Yu Haiqiao naturally couldn’t not drink the bitter melon juice I squeezed for him. He raised the glass and frowned upon taking a slight whiff of it. Putting down the glance with a face of disdain, he pointed at it and said, “Nevermind. Cut some apples for me, will you?”
“Are all of your limbs out of order?” I looked at the bitter melon juice he placed down.
Yu Haiqiao earnestly looked at me, “Work’s been tough.”
I gave him a small smile, “Squeezing bitter melon juice for you was also tough.” I picked up the cup and held it up in front of him, putting on an expression that said if he didn’t drink it, I would force it on him.
Yu Haiqiao tsked twice, saying that my current expression looked very malevolent.
I told him that the action I was going to take next was also quite malevolent.
When Yu Haiqiao heard this, he appeared taken aback. He then zipped down his jacket and blinked at me, putting on a disgusting expression, “If you absolutely insist…” After two seconds, he then asked me in suspicion, “Has your period finished?”
“…” I took the cup from the table and walked towards the listless Yu Haiqiao lying on the sofa. Looking down on this dog, I strongly pressed down on his chest.
My other hand raised up, preparing to execute domestic violence. Without any regard for anything else, I poured the contents of the cup into his mouth.
Very quickly, Yu Haiqiao raised his hands in surrender, “D-d-don’t. I’ll drink it myself. Let’s not make a mess on the sofa. I don’t want to have to smell this disgusting scent whenever I sit here in the future.”
I coldly harrumphed and loosened my hand from his chest. I reached out for the bitter melon juice and delivered it to him. Yu Haiqiao silently sat up on the sofa and wore an expression as though he was trampled on. Like a dog, he sniffed the contents of the cup.
I coldly said, “Drink it!”
He turned to give me a look, “Shi Ran. you’re so evil.”
Expressionless, I adopted a serious attitude like a judge in court.
Yu Haiqiao smiled at me so innocently and cutely that my conditional reflex to hit him arose. He blinked at me, “How did it feel earlier?”
“?” I couldn’t react for a moment.
Yu Haiqiao suddenly placed the glass on the table, and scuttled towards the direction of the bathroom, his voice still travelling to my ears, “It probably feels better than your A cups, doesn’t it?”
“?” I was perplexed for a whole minute before I exploded, “f*ck you, Dog Yu. You’re just asking for death!!”
Yu Haiqiao scuttled to the bathroom and locked the door, his voice ringing out from the inside, “I’m going to take a bath. Don’t you dare take a peek at this innocent young man oh~”
There was even a provocative wave at the end of his words! How could he be so scummy!
This was one matter that made me extremely confused.
Both Yu Haiqiao and I were human and we both eat the same rice and drink the same water. How did he grow up so scummily?
How could he be so scummy to this degree!!!
I turned around to enter the kitchen and took out the remaining bitter melon to squeeze out its juice. After squeezing them, I still thought that it wasn’t enough so I took my phone and called for takeout.
Yu Haiqiao came out of the bathroom after half an hour whereas I had already arranged the bitter melon juices all on the dining table. He came out in his pajamas and froze at the sight, then, he quickly headed towards the direction of the bedroom, all the while speaking in an innocent and dumb tone, “Aiya, I feel so tired sitting in the car all day, I’m gonna go to sleep first. Goodnight wifey.”
I was about to evolve into the cold-faced Yama king, expressionlessly commanding him, “Come here.”
Yu Haiqiao continued to maintain the same stupid act. “But I’m really tired. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I coldly reprimanded, “I said come here!”
“….” Before Yu Haiqiao had even reached me, his habit of admitting his mistakes acted up, and he confessed, “I was wrong.”
“….” I expressionlessly stared at him, trying to produce a shocking effect equivalent to suddenly opening your eyes in the middle of the night to see the grim reapers standing by your bedside.
As expected, Yu Haiqiao was frozen into place. Wearing a face as if he had eaten shit, he walked to the front of the table and earnestly looked at the cups of bitter melon juice covering the entirety of the surface. With 102% sincerity, he said, “I was wrong.”
I continued to stare expressionlessly at him.
He sincerely told me, “Aren’t you an A cup?”
I rubbed my palms and laughed coldly, “Do you think I won’t make you drink all of them?”
“….” If in the future, I die of old age 10 years earlier than Yu Haiqiao did, then the root of it must be because my life had been shortened from the fatigue of dealing with him every day.
Seeing that I looked unhappy, Yu Haiqiao finally put on a serious face and said, “Alright alright, I won’t mess around anymore. I won’t joke with you. Even though I don’t like drinking bitter melon juice, it isn’t good to waste them like this.”
I moved a chair and sat by the table side. Yu Haiqiao stood for a while and assumed a very strict attitude. “How about I drink a cup, then we’ll go to sleep.”
His earnest and serious appearance made it seem as though he had just brought up a very rational and perfect proposal. I rolled my eyes at him.
Yu Haiqiao glanced at me and suddenly expressed his suspicions, “You’ve been really mean as of late.”
I sat on the chair and crossed my legs, seriously saying, “I think it’s time to talk about our relationship.”
Yu Haiqiao also pulled out a chair to sit on and swiftly assumed a grave persona, “From which aspect do you want to start talking about?”
I solemnly said, “Do you think I’m joking with you?”
He also seriously responded back, “No. You look very serious.”
I continued, “I can’t stand your attitude of forever acting like a buffoon. You don’t ever take responsibility for anything.”
He also continued to be serious, “En, such as?”
I put on a cold face, “Do you still think I’m joking with you?”
He scrunched his brows, “No. You’re very serious.”
I hesitated, “Such as…”
He resolutely said, “En.”
I continued to hesitate, “Such as….”
He remained firm, “En.”
I paused for a while, “Because I’m now very hungry, I’m too anxious to come up with an example.”
He curved his eyes slightly, “Oh~”
I glared at him, “What do you mean by ‘Oh’?”
He smiled at me. “It means I got it.”
“…..”
“…..”
“I can’t talk with you any longer.”
“Don’t be like that~”
**
Yu Haiqiao sat on the chair beside me and narrowed his eyes, looking at me for a while. He then suddenly let out a low laugh, “Do you want me to drink bitter melon juice?”
I didn’t say a word.
Yu Haiqiao sighed, “I’ll drink, I’ll drink.” He said, while slowly reaching out for the cup before him. Then, he leisurely took a sip as if he was sampling some great tea. He put down the cup and looked at it for a while before turning to look at me, “Alright. Now tell me why you’ve been in a bad mood as of late, and venting it out on me.”
“Who’s venting on you?” I rolled my eyes and reminded him, “At the rate you’re drinking, you won’t be able to finish by the time morning comes.”
Yu Haiqiao raised his cup again and silently took a sip. He muttered to himself for a while and continued his “Sherlock Holmes” play, reasoning, “Because of that little celebrity with average looks and less than 1.7 meters tall?”
“En?” What does he have to do with all this? Crazy b!tch!
Yu Haiqiao looked at me, “I think you’ve been odd the past few days. You’ve been taking this marriage too lightly. If you’re not beating me, you’ll be thinking of ways to lash out on me.” New chapters come out on novelping . com first.
“?” No. Are you trying to be the roundworm in my belly? Do you have to know everything I’m thinking?
“You’ve even repeatedly attacked one of my abilities.” After Yu Haiqiao finished speaking, he silently took a sip of the bitter melon juice again.
“….” I probably wasn’t wrong. Yu Haiqiao will definitely remember this for his whole life and will bring it up from time to time.
“A few nights ago, you were even crying for some reason.” Yu Haiqiao furrowed his brows slightly.
“….” That was because of a novel I was reading.
Yu Haiqiao looked at me, “I’ve known you for almost 30 years, how many times have you cried in front of me?”
I raised my head and attempted to answer the question, wanting to tell him that there were a lot of times. When we were young, I would always complain to his mom and when I complained, I cried especially pitifully.
Yu Haiqiao took a sip of bitter melon juice and didn’t intend to let me answer his question. He muttered to himself for a while and reasonably concluded, “Shi Ran, you wouldn’t be a pick-up artist’s apprentice, would you? First, you wound my confidence, then, you’ll act pitiful and aggrieved in front of me, trying to deceive my body and mind.”
“????” If Sherlock Holmes knew that Yu Haiqiao had achieved his conclusion through layers of reasoning, would he propose to Professor Moriarty to jump off a waterfall and end their lives?”
Yu Haiqiao slowly finished half of the bitter melon juice left and continued to reason, “You even made a rumor that I was dead.”
“…..”
Yu Haiqiao asked me extremely seriously, “Do you really want to live as a widow?”
I heard this and finally couldn’t keep silent any longer, “What do you mean live as a widow?” Was it the same as I was thinking? Meaning that if he died, I’d have to live with the title of widow and never remarry? Haha.
At this moment, Yu Haiqiao might have sunk into a deep contemplation and had cut all connections to the outside world. He said, “Squeezing a table full of bitter melon, if you weren’t planning to kill me with the bitterness, you’re going to drown me to death, aren’t you?” Yu Haiqiao muttered to himself before continuing, “Did you also go invest a large amount of money in an insurance company?” He appeared serious, “The insurance company will launch an investigation towards the deceased, so you can’t trick your way into getting the insurance money.”
“…” I felt deeply amazed at Yu Haiqiao’s ever-improving ability to stir drama.
Yu Haiqiao finished downing the whole contents and placed down the cup. He looked at me then blinked, “I got it.”
I couldn’t help but feel baffled by his thought process, “What did you get?”
Yu Haiqiao replied, “You’ve mentally cheated. You feel ashamed of our married life.”
I sneered, “Then, do you want to get a divorce first?”
Yu Haiqiao flashed a toothy grin at me, exposing one of his canines, “No can do.”
I rolled my eyes at him, “Tomorrow, Yang Xiongwei and his wife are coming, saying that they want to have a meal together. I’m not going to argue with you anymore, I’m going to sleep.”
Yu Haiqiao stayed silent for a while and hesitantly asked me, “Yang Xiongwei?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle, “Don’t you think it’s funny?! It’s the same guy in our junior high school class called Yang Wei[1]. He changed his name. Apparently, he also had a crush on me…” I then recalled a matter midway and suddenly couldn’t laugh, my face turning dark, “And he was also the same guy you told I had stinky feet to.”
At this, Yu Haiqiao mischievously chuckled, his ability to act dumb as amazing as always.
I angrily pressed my fingers down, then pointed to the bitter melon juice on the table, “Drink another glass!’
Yu Haiqiao silently lifted another cup of bitter melon juice and started downing it.
I harrumphed and turned around, preparing to head back to my room when Yu Haiqiao added behind me, “I’m also going tomorrow.”
“The other party didn’t even call you, why are you going?”
“Who isn’t a junior high school classmate of his? Why are you allowed to go but not me? What if you start making rumors with your junior high school classmates, saying that I’m in a relationship with Chen Xie. Are you trying to start a rumor saying that I’m cheating so that you can leave me with nothing after marriage?!”
–Ptoo.
This b!tch Yu Haiqiao. Who the f*ck started a rumor first!
[1] Yang Wei can also mean impotence in Chinese which is why he changed his name XD