivings hadn’t gone well, so she’d learned to keep her doubts inside rather than risk retaliation.
For the first time someone was offering her a way out, free of judgement, and even if she didn’t want to take it, just knowing that she had it made her feel lighter.
Unable to stop herself from smiling, she teased, “You really mean it when you say that, don’t you?”
“Of course I fucking do!” her father spat, throwing his hands up in the air as he continued. “This whole scenario is a fucking nightmare, and if you were still fourteen I’d knock you out and toss you on the first ship to anywhere else! But you’re old enough to make your own decisions, so even if I think they’re stupid fucking decisions, I’ll help you however I can!”
Seeing him get so worked up made her laugh, which pissed him off, but before he could get any angrier she reached out and hugged him, saying, “You’re really sweet sometimes, you know that?”
“I am?” he asked, some of the tension draining from his posture.
“Uh-huh. If only you talked less.”
“Can it, brat.”
“I’m helping out because I want to, okay?” she reassured him with a pat, letting go and sitting back. “This place is my home now, and all my friends are here. I can’t just abandon them.”
Blowing up his red bangs with a disappointed puff of air, he looked away from her and grumbled, “Well, it was worth a try. At least promise me you’ll be careful, and that you’ll come to me if you’re in trouble.”
Bobbing her head like an enthusiastic pigeon, she cheerfully agreed, “I promise, I promise! But hey, look at you, trying to get a Saint to give up fighting a Calamity… you really do sound like a villain.”
“No, I sound like a supervillain. I have magic now, I’ve leveled up.”
“Dad, everyone has magic here.”
“If I turn the beach fortress I’m gonna build into a volcanic lair, then will I qualify?”
“Since when are you building a fortress?” she asked, assuming he was joking.
“Oh, I forgot to mention… since I’ve stolen Ianthe’s identity, all her money is mine, so now I’m like, stupid rich, which reminds me—I owe you a ton of birthdays, what gifts do you want? I’ve never had a college kid before, I’m not sure what kids your age want—a car? Do you want a car? Wait, they don’t have those here. Uh, do you want a horse? Or a house? Do you want me to buy you a horse and a house? If that’s not enough, I could probably spring for an island, want me to buy you an island?”
She stared at him as he rambled, her face blank, unsure if he was pulling her leg and unwilling to give him the satisfaction if he was.
“I’m definitely gonna get a beach fortress/volcanic lair for myself, so it’d be nice if you wanted to live nearby-ish, but I know you probably want some privacy—oh, and I was thinking of buying a couple of sharks to raise, I can’t have a villainous lair and not throw in a few sharks, so if you want a shark let me know and I’ll get an extra for you and let you name it.”
Ah, okay. She hadn’t been certain at first, but now she was sure he was joking.
This was the man who wouldn’t let her get so much as a pet goldfish, there was no way he’d offer to buy her a shark.
“Dad…”
“It’s fine, you don’t have to decide now, just give me your bank information and I’ll give you some cash to start.”
“You’re not being serious, right? Be honest.”
“What, did you think Ianthe was poor? You should take a look in her closet, her wardrobe is worth more than some of the buildings here.”
Frowning, Euphy had to admit that did make sense. Ianthe had been really wealthy in the game, and since she was gone there was no one to stop her dad from taking it, and yet…
She didn’t understand why, but somehow the idea that her money troubles were magically over was far harder to believe than anything else she’d discovered today.
It also made her uncomfortable and somewhat upset for reasons she couldn’t yet pinpoint, so to distract herself from that feeling she said, “By any chance, have you considered donating some of it to charity?”
“Fuck, I knew you were gonna say something like that,” he sighed, waving off her suggestion with a combination of disgust and resignation. “Fine, send me a list sometime or something… but I’m not counting it towards your gifts, so think of at least one extravagant thing you want, okay?”
“Okay,” she agreed, relieved to no longer have to talk about this subject.
“The shark doesn’t count as a gift either, I’ll get a few extra regardless—hey, do you think they’d want a shark in here? Not a big one of course, but it’s a shame to have such a nice pool and only stick a few flowers in it. Oh, wait, this is freshwater, maybe some koi would be better…”
Euphrosyne kicked her heels and looked at the tragically fishless mana-laden water, not bothering to explain to her father that such a thing would likely result in some truly impressive koi monsters for fear that the knowledge might only encourage him. Instead she let him ramble on, knowing that he was perfectly capable of holding the entire conversation by himself while her thoughts wandered.
There was one last elephant in the room she still wanted to address, but she kept hesitating, both doubting he’d be willing to talk about it and worried about upsetting him further.
That said, even if he wasn’t willing to share with her, maybe she could at least plant the idea in his head of talking to someone else?
Interrupting her father’s non-stop stream of verbal nonsense, she tried to keep her tone casual as she asked, “So, uh… how is the new body treating you?”
Without missing a beat her dad blithely replied, “Oh, it’s alright.”
“Are you sure? Ianthe’s body is, um, pretty different from your old one.”
“Yeah, I know. Why do you ask?” he said, giving her his trademark look of blank confusion.
… Did he really not understand what she was getting at?
No, there was no way he hadn’t thought of it, right? He must be messing with her, though usually when he made this face he was being genuine, and try as she might, no matter how hard she looked at him, she kept getting the impression that a giant question mark was looking back at her.
“Dad, you’ve possessed a cis woman’s body, don’t you have some feelings about that? Isn’t it almost like, you know… the turns have tabled between us?”
Now he grimaced. “Euphy, it’s ’the tables have turned,’ you got it backwards.”
“What? No I didn’t! Isn’t that saying because of turntables? Those, uh… the DJing thingies?” she asked, putting a hand to her ear like holding an invisible set of headphones and making a record scratch gesture as if this was the only way he’d be able to recognize her reference. “That’s how everyone I know says it.”
“No, that saying’s originally from chess, like where you flip the board… but you know what? I think I like yours better.”
Finally noticing that he’d dragged her off onto a tangent, she gave him a nudge and said, “Dad, come on, I’m serious. I’m not saying you have to talk about it with me, but could you at least consider talking about it with someone else? It’s understandable if you feel some kind of way about it, and bottling that stuff up isn’t good for you.”
Giving her a level stare, he asked, “Euphy, is this the kinda thing you’re going to quietly freak out about if I don’t clear things up?”
“Oh my goodness, definitely.”
Taking a deep breath as though to brace himself, he pushed his hair back with both hands and paused dramatically before letting that breath out and saying, “Honestly… I’m way less upset than I thought I’d be, if that makes sense.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, ninety percent of the time I don’t notice the difference at all, then something random reminds me to be bothered and I go ‘oh, I don’t like that,’ and then I immediately forget again. So, it’s not a big deal, at least not to me.”
“Huh. I mean, that’s good, I guess? Just…”
Very unexpected?
Could something else be going on here? He’d always struck her as someone who was very traditionally masculine, so it felt strange for him to take this situation so well.
Then again, maybe he was just that confident.
Or maybe his ADHD was that severe.
“But almost everyone thinks you’re a woman now, so that’s how they’ll refer to you. Are you okay with that? Have you thought about telling them?”
“Well, I can’t say I like it, but it’s…” He put up his hands in a shrug, his mouth slanting with ambivalence to one side. “Everyone expects Ianthe to be a lady, so isn’t it easier to just roll with that? I feel like correcting everybody would just draw more attention…”
Now he hesitated, and for the first time she thought she sensed some discomfort, but then he waved his hands and the moment passed.
“Eh, I’ll get used to it. The people closest to me know the truth and I’m gonna make everybody else call me ‘President’ anyway, so it’s fine.”
Leaning back on her hands, she studied him, feeling like there was something strange about his attitude, but unable to figure out exactly what it was.
At the same time, she was super pleased that he was making an effort to clear stuff up with her, so she gave him an encouraging thumbs up and said, “Great, I get it now, just let me know if you change your mind.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Then, thinking of something, he moved in close again and shielded his mouth with his hand like he was about to share a secret, and whispered, “Actually… if you really want to know, the thing that pisses me off the most about her body is how fucking short I am now.”
“What? You’re not short, you’re at least, uh…” she got to her feet, raising her hand to estimate his standing height as she guessed, “Around 5’6’’ or 5’8’’? That’s above average.”
“No it’s not, it’s short.”
“Then what does that make me?” she demanded, angrily gesturing down at her body, which hadn’t managed to make it past 5’ in this life or the last.
“… Portable?”
“You’re such a bastard.”
“Yeah, but at least I used to be a tall bastard.”
“I’m starting to think I really should kick you into the pool.”
For a second she thought she’d finally managed to shut him up, but then she heard him mumble under his breath, “At least my feet can touch the bottom.”
In response, she sat back down and punched him again.
While he was over-dramatically rubbing his arm in an effort to make her feel guilty, she asked, “Hey, do you want a gift too?”
“Why? You didn’t miss any of my birthdays.”
“I mean like a homecoming gift. Think about it, even if it didn’t take you much time to get here, didn’t you come a really long way?”
“Well, I guess you’ve got a point. Can I ask for anything?”
“Sure, as long as it’s not too expensive…”
Propping his chin on his fist, he mulled things over for a while. Afraid that saying anything or making any noise would make him forget the task at hand, she considerately kept quiet.
“You said you wanted to change your name in our last life, didn’t you?”
“Uh, yes?” she replied, not sure what this had to do with a gift.
“Had you decided what you were gonna change it to?”
She had, shortly before her death. It’d been a long process, one in which she’d tormented her chosen brother by forcing him to call her all sorts of different names, and then got teased mercilessly in return whenever she’d tried one that he’d deemed ‘too chuuni.’
Eventually she’d learned that if she picked a name too far from her original one, she’d consistently forget to answer to it, so her final choice had been pretty normal.
“Oh, yeah… umm, I was going to go with ‘Alice.’”
“Alice, huh? That’s a pretty name,” he said, nodding slowly. “Would you mind if I called you that sometimes? Not around outsiders, of course.”
“No, but how is that a gift?”
“Well, since you’ve already got another name here, I guess I was just thinking that maybe I’d missed my chance to call you that… but if you’d rather not, it’s okay.”
Surprised by his reasoning, Euphy tilted her face downward, hiding her bashful expression behind her hair.
Damnit, his request made her feel so happy and squishy inside that it was almost overwhelming, and she had to resist the urge to beat him up for real.
“Don’t be an idiot, of course you can call me by my old name, it doesn’t need to be a gift,” she mumbled, hoping that he hadn’t picked up on any of her embarrassing mushiness but ready to smack him if he even so much as tried to tease her.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. Since your idea is stupid, I’ll just knit you a scarf instead.”
“Alright, whatever you want.”
Grabbing his arm, she hugged it as she pressed her forehead against his shoulder to hide her face.
“Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you came to get me. I missed you.”
“Yeah, well… I missed you too,” he replied, leaning his head against hers.
Squeezing tighter, it occurred to her just how much she’d missed this. Having someone on her side, knowing he cared about her, knowing that she could rely on him…
Even if the way it happened was weird and imperfect, it was enough to erase some of the fear in her heart, burning it away like fog in the sunlight.