On the day school opened in early March, the snow in the mountains still had not fully melted.
Zhao Shuhe left home before daylight with her cloth schoolbag on her back. Li Qiongxian stuffed two multigrain steamed buns into her hands. “Don’t rush on the way. It’s slippery by the ditches.”
Zhao Shuhe nodded. “Mom, I know.”
Zhao Manzhu stood by the courtyard gate and yawned. “Little Sister, going to school is such a hardship for you. If you ask me, you’d be better off sleeping at home until the rooster crowed a second time.”
Li Qiongxian snatched up the broom and waved it at him. “You’ve got some nerve saying that! The rooster’s crowed three times already, and you still haven’t gone to work?”
Zhao Manzhu turned and ran. “I’m going right now! Mom, don’t hit me—the broom needs to catch its breath too!”
Zhao Shuhe smiled and headed up the mountain road with her schoolbag on her back. From Xiaoshitou Village to Commune Middle School, she had to cross several li[1]A li is a Chinese unit of distance; in modern China, one li equals 500 meters. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3733450_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3733450_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); of mountain roads. She had been used to the walk since she was little and had never thought much of it. But this time, with something weighing on her mind, the road beneath her feet seemed to have grown longer.
She wanted to ask her teacher whether there was any way to continue studying after graduating from middle school. The person from the future had told her that she had to seek out her own opportunities. Now, she was seeking one.
Commune Middle School looked just as it always had, with earthen walls and gray-tiled roofs, and a pockmarked schoolyard. As soon as the teacher entered the classroom, the raucous voices immediately quieted down.
Zhao Shuhe sat in the third row and opened her textbook. She understood the teacher’s lessons more clearly now; things she had once been unable to work through made sense after she thought about them a little longer. …It would be wonderful if she could keep studying.
When school let out at noon, she did not hurry to fetch water. Instead, she stood outside the office and waited for a long while.
Several teachers inside the office were gathered around the stove, drinking hot water. Zhao Shuhe’s homeroom teacher, Teacher Wu, was a woman in her forties. She was not harsh with her students, but neither could she be called especially warm.
Zhao Shuhe knocked on the door. “Teacher Wu, may I ask you something?”
Teacher Wu said, “Come in, Comrade[2]In Mao-era China, “Comrade” was a common form of address and did not necessarily mean that the person belonged to the Communist Party. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3733450_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3733450_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); Shuhe. You were quite attentive in class this morning. What is it?”
Nervously, Zhao Shuhe walked over to the desk. “Teacher, I wanted to ask—after we graduate from middle school, can we take the entrance examinations for high school or a secondary technical school?”
Teacher Wu did not answer immediately. She only asked, “Why are you suddenly asking about this?”
Zhao Shuhe said, “I want to keep studying.” Once she had said it aloud, she actually felt a little more at ease.
Teacher Wu looked at her. “Wanting to study is a good thing. But you need to understand that these days, you can’t simply go because you want to take the examination. You need a recommendation.”
Teacher Wu took an old form from the drawer. “Our commune gets only three high-school places and three secondary-technical-school places a year. They look at the family’s circumstances first, then the student’s conduct, and then the recommendations from the school and the commune.”
“What about grades?” Zhao Shuhe asked.
Teacher Wu sighed. “Of course they look at grades too, but grades aren’t the only thing they look at, and they aren’t weighted all that heavily.”
Zhao Shuhe still refused to give up. “What about this year’s places?”
“They’ve probably already been decided,” Teacher Wu said. “Priority goes to the children of revolutionary martyrs and to several families with special circumstances. There’s nothing wrong with your family’s class background[3]In Mao-era China, a family’s perceived social-class origins could affect its political standing and access to opportunities, including education. jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3733450_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3733450_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });, but you don’t have the conditions to be placed near the front of the line.”
In a small voice, Zhao Shuhe asked, “Then does that mean I have no chance?”
Teacher Wu sighed again. “I can’t say you have no chance at all. Your grades are very good, and your family is willing to support you. The school can submit your name to the higher authorities. But whether it works out isn’t something one teacher can decide.”
Zhao Shuhe seized on the hope. “Then how much money would it take?”
Seeing her like this, Teacher Wu slowed her words. “The annual tuition and miscellaneous fees, textbooks, boarding, and so on would come to around fifty yuan. You’d also have to provide more than 115 kilograms of corn to cover your food while living at school.”
Zhao Shuhe’s heart sank. Fifty yuan was already a great deal! In an age when people lacked both food and clothing, more than 115 kilograms of corn was even more daunting.
Teacher Wu saw the change in her expression but continued. “Teachers all know that children from the mountains have it hard. But the county school doesn’t make exceptions for that. Everyone in the country is struggling these days. The grain and the money both have to be provided.”
It took Zhao Shuhe a long time to ask, “What if I don’t board at school? Could I bring my own dry food?”
A male teacher nearby interjected, “You’d walk from Little Stone Bridge to the county? Even two days wouldn’t be enough for the round trip. Don’t entertain such foolish ideas.”
Teacher Wu put the form away. “Go home and discuss it with your parents first. Your father is the brigade accountant, and he knows several people over at the commune. Have him ask the leaders. You won’t know whether it can be done until you’ve asked.”
Zhao Shuhe nodded. “Thank you, Teacher Wu.” When she left the office, she felt utterly hopeless.
Some students were chasing one another around the schoolyard, while others were running toward the well with their lunch boxes. Zhao Shuhe stood beneath the wall, feeling hungry, but she could not swallow the steamed bun in her hand no matter how hard she tried.
More than 115 kilograms of corn… She had not earned many work points herself, and there were so many people in the family. Her brothers, sisters-in-law, nephews, and nieces all ate from the same pot. If she really went to school, someone would have to go hungry.
Money could still be borrowed, but how could they borrow grain? And even if they borrowed it, they would have to repay it.
Zhao Shuhe listened to her afternoon lessons as usual, but her note-taking did not go smoothly. She clearly understood the material, yet she kept thinking of what Teacher Wu had said: wanting to study did not mean you could study.
After school, she did not say much to her classmates. She simply hurried home with her schoolbag on her back.
The winding mountain road was enough to vex anyone. Halfway there, Zhao Shuhe stepped on a patch of wet mud and nearly slipped to the ground. She caught hold of a tree trunk by the roadside and cursed, “Damn road.”
The road was bad, but she was the one who could not get out of this place!
By the time she reached home, dusk had already fallen. The sound of a child crying came from the courtyard. As soon as Zhao Shuhe entered, she saw her Sister-in-law, Zhang Xiaoping, holding her younger son and soothing him until her forehead was covered in sweat.
Eldest Brother Zhao Baocang was squatting at the kitchen door, repairing a hoe. Second Sister-in-Law was nowhere to be seen. Zhao Manzhu was beside him, teasing his niece and making the child cry even louder.
When Li Qiongxian saw Zhao Shuhe come home, she said, “Little He, you’re back? Go wash your hands and eat.”
Zhao Shuhe put down her schoolbag. “Mom, there’s something I want to say.”
Li Qiongxian did not take it seriously. “What can’t wait until after dinner? Your father will be back soon.”
Zhao Shuhe nodded. Dinner was still multigrain gruel, pickles, and half a basin of stewed cabbage. There were so many people in the family that every time a pair of chopsticks reached out, the food diminished by another layer.
Zhao Shoutian came home late. As soon as he entered, he patted the dirt from his clothes. “The whole team argued all afternoon over those few work points. It gave me a splitting headache.”
Zhao Manzhu seized the opportunity. “Father, then give me a few extra work points. I promise I won’t argue.”
Zhao Shoutian glared at him. “You want extra points for the little bit of work you do? Even an ax is more diligent than you.”
Everyone in the room burst out laughing.
Zhao Shuhe did not. Li Qiongxian noticed. “Little He, didn’t you say there was something you wanted to discuss? Go ahead.”
Zhao Shuhe set down her bowl. “Father, Mom, I asked Teacher Wu today whether I could go to high school or a secondary technical school after graduating from middle school.” She told them everything Teacher Wu had said.
The commune had three high-school places and three secondary-technical-school places a year. A recommendation was required, and most of the places had probably already been given to other people. Even if she could get her name submitted, it would cost fifty yuan a year, along with more than 115 kilograms of corn.
After she finished, her Sister-in-law, Zhang Xiaoping, was the first to lose her composure.
She set the child in her arms down beside her and said anxiously, “Little Sister, it’s not that I don’t care about you! But fifty yuan and more than a hundred kilograms of grain isn’t something to joke about.”
Zhao Baocang followed up. “That’s right, Little Sister. After finishing middle school, you already count as educated in our village! For a girl, knowing how to read and do arithmetic is enough. Why spend all that money?”
Zhao Shuhe looked at him, unwilling to accept it. “Eldest Brother, I want to keep studying.”
Zhao Baocang was momentarily silenced by her words.
Zhang Xiaoping continued, “Wanting to is one thing, but you have to calculate the cost of living! There are so many mouths to feed in this family. Your eldest niece still has to attend primary school, and the little one’s shoes are already too small this year, but we haven’t had the heart to make new ones. Second Brother and the two boys can eat like horses too. If you go to school, where is the grain supposed to come from?”
At the mention of himself, Zhao Manzhu immediately defended himself. “Sister-in-law, if you’re talking about grain, talk about grain. Don’t drag me into it. I don’t even eat that much.”
Zhang Xiaoping rolled her eyes at him. “Stop pretending. You can eat enough in one meal to fill the stomachs of two and a half grown boys.”
Zhao Shoutian ignored everyone else and looked only at Zhao Shuhe. “Little He, do you truly want to go?”
Zhao Shuhe nodded. “Father, I really do.”
Zhao Shoutian asked, “Do you know how difficult it is to go to the county to study? It’s not just carrying a schoolbag and walking a few steps every day. You’ll have to board at school, eat there, and have clothes to wear. If you get sick, that costs money too.”
“I know,” Zhao Shuhe said.
Zhao Shoutian shook his head. “You don’t know. You only see the books. You don’t see the grain jar.”
Those words hurt Zhao Shuhe terribly. It was precisely because she understood too well that she felt so miserable.
Li Qiongxian looked at her youngest daughter. These past few days, she had also felt that Zhao Shuhe had changed. She had become more decisive in the way she did things. But the family’s grain sacks would not grow fuller simply because her daughter had become more decisive.
Seeing that her parents-in-law were saying nothing, Zhang Xiaoping spoke again. “Father, Mom, I know this may sound unpleasant, but let me say it anyway. Even if Little Sister studies for several more years, won’t she still have to marry in the end? Once she marries out, she’ll belong to another family! We’re going to pour all that grain and money into her—what are we doing it for?”
Zhao Shuhe’s face changed.
Zhao Manzhu was displeased. “Sister-in-law, that’s going too far. Little Sister is part of this family too. How can you call it ‘pouring it away’?”
Zhang Xiaoping flared up as well. “Am I wrong? I have to go out and work every day, then come home and stretch the food to feed the children. I don’t even dare eat an extra bite myself. Now you’re saying we’re supposed to send more than a hundred kilograms of grain away every year, and I can’t even ask about it?”
Zhao Baocang tugged at her. “Enough.”
Zhang Xiaoping shook off his hand. “Don’t pull me! You’re the eldest brother, and you’re so generous with your words—then take your share of the grain and use it to support her!”
Zhao Baocang flushed with embarrassment. “When did I ever say I wouldn’t help?”
Zhao Shuhe looked at her Sister-in-law. She knew Zhang Xiaoping’s words were harsh, but they were not entirely unreasonable either. This family did not consist of her alone. She drew a breath and said, “Mom, I’m not insisting that the family support me through school. I just wanted to ask whether it was possible…”
Seeing her like that, Li Qiongxian felt heartsick too. She truly loved this youngest daughter. Of all the children in the family, Zhao Shuhe was the brightest. She was pretty, and she had a real talent for studying. If the family’s circumstances had been better, Li Qiongxian would certainly have let her continue.
But in times like these, whose circumstances were good?
That night, Zhao Shuhe lay in bed for a long time without falling asleep. She closed her eyes, intending to look at the lessons in her mind, but she could not calm herself down.
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