According to the feng shui master, they had to wait until after eleven at night before sending the “ghosts” away.
Everyone else simply stayed overnight at the Chen residence. Chen Wan went out in the rain to get his car. Cao Zhi also went out, and after half-truthfully exposing Chen Wan’s whereabouts at the dinner table earlier, it was unclear whether he was leaving the same way or deliberately blocking him now.
“You weren’t there to park cars that day.”
It was a statement.
Parking cars did not require a six-figure suit. Whenever Chen Wan returned to the Chen residence, he always wore some casual shirt and jeans, an outfit that showed extreme disregard, low-key and ordinary, as if he had no ambition at all.
Chen Wan turned his head and looked at him calmly. Then he spun his car keys with perfect composure and held the line. “I was there to park cars.”
Cao Zhi chuckled softly in the night. “If you say so.”
Chen Wan maintained his false courtesy as well, said goodbye, and turned to leave.
On the flat ground in front of the security booth, someone had thrown down a rusty dog chain.
Chen Wan stepped over it neatly, eyes straight ahead, his heart like still water.
He was no longer that young illegitimate son who had been tied up with a dog chain and humiliated for sport.
Families of wealth and rank looked bright and splendid on the outside, but in truth they were the best at hiding filth. The deformity and cruelty of rich people were far beyond what ordinary people could compare with.
Who could have imagined that someone born into a family like this had once been chained by the dog hole as a child, barely fed and barely clothed?
When he was little, the people he envied most were the beggars on the roads outside.
At least they were free.
A living hell like this was not worth living through.
The Volkswagen Chen Wan had driven was completely unremarkable among the Chen family’s luxury cars. Only when he came closer could he see that there were several new scratches on the body, all very low. He guessed they had probably been made by the boys who had bullied Judy tonight.
He did not know whether the tires had been punctured.
The rain began falling harder again. Not wanting to alarm the people inside the residence, Chen Wan crouched down, confirmed the tires were safe, and only then got into the car.
After closing the door, a deep exhaustion surged up inside him. He did not turn on the lights. He simply bent forward over the steering wheel and stayed there for quite a while before he regained himself a little.
Raindrops the size of beans struck the windshield. Even inside the sealed car, he could hear the wind and waves coming from very far away. Palm leaves scraped against the window.
Chen Wan lit a cigarette and took two hard drags. Only then did he feel oxygen pushing into his lungs, easing the suffocating sensation of being drowned by the heavy rain and the night. His hand fumbled in the dark until it found the radio switch, and he turned it on to let in some sound.
The Hong Kong classics station was playing a compilation of millennium-era pop divas.
“You live your life in happiness,
I fight desperately just to survive.
How many people stand at the mountain peak,
looking down on my exhaustion?
You defined what it means to live.
I degraded what it means to survive.
I am only fit to stay in the valley,
sorting through my own chaos.
I see no ending, and I see no grace.
You and I are so very far apart.”
The phone on the center console vibrated.
Chen Wan jolted awake. His fingers moved, then tightened. It took some effort before he answered.
“Good evening, Mr. Chen.”
“Monica.”
“I’m sorry to call so abruptly. You didn’t come for your follow-up last week, and that prescription can’t be used continuously, so I had to call you.”
Last week, Chen Wan’s whole mind had been on Zhao Shengge’s return. He had been so busy he had forgotten. With deep apology, he said, “I’m sorry, Monica. I missed the appointment. Put the previous consultation fee on the bill too. It was my fault.”
Monica paused for a moment, then said helplessly, “Mr. Chen, that isn’t what I meant.”
This patient of hers had a very strong sense of empathy for others, but he did not take himself seriously.
As his doctor, however, she could not simply let him be. “Are you free in the next two days? Can you try to find some time to come in for an in-person consultation? This stage of treatment is rather special. It’s best not to interrupt it.”
Monica had been Chen Wan’s primary psychiatrist for many years. Chen Wan had never thought there was anything wrong with his mind. It was Zhuo Zhixuan who had felt his friend was not quite right at certain moments, and after Chen Wan occasionally revealed a few mad thoughts, Zhuo Zhixuan found Monica for him.
Monica was Zhuo Zhixuan’s senior from Columbia. Chen Wan did not care much about his own condition, but he was unwilling to brush off his friend’s intentions, and also unwilling to cause trouble for the doctor, so he said that if it would not disturb her, he could come over now.
Monica let out a breath of relief. Patients like Chen Wan, who seemed extremely cooperative but were in fact the least cooperative, were the hardest to handle.
She said, “All right. I’ll wait for you at the clinic.”
Afraid she would have to work too late, Chen Wan passed several cars on the way and arrived at Admiral Street before ten. Monica poured him a glass of water and asked, “How have things been recently?”
On the surface, Chen Wan was very cooperative. As in previous consultations, he described his recent situation and symptoms in detail. Monica performed hypnosis on him.
Under the effect of the medication, the sick, true personality was able to wake and reveal itself.
“I punctured their arteries.”
Monica’s hand paused over her notes. She soothed the patient softly.
“Severed the right limb.”
“The dogs were unwilling to eat their bones.”
Language in a state of complete relaxation was chaotic. It was only a rapid description and true mapping of certain conceptual fragments and words from the depths of the psyche, so it leaped around heavily, with no logic to speak of.
“Bullet speed, 6.8. It could be faster.”
“Overtime. Very late.”
A long time passed before Chen Wan spoke again.
“He didn’t look over.”
About twenty minutes later, Monica ended the hypnosis.
Monica was the only person besides Zhuo Zhixuan who knew about Chen Wan’s feelings. Now that this name had appeared in the records again, she said, “Mr. Chen, you didn’t tell me he had come back.”
The incandescent light was bright. Only at this moment did Chen Wan truly realize that Zhao Shengge had really come back.
It was not a dream he had had in the hypnosis room.
Nor was it one of the data points from his past EEGs and psychological scans.
So he smiled and said, “Yes. He’s back.”
Monica nodded. No joy or worry could be seen in her eyes.
Because a new variable had appeared, Monica rearranged Chen Wan’s psychological testing.
Since she had taken over his case, Chen Wan had shifted from reactive depression to concealed depression, displaying many traits that were rare even clinically. His psychological state and behavioral characteristics were extremely complex and contradictory.
Perhaps the vast majority of people believed he was a very considerate and gentle person, but many of the tests reflected his self-destructive tendencies. He used a gentle exterior and the etiquette of a normal person to suppress his world-weariness and the rebellious facets of his personality.
Behind his extraordinarily strong empathy and ability to feel for others was indifference and coldness toward his own desires and needs.
For now, he was barely maintaining a relatively stable state.
“Do you think his reappearance will have a major impact on the treatment plan we originally set?”
Although Chen Wan did not think he was ill, he would not be perfunctory with someone else’s work. After considering it, he answered cautiously, “Not too much, I think.”
“Why?” the doctor asked softly. From so many years of understanding him, she knew very clearly how much weight that name carried.
“My life shouldn’t change too much,” Chen Wan said word by word, very slowly. “The emotions you have me record in daily life, like happiness and sadness, satisfaction and resentment—those are still mine. I give them to myself. I can control them myself. Everything is decided by me.”
“Doctor, we can just continue with the old plan. There’s no need to treat this as some new variable or new opportunity.”
He said it calmly, but Monica had an even worse premonition. This only further confirmed Chen Wan’s disregard for himself. He absolutely would not seek anything outward.
But she did not refute Chen Wan’s statement. She merely offered a suggestion tactfully.
“Perhaps we could—”
Chen Wan slowly and firmly shook his head. “I’m not sick because of him. And—”
“I believe I need to, and absolutely can, independently control my own emotions.”
“Please help me do that.”
Monica did not insist any further. Chen Wan was the most determined kind of patient she had. He was the most cooperative, easiest gentleman to speak to, and also the most stubborn patient. External force could barely shake him.
“All right,” Monica could only say. “I respect your wishes. But if possible, I hope you can take at least one week off. I need to observe the state of your episodes in more detail and more comprehensively, and give you systematic, continuous therapy and training.”
People with clear self-destructive tendencies became difficult to control in the end.
A troubled look appeared on Chen Wan’s face. “I’m sorry, Doctor. I have a very full work schedule recently. I truly can’t spare the time.”
“If one week won’t work, what about three days?”
Chen Wan was still apologetic, but his tone was firm. “Not recently. We can find another time later.”
Monica was silent for a while, then sighed. “Then you must take your medicine on time and come for follow-ups on time.”
Chen Wan agreed with a smile.
It was not that he was avoiding treatment or deceiving his doctor. Kexiang Technology was currently competing for a new project. Chen Wan had very little time to rest each day, and the time he truly spent asleep was even less.
At ten on Thursday night, Chen Wan drove alone to Puli Casino. Even on a workday, the casino was packed.
Author’s Note:
Today’s song on the Hong Kong radio station: High Mountain, Low Valley.