For me, every minute and every second of staying in the Absolute Wing Hall has started to become an endless suffering. I don’t even know if this suffering will end.
I stayed at HuiMeng LuoLuo for nearly two days, almost in a state of reluctance to leave. It’s not until Xue Luoyi sent Yaren to the medical room, demanding me to return to work as soon as possible, that I unenthusiastically left the infirmary.
I feel panic about my life as a prison guard, which I don’t know when will end. In fact, Xue Luoyi had already told me that the chance of escaping is almost slim. I’m very likely to stay in the Absolute Wing Hall for the rest of my life until I am old. I just don’t want to believe it. I’d rather give myself hope that I may return to normal life outside── otherwise, I might just collapse and fall apart.
I put on a row of military uniforms of the same style placed in the closet, put on my police cap and white gloves. I stand still in front of the door, hesitating to move my feet.
Now, my dormitory is the only place outside the medical room where I can feel at ease, so even taking a step out of the dormitory has become a very difficult thing for me.
But if I don’t step out, I can’t──
Helplessness and hopelessness, my heart is filled with these two emotions.
At last, I finally stretched out my hand to hold the doorknob and open the door. Even though it’s painful and unbearable, I still have to face this job that I am forced to accept. For my dear sister──
It is a daily routine to release the prisoners from one floor to the next during meal time. After these dozens of days, there are still some areas where I don’t know how to get started, but now I’m completely used to it.
Habit is really a terrible thing, even if it’s the things a person does not like to do. This is something I can deeply relate to.
At the corner of the stairs, a large area of floor-to-ceiling glass windows lets in a pale light from the outside. Today’s weather is cloudy. Very different from the sunny weather in my home country all year round. Even the temperature is very different.
The sound of my leather shoes stepping on the stairs echoes in the quiet space, it’s as if I have entered a no-man’s land, but I would rather it be a real no-man’s land![1]
I begin to use the stairs to release the prisoners from floor to floor. Before, I was wondering why Cang Wu always exhaust himself just to climb the stairs every day, but now he is the clearest person I could understand. Even if I have to work hard to walk the stairs floor by floor, as long as the time can be delayed── Because for me, going to the ninth floor has now become my worst nightmare.
My steps begin to become slow and heavy. Every time I step up, it feels more and more difficult to breathe, and my knees very reflexively begin to soften.
The closer I get to the ninth floor, the more my body hurts in many places. Compulsively trying to pry open the unpleasant memories I’m trying to suppress in my head.
That day, after I was drugged by Xue Luoyi and forced by Gu Yan, even though I have a thousand reluctances, I still had to come back to work under the pressure of their power.[2]
I force a psychological belief on my own brain, that the sexual assault can only happen once, and I won’t let it happen a second time! Because I have learned well, I will no longer be drugged, and I am sure that I have the ability to protect myself!
I used to be so sure that I had the ability to protect myself. But I am still too naive, or maybe, as Xue Luoyi said, I am stupidly thinking that I am a strong person.
On the first day I come back to work──
I am currently standing outside his cell to inform him to eat, visibly staring at him with a nervous look on my face. When I see his body start to move, I instantly want to run away as far as I can.
But when Gu Yan comes towards me, I suppress my fear and pretend to be calm. “Gu Yan, it’s time to eat now.”
Gu Yan just stands inside his cell. He is dressed in casual clothes coupled with a lazy look and smile on his beautiful face, looking so harmless to humans and animals. But I understand that he is like a sleeping leopard, seemingly lazy and harmless. But if one gets close to him, one will end up dying in his mouth! Visit novelping(.)com for the full chapter.
“Come inside, Wolf.” Gu Yan just stands in the cell and has no intention of coming out.
My fingertips begin to tremble because of his words almost reflexively.
“No, I’m just here to inform you. I’ll leave immediately after that.” I hide my fear by lowering my voice. I just stand outside the cell door, having no plan whatsoever of going inside.
“I told you to come in.” Gu Yan’s green eyes instantly turn cold, almost without any heat.
I still stand upright outside the door, but my knees start to weaken. Gu Yan’s eyes make me feel like a wave of fear is invading my mind.
What do you want me to do? What is he going to do? I don’t want to go in! I do not want to! These words clamored in my body, instinctively telling me not to approach Gu Yan, telling me that it’s best to stay far away from him, far, far away!
“Wolf, don’t let me say it the third time, I am very impatient.” His tone turns even more icy cold.
I stare at Gu Yan without saying anything, unable to move. Gu Yan’s green eyes flash with a hint of coldness, and his action of rudely and quickly opening the cell is like in slow motion in front of my eyes. Cold sweat springs up on my body, and my natural reaction is to step back and run away.
But Gu Yan is faster than me, and it doesn’t take long for me to run wildly through the corridor. Not long after that, he pounces on me from behind and pins me down on the hard, cold marble floor.
My hands are caught behind my back as his right knee pushes against my back. He also puts the weight of his whole body on me, making it difficult for me to breathe.
“If you don’t obey and run away, tell me, are you brave or a coward?” Gu Yan’s contemptuous laughter floats into my ears.
“Let go of me!”
I fiercely struggle under him, and surprisingly, Gu Yan really does comply with my will and releases me. The restraint on my body is gone, so I quickly stand up and try to run again. But all of a sudden, Gu Yan slams me against the wall.
“No running!” Gu Yan presse his hands on the wall beside me, creating a density around me that makes me feel an immense pressure.
As my eyes meet his emerald ones, a chill coming from those eyes makes my insides boil uncomfortably. My body still remembers the pain when he tore me apart, and I couldn’t help but begin to tremble all over.
“Let me go….” My voice is weak and fearful.
“Why are you shaking like a lamb? Am I that horrifying?” Gu Yan’s deep voice drifts through my ears, making the hair on my skin rise up as the corners of his mouth curves up with a disdainful arc. “Ah, when I think of it, you should be really afraid of me. Two days ago, you were so scared that you became incontinent just from the touch of my hand.”
Gu Yan’s words bring an unprecedented sense of humiliation to me, making a surge of anger swell in my heart.
“Go away! Otherwise I’ll show you how you’ll look after I beat you! Gu Yan, I’m not drugged now, I am strong and capable of protecting myself!” I began to intimidate him, covering up my fear with anger.
Gu Yan lets out a mocking chuckle at my intimidation. His proud eyes clearly don’t take me seriously at all.
Beat him! Beat him up! I will not make him look down on me! I will protect myself! The cells in my brain are shouting these words as my fist clenches.
“Oh, then you can try it, dear….”
I do not even let Gu Yan have a chance to finish his sentence. I immediately gave him a blow. I thought he would have no time to react and take my fist. However, he simply took two easy steps backwards to the side. And my punch, which has lost its aim, only crosses the side of his face before Gu Yan wraps his palm around my fist.
Gu Yan easily takes hold of my punch. New chapters come out on g.com first.
“Beating people isn’t like this. It only makes it obvious that you are foolishly challenging the strong.” Gu Yan’s beautiful face is now occupied with an ice-cold aura. After dropping these emotionless words, he suddenly pulls my hand and my whole body is pulled forward by the force. He lifts his left knee and gives me a heavy blow on the abdomen.
A dull and heavy pain bursts in my abdomen, making my knees soften. I cover my abdomen in agony and kneel onto the ground.
Gu Yan squats down in front me, holding his face in his hand. His lazy posture is still like a leopard, but this time, it’s a leopard stretching out its claws to play with its dying prey.
“My Dear Wolf, let me teach you something, even if you are not drugged, or even if you are a strong man, so what? You still don’t have the strength to protect yourself. Let’s just describe it like, you are the strongest lamb in the flock who’s thrown into the wolf’s den, but you still think you are powerful enough to rival a real wolf.” Gu Yan reaches out his hand and takes off my police cap, and puts it on his fingertips as he plays with it in circles.
“Wolf, in the Absolute Wing Hall, you are just a naive and weak person. It’s difficult for the weak to survive the system of survival of the fittest. But there’s an absolute way for the weak to survive, and that is to rely on the strong…..”
I raise my face and see Gu Yan, who is against the light, has only those green eyes that are shining with a mysterious glint. “And the strong one you should rely on is me── do you understand?”
Hearing his words, my heart begins to beat violently.
“No──”
I reject him. But when I struggle to stand up and try to escape again, Gu Yan’s actions become more ruthless. He grabs my shoulders and mercilessly breaks them apart. The pain of dislocation almost makes me faint, and my whole body soaks up in cold sweat.
“You are really disobedient. Just behave, and I won’t do this to you anymore.” He strokes my sweaty cheeks, looking into my eyes that are too frightened to focus.
Terrible! Gu Yan is so terrible!
“Ah, actually I didn’t mean to do this, but you’re so ungrateful.”
Gu Yan breathes warmly in my ears. His glassy green eyes are melting into a lust that makes my insides crawl in terror.
“Since you are my possession, I should teach you a good lesson. Otherwise, you will be bullied in the future with this kind of principle… Don’t worry, I will put your shoulders back when I finish teaching you. Until then, it should be regarded as an additional heavier punishment.”
Gu Yan gives me a smile as elegant as an angel, but it only makes me feel an endless dread.
After that, along with the pain in my shoulders, all I can vaguely remember is the cold temperature of my back on the marble floor, the pale white light from the windows along the corridor shining on my painful and distorted face, and Gu Yan’s invasion that tears through me and breaks me…
──This is the second time I have been violated. In the corridor, right outside his cell.
Erza’s Note [Translator]: To those who didn’t see my note in the previous chapter (because I put the note a little late after I posted the chap), I announced there that updates would only be once every 2 weeks, and it would always be every friday.
[1] A land or area that is unowned, uninhabited, or undesirable.
[2] He is talking about the bully Xue Luoyi