Golden Slip Holder: Xayrn Jantjies
Silver Slip Holder: Cesar Montemayor
Silver Slip Holder: Axe
Silver Slip Holder: Frankie Vega
Welcome to the halls of the Infinite Library; may you always find a story worth reading!
Opening my door, I had trouble not reacting when I saw Rue standing in the hallway, “What’s up?”
“I-I uh…heard you went looking for me…at the party,” Rue muttered under her breath as she glanced away avoidantly.
“Yeah, I did,” I stated plainly as I continued to stare directly at Rue, “I couldn’t find you, but Fez told me he would look out for you.”
“Yeah, I found him like an hour after you guys talked,” Rue said with a faint smile, “Thought he was fucking with me for a second…I couldn’t imagine you going to a party.”
“I’ve changed a lot over the summer, I was hoping that you would have as well,” I said with a tone that lacked any warmth.
“Well, not all of us can grow five inches and get super jacked,” Rue joked with a small laugh, but I knew that humor was her way of coping with a stressful situation.
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” I replied, refusing to give in to Rue’s attempts to lighten the situation, “Now, what did you want to talk about Rue?”
I watched as Rue swallowed hard and her hands moved nervously down by her side, “I-I…just wanted to ask if you’re going to tell Mom.”
I let Rue’s question linger in the air for a second before I let out a dark chuckle, “Really Rue?
That was your fallback response?”
“What?
I know that you know, somehow, and I just wanted to make sure that-” Rue started to rabble on, caught in her own lie.
“You know I would never tell Mom,” I cut her off as I crossed my arms, “Her being mad and pissed off helps no one!”
“No, I don’t know, Adrian!” Rue hissed, her anxiety and nerves turning into aggression, “Because you’re not the same person…I don’t know you anymore.”
“And you shouldn’t,” I snapped back, “You’ve been gone for the whole summer, Rue, and with the way you left, it would have been a bigger problem if I stayed the same.
Because anyone who stays the same after reviving their little sister with Narcan and CPR when they find her seizing on the floor, choking on their own vomit, has more problems than their addict of a sister.”
I watched Rue’s eyes turn red and start watering, but I didn’t relent, “Don’t forget Rue, I’ve always seen through you.
I know why you knocked on my door, and the fact that you couldn’t bring yourself to do it shows you have a lot further to go.”
A tear rolled down the side of Rue’s cheek as she glared at me, “You know I thought you would be different than everyone else.
Out of everyone, I thought you would be the one person who wouldn’t judge me.”
“You’re half right,” I admitted, “But I’m not judging you like everyone else.
They look at you and see an addict who can’t put down the pills.
I look at you and see someone without a spine, someone without a hint of determination when it comes to the things that really matter and change their life for the better.”
Another tear.
Despite the pain in Rue’s eyes, I took a steadying breath before continuing, “Even if it means you never talk to me again, Rue, I’m going to be the one person in your life that doesn’t excuse your behavior.
I’m not going to help you or enable you anymore, but don’t for a second think that means I’m going to let you kill yourself either.”
“Why are you doing this to me?” Rue asked in a hoarse whisper, her voice cracking with emotion, “Why can’t things go back to the way they were?”
“Because you need to change Rue,” I muttered before I stepped back and closed the door, ending the conversation.
“Good morning, everyone.
This is Principal Hayes, and I just wanted to welcome everyone back to East Highland for another year of learning!”
‘This is hell.’
Sitting in the back of my homeroom class, I turned up the volume of my music to drown out Principal Hayes’ voice coming through the PA.
It was a taunting reminder that I was stuck for the next seven or so hours learning information that I would most likely never apply in my actual life.
There was also the ever-present social panopticon of several hundred teenagers confined to a single building, reinforcing the need for conformity to norms and a strict hierarchy based on overall popularity.
But beyond the normal criticisms and troubles of every high schooler, I was having an especially bad go of it, considering that I was an unmedicated schizophrenic.
Over the last two years of high school, Adrian had painstakingly cultivated a reputation as a loner who talked to nobody and no one, with nothing to gain or lose from participating in the system.
It afforded him the highest level of anonymity one could have in high school, a level that I completely demolished after my performance at McKay’s party.
The rumor mill had been running all weekend, and now at every turn I was being met with second glances and hushed whispers.
Though it wasn’t anxiety from rumors and glances themselves that had me somewhat restless.
No, it was holding back my psyche from feeding off of the extra attention.
My former self wanted nothing more than to gorge itself on the influx of social energy.
It was the perfect environment to forge his favorite persona, one that was adored, worshipped, and feared all at the same time.
But letting that part of me do so freely would have been detrimental in the long run, as I was far more vulnerable to my urges and bouts of psychosis when embodying that aspect of my fractured personality.
‘I either need to hold out until the rumors die down…or find an outlet.’
As soon as the second option crossed my mind, I knew that it was the one I would ultimately choose.
My life was far too exciting and contained too much potential for me to ignore it completely.
So with that specification, I started planning out what the next few months of my life would look like.
And with each detail I hammered out, the more I looked forward to what the future held.
Opening up the lunch I had made myself in the morning, I got to work intaking the ridiculous amount of calories I needed to maintain my current physique.
Three cups of white rice, two cups of lean ground beef, chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, and homemade tzatziki sauce with added whey protein.
“Is that your lunch?”
I paused as I was suddenly asked an unexpected question, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Lexi standing right behind me, staring at my platter of food.
“I’m eating it, aren’t I?” I muttered mid-chew before swallowing, “What are you doing back here, Lexi?”
Lexi crossed her arms, “I could ask you the same thing.”
“Well, I was looking for a quiet place alone to eat,” I started as I gestured around the empty, mostly forgotten courtyard at the back of the school, “But out of everyone that could have stumbled on me… you’re not the worst.”
“Wow, thanks.
That makes me feel so much better about myself,” Lexi muttered sarcastically.
I smirked and gestured at the seat across from me, “I can tell you got something on your mind.
You’ve got until I finish my food.”
“So like an hour?” Lexi muttered as she walked around to sit across from me.
“More like ten minutes,” I said as I took another bite.
Lexi paused for a moment before sighing as her mood switched from lighthearted banter to something far more serious, “I thought you should know that I caught Rue in the bathroom…”
Lexi didn’t need to further clarify her sentence, as there could only be one thing she was referring to, “I-I mean, she was about to, but then I knocked on the stall, and she flushed everything before realizing it was me.”
“Mhmm, that must have been rough,” I muttered as I mixed my food around before scooping up another bite.
“I mean she practically broke down in drama class and stormed out-” Lexi started, but I interrupted her with a wave of my fork, “Not her, I’m talking about you.”
Lexi blinked, clearly stunned.
“Rough for me?”
I nodded, “Let me guess, after Rue realized she flushed her drug for nothing, she started cursing you out and treating you like shit?”
The look in Lexi’s eyes was all I needed to know.
I let out a small sigh before I looked Lexi in the eyes, “Rue isn’t a good person, Lex; don’t waste your time with her.”
“S-so what, I’m just supposed to let her do drugs in the bathroom?” Lexi asked, and I nodded my head, “Yes.”
“H-how could you ask me to do that?
I’ve know Rue since preschool,” Lexi asked outraged, which only made me pity her even more.
“Because you’re a good person Lexi,” I answered with a firm tone, “You care about people, you see the best in them, you treat them right, you look out for them.
But Rue won’t do that for you, and the longer you hang around her, the more likely it is you’ll need someone like that.
But don’t expect that someone to be Rue.”
My words had a visible effect on Lexi as she probably recalled every time Rue had acted rudely towards her before she finally looked back at me, “Then why do you care about her?
Why did you go to the party looking for her when you knew she was doing drugs?”
“Because I’m not a good person,” I replied without a hint of doubt as I met Lexi’s gaze, “I don’t expect things from people, I don’t treat them right, and I don’t look for their redeeming qualities.
I see people for who they are, and a lot of the time there’s more bad than good…You’re one of the few people I know where that’s not the case…Don’t let Rue take that from you.”
Putting down my fork, I picked up a napkin and wiped my mouth before tossing it into the now-empty tupperware, “I’ll see you around, Lex…I hope the next time we talk…it’ll be about something other than my sister.”