"You’re back?"
Hayeop was wearing a smooth shirt that looked almost like a blouse. His nipples are big, Yoonwon thought, then raised his gaze a little higher. Red lipstick was smeared across the nape of Hayeop’s neck.
The scent of roses drifted from his pale face. There was something carnal about that unbearably docile-looking face now.
He had been sullied.
Who had stained him?
"Young Master."
Surely he wasn’t selling his body. Yoonwon’s head began to ache. His fingertips tingled. A vicious anger boiled inside him. Once a pristine field of snow was marred by a single filthy stain, it became nothing but a muddy wasteland. Yoonwon had struggled desperately to keep that purity intact, so who had dared to sully it?
"You smell like perfume."
He slowly swept back his hair. A cigarette he rarely smoked rested between his lips, and he lit it.
"Do you sell your body?"
"N-no."
Is that so? Yoonwon narrowed one eye and smiled. There was something irritable about the smile.
"Take your clothes off."
"Go on, take them off. Your clothes smell filthy."
"We’re both men. What does it matter?"
Yoonwon spoke gently. As always, his sophisticated, elegant face looked as though it had been molded from melted marshmallow.
"If you’ve been selling yourself, I can’t allow a cheap slut like that into my house, can I?"
"Young Master."
Hayeop was so hurt and wronged that tears sprang to his eyes. A slut? He wasn’t anything like that. Even when customers had grabbed his wrist and tried to drag him off to play with them, he had never once given in.
"Then why can’t you undress?"
"I-it’s just…."
Afraid Yoonwon might yank down his trousers at any moment, Hayeop hastily clutched the zipper. Would taking off his trousers somehow reveal whether he had been whoring himself around outside?
In that case, Young Master’s cock must be black as charcoal. Who did he think he was criticizing? He had no conscience at all. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
"Young Master, your cock must be really, really black…. Why are you only treating me like this? It isn’t fair."
"What?"
Young Master’s eyes turned vicious as a demon’s. But that was beside the point. Too aggrieved to endure it any longer, Hayeop blurted out his secret.
"And I-I’ve never been circumcised."
His face blazing red, he confessed in shame why he couldn’t show Young Master what was inside his trousers.
"I’m embarrassed because my cock is still covered."
His eyes began to burn. Why was Young Master suddenly angry when he didn’t know anything? Hayeop was already miserable enough to cry, and once the dam broke, there was no holding the tears back.
He had lived with his stepmother during the height of puberty, and he couldn’t possibly have discussed something like that with her. The boys in his class had waddled around with paper cups tucked into their trousers after the procedure, but how could he have brought it up without dying of embarrassment? His stepmother was a young woman who wasn’t related to him by blood.
"I don’t sell my body."
He had even stopped going to the public bathhouse he loved because he was too ashamed. He worried that people would think it strange for a grown man not to be circumcised.
"You don’t know anything about me."
Hayeop had once been humiliated because of it.
It had happened while he worked at the stocking factory. By the end of their shifts, everyone would be covered in dust. Nylon fibers shed everywhere too, so they often went to the bathhouse together.
One day, the owner’s son had leered at Hayeop’s cock and deliberately humiliated him.
"Hey, you! What have you been doing all these years without getting your cock cut?"
Hayeop had wanted to crawl into a mouse hole. The women from the factory had told him it was fine and that he had nothing to be ashamed of, but it was a matter of pride.
"Can’t you just stop questioning me? There are things I don’t want to talk about too."
Hayeop’s lashes were soaked. Today was so hard. Even so, I endured it because I wanted to buy at least one more delicious thing for Mom and Young Master. Even if I have to eat noodles made from spoiled beans, I don’t want Mom or Young Master to live that way.
Yoonwon didn’t understand any of that.
"I burned my hand frying sausages, so it stings, and I keep falling asleep…."
"Hayeop."
Yoonwon soothed him with a soft shushing sound.
"All right. I understand. I’m sorry. I misunderstood. Don’t cry."
Hayeop only wept in silence, swallowing every sob in case someone heard him. Still, after quietly shedding his tears while watching everyone else’s moods, he felt a little better.
"There was lipstick on your clothes. That’s why I misunderstood."
Yoonwon lowered his voice and wiped Hayeop’s tears away with his thumb.
"It must have rubbed off from a customer. She was drunk and stumbling, so I caught her."
Her high heel had come down on the top of Hayeop’s foot, and it had hurt terribly. Even so, he had laughed it off. Something like that couldn’t make him shed a single tear. Physical pain was fine. Even if one of his arms were torn off, he would somehow keep living bravely.
But when his heart was hurt, Hayeop’s tears poured endlessly.
"Today was so hard…. My arms, hands, and legs all hurt so much."
He grumbled that even after all this, he still had to wake up after only four hours of sleep and trim bean sprouts.
"The pain is one thing. I’m more upset that you treated me like a slut."
"You’re right. I was a son of a bitch."
Yoonwon lifted Hayeop effortlessly and sat him beside the sink. He even massaged Hayeop’s hands with his own large ones. With gentle eyes, he apologized for misunderstanding and asked whether Hayeop wanted some ice cream.
Hayeop shook his head.
"You really don’t want any?"
His eyes darted from side to side. His pride wouldn’t let him say yes, so he merely twitched his lips.
"It would taste sweet and delicious right now."
When Yoonwon coaxed him softly, Hayeop finally gave in, pretending he had no choice.
"Strawberry…."
Yoonwon personally took an ice cream bar from the refrigerator. It was covered in white frost, so he melted the frost with his warm hands.
Hayeop slowly turned the ice cream between both hands as he ate it. The skin around his swollen eyes was bright red. With his round, doll-like face and rabbit-red eyes, he looked up at Yoonwon. When the ice cream began to drip, Yoonwon even wiped it away with meticulous care.
"Why are you so mean?"
Hayeop mumbled around the ice cream. The alcohol had fully gone to his head, but the cold sweetness seemed to cool his anger. His eyes cleared as he gazed at Yoonwon, and then his mouth, incapable of anything but blunt honesty, began moving again.
"You’re the slut, Young Master."
"Yes, I understand. I’m sorry."
Yoonwon rubbed Hayeop’s eyelashes. His fingers came away damp, and he clicked his tongue. When Yoonwon held out his hand, Hayeop cautiously climbed down. Yoonwon led him away. Hayeop wondered where they were going, but Yoonwon merely set down a washbasin and filled it with water.
He wrapped a towel around Hayeop’s slender neck, then swirled his hand through the water.
"I’ve always been that kind of man, but you aren’t."
"……."
"You’re innocent and pure and beautiful."
Yoonwon helped him brush his teeth, washed his face, and even cleaned his feet with the water in the basin. He had to crouch in the tiny kitchen despite his tall frame, and the hems of his trousers became soaked.
"Don’t let me taint you."
"……."
"Don’t get involved with a bastard like me. Just as you said, I’m a slut. A male whore."
Hayeop hated the tenderness that had left Yoonwon drenched from washing him.
He also hated the tenderness with which Yoonwon kept drawing a line between them and pushing Hayeop away.
Yoonwon gently dried Hayeop’s feet with a towel. Then he nudged him toward his room.
"Sweet dreams."
Hayeop couldn’t bear the loss of Yoonwon’s warmth as it pulled away from him. He wanted to sleep beside him. But Hayeop was not his puppy, his brother, his friend, or anything else.
He was little more than Yoonwon’s servant.
"Y-you too, Young Master. G-good… goo…."
He had wanted to give a sophisticated good-night greeting like Yoonwon, but all he managed was a stammer before trudging dejectedly into his room.
Inside the dark, cramped room, he switched off the television his mother had left on and buried his face in the pillow.
Even after lying down, he could not sleep. Captivated by the sky visible through the tiny window, he released a quiet sigh. Sleep refused to come. He wanted to listen to the Lee Moon Sae cassette Young Master had given him. Moving his lips without making a sound, Hayeop sang only inside his heart.
"I know how you feel. Your smiling face—I know what it means. I know, I know."
A shooting star streaked downward as though kissing Hayeop. He clenched his fist and pressed his cheek deeper into the pillow.
Good night to you too.
He buried the words deep inside himself.
When Hayeop came out the next day, his shoes had been placed neatly in the shoe cabinet.
Young Master had put them there.
And inside one shoe lay a soft lotus petal.