【019 —–】
“What do you think of my lectures?” asked Xiang Yajun.
“Nothing in particular. They’re quite good. At least even someone like me, who doesn’t study philosophy, could follow them. And I really took them in.”
Xiang Yajun smiled. “It’s perfect that you’re here. I’m planning to launch a philosophy course on Bilibili. I’ll show you the video I’ve recorded in a moment to see if there are any dull or overly obscure parts. If there aren’t any major issues, I’ll go ahead and post it.”
“Why are you planning to launch a course on Bilibili?”
Xiang Yajun paused as she packed her bag. “Because at university, it’s impossible for people to genuinely love philosophy.”
Autumn evenings fall early. After the last class of the afternoon, the streetlights on campus had already come on. Students heading home walked, cycled, or rode electric scooters, streaming in a vast procession towards the canteen or their halls of residence.
Xiang Yajun asked, “Why did you suddenly come to see me?”
Zhuang Yiyi stopped in her tracks. “Chen Ding…” She hesitated before saying, “Seems to like me.”
“I’m not surprised,” said Xiang Yajun. “You wouldn’t agree to marry someone if you didn’t have any feelings for them. Of course, when I say ‘feelings’, it’s a neutral term—it doesn’t necessarily imply romantic love between a man and a woman. And judging by the photos you showed me and the way he usually behaves towards you, he’s been trying to get closer to you all along. Besides,”
Xiang Yajun paused deliberately before adding with a smile, “you must have known, but you were deliberately ignoring it.”
Zhuang Yiyi felt a twinge of unease, as if she were standing completely naked before others. She pulled the open front of her trench coat tightly closed and crossed her arms over her heart.
Xiang Yajun noticed her reaction to the remark and mimicked her, crossing her own arms over her chest. “So, what has happened to make you suddenly have to face this issue head-on?”
Zhuang Yiyi recalled yesterday’s ‘argument’ at the hot spring hotel regarding her ex-boyfriend, as well as Chen Ding’s confession—or what must have been a confession—in the hot spring.
Upon hearing this, Xiang Yajun nodded in agreement. “Truthfully, I tend to side with his viewpoint. Everything changes; whether the influence is active or passive, it’s beyond human control.”
“He’s certainly got a point.”
“You two are actually quite similar,” Xiang Yajun remarked, before adding, “But there’s one key difference. Have you ever considered letting him see the real you? Not the person you pretend to be, but the genuine you? Perhaps, just like you, once he gets to know you thoroughly, his illusions about you will be completely shattered.”
Zhuang Yiyi fell silent. For some reason, she felt a deep-seated resistance to this question. She didn’t want to think about it or analyse it.
Xiang Yajun took in her reaction, wrapping her arms around Zhuang Yiyi’s neck. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll have enough to worry about later. Let’s go to Yinquan for dinner; they’ve just started serving hairy crabs…”
“Those 9.9-yuan hairy crabs? They’re not even any good.”
“They’re only 9.9 yuan—what more could you ask for? At the very least, the university won’t let you get food poisoning.”
“That’s not necessarily true…”
As the class ended, the queue at the canteen stretched out for miles. Zhuang Yiyi glanced at the canteen, which was practically full to bursting. “I’ll go and find a seat first. You go and queue.”
Xiang Yajun said, “Alright. Let me know what you want via WeChat.”
Qian Zhang was also off work today.
He’d come to the university specifically to catch up with his undergraduate dormmate. After finishing his master’s and PhD, the dormmate had stayed on at the university as a lecturer rather than going to a hospital. In his own words, “I’ve really had enough of the two-year residency training.” But staying at the university came with its own set of headaches.
The two chatted about the pressures they were each facing. Qian Zhang spotted Zhuang Yiyi looking for a seat.
“Yiyi!”
Zhuang Yiyi heard the voice and saw Qian Zhang waving at her, along with the familiar classmate sitting opposite him. She walked over.
She said hello.
Qian Zhang asked, “Why are you back at the university today?”
“I’ve come to find Xiang Yajun.”
Qian Zhang knew Xiang Yajun too. He said, “Have you found a seat yet? Why not sit with us?”
Zhuang Yiyi scanned the area and realised there really were no seats left. “Right. I’ll send her a message.”
After queuing for twenty minutes, Xiang Yajun’s turn finally came. As Zhuang Yiyi and she carried their trays over, Xiang Yajun spotted Qian Zhang. “Your ex-boyfriend?”
“Mm.” Zhuang Yiyi said. “Why are you so surprised? I told you, he’s at the Second Hospital now too. He’s shadowing me on rounds; I’m sort of his mentor.”
“Doesn’t that feel rather satisfying? Your ex-boyfriend broke up with you for his career, and now he’s ended up as your intern?”
“We parted on good terms,” she added. “It is rather satisfying.”
The two took their seats.
After introductions, they chatted amongst themselves. The dormmate and Xiang Yajun were both teachers at the university, so they discussed university administration and the institution’s ‘up or out’ policy… The other two chatted about hospital regulations; over the course of the meal, everyone had plenty of grievances to vent.
After they’d finished eating, Qian Zhang asked, “Yiyi, how are you getting home?”
Zhuang Yiyi glanced at Xiang Yajun and pointed at her, saying, “Xiang Yajun and I have something to do.”
Zhuang Yiyi and Xiang Yajun headed to the car park.
Watching them walk away, his dormmate asked, “Have you and Zhuang Yiyi got back together?”
Qian Zhang shook his head. “No. We’re still in that ambiguous phase; I’m planning to break the ice in a while.”
His dormmate laughed and punched him playfully. “Not bad! When you two do get back together, remember to let me know so I can share in the joy.”
Back at Xiang Yajun’s flat, she projected her pre-recorded video onto the screen. After watching it, Zhuang Yiyi said, “I think it’s quite good. The sound, lighting and pace are all spot on. There’s just one small issue: the video’s a bit too long. Not everyone will have the patience to sit through an hour or two. And it’s purely a one-way monologue – have you considered making it a dialogue format?”
Xiang Yajun pondered for a moment. “Are you free?”
“Me? I’m not a philosophy student, so I might not be able to provide the depth you’re looking for.”
“I’m not doing this for the sake of depth. I simply want to make philosophy accessible to everyone. Philosophy isn’t just about all those abstruse theories; it exists in everyday life. To a certain extent, it’s actually the way you view the world. How you view the world is what your philosophy is.”
“If I were to have a conversation with students or philosophy professors, our perspectives would inevitably be confined to our own. But if I were to talk with non-specialists, it could broaden our horizons.”
Zhuang Yiyi smiled. “You didn’t used to say things like that.”
“People are influenced; they change.”
Zhuang Yiyi smiled, but suddenly Chen Ding’s words popped into her mind for no apparent reason, along with the earnest, affectionate look in his eyes beneath the moonlight.
Xiang Yajun’s call snapped her back to reality. “What are you thinking about?”
Zhuang Yiyi said, “Nothing in particular. Let me know once you’ve decided on a topic; I’ll need to look up some materials and prepare. It’s so late; I’ll head home first.”
Xiang Yajun switched on the light. “Shall I walk you home?”
“No need. The underground’s quite convenient.”
“Then I’ll walk you to the entrance of your block.
When they reached the entrance, Zhuang Yiyi suddenly said to Xiang Yajun, “I’ve thought it through. Actually, now that I’ve come to terms with this, there’s a silver lining.”
“He’ll agree to divorce me.”
Xiang Yajun furrowed her brow deeply. It was the first time Zhuang Yiyi had seen such a complex expression on Xiang Yajun’s face; her heart involuntarily sank, and she felt quite anxious.
“All right,” Xiang Yajun conceded. “Once you’re divorced, I’ll find you someone even more handsome.”
Her heart finally settled back into its rightful place. She knew Xiang Yajun was on her side. They were close friends who saw eye to eye on so many things, and both of them were a bit two-faced.
Zhuang Yiyi didn’t go home.
She booked a room at a hotel near the hospital.
Chen Ding rang her, asking if she was coming back that evening.
Zhuang Yiyi said, “No, I’m staying at a friend’s place tonight.”
Chen Ding sighed deeply. “Right then, looks like I’ll be sleeping alone again.”
Zhuang Yiyi said, “Have a good night’s sleep.”
Chen Ding asked again, “Are you really not coming back? I can come and pick you up.”
Zhuang Yiyi said, “No, thanks.”
She hung up. Zhuang Yiyi opened WeChat and saw a message from Qian Zhang asking if she had got home yet.
Zhuang Yiyi replied, “I’m staying in a hotel tonight.” She then asked him, “Are you free tomorrow evening? Could we have dinner together?”
Qian Zhang asked, “Why are you staying in a hotel?”
Zhuang Yiyi said, “I don’t want to go home. I’m going to bed now.”
Zhuang Yiyi clutched her mobile phone, staring at the wall as if lost in thought. In truth, she wasn’t quite as certain as she had claimed.
The next day arrived all too soon.
Zhuang Yiyi was already feeling a bit irritable because she hadn’t slept well the night before. Then, in the morning, another patient was rushed in for stomach pumping after taking an overdose.
They screened every doctor and nurse who had come into contact with the patient and combed through the CCTV footage from start to finish, only to discover that the patient hadn’t swallowed the medication when it was administered; it had all remained in their stomach. Today, they’d swallowed it all in one go.
The Deputy Director flew into a rage, berating all the doctors and nurses involved in his office: “How could you make such a basic mistake! When you first started your training here, I emphasised that this is a very basic error! You must ensure the patient swallows every last pill! We caught it early today, but if it had been any later, who among you would have taken responsibility? And would our hospital have been able to take responsibility?”
As they left the Deputy Director’s office, Zhuang Yiyi walked ahead, rubbing her temples. She felt a surge of anger building inside her; although she hadn’t been the one scolded, she was still furious.
Qian Zhang noticed her reaction. “Are you all right? I see you’ve been rubbing your temples.”
Zhuang Yiyi suppressed her inner rage and replied calmly, “I’m fine. “I’m heading back to the staff room.”
Back in the staff room, Zhuang Yiyi lay down on the bed. No sooner had she settled in than, barely a few minutes later, she was summoned to a meeting. One meeting followed another; right up until the end of her shift, she hadn’t had a moment’s rest.
Zhuang Yiyi’s expression remained grim throughout.
Qian Zhang came to the staff room to find her. “Why don’t you go home and rest for the evening? We’ll have dinner together tomorrow.”
“I’m fine.” Zhuang Yiyi didn’t want to leave things unresolved. “Let’s go for a meal.”
As the two left the hospital, they happened to bump into Yao Mu, who was finishing his shift.
Qian Zhang exchanged a brief greeting with Yao Mu. Zhuang Yiyi saw this too; when their eyes met, neither of them made the first move to nod in acknowledgement.
In fact, this wasn’t the first time Yao Mu had seen Qian Zhang and Zhuang Yiyi leaving the hospital together; there were rumours circulating in the hospital that they’d been spotted leaving together on several occasions. Some of their classmates were also at the hospital and claimed that they’d previously been a couple. Later, the boy went to Beijing to study for a postgraduate degree, whilst the girl stayed in Zhejiang. And so, the two went their separate ways.